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Mallrats - 1995 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
bigcat58 He must be half way to Buy Me Toys by now. (full quote)
bigcat58 Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as part of the food court. Anything operating outside said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. (full quote)
bigcat58 Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public! (full quote)
3225 That kid is back on the escalator again! (full quote)
4064 Fly, Fatass, fly! (full quote)
4064 1) I hope his pants get caught and a blood bath ensues. 2) What's with you today? 1) Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child 2)Harsh lesson. 1)Man, there's not a year that goes by, not a year, that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid, that could have been easily avoid had some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator! (full quote)
4064 1) I hope his pants get caught and a blood bath ensues. 2) What's with you today? 1) Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child. 2)Harsh lesson. 1)Man, there's not a year that goes by, not a year, that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid, that could have been easily avoid had some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator! (full quote)
  That guy is faster than Walt Flannigans dog. (full quote)
4138 you said it was a good size! (full quote)
4230 ...i'd do it but i pulled my back out humping your mom last night, snooge. (full quote)
4197 haha...you dumb bastard! (full quote)
4197 I'll tell you what you need is a phatty boom batty blunt, and then I guarantee you'll see a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of them mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me you sloppy bitch! (full quote)
4408 BRODIE: doesnt matter, it cant happen. TS: why not? it's bound to come up. B: its impossible, lois could never have supermans baby. do you think her fellopian tubes could handle his sperm? i guarentee he blows a load like a shot gun right through her back. and what about her womb? do you think its strong enough to carry his child? T: sure, why not? B: hes an alien for christ's sake! his kryptonium biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. if lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. only someone like wonderwoman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. the only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. and that would kill him. T: how is it that i go from the verge of hot floridian sex with brandy to man of steel coidal debates with you in the food court? B: cookie stand is not part of the food court. T: of course it is B: the food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs, its not like we're talkin quantum physics here. T: the cookie stand counts as an eatery, the eatery is part of the food court. B: bullshit. eaterys that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court. anything outside of said designated square is considered an atonymous unit for mid-mall snacking. now if you wanna wax intellectual about teh subject--holy shit... (full quote)
4443 Fill this with coke, no ice. (full quote)
  I have always taken you with a grain of salt. Your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme from mighty mouse, I said okay. On prom night, you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did. And even when we were at my grandmother's funeral and you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment! (full quote)
3605 I have always taken you with a grain of salt. Your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease to the theme from mighty mouse, I said okay. On prom night, you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did. And even when we were at my grandmother's funeral and you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide. But if you think I'm gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment! (full quote)
3605 1) You're glowing. 2) If I have any glow, it's because I just got laid. I'd look the same if I banged anyone in that elevator, present company excluded. (full quote)
  The cookie stand is not part of the food court. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court anything operating outside the said designated squareis considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking . (full quote)
  look..it's a scooner!/you dumb bastard..that's not a scooner it's a sailboat/a scooner is a sailboat stupid head/YA KNOW what? THERE IS NOE SATER BUNNY..OVER THERE, THAT'S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT! (full quote)
  look..it's a scooner!/you dumb bastard..that's not a scooner it's a sailboat!/a scooner is a sailboat stupid head!/YA KNOW what? THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY..OVER THERE, THAT'S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT! (full quote)
  what kind of man are you? I'm talking comics and you bring up chicks and romance, and while we're on the subject, why do you want to get married anyway, your still in college? (full quote)
4500 what kind of man are you? I'm talking comics and you bring up chicks and romance. And while we're on the subject why do you want to get married anyway? Your still in college. (full quote)
2707 look..it's a scooner!/you dumb bastard..that's not a scooner it's a sailboat!/a scooner is a sailboat stupid head!/YA KNOW what? THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY..OVER THERE, THAT'S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT! (full quote)
3605 1)Suitor #2, if we were making whoopee wh- 2)what's whoopee? 1)Um, well, being intimate. 2)You mean fucking? (full quote)
3605 1) Look Mommy, it's a schooner! 2) You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat. 1) A schooner IS a sailboat, you stupidhead! 1) Oh yeah? Well, the Easter Bunny over there isn't the real Easter Bunny! He's just some guy in a suit! (full quote)
