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Happy Gilmore - 1996 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
darricke The price is wrong, bitch! (full quote)
2946 You're gonna die,clown! (full quote)
evilroy God damn, I hate Bob Barker! (full quote)
2049 I hate that Bob Barker!! (full quote)
2049 where were you on that one, Dipshit! (full quote)
3225 1) Stay out of my way, you'll pay, listen to what I say 2) How bout I just go eat some hay? I can make things out of clay and lay by the bay I just may. What do you say? (full quote)
3225 Send him home, time to go home there, ball...What's the matter you son of a bitch ball, why didn't you just go home, that's your home. Are you to good for your home...Answer me! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL! (full quote)
4286 Damn it! Is that goal regulation size or what? Jeez! (full quote)
4184 ill have house burned down and piss on the ashes. 0 (full quote)
4184 if i saw myself in cloths like that i would kick my own ass. (full quote)
4375 Check out the name tag; You're in my world now, Grandma. (full quote)
4331 the price is wrong bitch (full quote)
4396 1: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think? 2: And a slant to the left. 1: That's 'cause you're only wearing one shoe. (full quote)
4396 1: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too. 2: Do you always carry a puck with you? 1: Yeah. [2 shoots puck and scores] 1: Holy shit. Talk about your all time back-fires. (full quote)
4396 I was on this tour for one reason - money - but now I've got a new reason: kicking your ass! (full quote)
evilroy #1 Can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me get to sleep. #2 No, but you can trouble me for a glass of SHUT THE HELL UP! (full quote)
4548 Think of your happy place........ (full quote)
  crazy lady: mister, mister, get me out of here!! happy: (throws fries) Here just take these and leave us alone. (full quote)
4687 The price is wrong, Bitch!! (full quote)
  I wanna kiss you all over, and over and again.....'til the niiiiiight closes in.... (full quote)
4957 I'll be at the Red Loster in case you change your mind! (full quote)
4957 I'll be at the Red Lobster in case you change your mind! (full quote)
4957 Hey Shooter! You wanna go to the Sizzler and get some grub? (full quote)
5104 1) I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! 2) You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? 1) ......No! (full quote)
5167 Well now your back's going to hurt, cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else's fingers hurt? I didn't think so. (full quote)
disue5 He shoots, he scores!!! Ahh man, that was so much easier than putting. I should try t'get the ball in on one shot every time. (full quote)
disue5 So you had a fight with a game show host on national TV. I don't consider that entertainment. This is not hockey Mr. You Head Butted Bob Barker! (full quote)
disue5 Hey man, I hate to admit this but, this is my first trophy and problem is, that goofy golf guy on top. Maybe the guy at the trophy store could put a little hockey guy on there. (full quote)
  Ahh, blue skies, fresh cut grass, birds chirpin. Happy: Hey what are you gonna recite me a poem or what, take it easy. (full quote)
5373 Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. (full quote)
  You suck you.....jackass (full quote)
5702 I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?? (full quote)
5702 Who said that friends don't dance to Endless Love in the dark? (full quote)
5702 Old Lady:My fingers hurt. Nursing home man:What is that? Old Lady: My fingers hurt. Nursing home man: Oh, well now your back's gonna hurt because you just pulled garden duty. Anyone else's fingers hurt?? (full quote)
5702 Get me outa here!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Gold jacket green jacket who gives a shit! (full quote)
5853 Gold jacket green jacket who gives a shit! (full quote)
5994 just taaaap it in, just taaap it in, give it a little tappy, tap, tap, taparoo (full quote)
619 1)what are you doing?! 2)Oh... I was just lookin for the rest of this bottle. There's some! (full quote)
6034 The price is wrong Bitch. (full quote)
  >I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. >>You eat pieces of shit? (full quote)
  Girl: what's this I hear about you breaking a rake and trowing it in the woods? Man: I didn't break it, I was just checking it for it's durability. Then I placed it in the woods, because it's made of wood, and I just thought it should be with it's family. It least I didn't hit anybody! (full quote)
  Golf requires goofy pants and a big ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant, huge ass. (full quote)
