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Birdcage, The - 1996 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
4391 1)Don't use that tone to me. 2)what tone? 1)That sarcastic contemptuous tone. That means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman. 2)You're not a woman. 1) Oh, you bastard! (full quote)
3378 1) I'm leaving you my boots, 2) No! 1) my stereo, 2) Don't want it! 1) and my wigs. 2) Which wigs? 1) my best wigs. (full quote)
4066 You do Fosse Fosse Fosse, You do Madonna... Madonna... Madonna. (full quote)
  I chew gum to help me think... REPLY: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum (full quote)
4066 1.Al, you old S.O.B! How ya doing? How do you feel about that call today? I mean the dolphins! Fourht and three play on the 30 yards line with 34 seconds to go! 2. How do you think I feel? Betrayed, Bewilered....wrong response? (full quote)
4722 Now there's an idiotic issue! gays in the military! I mean those haircuts, those uniforms! who cares! (full quote)
4722 ...And so they decided to stop eating tofu and find a cemetary they really liked instead.. (full quote)
6243 I pierced the toast! (full quote)
6243 Your money's on the dresser, Chocolate. (full quote)
  1) Tanins! what do you do while I am on stage? 2) Nothing. I lie here. (full quote)
7937 Ju forgot de chrimps! (full quote)
3378 She works hard for the money ee-ee ee-ee, so hard for the money ee-ee ee-ee (full quote)
3378 You're afraid of my Guatamalaness. 2) Your what? 1) My Guatamalaness, my heat! (full quote)
3378 1)what are Pirin tablets?!! 2) Relax, it's just asprin with the a's and the s's scraped off. (full quote)
8713 i don't wear shoes because they make me fall down (full quote)
9393 #1: I was adorable once. Young and full of hope! And now look at me, I'm this fat, short, insecure, middle-aged THING! #2: I made you short? (full quote)
3225 Come on, Gloria (full quote)
3225 I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky (full quote)
  #1: I was adorable once. Young and full of hope. And now, look at me. I'm a short, fat, insecure middle-aged thing. #2: I made you short? #1: Aaaagh! (full quote)
9553 Victoria Paige is DEAD (full quote)
12153 Shouldn't you be holding the crucifix? It is THE prop for martyrs! (full quote)
12153 You know, I used to feel that way too until I found out that Alexander the Great was a fag. Talk about gays in the military! (full quote)
12153 So this is Hell. And there's a crucifix in it. (full quote)
12153 It's like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable. (full quote)
12153 You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian. (full quote)
12153 People in this country aren't interested in details. They only trust headlines. (full quote)
12153 Agadon: When you gonna let me audition for your show? Armand Goldman: When you have talent. (full quote)
14740 Chewing gum helps me think. Sweetie, you're wasting your gum. (full quote)
14541 (1)Should we have some champagne to celebrate? (2)Oh, how nice. (1)Agador! (3)Spartacus! (1)Agador Spartacus! He insists on being called by his full name. (full quote)
14541 what interesting china! Why it looks like young men playing leap-frog. Is it Greek? (full quote)
14541 This is so Guatamala. They put hard boiled eggs in everything down there because you know chicken is so important to them. Its their only real currency. A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens and a man's wealth is measured by the size of his cock. Will you excuse me? (full quote)
14806 1) Kevin, this is a man. They're gay! 2) what? You can't be Jewish! 3) Senator Keeley, I just want you to know that I mean every word that I said about the importance of returning to family values. 2) I feel like I'm insane! (full quote)
14740 1. I was adorable once. Young, and full of hope. Now, look at me. I'm a short, fat, insecure, middle aged thing! 2. I made you short? (full quote)
  Indifference is ... (full quote)
Garney I do not wear shoes because they make me fall down. (full quote)
  albert: no good? armand: no, it was perfect, i just never realized john wayne walked like that (full quote)
  ...You asked for it!! Assume the position!! I'm 'gonna give you a load of hot fat that will float around your bowels for a WEEK!!... (full quote)
14963 Albert: Don't give me that tone! Armand: what tone? Albert: That sly contemptous tone tht means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman. Armand: You're not a woman. Albert: Oh, you bastard! (full quote)