4500 one time my cousin walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story, he bought it at our local mall and the whole fiasco wound up on the news and everything. So a week later he did it again, different cat, same result, free with another trip to the emergency room. So I see him a week later and he's buying another cat, and I says to him, jesus Walt what are you doing? You know your get this cat stuck in your ass, why don't you knock it off? And he says to me Brodie, how else am I going to the gerbal out? My cousin was a weird guy. (full quote)
  id hate to tell you what i think about when im in the bathroom (full quote)
4531 1: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega. (full quote)
4531 1: You wanna say something? 2: Yeah! About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all. (full quote)
3605 1) Did you ever fart in front of her? 2) Why do you ask? 1) I never farted in front of Rene, not once. Then last week I let one slip. Today she dumps me. 2) You think THAT'S why Rene dumped you? Come on, she's not the shallow type. 1) She was going down on me at the time. 2) Shut up! 1) What can I say? I was feeling very relaxed. I'm relaxed, I squirt. 2) If all she did was dump you, you got off light! (full quote)
4773 what? like the back of a Volkswagon? (full quote)
1990 Silent Bob is an electrical genius! He won this science fair in the 8th grade by turning his mother's vibrator into a cd player using chicken wire and shit. Mother fucker is like MacGyver, no mother fucker is better than MacGyver! (full quote)
  Sweet fucking Christ, would ya knock it off! (full quote)
  FLY FAT-ASS, FLY!!! (full quote)
4904 that asshole from Fashionable male!? (full quote)
1990 #1 Crazy fuck here thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts...knock it off! #2 The force is strong with this one. #1 Dude, don't encourage him. (full quote)
1990 Snooochy Boootchy! (full quote)
1990 #1 Is that ingenuity or what!? #2 What does palm reading have to do with being topless? #1 Hell man, that makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to ie in 10 minutes so long as she was topless. #2 Your...male-ness amazes me. #1 What can I say, I love tits. (full quote)
1990 #1 Is that ingenuity or what!? #2 What does palm reading have to do with being topless? #1 Hell man, that makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in 10 minutes so long as she was topless. #2 Your...male-ness amazes me. #1 What can I say, I love tits. (full quote)
1990 Richard Dawson, just go back to your podium until it's time to play the fued. (full quote)
5151 Holy Shit, it's the mad fat chick killer. (full quote)
1990 #1 Your fucking kidding, The Easter bunny did this? #2 All I said was the Easter bunny at the MinloPark mall was more convincing. He just juped the railing and knocked me down. #1 He's fucking dead! #2 Oh, let it go, he's under a lot of pressure. #3 What the hell happened to him?! #1 The guy in the Easter bunny suit kicked his ass! (full quote)
1990 #1 Well it's the third nipple that does it. #2 Oh, you have a third nipple? #3 what ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! IT'S AS CLEAR AS DAY, LOOK AT IT FOR GOD'S SAKE! #1 You can stare at it, I don't mind. #3 NO! (full quote)
3605 I've never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do. (full quote)
3605 1) Hey, you got something to say to me? 2) Yeah, about a million things, but I can't say them monosyllablically enough for you to understand them all! (full quote)
3605 That's it, mallrat, I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair! (full quote)
3605 Adventure, excitement...a Jedi craves not these things. (full quote)
3605 My grandmother always said, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?' (full quote)
3605 1) What does palm reading have to do with being topless? 2)makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was gonna die in ten minutes, so long as she told me topless. 1) Your maleness amazes me sometimes. 2)What can I say? I love tits. (full quote)
  You can call me Wolverine. Snicky snicky snor... (full quote)
5531 It's like mother fucking yoda and shit (full quote)
5579 #1: How did I go from the verge of hot Floidean sex with Brandy to man of steel coital debates with you in the foodcourt? #2: Cookie stand isn't part of the food court. #1:Well of course it is. #2:Cookie stand is upstairs, food court is downstairs, we're not talking quantum physics here. #1: Cookie stand counts as an eatarie, eataries are part of the food court. #2:Bullshit! Eataries that operate within the designated square downSTAIRS count as the foodcourt...anything outside of said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for midmall snacking..now if you want to wax intelectual about the subject.. (full quote)
5586 fly fat ass, fly!!!! (full quote)
  you face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage (full quote)
5978 Fly Fatass! Fly! (full quote)
5978 A: The Cookie Stand is not part of the food court. B: Of course it is. A: The Cookie Stand is upstairs the food court is downstairs, it's not like we're talking quantum physics here. B: The Cookie Stand counts as an eatery, eateries are part of the food court. A: Bullshit! Eateries that are part of the food court are set in set designated area, anything else is an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now if you're going to wax intellectual to me.... holy shit. (full quote)
6080 I love the smell of commerce in the morning! (full quote)
  1.How did I go from being on the verge of hot Floridian sex, to coincidal debate with you in the food court. 2.Cookie stand isn't part of the food court. 1.Of course it is. 2.The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs, it's not like we're talking quantum physics here. 1.The cookie stand's an eater, and eateries qualify as part of the food court. 2.Bullshit! Eateries operating in the designated square downstairs qualify as part of the food court. Anything operating out of said designated square qualifies as an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now if you want to wax intellectual about it....shit. Hold this. 1.Where are you going? 2. Sher shay la femme. (full quote)