  Somebody's closer!! (full quote)
  You will not make this put, you jackass. (full quote)
  It struck my foot!!! (full quote)
  1)Do you always carry a puck with you? 2)Yeah! (full quote)
  Is this your ball? It struck my foot! (full quote)
  1) I thought we were going to be, you know, friends. 2) what? Friends listen to Endless Love in the dark. (full quote)
  The price is wrong, bitch!! (full quote)
  where's that nice girlfriend of yours? Oh, she's dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact. (full quote)
  My Girlfriends Dead you know, She fell off a a cliff (full quote)
  My Girlfriends Dead you know, She fell off a a cliff (full quote)
  1) Get off of me!2) Just easing the tension, baby. Just easing the tension!1) Well, ease it on someone else. (full quote)
  Anybody else's fingers hurt? (full quote)
  My name is happy gilmore...ever since i was old enough to skate, i loved hockey. i wasnt really the greatest skater though. but that didnt stop my dad from teaching me the secret of smacking the greates slapshot. my dad worshiped hockey...my mom didnt, thats why she moved to egypt where there's not a hockey rink for fifteen hundred miles. dad always took me to hockey games to cheer for our favorite player, terry o riley, the tazmanian devil. he wasnt the biggest guy in the league but he feared nobody, just like me. my dad always said i could be anything i wanted when i grow up, but i didnt want to be anything but a pro hockey player. yeah my child hood was going great, but lifes full of surprises. after the funeral, i was sent to live with my grandmother in waterbury. i was kindof nervous since i didnt really know her that well. but she dressed like gene simmons from kiss to cheer me up. shes the sweetest person in the world. as a child i developed sort of a short fuse. see that kid just stole my party blower and instead of asking for it back, i felt i had to belt him in the head a bunch of times with a hammer. but...i was quick to say i was sorry. in high school i played junior league hockey and still two records, most time spent in the penalty box, and i was the only person to take off my skate and try to stab somebody. after high school ive held a lot of different jobs...i was a janitor, a gas station attendant, a security guard, and a plummer. lately ive been working construction, its not a bad racket. im a pretty good shot with the nail gun. but one day, my boss mr. larson, uh...got in the way. he got a couple lucky punches in but i still feel i won the fight. (full quote)
  Go home!! ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR home??? (full quote)
  ooooooooooh! Happy learned how to putt!! (full quote)
  Happy: You fuing play it where it lies! (full quote)
  Seen on Mr. Larson's shirt: Guns don't kill people. I kill people. (full quote)
  What a shot by... Happy Gilmore?!Who the hell is Happy Gilmore> (full quote)
  Chubbs: Yeah, he got me,but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out Happy: You're pretty sick Chubbs (full quote)
  Hey Gilmore, you suck you Jackass! (full quote)
  I cannot believe you're a professional golfer. You should be working at the snack bar. (full quote)
  the price is wrong bitch (full quote)
  -good for you, you can count. -And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot! (full quote)
  -Happy Gilmore accomplished the feat no more than an hour ago. -Well good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!! (full quote)
4904 1. can i please have a glass of warm milk? It helps me go to sleep. 2. YOu can have a tall glass of shut the hell up. Now you go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. (full quote)
4943 The price is wrong, bitch! (full quote)
4943 1. Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard.. 2. Grizzly Adams -did- have a beard. (full quote)
5967 You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? (full quote)
6034 >I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. >>You eat pieces of shit? (full quote)
6034 >How about a nice warm glass of milk? >>How about a nice warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP! (full quote)
6034 >My fingers hurt. >>Oh, your poor fingers. Well now your back'S GOING TO HURT, cause you just pulled yard work. (full quote)
6252 You know the alligator who got your hand? Well, I got its head!! (full quote)
6252 1. How about a glass of warm milk to put me to slee--2. How about a glass of shut the hell up?? (full quote)
6252 where were you on that one, dipshit? (full quote)
6383 hi, I'm a hockey player, but I'm playing golf today. (full quote)
6777 1)Don't mess with me, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. 2) You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? 1)(hesitates)...N-No!! (full quote)
