| Posted By | Quote |
| 2946 |
Now back up, put the gun down and give me a packet of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
(full quote)
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| 4063 |
You know, you drive slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.
(full quote)
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| 4546 |
...And some Skittles.
(full quote)
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| 4623 |
You're always talking about quality time baby, and right now I got the time, and you damn sure got the quality.
(full quote)
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| |
Did you hear what I said! I heard what I said, because I was standing there when I said it! I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood, not to do another dead body. Just get the dope back and do it quietly.
(full quote)
|
| |
Now lets hear one of the jokes bitch
(full quote)
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| 1950 |
This is just a big shiny dick, and we the balls just dragging the fuck along.
(full quote)
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| 5553 |
And some skittles!
(full quote)
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| |
Damn Man, watch where u swingin a dead leg!
(full quote)
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| 6020 |
It's not my fault I just hang out with stupid ass friends, who drive stupid ass cars, that attract alot of mutherfuckin' attention
(full quote)
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| 6020 |
My shit always works sometimes
(full quote)
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| 6020 |
Damn man, what are you weighin' like 350, I bet you a big poppy chicken eattin' mutha fucka ain't ya
(full quote)
|
| 6051 |
From now on that is how you drive!!
(full quote)
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| 6051 |
I bet your one of those Popeye Chicken eatin' mother fuckers.
(full quote)
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| 5616 |
Marcus:Mike, man...go downstairs and have a coke and a smile, please.Mike:Ok...ya'll want something?Marcus:Birng me coke Mike!
(full quote)
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| 6108 |
ok i don't know everything about everything i just know a little bit
about a little bit. theres 3 guys they got a lab.(click)no.no theres
2 guys one died on a plane crash last year i fucked up (click). no
theres 1 guy just 1 guy this guy's an instine mother fucken genusis
fucken collage boymother fucker got four eyes and glasses mother
fucker he got a rich mummy and daddy who live on coconut grove.
(full quote)
|
| |
If I get killed I'm fucking you up.
(full quote)
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| |
It's about you lack of respect for other peoples property.
(full quote)
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| 6631 |
Mike: We might as well go back.
Marcus: What?! And take a trip all the way down to high society for nothin'? That's why they got windows for. We can peek in.
Mike: Yeah, you're right. Oh!!!
Marcus: What happened?
Mike: I tripped!
Marcus: The door just opened for you like that?
Mike: Right after I tripped.
Marcus: I guess they want us to come in, take a peek.
Mike: Heelllooooooo!!
Marcus: We're your new neighbors.
Mike: Don't be alarmed; we're negroes.
Marcus: Naw, man, naw! That's too much bass in your voice. That scares White folks. You got to sound like them. (Nerdy voice)We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar? Sniff, Sniff. You fart?
Mike: Naw, man.
Mike & Marcus: Dead guy.
Mike: Aw man! Alright let me take a stab at this one. He sells the ventilation plans to the bad guys. He gets rich, but he gets dead.
Marcus: You right about that. Uh, I'ma call homicide.
Mike: Yo, wait, why you always get like that when we around a dead body?
Marcus: I don't know it's just the ...(gags)
Mike: Will you just look around? Please?
Marcus: (Gags)The smell and...the fumes...it's just unexpected, that's all.
Mike: Looks like our man here was a bit much of a gambler. We got Dog Track, Hai Alai, probably needed money to pay off his debts.
Marcus: Bookie.
Mike: Whoops, sorry.
Marcus: Damn man! Watch where you swingin' a dead leg!!
Mike: My bad!
Marcus: Damn this! I'm callin' homicide. I'm a Narcotics cop. Sniff, Sniff. Oh, dead bodies...dead ends. Maggots and...
Mike: You alright, man?
Marcus: A little...nauseous... I'ma...(gags)...I'm gonna...(gags)...oooohh...(gags)
Mike: Hey, what you say we grab a couple of burritos?
(full quote)
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| 5422 |
You forgot your boarding pass!