6243 You think just 'cause a guy reads comics means he can't start some shit! (full quote)
4904 1. If we were making whoopee... 2.what's making whoopee? 1. You know, being intimate... 2. You mean fucking. (full quote)
6498 Damn that's hot! (full quote)
6498 Damn that's hot! (full quote)
  How did I let something like this get by me? I must be slipping in my old age! (full quote)
6634 what you need is a fatty, boombatty blunt. im sure you'll see a sailboat, an ocean, and probably some of them big tittie mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. look at me..look at me you sloppy bitch* (full quote)
6473 I'm like a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure and when it's all over you're not the same, you're changed. (full quote)
6473 That's the worst answer to an honest question i've ever heard. (full quote)
5150a This is one wacky game show. (full quote)
5150a what gives with the cover boy? (full quote)
5150a Are you nuts! The guy looks like a date rapist! (full quote)
5150a I would have made a sexy chick! (full quote)
5150a 1) Do you remember that party? 2) Might that have been the one where you fucked Rick Derris on the pool table? (full quote)
5150a Sega boy, God Renee's got a big mouth. (full quote)
5150a 16? I thought she was 36. Come on guys. Tell me you wouldn't have popped her. (full quote)
5150a Sweet fucking Christ, would you knock it off? (full quote)
5150a Quint, I accept the fact that you no doubt fucked my daughter. The two of you have been dating long enough for you to have weasled your way into her panties. (full quote)
4443 Richard Dawson go back to your podium until it's time to play the feud!!! (full quote)
  MAN #1: Might that have been the party where you fucked Rick Derris on a pool table? MAN #2: Nobody remembers that, eh? MAN #1: Where else am I going to see Smokey fuck the Bandit? WOMAN #1: Didn't I look just like Burt Reynolds? BOTH MEN: Except for the mustache. (full quote)
7227 I love the smell of commerce in the morning... (full quote)
7227 Brenda?? Dick!!! (full quote)
7324 speaking of, where is that tubby bitch? (full quote)
7455 You tell em Steve Dave (full quote)
1212 I love the smell of commerce in the morning! (full quote)
1212 1)Oh yeah, look its a sailboat. 2)You saw it too? Dammit! (full quote)
1212 I can't believe how fast word travels in this town. (full quote)
1212 Oh, ye have little faith. Want a cookie? (full quote)
1212 A scooner IS a sailboat, stupid-head. (full quote)
1212 Chercher la femme. (full quote)
1212 what's a pretty girl like you doing sitting alone in the middle of this monument to consumerism? (full quote)
1212 Men are easily amused (full quote)
1212 The asshole from Fashionable male! Son of a bitch! (full quote)
1212 1)Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'The customer is always right'? 2)Let me tell you something--a little secret, okay? The customer's always an asshole! (full quote)
1212 I would of been a sexy chick! (full quote)
1212 1)Ask him about the elevator. 2)Tell me about the elevator. 3)It goes up and down. (full quote)
1212 (holds up tiny paper cup) Fill this with Coke, no ice! (full quote)
1212 Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda. (full quote)
1212 1)Did we ever get along? 2)Once or twice. 1)How come we went out as long as we did? 2)You had cable. (full quote)
1212 1)Cops never come in here. 2)Neither does any other self-respecting consumer. (full quote)
1212 1)good buys, great people, earthy aromas...They know me here. 2)I wouldn't be too proud of that. (full quote)
1212 Haven't I made it abundently clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? I mean, half the time I'm just talking out of my ass, or sticking my hand in it. (full quote)
1212 Haven't I made it abundently clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? I mean, half the time I'm just talking out of my ass, or sticking my hand in it. (full quote)
1212 1)How much do I owe you? 2)My treat. As long as you promise, next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you 'Jay.' Snootchy Bootchies. 1)Let's hope there is a next time. (full quote)
1212 1)If you were a car, what kind of car would you be? 2)The kind you'd never dump your boyfriend in. (full quote)
1212 1)If we fell in love, how would you propose to me? 2)When Jaws popped out of the water. (full quote)
1212 1)what's the funny guy doing with his hands? 2)I don't wanna know. (full quote)
1212 1)I don't hate gay people! 2)So you love them? 1)YES! (full quote)
7576 GWEN-hey brodie. do u remember that costume party? BRODIE-might that be the one where u banged rick deris on the pool table? T.S-nobody remembers shit like that... GWEN- hoy is it tat u 2 alwaqys seem to reember the most trivial events in my life? BRODIE-I'll never forget it. how often do u getto see smokey fuck the bandit? GWEN-didn't i look just like burt reynolds? BRODIE/T.S.-scept for th mustache (full quote)
1212 1)That was too little too late. 2)Too little?! You said it was a good size! 1)The effort, you retard, the effort was too little too late. But now that you mention it, when a girl says its a good size, its a nice way of saying that its small. 2)Hey!! (full quote)
7700 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega. (full quote)
7700 Why buy the cow when you get the sex for free? (full quote)
7700 Oh, ye of little faith... How bout a cookie? (full quote)
  (1) Alright gentalmen, frrree your minds. (2) I would like to free something (1) Fulcas (2)Just what I was thinking (3) She said focus (full quote)
  I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues (full quote)
8057 you two are retarted for each other (full quote)
8057 when a girl says its a good size thats just a nice way of saying its small (full quote)