6784 1-I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! 2-You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? (full quote)
6809 doin the bull dance makin a damn fool of yourself (full quote)
6830 Doing the bull dance, feeling the flow...working it, working it. (full quote)
6830 Just tap it in, Just tap it in. Tap Tap Tappy. Tap Tap Tap-a-roo (full quote)
6890 I eat shit like you for breakfast 2.You eat shit for breakfast? (full quote)
6890 Doing the bull dance, feeling the flow (full quote)
7137 It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips (full quote)
7267 1) Excuse me sir. can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk it help put me to sleep 2)You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up, now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep check out the name tag...your in my world now grandma 3)Oh dear (full quote)
7319 I think i killed the Meestah Meestah lady (full quote)
7319 1. A lot of pressure. You have to rise above it. Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness, good. Block, bad. Feel the flow. 2. Alright, ok, thanks....Psycho (full quote)
7665 1) stay out of my way, or you'll pay, listen to what i say! 2) why don't i go eat some hay, i can make things out of clay, and lay by the bay, i just may, what do you say? (full quote)
7678 1)Listen up everyone, turn up your volumes, announcement. I've got good news. Looks like we're extending arts and crafts time by 4 hours today. 2)My fingers hurt. 1)whats that? 2) My fingers hurt. 1)Oh, well...now your back's gonna hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty. Do anyone else's fingers hurt? I didnt think so. (full quote)
7678 1)They wouldn't let me play on the pro tour anymore. 2)Oh, because you're black? 1)Hell no! A damn alligator bit my hand off! (full quote)
7815 HOW ABOUT A NICE TALL GLASS OF SHUT THE HELL UP. (full quote)
8264 1:I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast 2: you eat pieces of shit for breakfast (full quote)
8265 1. Hey you know my girlfriends dead 2. really 3. yeah she fell of a cliff and died on impact (full quote)
8265 Well I here the Asteroids Machine calling my name from the game room (full quote)
8992 The Gold Jacket's yours Happy. Shouters gonna choke! (full quote)
8994 Uh-Oh. Somebody's been practicing. (full quote)
Splent Harness energy block bad. Its like a carosel. It goes up and down, and around. (full quote)
9278 Doin the bull dance feelin the flow (full quote)
9510 1) i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. 2) you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?? (full quote)
10440 Look at the name tag. You're in my world now, Grandma. (full quote)
10471 Hey...if I saw myself in those clothes I'd have to kick my own ass. (full quote)
10510 Thats my puck baby! Don't you ever touch my puck! (full quote)
10741 Oh I was just looking for the other half of that bottle, oh look there's some there, and there's some over there.... (full quote)
11098 1)no, no, the price went up, I'm tellin' ya! This is home made stuff! Now listen everybody! Arts and crafts has been extended by two hours today. 2)But my fingers hurt 1)well your backs gunna hurt now cuz you just pulled lawn duty. Anybody else want to volunteer?! (full quote)
11824 #1-I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! #2-You eat pieces of shit for breakfast!? (Pause) #1- N...No! (full quote)
12248 Granma:Excuse me sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk. It helps me sleep. Warden: You can trouble me for a warm glass of ... SHUT THE HELL UP! Chack the tag, your in my world now grandma. (full quote)
12248 You know the mista, mista lady? .... I think I just killed her! (full quote)
12809 And YOu can count. On ME, waiting for YOU in the parking lot after the game! (full quote)
12809 And YOU can count. On ME, waiting for YOU in the parking lot after the game! (full quote)
13002 Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say. Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say? (full quote)
13655 1) My fingers hurt. 2) what was that? 3) My fingers hurt. 4) Well, now your back's gonna to hurt, because you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt? (full quote)
13655 you think your better that meeeee? (full quote)
13655 you no want breakfast (full quote)
13655 PIECE OF MONKEY SH...BEEP (full quote)
14240 Hey public relations lady, you seen Shooter Mcgavin? No why? No reason, I just need to beat the living piss out of him. You are right he deserves a beating. But, it you do that, I have to get up in the morning and issue a statement to why the new guy beat up Shooter Mcgavin and you'd be creating more work for me. Oh and we wouldn't want that now would we. (full quote)