(full quote)
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| 5422 |
What are you going home to your wife for? You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't work
(full quote)
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| 5422 |
I bet when your punk ass woke up this morning you didn't think by 5 o'clock you'd have a hole in your leg.
(full quote)
|
| 1980a |
So let your cousin bring back the shit so we all can get some sleep
(full quote)
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| 1980a |
you let dogs in my house?
(full quote)
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| |
girl:Who's the guy in all the pics?...Martin:in what,oh u know what?,i 4got they were even here,that's my partner,Marcus Burnett...girl:oh,i've never seen anything like this b4...Martin:well,i know how it may throw u a little bit but see it's a cop thing,these pics are up in here 4 everytime he saved my life,it's the same thing 4 him,u go back to his place,ain't nothin' but pics of me,Mike Lowrey,cuz it's like a shrine,just a,just a reminder...girl:cuz i mean when i saw it,was like the whole wall, so i thought maybe they were pics of ur lover...Martin:of what?...girl:u know i thought that u were u know GAY...Martin:that i was gay,no no no no no baby...girl:no but i didn't mean 2 offend u,it's like okay to be a homosexual MIke...Martin:No y-y-you not listenin',it's not registerin',believe me,did u sleep in the bed...girl:ya...Martin:didn't u feel the dents,ya the dents comes from all of that.....
(full quote)
|
| |
guy: -i blow u and then i blow u
(martin Lawrence)-Blow me,what the FUCK?,no,hump me,that's all right
guy:i'm from the midle east,i killed b4,i kill again
(Martin)-Fuck me plz,no hold on,hump me....Look,don't u see the fuckn' emotion i'm goin' through,this means this shit is serious,okay it means me and this motherfucker are not vibin' right now
(full quote)
|
| 7815 |
TELL HIM SOMETHING JOE!
(full quote)
|
| |
freeZE MOTHERBITCHES!!!!!
(full quote)
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| 8330 |
Why am i confusing my own shit?!
(full quote)
|
| 8330 |
Why am i tripping on shit i know is there?!
(full quote)
|
| |
listen I Aint no Wesley Snipes...
(full quote)
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| 8625 |
(Marus)Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57..... (Mike)Now lets here one of those jokes bitch......
(full quote)
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| 8556 |
(1)Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowery, you be him, that's what you are, you're him!
(2)But I---
(1) You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him! And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you
(full quote)
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| 8556 |
(1)What the hell are you doin'?
(2) Keepin' my shit quick.
(1) Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.
(full quote)
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| 8556 |
(1)Hello? We're your new neighbors. Don't be alarmed, we're negros.
(2) Naw man, you use too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. you got to sound more like them. (In high pitched voice) We were wondering if we could borrow a cup of brown sugar.
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
Jesus! Could you use a smaller gun? You got blood on me again!
(full quote)
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| 8556 |
Come on, baby, you know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning!
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
(1)You freeze, bitch
(2) Oh shit, I'm fucked.
(1) Now back up, put the gun down and give me a packet of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.
(3) And some Skittles.
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
(1)You mean, y'all paid, what, $80,000 for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?!
(2) It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. Limited edition
(1) You damn right it's limited! No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the fuck along.
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
(1)I don't eat flesh
(2) Say what?
(1) That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
(2) It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name.
(full quote)
|
| |
you damn right its limited. no cup holders, no back seat, this thing is just a shiny dick with two chairs in it, i guess we the balls just draggin the fuck along
(full quote)
|
| |
Man, you betta sit yo lanky ass down. Bottom line...I will knock you the fuck out.
(full quote)
|
| |
whattya mean??, you slept in my bed, didnt you feel the dents???, Baby you dont want that, you dont want that, cause when I come, I COME WITH THE THUNDER!!.
(full quote)
|
| |
Oh you the man tonight Mike, you hijack an ice cream truck, that's a damn bomb.
(full quote)
|
| |
1. Are there going to be any more hysterical half
naked women coming around here tonight I should know
about? 2. Yvette was naked? You threw Yvette out
naked?