8057 i 2 am in the framing business (full quote)
8057 a grown man with his hand down his pants ... ha yea i look like my father (full quote)
Shadrach Come, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod! Snootchie-bootchies! (full quote)
8267 Fly, Fatass, fly! (full quote)
cadence It's the third nipple. (full quote)
  1.) What you know that kid or something? 2.) I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath insues. 1.) What is with you today? 2.) Dont get me wrong I dont wish the kid any harm but his mother should have to suffer that horrific ordeal so she will learn to manage her child better. 1.) Kinda a harsh lesson dont you think? 2.) Listen, not a year goes by, NOT A YEAR, that i dont read about some horrible escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could have easily been avoided had some parent, i dont care which one but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator! (full quote)
  FLY FATASS! FLY! (full quote)
8441 That kid is back on the escalator again!!! (full quote)
8561 I just said the bunny at the other mall looked more convincing (full quote)
8629 1-When are you boys going to learn...women want romance, not Mr. Toad's Wyld Ride! 2-Hey, be fair, everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wyld Ride (full quote)
7268 WHAT, YOU THINK JUST 'CAUSE A GUY READS COMICS MEANS HE CAN'T start SOME SHIT?! (full quote)
  1)Did you ever sleep with someone?2)Yeah....3)NO, I mean actually sleep with someone not just fuck them on a gaming table. (full quote)
734 I hope his pants get caught and A BLOOD bath ENSUES! (full quote)
9035 snuchy buchys (full quote)
  BRODIE MAN, NOOCHIE NOOCHIE. (full quote)
  Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else. Gill: Well, did he cum, or what? Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public (full quote)
  Excitement, adventure... A Jedi craves not these things. (full quote)
  Cookie stand's not part of the food court. T.S.: Sure it is. Brodie: The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs it's not like we're talking quantum physics here! T.S.: The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court. Brodie: Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. (full quote)
  T.S.: But they're engaged. Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen. T.S.: Why not? It's bound to come up. Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child? T.S.: Sure, why not? Brodie: He's an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him! (full quote)
9228 Snootchie, boochie, nootchies!!! (full quote)
  You are gonna listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? (full quote)
9509 kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty (full quote)
9963 You dumb bastard, its a sailboat not a schooner. (full quote)
9982 sweet fucking christ, would you knock it off! (full quote)
1759 That kid...that kid is back on the escalator again! (full quote)
10113 mother f*cker thinks a jedi or some sh*t (full quote)
10113 mother f*cker thinks a jedi or some sh*t (full quote)
  Look, I wanted to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but no, you wnated to play little leauge instead... (full quote)
10454 i hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues! (full quote)
10520 RIChard DAWSON!! Just go back to your podium until its time to play the fued! (full quote)
10520 1)They call her Trish the dish. 2)Nobody calls me that. (full quote)
7643 I think about all of that, and I cry becouse I have nothing better to do than fuck you. (full quote)
  what is this monstrosity? (full quote)
QuickStopRST I LOVE the smell of commerce in the morning! (full quote)
QuickStopRST I must be slipping in my old age! (full quote)
QuickStopRST 1. What the hell is this?!? 2. Maybe they're setting up the easter bunny stand. 1. No. The easter bunny stand is across from the food court- it's been up since two days after christmas! I WANT ANSWERS! (full quote)
11519 I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away. (full quote)
11536 small price to pay for the smiting of one's enemies. (full quote)
11633 Snoochie Boochie Noochies! (full quote)
11536 I can't believe you had the nerve to come to my mall and pick up guys!! (full quote)
11654 Y-O-U D-U-M-B BASTARD!! it's not a schooner it's a sailboat. 2: a schooner is a sailboat. (full quote)
  Tell'em SteveDave!!!!!! (full quote)
  Hey look a scooner. You dumb bastard, it's not a scooner its a sailboat. I scooner is a sailboat stupid head. You know what there is no EasterBunny that over there is just a guy in a suit. (full quote)
  Where the hell did that come from!? whats going on here!?! (full quote)
12646 Breakfast? Breakfast shmreakfast! Look at the score for gods sake. I'm only in the middle of the second and I'm winning 12 to 2. Breakfast come and go Renee. Now Hartford, the Whale, hey, they only beat Vancouver once maybe twice in a lifetime (full quote)
12646 where do you get those wondeful toys? (full quote)
12646 (Brandi) Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like? #1 Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up #2 That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you! You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex! And I should know, we can smell our own. (full quote)
12646 (Brandi) Suitor Number Three, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a jackhammer? #1 Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done you're not the same as before. You're changed. #2 Where do you come up with this shit? That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard! I saw you kiss and it wasn't even anything like that! #1 Who the hell did you see me kiss? #2 Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed. #1 : I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear! I'm not gay. #2 Hey, suitor-ette, this guy's a homophobe! You heard how repulsed he sounded! Is this the kind of guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hate-monger? #1 I don't hate gay people! #2 So you love them? #1 Yes!... I mean, no #2 Textbook closet case. Self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality. (full quote)