14310 Gold jacket, green jacket... who gives a shit? (full quote)
14345 Don't worry about your grandma, Gilmore, she can come live with me and be my maid. (full quote)
14345 1)I thought we were gonna be just...friends. 2)what?! Friends listen to 'endless love' in the dark! (full quote)
  1.)Oh yeah? Well, what's this i hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it the woods? 2.)I didn't break it, i was just testing its durability...and i placed it in the woods because its made of wood, and i just thought it should be in its home (full quote)
  1)Your a big guy why didn't play a normal sport like football 2)My moma would sign the permission form, thought it would be to dangerous 1)yeah good call (full quote)
  Hey Gramma, could i trouble you for a warm glass of shut the hell up. You're in my world now. (full quote)
  I was down on 18 the other day, looked to my left, and there was 2 fat naked bikers having sex in the woods....how am i suppose to chip with that going on greg (full quote)
  Shooter: Just stay out of my way...or you'll pay...listen to what I say! Happy: How 'bout I just go eat some hay? I can make things out of clay and lay by the bay, I just may? What do ya say? (full quote)
  your gonna need a towel and some suntan lotion cuz your never gonna get off that beach just like you never got into the NHL (full quote)
  The price is wrong, bitch! (full quote)
  Hes laughing hes havin a good time, laugh it up, enjoy yoiur night (full quote)
  its like a carosel it goes up and down and around ....... circular...circle (full quote)
  price is wrong, BITCH!! (full quote)
  Every in here is fucking retarded. You put in these qoutes for people to look at for entertainment purposes. I try come in here for a laught. I recognize the quotes but they are all wrong. Watch the movie and get yur shit together. (full quote)
  I just saw two big fat naked bikers in the woods off 17 havin sex...how am i supposed to chip with that goin on! (full quote)
  364 more days to next years hockey try-outs. ohhhh, that hurt a little but i'm alright (full quote)
  Congratulations, murderer! You killed a golf legend. (full quote)
  Circular, with the flow. All good things. (full quote)
  i HATE that Bob Barker! (full quote)
  Bob B.;The price is wrong......bitch. (full quote)
  You're gonna die clown (full quote)
  I mean look at her, she's old! (full quote)
  Yeah, bring that Shit on!! (full quote)
  So your a hockey player huh? You gonna give that Sit up!? (full quote)
  So your a hockey player huh? You gonna give that Shit up!? (full quote)
  well good for happy-ohmygod (full quote)
  Im sry babe...I didnt mean it. Sometimes I just get so scared....scared of being a nobody. (full quote)
  Happy:i Hate that clown (full quote)
  Holy Shit that ball went 400 yards (full quote)
  where were you on that one dipshit? (full quote)
  Hey shooter! Do ya wanna go to the sizzler, and get some grub? (full quote)
  That's two thus far. (full quote)
  You spend more time in the sand than David Hasselhof. (full quote)
  Congratulations, you killed a golf legend. (full quote)
  See if you can out-drive the amazing golf-ball-wacker guy. (full quote)
  you will not make this putt...jackass (full quote)
  Dutch: So why don't you send the military in? What do you need us for? Dylan: Because some damn fool accused you of being the best. Dutch: Dylan, you son of a bitch! (Dutch slaps Dylan's hand and arm wrestles him in the air) Dutch: What's the matter? The CIA got you pushin' too many pencils, huh? Dylan: Don't make it easy on yourself Dutch. (full quote)
  Happy-That son of a bitch!(Alligator catches ball in mouth) Gimme the ball ya dirty bastard! (full quote)
  1:dont worry ure still in good shape just remember all u gtta do is just tap it in...just tap it in. 2: just tap it in, just tap it in. give it a little tappy, tap tap taparoo (full quote)
  I'm the only guy to ever take of my skate and try to stab someone. (full quote)
  To be a golfer you gotta have goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, probably a great golfer, huge ass. (full quote)
  You're like a freak, how often do you play? (full quote)
  sure happy .. i'll take care of grandma. She can be my maid (full quote)
  #1Could i trouble you for a glass of warm milk?#2 you could trouble me for a glass of shut the hell up. now you will go to sleep or i will put you to sleep. look at the name tag your in my world now grandma. (full quote)
  Shooter McGavin: And Grizzly Adams had a beard. Man: Grizzly Adams did have a beard. (full quote)