(full quote)
|
| |
1. I'm here to kill my husband Marcus Burnette
2. Would that be the tall one or the short one?
(full quote)
|
| |
Don't kiss me Mike, I don't know where your lips were last night.
(full quote)
|
| |
sit yo lanky ass down or i will knock you the fuck out
(full quote)
|
| |
[singing] I want to be, I want to be LIKE MIKE!!
(full quote)
|
| |
1. Everybody wants to be like Mike.
2. Yeah, and you're going to be retired like him too.
(full quote)
|
| |
I wanna meet the man that beat your ass, I wanna meet the man that kicked Shaft's ass
(full quote)
|
| |
I'm Mike LOWrey
(full quote)
|
| |
Bottom line...i will knock u the fuck out.
(full quote)
|
| |
Marcus: Can you stay focused?
Mike: what are you talking about? I am focused.
Marcus: Yeah, Focused on all the scattered ass in here.
(full quote)
|
| |
next time learn how to work the saftey with your punk ass
(full quote)
|
| |
next time learn how to work the saftey with your punk ass
(full quote)
|
| |
Been takin viagra.. pop 1, pop 2, been eatin dem like skittles!
(full quote)
|
| |
Been takin viagra.. pop 1, pop 2, been eatin dem like skittles!
(full quote)
|
| |
Lowery: Its a Limted addition
Burnett: You damn right its limited. No cup holder. No back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls the just draggin the fuck along!
(full quote)
|
| |
Give me a name, GIVE ME A GODDAMN NAME!!!
(full quote)
|
| |
~DON’T BE ALARMED.. WeRe NiGrOs.. NaR ManN, u GoT 2 mUcH bAsE iN yA vOiCe… We WeRe WoNdErInG iF wE cOuLd BoRo SuM BrOwN sUgAr
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
This is bad. No, let me call it what is. This is fucked up!
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
Do you see the fuckin emotion on my face? That means this shit is serious! That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now!
(full quote)
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| 8556 |
I don't know why you runnin' to your wife. You got shot in the leg, your dick probably don't work!
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
(1)You know, I'm so sick of this bullshit! Am I supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money? All I ever wanted to do was be a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first one there, and the last one to leave, so you know what, fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck everybody that's got a problem with Mike Lowery.
(2) I love you, man.
(1) Fuck you!
(2) I do.
(1) Shut up, you slowass driver. You drive like a bitch!
(2) Why I gotta be all that? Tell you what, I'll drive off this fuckin cliff if you keep fuckin with me. Then it'll be two bitches in the sea. My wife knows I'm no bitch. I'm a bad boy!
(full quote)
|
| 8556 |
(1)Oh, man, that was cold!
(2)Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
(full quote)
|
| 8920 |
you forgot your boarding pass
(full quote)
|
| 9481 |
This is bad. No, let me call it what it is. This is FUCKED up!
(full quote)
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| 9714 |
You forgot your boardin pass
(full quote)
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| 9915 |
marcus: Crazy evette stalking me
mike: you through crazy evette out naked
marcus: titties hanging out a little
(full quote)
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| 10053 |
You got shot in your leg, your dick probably don't work
(full quote)
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| 10053 |
I woke up this morning. I had a power ranger up my ass
(full quote)
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| 10053 |
Don't be alarmed, we're negros
(full quote)
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| circelli17 |
You drive almost slow enough to drive Ms. Daisy
(full quote)
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| 10929 |
Go downstairs and have a Coke and smile.
(full quote)
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| 10929 |
You forgot your boarding pass!
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
I take it to the max everyday. I'm the first one through the door and I'm always the last to leave at night. So f*ck you, f*ck them and f*ck anybody whos got a problem with Mike Lowrey
(full quote)
|
| 11288 |
mike:I haven't killed anybody today captain
cap: do you wamt me to tell at you coz I can do that!