  What you know that kid or something? I hope his pants get caught and a blood bath ensues What is with you today Don't get me wrong, I don't wish the kid harm, but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal so she'll learn how to manage her child! sort of a harsh lesson, don't you think? Man, there's not a year goes by, not a year that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've been easily avoided had some parent, I don't care which one, but some parent, conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator! (full quote)
12481 That kid is back on the escalator again. (full quote)
  Who's your favorite New Kid. call me Joey. call me Donny. Oh please don't go girl. (full quote)
  1)Oh, a sailboat! 2)Brenda? 1)Dick! (full quote)
  Brodie:there that was romantic....passionate, yeah Renee:no Brodie that was too little too late Brodie:too little? you said it was a good size! Renee:the effort you retard, the effort was too little too late; and now that you mentioned it, when a girl says it's a good size it's a nice way of saying that it's small Brodie:.......HEEEYYYYYY! (full quote)
12993 Brodie:there that was romantic....passionate, yeah Renee:no Brodie that was too little too late Brodie:too little? you said it was a good size! Renee:the effort you retard, the effort was too little too late; and now that you mentioned it, when a girl says it's a good size it's a nice way of saying that it's small Brodie:.......HEEEYYYYYY! (full quote)
13279 1)tell him steve dave 2)fuck off fan boy (full quote)
  1)Look at this guy, hes a homophobe, you dont want to end up with this guy. 2) wait, I dont hate gay people. 1)So you love them. 2)Yes...I mean no! 1)See, the mans uncomfertable with his own sexuality (full quote)
  Well my friend, hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Sega (full quote)
11615 WHEN DO I GET TO SEE THE GOD DAMN SAIL BOAT!!!! (full quote)
11615 She called you callow / You say that like its a bad thing / well it means frightend and week willed / Damn that was the only part that I thought was a complement. (full quote)
11971 You called down the thunder, and now you've got it (full quote)
13821 #1.Brenda? #2.You SHIT!! (full quote)
14617 say good bye to the baby kitties silent bob show some respect!!!!! (full quote)
14617 Hell is that all we were going to do that any way!!!!!!! (full quote)
14617 what THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
14617 were going to have to bail on the whole stage trashing buisness lucnhbox here is lible to kill himself (full quote)
11538 Snoogens! (full quote)
agwendolyn Just because a guy reads comics, you think he can't start some shit?! (full quote)
agwendolyn You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? (full quote)
8563 Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. (full quote)
8563 He won the science fair in the 8th grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using chicken wire. (full quote)
  (1) Hey look its a schooner! (2) Haha. You dumb bastard! It's not a schooner, its a sailboat! (full quote)
  Steve-Dave: I was warned about you, take it easy before I have you removed from the mall. Brodie: Warned?! What the fuck are you talking about? Walt: Tell 'em, Steve-Dave! Brodie: Fuck you, Fanboy! T.S.: Will you 2 testosterone-seething, he-man comic books finish up this display of tough-guy back and forth? I got some questions that need answering. Brodie: Look, who is in there? Steve-Dave: You gotta ask me nicely. Brodie: Fuck You! You Fuckers think that just because a guy reads comics means he can't start some shit?! C'mon I'll fuckin' take all of you on! Man: Somebody call a medic, there's a little boy caught in the escalator! Walt: Come back here and arrest this goon! Brodie: You're fuckin' next! (full quote)
  Come Son Of Jor-El, Kneel before ZOD! Snoochie boochies! (Laughs hysterically) (full quote)
  Brodie: why dont you fuck her in the ass (full quote)
  Snoochie Boohies (full quote)
  Snoochie Boochies (full quote)
  Adventure, Excitement, a Jedi Craves not these things. (full quote)
  I too am in the framing business (full quote)
8563 The Force is strong with this one. (full quote)
  COME SUNOFDUREL NEEL BEFOUR ZIDE SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES HEHEHEHEHE. (full quote)
  T.S.- I bet he's happy as a pig in shit that you're not going away with me. Brandi: Are you kidding? He's absolutely devastated about Julie! (Mr. Svenning Comes out of the shower, doing karate moves) T.S.: I can't believe you! Brandi, the guy hates me! You know what? I bet he says this whole tragedy as an excellent opportunity of keeping you from going away with me. Brandi- Would you calm down? I mean you're being a complete ass. (Mr. Svenning kicks and his towel falls, and shows his butt, which was downright unnecessary) (full quote)
8563 Why can't they bring back or remake good shows like BJ and the Bear? Now there's a concept I can't get enough of - a man and his monkey. (full quote)
  1)He said he was gonna screw her in a very uncomfortable place. 2)what, like the back of a Volkswagon? (full quote)
  1)He said he was gonna screw her in a very uncomfortable place.2)what, like the back of a Volkswagon? (full quote)
7016 Touch not, let ye be touched. (full quote)
  Come on Doug!!! (full quote)
  B/ I should tell my mum what we do in here everynight/ B GF/ what that you sit here and play ninetendo and I leave unfufilled (full quote)
  1) should i call you Logan, weapon X? 2) no, Wolverine!!! (full quote)
17418 1) well, if it isnt my neighbor... 2)...would you feel that iron grip, like burt reynolds and shit (full quote)
17418 1)pendum publishing gave me 50,000 based on a treatment and a sample chapter. 2)you kidding. (full quote)