  1)That's two Shooter. 2)o you can count. 1)And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot. (full quote)
  1)I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! 2)you eat shit for breakfast? (full quote)
  1. I eat poeces of shit like you for breakfast! 2. You eat shit for breakfast???? (full quote)
  You know the gator that got your hand? Well I got its head. (full quote)
  HAPPY: Happy learned how to put...uh oh (full quote)
  This is handmade quality shit we're talkin here. (full quote)
  Happy: So what happened? Chubs: They wouldn't let me play on the pro tour anymore. Happy: Oh i'm sorry, because you're black? Chubs: Hell no! God damn alligator bit my hand off! Happy: Oh my god! Chubs: Yeah, i hooked my ball down by the water, alligator came out of nowhere and took my hand, but i tore one of that bastard's eyes out though. Happy: Wow. You're pretty sick Chubs. (full quote)
  The price is wrong BITCH! (full quote)
  can i trouble you for a warm glass of milk,,,it helps put me to sleep You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up!!! Now you will go to sleep or i will put you to sleep, look at the nametag grandma, your in my world now (full quote)
  Happy look OUTTTA...... (full quote)
  Step right up see if you can outdrive the amazing golf-ball wacker guy (full quote)
  Just tap it, just tap it in, give it a little tappy, tap tap tap aroo (full quote)
  ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR home?!? (full quote)
  what's this I hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?! Whhhhhaaattttt..I didnt break it, i was just testing its durability...and then i placed it in the woods because its made of wood and i just thought it should be with its family. (full quote)
  Its all in the hips (full quote)
  Will you be attempting to reach the green from here? Thats impossible. Oh I beg to differ. Mr. Gilmour accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago. Well moron good for Happy Gilmo-OH MY GOD! (full quote)
  I'll make you a deal. If I win I get the house back. But if you win thats it I'm done I quit. You're gonna beat me? At golf? aHAhaa! Oh you're on, but you're in big trouble pal, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? ...NO (full quote)
  Nice Distance (full quote)
  1. Mista, Mista get this thing off of me! 2. You know that mista mista lady, i think i just killed her. (full quote)
  You know, the real winner here is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder and harder to leave. it must be something you put in the water. (full quote)
  You will not pass go, you will not collect two hundred, YOU WILL GO IN THAT HOLE ! (full quote)
  somebody's closer (full quote)
  Happy learned how to putt uh oh! (full quote)
  Shut up happy, don't feel bad for me i got my hand back see? (full quote)
  The price is wrong BITCH! (full quote)
  i saw to fat guy's having sex in the woods on 17. (full quote)
  hey mister, mister, get this off of me! (full quote)
  hey mister, mister, get this off of me! (full quote)
  Hey, you no want breakfast? (full quote)
  #1. You can Win that Gold Jacket like i never did #2. Gold Jacket green Jacket Who Gives a Shit (full quote)
  Larson: Thats 2 thus far Shooter McGavin: Oh, so you've learned how to count Larson: And YOU can count on ME waiting for you in the parking lot! (full quote)
  you will not make this put you jackass (full quote)
  A: Sir could I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps put me to sleep. B: You can trouble me for a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP! Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep... check out the nametag. You're in my world now grandma. A: Oh Dear! (full quote)
  yeah a lotta cameras a lotta pressure. you gotta harness in the good energy; block out the bad. harness: energy, block: bad. you gotta feel the flow happy; feel it. its like a carousell: you pay the quarter, you get on the horse, you go up and down and around. circular. circle. the flow. feel it (full quote)
  Just taaap it in, just taaap it in, get it a little tappy, tap tap tap-a-roo (full quote)
  1) But there's a problem you're not any good. 2) I am good, you know what ur a lousy kindergarden teacher, i see those finger paintings u bring home and they suck! (full quote)
  Who's got the keg? I'll pump! (full quote)
  randi = goddess #1 (full quote)
  You can trouble me for a warm glass of why don't you shut the hell up! Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. You see this? You're in my world now, Grandma... (full quote)
  1): My fingers hurt... 2): what was that? 1): My fingers hurt... 2): Yeah? Well now you're back's gonna hurt 'cause you just pulled landscaping duties. Anyone else's fingers hurt? (full quote)