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
f*ck that! i'm just dealing with you. That was a cop that threw that little party at the Biltmore
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
you see me i got my shirt off, you see mike he half butt-naked. then you see the white girl. You think we havin a big muthaf*ckin orgy but it aint like that baby it aint like that!
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
your on your own jojo. I dont wanna get no brain fragments on me. That stuff gets in your clothes and it stinks!
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
guy with gun: got an itch? i'll scratch it for you
julie: scratch this!
guy with gun: i'll scratch whatever you want me to you blue-eyed bitch
julie: did you go to college?
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
so Julie what have you been doing lately, not much just spending time handcuffed to steering wheels
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
marcus: you said you wanted some quality time. I got the time and you damn sure got the quality, come on
theresa: you no what marcus I cant remember tha last time we fell asleep together
marcus: come on baby its my job, you know i'm a better cop when I get some in the morning
theresa: well your gonna have to keep it in you pants coz i hear three little burnettes coming down the hall
marcus: thats cold! you just gonna leave me hear like a humping dog
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
how the hell you gonna leave my ass in a gunfight to go get the car?!!
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
marcus: you want some?
julie: no thanks I dont eat flesh
marcus: what?
julie: thats flesh that your shoveling into your mouth, it probably had a name
marcus: its just baloney, my baloney had a first name?
julie: actually it probably had about a million names, you know they take all different parts like the leftovers. The hoofs the ears they put it into this machine grind it all up and out comes this big sheet
marcus: what about a pickle, can I have a pickle?
julie: yeah its gat alot of salt in it but it is a vegetable
(full quote)
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| 11288 |
I had a little run in with your friend action jackson over here but i'm o.k
(full quote)
|
| Northboarder |
You want badges, I've got badggggesss...
(full quote)
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| 11654 |
1: it's 105,000 and it's one of the fastest production models ever made, limited edition. 2: you damn right it's limited, 105,000 dollars and it aint got no damn cup holders.
(full quote)
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| 11713 |
You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. It's a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls, just draggin' the fuck along.
(full quote)
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| 12452 |
1)dont be alarmed, we're negroes 2) no you use too much base in your voice. We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?
(full quote)
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| 12452 |
1)you know who you're talkin to? thats king ding-a-ling. why dont u whip it out for her big boy. 2)yeah right on your forehead.
(full quote)
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| 12470 |
Now back up, put the gun down, and gimme a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious. And some skittles.
(full quote)
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| 12470 |
Now back up, put the gun down, and gimme a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious. And some skittles.
(full quote)
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| 12470 |
1. Now back up, put the gun down, and gimme a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious. 2. And some skittles.
(full quote)
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| 12780 |
what can I say? Shit happens. It's a shitty day!
(full quote)
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| 12780 |
Oh, I forgot! The bad guys know where you live... which means they're commin' for your ass! Good luck!
(full quote)
|
| jymcnair |
1) Freeze, Bitch!
2) No, YOU Freeze, Bitch! ... Now, back up. Put down the gun. And give me some tropical fruit bubblicious.
3) And some skittles!
(full quote)
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| 19404 |
If I get killed... I'm fuckin you up...
(full quote)
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| 19412 |
you damn right it's limited... no cup holders, no backseat. Just a big shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls, just draggin the fuck along.
(full quote)
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| 19412 |
1) You're just, not what I expected. 2) Well, I didn't expect to walk into Yankee Stadium, neither.
(full quote)
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| 19412 |
Badges? You want badges? I give you badges, motherbitches!
(full quote)
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| 19412 |
Screw you, that's illegal!
(full quote)
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| 20170 |
If you dont sit your lanky ass down...bottom line, I will nock you the fuck out.
(full quote)
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| 20579 |
This morning I woke up with a power ranger stuck up my ass.
(full quote)
|
| Gary Gnu |
Yeah, I hate it when a bitch lets herself slide.
(full quote)
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| 22325 |
1)what is Marcus' wife like? 2)I don't know... like a wife.
