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Grumpier Old Men - 1995 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
4538 1)Kids swallow quarters all the time. 2)Really? 1)Yeah, if she craps out two dimes and a nickel then you can start worrying. (full quote)
4538 Mmmm...lesbians,yummy! (full quote)
  (Seeing John knocking on his window) Max: what DO YOU WANT? John: I'm cold. (Max opens the window and hands him a matchbox) Max: Here's some matches, set yourself on fire. (full quote)
3225 1) I'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt! 2) So I'll call you? (full quote)
4538 1) I have been to Hawaii! 2) Which island? 1) ComeonIwannalayya. (full quote)
6572 I usually drink my dinner (full quote)
7924 And baby bear said somebody's been sleeping in my bed, and the bastard's still there! But Goldylocks had a Remmington semi-automatic with a scope and a hair trigger. And that was the end of the thrrrreee bears! (full quote)
5631 Hey dickhead, I'm stuck! (full quote)
8188 1) No one slept with anyone last night. 2) Speak for yourself. (full quote)
9316 1]ally,did you swallow a quarter?2]dont worry,kids swallow things all the time.If she shits out two dimes and a nickel,then you can worry (full quote)
  Morning slick,what a nice kitty cat, yes you are. Would you like to make a new friend this morning, hhhmmm? Lucky kill slick!! (full quote)
  (Max opens the door to John, whoes holding a blanket and pillow) Max: what? John: She threw me out. (Hints that he wants to stay there for the night) Max: Oh. no. John: Come on, just for the night. Max: Forget it. John: You won't even know I'm here. Max: Thats because you won't be here. (Slams the door on Johns face) (full quote)
  what do you say we go back to my place and I'll show you my man-size manacotti... eh?? Or how about my bony macaroni? Or my fatty alfredo? Or my hard salami? I've got them all... (full quote)
  that's genuine foreign leather (full quote)
11722 Kids swallow quarters all the time. Really? Sure, If she craps out 2 dimes and a nickel, I'd start worrying (full quote)
12522 You can crap in one hand and wish in the other, and see which one fills up first... (full quote)
  He's a regular Don Juan.. no wonder the ladies Don Juan anything to do with him! (full quote)
  1] Ox. 2] Nag! (full quote)
  There Are Many Fish In The Sea But Your The Only One I'd Want To Stuff And mount Over My Fireplace. (full quote)
  You couldn't catch crabs from a ten dollar hooker! (full quote)
  Heeeeey Dickheeeaad!! (full quote)
  Looks like God remembered ya, Pop. (full quote)
  Maria, there may be many fish in the sea...but you're the only one I want to mount over my fire place. (full quote)
  Is that a nice way of saying that the wine smells like your mama's feet? (full quote)
  John: I don't believe it YOU and that beautiful lady?? Max: I am the thief of hearts. I am the gangster of love. John: Gangster? Well tell me, was it more of a hold up that a stick up? Max: Haha, even your infantile penis jokes seem charming and witty this morning sir. John: I think I liked you better when you weren't gettin' any. (full quote)
  (Talking to the guinnea pig:) Act Rabid. Be Rabid. goodluck to ya, ya schmuck. (full quote)
39523 Old man: what's the matter beautiful? You're meaner than a dog shittin' tacks. (full quote)
39523 Old lady: I find you disgusting. Old Man: Well, just as long as ya find me, my dear. (full quote)
39523 John: You won't even know I'm here! Max: That's because you won't be here. John: I'm cold. Max: Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire. (full quote)
39523 Maria: I look like a slut. Ariel: Yes, but a nice slut. (full quote)
39523 John: This milk has chunks in it. Max: what's your point? *sniff sniff* Shmells alright. (full quote)
39523 Jacob: Studying up on your Italian are ya? Thinking of wooing Maria? Max: Nah, just going to curse at her in her own language is all. I think she's a lesbian anyway. Jacob: How would you know? You've never seen a lesbian. Max: DID TOO! Seen 'em on Geraldo. (full quote)
39523 RESTARANTE!! NEVER!!!!! (full quote)
39523 (after Max and John had spaghetti sauce poured on top both of their heads:) Max: Do you think we should ask her for some garlic bread? (full quote)
39523 Must be nice living in never-never land. Maybe I'll come visit ya when I need a break from reality. (full quote)
39523 Maria: Are you asking me on a date? Max: Hell no. (full quote)