  what?! Friends sing Endless Love in the dark... (full quote)
  Spoken like a true asshole! (full quote)
  1.did u break a rake and throw it in the woods? 2. no i didnt break a rake and throw it in the woods, i was testing its durability and the rake, its made of wood so i thought it wanted to be with its family (full quote)
  Go in the damn hole!!! Are you to good for your home?!?!?! Go in the hole!!!!! (full quote)
  Go in the damn hole!!! Are you to good for your home?!?!?! Go in the hole!!!!! (full quote)
  after the funeral... (full quote)
  go home!! ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR home?!?! (full quote)
  dont you ever touch my puck (full quote)
  why didn't you just go home, that'syour home, are you too good for your home. (full quote)
  hju (full quote)
  Go to a happy place, go to a happy place (full quote)
  you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot (full quote)
  Chubs: Alright, this one's very tough. (Happy putts, but the Clown's teeth block the door and laughing can be heard.) Happy: A-ha-ha-ha! He's laughing, having a good time. Good for you, yeah, laugh it up. Enjoy your night. Chubs: Happy, concentrate. (Happy putts again, and the same thing happens) Happy: I hate that clown. Chubs: Easy. If you can't beat the clown, how will you beat Shooter MacGavin? (Happy putts again, this time getting the ball in.) Happy: Yes! (The clown spits the ball out, and laughs) Happy: You're going to die clown! (Happy runs up to the clown, and knocks his nose off with his golf club. The laughing recording slows and comes to an end.) Happy: You think that's funny? I don't hear ya laughing now! Chubs: (restraining Happy) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Enough! Happy: what, I can't do it! Chubs: Come with me, Happy. Come on! Happy: (to Clown) You suck, you stupid clown. (full quote)
  1.) Hey Mister! You gotta wear a helmet! 2.) Don't worry about it (full quote)
  Hi im a hockey player playing golf today. (full quote)
  you can trouble me for a glass of shut the hell up!! (full quote)
  doing the bulldance, feeling the flow. working it, working it. (full quote)
  HAPPY:You must get that a lot on let's make a deal. BOB: Its the price is right Happy. HAPPY: opps sorry (full quote)
  gggggggggg (full quote)
  Happy: Why because your black?Chubs: Hell no, damn alligator bit my hand off. I was in a tournament down in Florida, and I hooked my ball in the rough. Damn alligator popped up and bit my hand off. He got me. He cut me down in my prime. But I got him. I got one a that bastards eyes out. Happy: Oh my God, your a sick man Chubs. (full quote)
  YOU JACKASS!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Guns dont't kill people. I kill people. (full quote)
  The price is wrong, Bitch! (full quote)
  Now ur gonna get it Bobby (full quote)
6382 1: You hit that guy!! 2: He shouldn't have been standing there. (full quote)
6650 where were you on that one d*ckhead? (full quote)
CarmiCrowe what? Friends listen to endless love in the dark! (full quote)
10929 Why don't you shut the hell up. (full quote)
10929 carry On Wayward Son. (full quote)
10929 Endless Love. (full quote)
10929 Endless Love. (full quote)
10929 carry On Wayward Son. (full quote)
12953 you eat shit for breakfast? (full quote)
13284 You will not make this putt, you jackass! (Laughing) (full quote)
13284 1. That's two, thus far, Shooter. 2.(sarcastically) Well, congratulations, you can count. 1. And YOU can count...on me waiting for YOU in the parking lot! (full quote)
14345 1)Hey where are you going with those clubs, PUNK!!! (shoves him over) 2)Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy!!! (full quote)
14345 First my dad and now Chubbs. Anybody I get close to dies. If I were you I'd run. (full quote)
14345 1)That's right I'm gonna beat your ass on the court! 2)Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard. 3)Grizzly Adams DID have a beard! (full quote)
14345 This guy SUCKS! (full quote)
14345 1)You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?! 2)I don't want a PIECE of you...I want the WHOLE THING!!! (full quote)
14345 1)You hit that guy! 2)He shouldn't've been standing there. (full quote)
14345 1)Hey where are you going? I got us Subway. 2)I already ate. 1)Yeah...well, I went to high school with a guy that worked there so I got extra meatball. 2)Great. I gotta go. 1)Hey, can you stay for a little while. I kinda had a rough day. 2)Bye. 1)When are you coming back? 2)Never! 1)Uh... (full quote)
14345 1)You're going nowhere, Happy and you're taking me with you! All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player but there's a problem--you're not any good! 2)I AM good! You know what? You're a lousy kindergarten teacher! I've seen those fingerpaintings you bring home and they SUCK!!! (full quote)