(full quote)
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| 22328 |
1)you have the right to remain silent... anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law... 2)yo man, what you doin? 1)I'm just gettin it out tha way
(full quote)
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| 22328 |
Mike! Please... Go downstairs, have yourself a Coke and a smile.
(full quote)
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| 22328 |
I bet when yo punk-ass woke up this morning, you didn't think about 5 o'clock you'ld have a hole in yo leg...
(full quote)
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| Lightning_Worms22967 |
Marcus: Where's your cup holders? Mike: Ain't Got None! Marcus: $100,000 for this car and you ain't got no cupholders!? Mike:(interupts) $105,000 and is a limited addition. Marcus: Damn right it's limited! No Damn cupholders! No backseat! Just a dick with two chairs in it and we're the balls just draggin' the fuck along!
(full quote)
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| 24505 |
Don't be alarmed - we're negroes.
(full quote)
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| 24986 |
Jojo...! Aw c'mon Jojo! Don't make this hard, Jojo!
(full quote)
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| 24986 |
1) Is just that...you're not anything I expected. 2) Yeah well I didn't expect to walk into the Yankee stadium either!
(full quote)
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| 24986 |
1) Hey, don't be telling my sons about your sleazy sex stories... 2)Uh nah, I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
(full quote)
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| 24986 |
1) MOM! I thought you said daddy was in Cleveland! 2) No sweetie, your daddy wishes he was in Cleveland.
(full quote)
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| 31851 |
dontbe alarmed were negros nah nah nah datll scare white folks like dis um we was wounderin if we could borrow some brown sugar
(full quote)
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| 33501 |
You, you be him ,and you you're still you but not in front of her.
(full quote)
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| 33501 |
...you like a magnet for random gunfire.
(full quote)
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| 33501 |
...it's me I'm callin' in a favor, I need S.W.A.T. team, helicopters, we're callin' all cars baby, only I don't know where I need 'em.
(full quote)
|
| |
From now on, that's how you drive!
(full quote)
|
| |
From now on, You're him! He's you!
(full quote)
|
| |
Don't be alarmed, we're negros... Can I borrow some brown sugar
(full quote)
|
| |
freeze you mother bitches
(full quote)
|
| |
Burnett:If you were a real partner instead of no-backup,hot-doggin',car-chasing,skirt-sniffin' motherfucker,I would be gettin' down to business with my wife instead of stuck in this situation. Lowrey:Yeah. Thanks for the get-well card.
(full quote)
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| |
Your dam right its limited. No cup holder, No back seat, just a shiney dick with to chairs in it. Guess we're the balls just dragging the fuck along.
(full quote)
|
| |
1)Its ok we're negros 2) no man you got too much base in ya voice, it scares white folks . . .we were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar
(full quote)
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| |
you see mike i cant get down there, and when i do it gets stuck and when i come up, u get this shit...
(full quote)
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| |
Marcus: If you don't sit your lanky ass down...bottom line? I will knock you the fuck out!
(full quote)
|
| |
my ideas always work someimes
(full quote)
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| 10929 |
You got the right to remain silent.
(full quote)
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| 24986 |
(1) Can we help you? (2) Hey, I 'staked' out in that car all night too, I should at least be allowed to take a peek. (1) This is real police work, ok. This ain't Charlie's Angels.
(full quote)
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| 33944 |
[Tagline] whatcha gonna do?
(full quote)
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| 40946 |
My plans always work sometimes!!
(full quote)
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| Boomstick |
Frank...(slaps cigarette out of Frank's hand) It's ETHER! It'll EXPLODE, you dope! Just...don't even breathe!
(full quote)
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| Boomstick |
Now THAT'S how you spos'd to drive! From now on, THAT'S HOW YOU drive!
(full quote)
|
| Boomstick |
1.) Did I ever tell you...I love you, man? 2.) You know you always be gettin emotional after gunfights. 1.) That's cuz I'm glad we survived! Shit, what you talkin bout?
(full quote)
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| jekjek |
We where just wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar
(full quote)
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