18304 Get him Steve-Dave!! (full quote)
18304 You're the kind of guy who begs for sex!! I know, we can smell our own. (full quote)
7016 You're such an anal retentive bastard. (full quote)
11615 Guy 1: your sure she was getting on GUY 2: May be she was getting off (and then it cuts to a shot of two people having sex in an elevator) (full quote)
17815 Do it Doug! (full quote)
  SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES (full quote)
19378 Excitement...Adventure...the Jedi craves not these things. ~Silent Bob (full quote)
19496 Holy Shit..if it isn't mon freir. (full quote)
19496 Get him Steve Dave! (full quote)
19496 Get him Steve-Dave (full quote)
19496 Holy Shit..if it isn't mon freir (full quote)
  Jay: The Jedi mind trick, holy shit mother fucking yoda and shit Silent Bob: Adventure excitment a jedi craves not these things (full quote)
19184 Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. (full quote)
7016 We're duckin' Tricia 'cause she wants to talk to Obi-Wan about her video setup. (full quote)
Rye I love the smell of commerce in the morning (full quote)
  a smilie face mean i went down on him a face with a wink means he went down on me a circle means we had sex a circle wit an x means i had an orgasm a house means we did it inside and sum grass means we did it out side. (full quote)
  he's got a funny way of showing it by elbowing me in the TIT!! and y the hell r u glowing??? (full quote)
21209 1)Man, you're really making that last, aren't you? 2)Waste not, want not. (full quote)
21209 Who's your favorite New Kid? (full quote)
10184 Snoochi woochies Broadie noochies!! (full quote)
  I hope his shoelace gets caught and a bloodbath ensues! (full quote)
Recess Reject Man, there's not a year goes by -- not a YEAR -- that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could have been easily avoided, had some parent -- I don't care which one, but SOME PARENT -- conditioned him to FEAR AND RESPECT THAT ESCALATOR! (full quote)
23722 1 - you're giving up? you? you used to be a stand up guy! what happened to that guy? the guy who punched amanda gross's mother after she called him 'low class'? 2 - that wasn't me, that was you. 1 - oh, yeah. 2 - it wasn't her mother. it was her grandmother. 1 - no wonder the bitch went down so fast. (full quote)
  Renee: what are you doing? You promised me breakfast. Brodie: Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Renee, but Hartford,'the Whale', they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime. (full quote)
VandalsPunker656 Snootchie Bootchie Nootchies! (full quote)
VandalsPunker656 That kid...that kid is back on the ESCALATOR AGAIN! / Leave it alone! (full quote)
VandalsPunker656 The only way Superman could bang regualr chicks is if he used a kryponite condom, that would kill him (full quote)
VandalsPunker656 I guarintee you he blows a load like a shotgun straight through her back (full quote)
  Say, would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel? They're a little melted, but damn are they exquisite! (full quote)
  1) oh so now you're attacking my libido? 2) there's no libido to attack! 1) no libido to attack?? (they get it on) 1) that was romantic, right? passionate yeah 2) no ****** that was too little too late 1)too little? you said it was a good size! 2) effort you retard, the effort was too little too late...and now that you mention it, when a girl says its a good size, it's a nice way of saying its small. (full quote)
  ...want a sip of my soda? (full quote)
  ...want a sip of my soda? (full quote)
  1: I heard you were going to propose in some theme park. When are men going to learn that women want romance, not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? 2: Be fair, EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. (full quote)
  -It's a scooner -ha, it's a sailboat -a scooner is a sailboat you retard -Well you know what, there is no easter bunny, ya see that guy over there, its a guy in suit (full quote)
  She challenged my libido, I felt obligated to defend myself against her accusations. (full quote)
7016 If there's anyone that can help us out, it's the two guys who have less to do than us. (full quote)
  1: Besides i saw you kiss someone and i didn't look anything like that. 2: Who did you see me kiss? 1: Some dude back there but he didn't look impressed. 2: I didn't kiss any guy back there. I'm not gay! 2: Hey suterett you heared this guy hes a homophob. (full quote)
8563 He's imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his adamantium claws. (full quote)
26325 You saw it too? (full quote)
  You are gonna listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? (full quote)
  1)She called you callow... 2)you say that like it's a bad thing 1)It means frightened weak-willed 2)Damn. I thought that was the only part that was complementary. (full quote)
8563 How is it I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with brandi to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court? (full quote)
  Did you see that stink palm, he even licked his hands (full quote)
Evenstar Are you kidding me? I have never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do. (full quote)
Evenstar Holy shit if it isn't mon freir. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) She calls you callow in here. 2) you say that like its a bad thing 1) well it means frightened and weak willed 2) really. shit. that was the only part of the letter i thought was complimentary. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) i was gonna propose to her. 2) where? 1) the Universal tour 2) you're kidding what part? 1) when Jaws pops out of the water. 2) thats the most romantic thing I've ever heard. (full quote)
Evenstar I love the smell of commerce in the morning. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) what you wanna say something? 2) yes about a million things but I can't express myself monosalavically enough for you to understand them all. (full quote)