14345 Next to tee off: Laffertey Daniel and Gilmore...HAPPY! (full quote)
14345 1)That was great! I know you are going to kick his ass. 2)Yeah, well, that makes one of us. Kay, you take Grandma home, I can walk from here. 1)Where are you going? 2)I gotta learn how to play golf. (full quote)
14345 Hey, anybody tap the keg yet? I'll pump! (full quote)
15053 Happy look ouutt! (full quote)
15803 1) I eat little pieces of shit like you for breakfast. 2) You eat little pieces of shit for breakfast? (full quote)
17741 -Stay out of my way, or you'll pay.Listen to what I say. --Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say? (full quote)
18304 You know that mista mista lady?... I think I just killed her... (full quote)
18304 Mista!!! Mista!!! Get me outta heerrre!! (full quote)
18606 Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good! Happy Gilmore: I am good! You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher! I've seen those fingerpaintings you bring home and they SUCK! (full quote)
19615 #1-You're in big trouble pal, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. #2-You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? #1-No! (full quote)
19615 #1- You're in big trouble pal, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! #2-You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? #1-No! (full quote)
19771 what? You no want breakfast? (full quote)
Rye (1)I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.(2) what you eat pieces of Shit! (full quote)
20020 #1 Can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me get to sleep. #2 No, but you can trouble me for a glass of SHUT THE HELL UP! Check out the name tag; You're in my world now, Grandma. (full quote)
20025 Congratulations...murderer. (full quote)
20375 A:I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast B:You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? A:No (full quote)
20616 it's all in the hips... (full quote)
hannahbelle The price is wrong, BITCH! (full quote)
23700 You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact. (full quote)
23700 Virginia: what's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods? Happy: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I wanted it to be near its family. (full quote)
Waar I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. (full quote)
24267 The price is WRONG Bob! (full quote)
27422 the amazing golf ball whacker guy (full quote)
Marvin Acme I’d love to punch that guy in the face right now but I can’t you know or I’ll get in trouble. I’ll bet you get a lot of that on Let’s make A Deal. It’s The Price is Right, Happy. Oh yeah sorry. It happens. Let’s play some golf. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1-I’d love to punch that guy in the face right now but I can’t you know or I’ll get in trouble. I’ll bet you get a lot of that on Let’s make A Deal. #2-It’s The Price is Right, Happy. #1-Oh yeah sorry. #2-It happens. Let’s play some golf. (full quote)
33069 wait for it....wait for it....now! (full quote)
33525 Just tap it in, tap it in. give it a little tap tap tappy, tap in it, tap tap taparoo (full quote)
36167 1) Could I please trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me get to sleep. 2) You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. Now will go to sleep. Or i will put you to sleep. Read the name badge; you're in my world now grandma. (full quote)
36221 -can i trouble you for a nice warm glass of milk? -you can trouble me for a nice warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP! (full quote)
37655 Happy: During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody. (full quote)
37655 Happy: You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact. (full quote)
37655 Happy: The price is wrong, bitch. (full quote)
37655 Happy: If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass. (full quote)
38949 Come see if you can out-drive the amazing golf ball wacker guy. (full quote)
41115 (1)Aww...because your black? (2)Hell NO! Damn alligator bit my hand off! (1)Oh My GOD! (2)Cut my ball down in the rim. Son of bitch just popped up. He got me but I cut one of those bastard's eyes out! (1)Pretty sick Chubs. (full quote)
  HEY SHOOTER, DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO SEE HAPPY GILmore PLAY, SORRY I WAS TO BUSY WINNING, YOU GOT TO ADMIT 450 YARDS THATS A HELL OF A DRIVE, YEAH YEAH, HOW HE DO, WHAT DID HE COME IN LAST?, OO YEAH YEAH HE HAD A GOOD DAY THOUGH. (full quote)