15570 She transcends your desire to chew. She electrifies you. Something starts in your pelvis, and works its way up to your heart, where it becomes heart/pelvis! (full quote)
  Who put playboy in the bathroom? WORKER: its what they read REPLY: Look dont add Just SUBTRACT (full quote)
  (1)John Wayne (2) Can't we try someone easier (1) Why? You're a fan. Just get off your horse and head into the saloon (Albert walks, attempting to walk like John Wayne) (2) No good? (1) Actually it was perfect, I just never relized John Wayne walked like that (full quote)
  Albert:Another one for the road. Shnekon beckon! (full quote)
  You can cook, right? REPLY: your father seems to think so (full quote)
  Can we get a straight maid for tonight REPLY: There are no straight maids in south beach (full quote)
  (1) Did Albert get back? (2) No. (1) Great, then he's driving at 20mph down the fucking freeway with the parking break on. (full quote)
  I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky (full quote)
  1) That tone that says 'you know everything, because you are a man, and I know nothing, because I am a woman 2) You're not a woman. 1) You bastard! (full quote)
  Dude, you better get down there- shes trying to take his gum away from him! (full quote)
  It's ok, I understand. Im leaving, the monster, the freak, is leaving! (full quote)
  Go ahead hit me I know you want to, go on.. hit me, hit me! OOOOh! (full quote)
  may I take your coat, as usual, or, for the first time? (full quote)
  some birds aren't meant to be caged...their feathers are too bright (full quote)
  faci faci faci. martha graham martha graham martha graham. madonna madonna. (full quote)
  Can you write to my piglet from his Auntie on it? (full quote)
beekers 1)My father was the Shaman of his tribe, my mother was the high priestess. 2)So why did they move to New Jersey? 1)I don't know, they stupid! (full quote)
beekers Oh great, right now Albert's driving down the freeway at 20 miles per hour with the parking break on. (full quote)
beekers You're going to the cemetary with your toothbrush. How Egyptian. Shouldn't you be holding the cross? It is the prop for martyrs. (full quote)
beekers #1: Let's try walking #2: Holding the sandwich? (full quote)
beekers 1)I don't get it. 2)Try more gum. (full quote)
beekers 1)Who put PlayBoy in here? 2)Leave it, it's what they read! 1)Don't add. Just subtract. (full quote)
beekers 1)Pirin tablets, what kind of drugs are you giving him? 2)Its not drugs. It's aspirin with the 'a' and the 's' scraped off. 1)You're brilliant! 2)I know. (full quote)
beekers 1)Look at me! I'm a short, fat, insecure, middle-aged, THING! 2)I made you short? (full quote)
beekers 1)What is this, sludge? 2)Yes, it's sludge. I thought it'd be a nice change from coffee. 3)Hello! Bag lady! Agadore, there are more groceries being delivered soon. (Takes a sip of coffee) Mmmm! Turkish coffee, delicious! 2)See! (full quote)
beekers Oh! Chocolate schmeken, I'll just give it a try. (eats the schmeken) Mmm! A triumph. Thank you, well maybe just one more schmeken for the road -- when the schmeken beckons! (full quote)
beekers 1)what are you doing while I'm out there killing myself on stage?! 2)Nothing, I lie here. (full quote)
beekers If you don't finish making up, I'm going to kill myself. (full quote)
14522 Agador, I have two words for you: Green card (full quote)
Kizzle Another Jibe. Another joke at my expense. (full quote)
Kizzle Shouldn't you be holding the cross? It is THE prop for martyrs. (full quote)
15570 So this is hell...and there's a crucifix in it! (full quote)
15570 Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Armand Coleman of Greece and South Beach. (full quote)
vanilla (C): Chewing gum helps me think. (A): Sweetie, you're wasting your gum! (full quote)
applechunks He blew a bubble with his gum while i was singing, he cant do that while im singing. (full quote)
jpsartrean The hills... the mountains... talk about your purple mountains majesty. Just fantastic... Green fields. Purple mountains. And the roads - black - cutting through the green. All the colors... the trees... pennsylvania is nice too. (full quote)
29029 1. You're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler. 2. No!! I'm gonna look like a fag! 3. Maybe, but you'll look like a fag in a uniform. (full quote)