Evenstar Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since he;s been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. Crazy fuck thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts. Knock it off! (full quote)
Evenstar what he's doing is imitating Wolverine's Beserker attack with his adamantive claws. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) wow its a scooner. 2) hahaha you dumb bastard its not a scooner its a sailboat. 1) a scooner is a sailboat stupid head 2) you know what? there is no Easter Bunny! Over there thats just a guy in a suit! (full quote)
Evenstar If I remember correctly its titled 'Borgasms: a Study of the 90s male Sexual Prowess.' (full quote)
Evenstar Fly, fatass, fly! (full quote)
Evenstar 1) Haven't you heard the phrase the customers always right? 2) let me tell you someting the customers always an asshole. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) that was too little too late. 2) too little? you said it was a good size! 1)I meant the effort you retard, the effort was too little too late. but now that you mention it when a girl tells you its a good size thats a nice way of saying its small. (full quote)
Evenstar I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda. (full quote)
Evenstar 1) I use that to fuck them someplace uncomfortable. 2) what like the backseat of a Volkswagon? (full quote)
Evenstar 1) You should see yourself a grown man with his hand down his pants. 2) Yea I probably look like my old man. (full quote)
Evenstar Hey why am I his sidekick? how do you know hes not my sidekick? (full quote)
Evenstar where do you get those wonderful toys? (full quote)
27394 1: what do you know that kid or something? 2: I hope his pants get caught, and a blood bath ensues. (full quote)
  T-What does plam reading have to do with being topless? B-No man, It makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in 10 minutes, So long as she told me topless. T-Your maleness amazes me sometimes. (full quote)
8563 You have your mission. Go forth. Wreak havoc. (full quote)
  you are such an anal retentive bastard (full quote)
  1.)Suitor number 2... 2.)Don't call me suitor number 2, call me the second suitor.It sounds like a bathroom code. 1.)All right, second suitor if we were making woopie... 2.) Whats woopie? 1.)If we were uh, being intimate... 2.) Oh you mean like fucking?! 1.) yes if we were uh, you know, what sort of sounds would you make? 2.) (Slap sound, dog howling noises) Im sorry i cant answer that its sort of personal. (full quote)
madhatter13 1)You wanna say something? 2)Yeah! About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all. (full quote)
  what, you mean fucking? (full quote)
  1)you ever slept with somebody? 2)uhh...yeah. 1)i mean slept next to them, not just fucked them on a gaming table. (full quote)
8563 Didn't I dump your ass this morning? (full quote)
  Give him the stink palm. (full quote)
31642 Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty but damn are they exquisite (full quote)
  call me donny (full quote)
Crash Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for Sega. (full quote)
  Jay: You don't know Lafours-is? This guy doesn't know who Lafours-is! Lafours is only the most feared security guard in all of New Jersey, he's got 305 collars, all convicted... i hear he's even got 2 kills! (full quote)
  I hope to cum laude some day, prefferably in a 69. (full quote)
  It's like my grandma always said, why buy the cow when you get the sex for free? Of sourse she did turn into a lesbian on her 80th birthday. (full quote)
  Who's your favorite New Kid? call me Donny... Please don't go girl... (full quote)
  Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something? Brodie Bruce: Yeah! About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all. (full quote)
34680 One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embaressing for my relatives and all, but the next week he did it again: different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. So I run into him a week later at the mall and he's buying another cat. So I says to him: Jesus Walt, what are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too, why don't you knock it off? And he said to me: Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out? -My cousin was a wierd guy... (full quote)
  Wow, That’s A Great Question, Tough One Though, How Does One Gage His Response On Psyical Prow Less, Keene Detection skills, And The Ability To Manger With Super Villains? (full quote)
8563 You know what? There is no Easter Bunny! Over there, that's just a guy in a suit! (full quote)
35445 what YOU NEED IS A FATTY BOOM BATTY BLUNT! I GUARENTEE YOU'LL SEE A SAILBOAT, AN OCEAN, AND MAYBE EVEN SOME OF THOSE BIG-TITTED MERMAIDS SOME OF THAT LESBIAN SHIT! (full quote)
  Fly fly fat ass fly! (full quote)
  what kind of man are you anyway, I'm talking about comics and you bring up chicks and romance?!?! (full quote)
  Waste of time if you ask me, my grandmother always said, Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free. Couse she became a lesbian on her 60th birthday, but that's beside the point. (full quote)
  Brodie- That guy tried to screw my girl-friend in a very uncomfortable place. Suiter#3- what like the backseat of a volkswagon? (full quote)
toothboy12 1) Look, its a schooner! 2) You sorry bastards, its not a schooner, its a sailboat! 3)A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead. 2) YA KNOW what!!! THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY!! THAT GUY OVER THERE, HES JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
toothboy12 1) And, just to let you know, im gonna fuck her in a very uncomfortable place. 2) what, like the back of a Volkswagon? (full quote)
toothboy12 1) Ok, now that we're broken up, I want a few things back from you, I want my comic books and the remote control to my tv. Now, I know it's gonna be hard for you to give these things up becuase of their sentimental attachment to you. 2) Look, if I have any of those things, it's because you took them to my house and left them there (full quote)