  I have good news, arts and crafts time is increased by for hours today. My fingers hurt. what was that? my fingers hurt. Well, your backs gonna hurt cause you just pulled landscaping duty, anybody elses fingers hurt? I didnt think so. (full quote)
  The price is wrong bitch.... (full quote)
  HAPPY LOOK OUT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (full quote)
  Terry: You're going nowhere Happy, and you're taking me with you. All you ever talked about was being a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good! Happy: I am good! You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher! I've seen those fingerpaintings you bring home and they SUCK! (full quote)
  You know that mister mister lady? Well, I think I just killed her. (full quote)
  Happy- Remember the gator that got your hand? Well, I got his head. (full quote)
  Remember the gator that got your hand? Well, I got his head. (full quote)
  Happy: Aww, Im sorry man, becuase your black? Chubbs: No...*Suddenly pulls out wooden hand* DAMN ALLIGATOR BIT MY HAND OFF! Happy: OH MY GOD!!!! (full quote)
  Shooter- oh you can count. Mr. Larson- And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot! (full quote)
  Barker: i think you have had enough. no! now you have had enough . bitch (full quote)
  you're gonna need a blanket and a bottle of suntan lotion because your never gonna get out of there just like you never got into the NHL you jackass! (full quote)
  Can i trouble you for a nice glass of warm milk? It helps me go to sleep.-You can trouble me for a nice warm glass of shut the hell up.Now you will go to sleep or i will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag grandma, your in my world now. (full quote)
  Just tap it in, just tap it in, give it a little tappy, tap tap tapparoo (full quote)
  why dont i give you a spoon, so you can eat my ass (full quote)
  I eat s*** like you for breakfast! You eat s*** for breakfast? (full quote)
  green jacket, gold jacket who gives a shit? (full quote)
  The price is wrong Bitch (full quote)
  The price is wrong, bitch! (full quote)
  1. It appears your ball struck my foot, that's two thus far 2. Oh good for you, you can count 1. And you can count... on me.. waiting for you in the parking lot. (full quote)
  My Fingers hurt, what was that, I said My Fingers hurt, Guess what? Now your back is going to hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty, huh? does anyone else's fingers hurt, did'nt think so. (full quote)
  Could I trouble you for a nice warm glass of milk it helps me sleep. you could trouble me by enjoying a nice glass of shut the hell up, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep, read the name tag you're in my world now Grandma. (full quote)
  Its all in the hips. (full quote)
  you know that Mister, Mister lady I think I just killed her. (full quote)
  Just tap it in. Tap, tap, tappy. Tap, tap, taparoo. (full quote)
  ur gonna die clown!!! (full quote)
  green jacket, gold jacket, who gives a shit ?!? (full quote)
  uhoh Happy learned how to putt!! (full quote)
4927 The price is wrong, bitch! (full quote)
4927 You can trouble me for a glass of 'shut the hell up'. You will shut up or I will shut you up. You're in my world now grandma. (full quote)
4927 Go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!! (full quote)
42999 #1)You're in bug trouble, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. #2)You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? #1)No! (full quote)
42999 #1)Just stay out of my way... or you'll pay. Listen to what I say. #2)How 'bout I just go eat somw hay? I can make things out of clay and lay by the bay. I just may. What do you say? (full quote)
44862 1. I was just lookin for the rest of this bottle. Theres some. 2. Why don't you just put the bottle down Happy. 1. Yeah I know (full quote)
DoOrDoNot GOOD! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY life, WHO NEEDS YA, BEAT IT, LEAVE ME ALONE!! (full quote)
46184 1 I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. 2 You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? 1 NO! (full quote)
46184 You're gonna miss this shot, jackass! (full quote)
davidpuddy Damn you people...go back to your shanties. (full quote)
48824 Well now your backs gonna hurt cuz you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else's fingers hurt? I didnt think so. (full quote)
mcmst228 1) I wanted to be a football player. 2) O ya what happened? 1) Mom wouldn't sign the permission slip, said it would be to dangerous. 2) O really good call. (full quote)
mcmst228 Hi I'm a hockey player but I'm playing golf today. (full quote)
2ri83 (Happy watches limo pass by) Whoa..must be Burt Reynolds or something. (full quote)
Jade1234 The price is wrong bitch! (full quote)