39523 Mariaaa, I just met a girl named Mariaaaa and suddenly I see..she's not the...bitch I thought she'd beeee. Ahhh Maria Maria Maria...ahhh Maria....ahhh (full quote)
39523 Max: Catfish Hunter!! Maybe this is the year we catch him! John: where do ya get that -we- crap? Ya got a mouse in your pocket or something? (full quote)
39523 Max: The night crawlers will be out soon Maria: what's a night crawler? Max: what are you? A communist? (full quote)
39523 Holy moley. You got a fart in your brain or something? (full quote)
  Max: (seeing John in a polar bear costume) Happy Halloween there, yutz-o! John: (removes mask) How did you know it was me?! Max: You wear the same costume every...Christmas or...Halloween! (full quote)
  Dad, I wish you'd try the low fat bacon. Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled faster. (full quote)
  Max: (while he and Ariel sees John wearing a bathrobe) Gustafson, you're doing it again!! John: what the heck are you talking about? Max: First it was May, then it was Ariel, AND NOW IT'S MARIA!!! (full quote)
  Max: (to John) You're the man of the house, the king of the castle. Bartender: Top her off? (hands a bottle of beer) Max: (to bartender) Sure. (Out loud, to John) LONG LIVE THE KING!!! (full quote)
  (after Allie accidentally swallows a quarter) Grandpa: Relax! Kids swallow quarters all the time! Melanie: Really? Grandpa: Sure! If she cruds out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying. (full quote)
QuickStopRST 1)She just swallowed a quarter! 2)Don't worry about it. Kids swallow quarters all the time. 1)Really? 1)Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying. (full quote)
10497 I am the gangster of love...Tell me what is more of a hold up than a stick up? (full quote)
beekers 1)I'm cold! 2)Here's a box of matches - light yourself on fire! (full quote)
36418 1. I find you disgusting 2. As long as you find me my dear (full quote)
39523 She doesn't hate you. She just doesn't like you very much. (full quote)
39523 YOU DIDN'T WIN! I QUIT! I got better things to do than dick around with you all day. (full quote)
39523 (John while reeling in what HE THINKS is a fish:) Come on baby! I got ya!..oh yes!, damn. (full quote)
39523 Who put a bug up your ass? (full quote)
39523 Old man: what the...what the hell is this? I weigh 90 goddamn pounds and you bring me this slop 'n foam!? Let me tell you something, Johnny. Every morning I wake up and smoke a cig. and I eat 5 strips of BACON!...For lunch a bacon sandwich...and for a mid-day snack BACON!! A whole damn plate. (full quote)
39523 ....and I usually drink my dinner. (full quote)
39523 It's always been my dream to have my wedding reception in a bar where you can throw peanut shells on the floor. (full quote)
39523 Sometimes I wonder...if God forgot about me. (full quote)
39523 Max: Restarante? You mean you want to turn this into a restaurant? You can't be're wasting your time. Look, people aren't going to come out here for I-talian when we got a chuck-e-cheese right in town. (full quote)
39523 Max: I expected someone that looked like Rick. Maria: How's that? Max: Fat, hairy, homely. But you're not so fat. Maria: You're a smooth talker Mr. Goldman Max: There's more where that come from Ms. Ragetti. (full quote)
39523 ...and the baby bear said Somebody's been sleeping in my bed too and the bastard's still there! ...but Goldilocks had a Remington semi-automatic with a SCOPE and HAIR TRIGGER! AND THAT WAS THE END!...of the thrrrreee bears... (full quote)
39523 Lesbian Bandits: Next on Geraldo. (full quote)
39523 I got a cactus in my bathroom but we got nothin' to say to each other. (full quote)
39523 Doris Sabrinsky is dead. She choked to death two weeks ago on a stack of pancakes at the Lion's Club charity breakfast. I think it's how she would have wanted to go. (full quote)
39523 Maria: I've never seen wine that comes in a box before. Max: Pretty fancy huh? Look, its even got its own tap. (full quote)
39523 IT'S OK!!! I'M A DOCTOR!! (full quote)
39523 Max: Me?? what do ya want with me? Maria: (says something in italian) Max: what's that 'spose to mean? Maria: I'd rather kiss a DEAD MOOSE'S BUTT Max: So, I'll call ya? (full quote)
39523 Max: Did you know worms have both male and female sexual organs? Maria: Nooo, I didn't know THAT! You know a lot about worms, Max. Max: Oh, I don't know that much. Every once in awhile I'll pick up a tip. (full quote)