toothboy12 Look at the score, its 12-2 and im only in the 2nd period. I mean, Hartford, the Whale, up 12-2, this only happens liek, once, twice in a lifetime. (full quote)
toothboy12 1) Wait, I thought you were taking Brandie to Florida? 2) Yea, I was, but it gets worse. I was gonna propes to her. 1) Shit, where? 2) The Universal tour. 1) what part? 2)When Jaws pops out of the water. 1) Thats so romantic! (full quote)
toothboy12 1) Im so happy to see you! 2) Yea well you really showed that by elbowing me in the fucking tit! (full quote)
toothboy12 1) You know, there is a room you're supposed to do this in. 2) Yea well some pervert wanted to see me naked so bad he busted in twice while I was changing, this just saves him the trouble (full quote)
toothboy12 Dude, when are we gonna get out of this womens pantie store, im startin to get a mean hard-on! (full quote)
Ninja_Depp 1)- Meanwhile, you're stuck with a hand that smells like shit. (2)- Just a small price to pay for smiting one's enemies. (full quote)
Ninja_Depp A schooner is a sailboat, STUPID! (full quote)
8563 It's impossible. Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. what about her womb? You think it's strong enough to carry his child? (full quote)
28233 1- She called you callow 2- You say that like it's a bad thing (full quote)
  brodie: holy shit! i never thought i'd see the day when two such highly recognized mischief makers such as yourselves douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard. (full quote)
  (1) If you and I made whoopee. (2) what the hell is whoopee? (1) Well..It's, umm. (2) You mean like I fucked you? (1) Well...yeah (full quote)
  oh!You dumb bastard its not a scooner its a sail boat. (full quote)
10929 Sounds like his M.O. (full quote)
  Snootchie Bootchie Brodie Nootchie (full quote)
  Jay: Well if it isnt the fat chick killer himself (full quote)
40770 Who's your favorite New Kid? call me Donny. call me Joey. (full quote)
  Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, The Whale, they only beat Vancouver, what? once, maybe twice in a lifetime. (full quote)
  One time my cousin Walter got a cat stuck in his ass. True story, he bought it at a local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the 7 O'clock news. It was emberrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week he did it again. Different cat, same results complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him about a week later at the mall, and hes buying another cat. So I says to him JESUS Walt what are you doing? You know you're just got get this cat stuck in your ass too, why don't you knock it off. And he said to me Brodi how the hell else am I suppose to get the gerbil out?.... My cousin was a wierd guy! (full quote)
43400 Person 1) I think I know something that could help ease our simultaneous double loss! Person 2) What, ritual suicide? 1) No you idiot! The fucking mall! 2) I prefer ritual suicide! 1) Oh come on, there's these new cookies at the cookie stand, you have to try them their awesome! (full quote)
  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for sega. (full quote)
A-Boynix It's not a stage! I'm going to se it if I have to die trying. (full quote)
  your dumping me is this because I didn't intorduce you to my mother (full quote)
  1)Guys no cuttinng in line. 2)This is for Brodie (full quote)
44975 Unlike you I didn't even get a letter filled with obscure adjectives. (full quote)
  Rene: I have always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you wanted me to do a striptease to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I did it. When you made me sleep underneath the bed after prom in case your mother burst in, I did it. When we were at my Grandmother's funeral, and you told everyone you could see her nipples through her burial gown, I let it slide. *WHIP* But if you think I'm going to suffer through any more of your shit with a smile, now that we're broken up; you're in for some serious fucking disappointment. (full quote)
DoOrDoNot I bet he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back. (full quote)
DoOrDoNot I love the smell of commerce in the morning. (full quote)
  Wow, she calls you callow in here. You say that like it's a bad thing. (full quote)
  Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty, but damn are they exquisite! (full quote)
10929 what...like the back of a Volkswagen? (full quote)
10929 what...like the back of a Volkswagen? (full quote)
10929 what...like the back of a Volkswagen? (full quote)
  My cousin Walter jerked off in public once, true story. He was on a plane to New Mexico, when all of a sudden the hydrolics went. The plane started spinning around going out of control. So he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the othe passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. SO ALL THE PASSANGERS ARE BEATING OFF PLUMMITING TO THEIR CERTAIN DOOM. when all of a sudden *snaps* the hydrolics kick back in, the plane rights itself. Everyone puts their pieces or whatever you know away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else (full quote)
debee_bambino I dont fuckin believe it...that kids back on the escalator! (full quote)
seksydevil Is that kid on the escalator again?? (full quote)
benandtiff06 Textbook, closet-case self-loather. Cant be comfortable with his own secuality. (full quote)
cyphersounds BRODIE: holy shit, i never thought I'd see the day when two such highly reputable mischief makers as yourself dowsed their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard. JAY: shit bitch we're gonna bust that stage like a high school kegger were just gonna outwit lafors x-men style BRODIE: should i call you logan, weapon x? JAY: no wolverine! (full quote)
gregs_gal Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator. (full quote)