29029 1. What about you? You're obviously not a cultural -- whatever it is. You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig. 2. Albert, these people are right wing conservatives. They don't care if you're a pig, they just care if you're a fag. (full quote)
29029 You take your knife and you smear. Men smear! (full quote)
29029 Get the God damn pinkie down!! (full quote)
29029 1. Dad, could we hire a straight maid for tonight? 2. There are no straight maids in South Beach. (full quote)
29417 1: No good? 2: Actually, it was perfect. I just never realised John Wayne walked that way. (full quote)
29417 1: Just because you're twenty-two and hung doesn't mean that- 2: Albert, please! 1: Fine, you're the director. (full quote)
29939 (1) You were so terrified, it was so sweet. (2) I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. I mean, I walk in the door and there's a woman in my bed! (1) I paid the doorman twenty dollars--twenty dollars, in those days! (2) Oh, God. And I thought, 'what the hell, let's try it once with a woman and see what those straight guys are raving about.' (full quote)
29939 (1) Now take that wig off or I'll tell Albert you're wearing it. (2) You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're seeing somebody else while he's on the stage. (1) I have two words for you: green card. (full quote)
29939 (LOUISE) Who is this boy, Barbie? When was the last time you saw him? (BARBARA) Please don't call me Barbie. This afternoon at two o'clock. We've been sleeping together for a year. (SENATOR) Oh God, has he been tested? (LOUISE) Oh, Kevin! (BARBARA) Yes, and so have I. (full quote)
29939 Oh, I got to fire this woman. Uh, Miss porter, page two, second paragraph, it's 'porno', not 'pronto'. (full quote)
29939 (1) Jackson's dead. (2) Oh my God! (1) He died in bed? Whose bed? A prostitute? (2) No! (1) A minor? And black? (2) what? (1) I don't believe this! I don't FUCKING believe this! (full quote)
29939 Oh Vallie, this is such a shock. I'm not saying anything, I promised your father, Mmm-mmm. But you're only twenty, and if you throw yourself away on some dormitory slut you'll be sorry for the rest of your life. There, enough said, no more, subject closed. (full quote)
29939 Well, I thought he looked kind of funny but he was smiling so, I didn't worry. (full quote)
29939 Louise, I'm the Vice President of the Coalition for Moral Order. My co-founder has just died in the bed of an underage black whore! (full quote)
29939 Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle- aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks. (full quote)
29939 (1) Who put Playboy in the bathroom? (2) Leave it, it's what they read. (1) Don't add, subtract! (full quote)
29939 (1) Is Albert here? (2) No. (1) Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour with the parking brake on. (full quote)
29939 He blew a BUBBLE with his GUM while I was singing. He can't do that while I'm SINGING! (full quote)
29939 Oh yes... Coldeman. The 'd' is silent in America. It's Cole D'Isle au Man, or Cole of the Isle of Man, in France, where Armand's chateau is, Cold-e-man in Greece where Armand's work is, and finally the vulgar Coleman in Florida where Armand's home is, so actually, we don't know where we are until we hear our last name pronounced! Ahahahahahahaaaaa! (full quote)
29939 [discussing abortion] Oh, I know what you're going to say. 'If you kill the mother, the fetus dies too.' But the fetus is going to be aborted anyway, so why not let it go down with the ship? (full quote)
29939 (ARMAND) Pull yourself together! Because you have to cook dinner. I have to go find Albert. [Exits] (VAL) You... can cook, right? (AGADOR) your father seems to think so... (full quote)
29939 Don't worry about that. I'm very maternal. And Albert's practically a breast. (full quote)
31352 I can't wear shoes, for they make me fall down.. (full quote)
MovieMan31 (1) I've never danced with a man before (2) there's always a first time (full quote)
36356 You're going to the cemetary...with your toothbrush. How Egyptian. (full quote)
40328 Armand : You look like Lucy's stunt double. Agador : [dancing around in red wig cleaning] No actually I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky. Armand : That's horrifying. (full quote)
slowjay I've never had so much go so wrong so quickly. (full quote)