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Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - 1983 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
4538 1)God as blessed me so much I can't afford to feed you anymore. 2)Couldn't you have your balls cut off? 1)It's not as simple as that Nigel,God would see through such a cheap trick. What we do to ourselves, we do to Him. (full quote)
4538 1)Now did I or did I not do vaginal juices?...Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson. 2)Rubbing the clitoris, sir? (full quote)
4538 1)Sarge? 2)Yes,what is it? 1)Well I'm,uh,learning the piano. 2) (screeches)Learning the piano? 1)Yes,sir 2)And I suppose you want to go practice, eh? Marching up and down the square not good enough for you, eh? (full quote)
5091 We will eat the cake! They're right. It's..It's too good a cake not to eat! (full quote)
5091 All right. All right. We are dressed as a tiger because he had an auntie who did it in eighteen-thirty-nine, and this is the fiftieth anniversary. (full quote)
5091 Woman: Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish! Man: A-fish, a-fish, a-fish, a-fishy, Oh! Woman: Ooooh, fishy, fishy, fishy fish! Man: That went wherever I did go. (full quote)
  Oh, no, do share your little joke with the rest of the class! (full quote)
8016 Fawck off! I'm full! (full quote)
8016 (1) You see, we lease this machine back from the company we sold it, thus it comes under the monthly budget, rather than the capital expenditures. *Polite clapping* (2) Well done. (3) Bravo. (full quote)
  First Doctor: more apparatus please, nurse. Nurse: Yes doctor. First Doctor: Yes, the EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV, please. Second Doctor: And get the machine that goes 'Ping'! (full quote)
8635 My God! It's Huge! (full quote)
8762 Don't stand there gawkin' like you never seen the hand of God before! (full quote)
8762 1. *pregnant woman* What's that for? 2. That's the machine that goes 'Ping'! *PING!* 2. You see. It means that your baby is still alive. 3. And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital. 2. Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds. 3. Aren't you lucky! (full quote)
8762 1. what are you doing this morning? 2. It's a birth. 1. And what sort of thing is that? 3. Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy. 1. Wonderful what we can do nowadays. (full quote)
8762 Amplify the ping machine! (full quote)
8762 1. Is it a boy or a girl? 2. Now I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? (full quote)
8762 1. The mill's closed. There's no more work, we're destitute. I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments. No no, that's the way it is my loves... Blame the Catholic church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things... Oh they've done some wonderful things in their time, they preserved the might and majesty, even the mystery of the Church of Rome, the sanctity of the sacrament and the indivisible oneness of the Trinity, but if they'd let me wear one of the little rubber things on the end of my cock we wouldn't be in the mess we are now. 2. Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary? 1. Not if we're going to remain members of the fastest growing religion in the world, my boy! (full quote)
8762 Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. (full quote)
8762 1. I can't keep you here any longer... God has blessed us so much that I can't afford to feed you anymore. 2. Couldn't you have your balls cut off? 1. It's not as simple as that Nigel... God knows all... He would see through such a cheap trick. What we do to ourselves, we do to Him. 3. You could have them pulled off in an accident. 1. No... no... children... I know you're trying to help but believe me, my mind's made up. I've given this long and careful thought, and it's medical experiments for the lot of you. (full quote)
8762 Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact today I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant. (full quote)
8762 1. Oh Lord... 2. *group* Oh Lord... 1. Oooh you are so big... 2. Oooh you are so big... 1. So absolutely huge. 2. So ab - solutely huge. 1. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here I can tell you. 2. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here I can tell you. 1. Forgive Us, O Lord, for this dreadful toadying. 2. And barefaced flattery. 1. But you are so strong and, well, just so super. 2. Fan - tastic. 1. Amen. (full quote)
8762 *singing* Oh Lord, please don't burn us, Don't grill or toast your flock, Don't put us on the barbecue, Or simmer us in stock, Don't braise or bake or boil us, Or stir-fry us in a wok... Oh please don't lightly poach us, Or baste us with hot fat, Don't fricassee or roast us, Or boil us in a vat, And please don't stick thy servants Lord, In a Rotissomat... (full quote)
8762 Tiger brand Coffee is a real treat, even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat (full quote)
8762 1. I wonder where that fish has gone. 2. You did love it so. You looked after it like a son. 1. And it went wherever I did go. (full quote)
8762 1. They haven't said much about the meaning of life so far, have they...? 2. Well, it's been building up to it. 3. Has it? 1. Yeah, I expect they'll get on to it now. 4. Personally I very much doubt if they're going to say anything about the meaning of life at all. 5. Oh, come on... they've got to say something. (full quote)
8762 Hello, er can we have your liver...? (full quote)
8762 *singing* Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, It's divine to own a dick, From the tiniest little tadger, To the world's biggest prick. So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas, Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake, Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, Your Percy or your cock, You can wrap it up in ribbons, You can slip it in your sock, But don't take it out in public, Or they will stick you in the dock, And you won't come back. (full quote)
8762 1. Silence!!! I have come for you. 2. ... You mean to... 1. ... Take you away. That is my purpose. I am Death. 3. Well that's cast rather a gloom over the evening hasn't it? (full quote)
8762 Shut up! Shut up you American. You always talk, you Americans. You talk and you talk and say 'Let me tell you something' and 'I just wanna say this'. Well you're dead now, so shut up. (full quote)
8762 Honestly, darling, I'm so embarrassed. I mean to serve salmon with botulism at a dinner party is social death. (full quote)
8762 Well, that's the end of the film, now here's the meaning of life. [An envelope is handed to her. She opens it.] Thank you Brigitte. [She reads.] Well, it's nothing special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment bollocks! What they want is filth, people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats - where's the fun in pictures? Oh well, there we are - here's the theme music. Goodnight. (full quote)
8811 Would you like an after dinner mint? (full quote)
10199 There's a Mr. Death here, something about the reaping? (full quote)
12169 It's wafer-thin (full quote)
12691 Man: Every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a child. Woman: But that's the same for us, dear. We have two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice. (full quote)
7074 1. Morning! 2. Morning! 1. Morning! 2. Morning! 3. Morning! 1. Morning! 2. Morning! (full quote)
4877 MAÎTRE D:Uh, today we have, for appetizers ... Excuse me ... Mm. Uhh moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux- that's leek tart,- frogs' legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd- c'est à dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom. It's very delicate, very subtle. Mr. Creosote: I'll have the lot. (full quote)
4877 Put it on the lower peg, sir? (full quote)
25240 (1)How are you Mr. *******? (2)Better (1)Better? (2)Better bring a bucket I'm gonna throw up. (full quote)
Almightynoitall Aaahhh! I see you have the machine that goes 'PING!' (full quote)
  every sperm is scared, every sperm is good! if a sperm is wasted, god gets quite quite irate! (full quote)
  Oh sh*t, it's Mr. Creosote! (full quote)
  Ugh, you f*cking Americans are so POMPOUS! None of you have got any balls! (full quote)
  The Salmon Moose! (full quote)
  Men in the tiger suit:Were uh, taxidermists,yeah taxidermists. (full quote)
  Death: The salmon mousse... (full quote)
Almightynoitall So, you see, we have all these options before we go STAMPEEDING... towards... the clitoris. (full quote)