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Liar Liar - 1997 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
2405 Do you like my new dress?!! whatever takes the focus off your head! (full quote)
2946 If I was a boxer, I would bounce those things like Sugar Ray Leonard! (full quote)
3594 Well, that's because you have big jugs...I mean your boobs are huge!!...I mean I wanna squeeze 'em!...Mama (mocks a baby sucking sound). (full quote)
4049 1.)what's up, Fletcher? 2.)Your cholesterol, fatty! Dead man walkin (full quote)
4049 You gave her dog a snausage! You stuffed her like a thanksgiving turkey!(He jumps up and down and makes turkey noises) (full quote)
4049 You had sex with her everytime you met, didn't you? (full quote)
3225 The pen is blue. The pen is blue. THE GODDAMN PEN IS BLUE!!! (full quote)
3225 I'll see ya later, Dickhead! (full quote)
4284 STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!!! (full quote)
4538 Well, you'll have to remember when we were married I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were. (full quote)
4538 Well, you'll have to remember when we were married I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were. (full quote)
4538 Well, you'll have to remember when we were married I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were. (full quote)
4538 Well, you'll have to remember when we were married I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were. (full quote)
  STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
4629 Im kicking my ass!! Do ya mind?? (full quote)
4538 I've had better. (full quote)
5240 So what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk and bend over and take it way up the tailpipe! (full quote)
5378 1. How's it hangin', Fletcher? 2. Short, shriveled, and to the left! (full quote)
3594 1: Hi. 2: hi. 1: New in the building? 2: Yeah, I just moved in Monday. 1: Oooh, you like it so far? 2: Uh huh, everybody's been real nice. 1: Well...that's because you have big jugs. I mean...your boobs are huge! I mean...I wanna squeeze 'em! HA! MAMA...! (full quote)
  *~*i'VE HAD BETTER*~* (full quote)
5352 1) Do you have any spare change ? 2) mm-hmmm 1) Could you spare some ? 2) Yes I could ! 1) Will you ? 2)(shakes head )1) Why not ? 2) Because I believe that you will buy booze will it , I just want to get from my car to the office without being hackled by the decaying mass of western society ! ....That , plus I'm cheap ! (full quote)
5352 1) You scratched my car ! 2) Where ? 1) Right there !!!! 2) Oh that . That was already there . 1) Oh you...LIAR . You know what I'm gonna do about this ? 2) what ? 1) NOTHING !!!! Because if I take you to small claims court , you'll just waste 6 hours of my life and you probably won't show up . And if I fanally GOT the judgement , you'd probably just stiff me anyway . So what I'm gonna do , is piss an moan like an impotent jerk . ANd then , bend over , AND TAKE IT UP THE TAIL PIPE !!!!!! 1)......You've been here before . (full quote)
5352 1) I remember when you bought me this antique silver frame from Tiffany's . TIFFANY'S ! 2).....Garage sale : six-fifty marked down from ten ! (full quote)
5352 Simmons is old ! He should have been out of the game years ago but he can't stay at home because he hates his wife ! You've seen her at the Christmas parties : she's the one who get's drunk and calls him a retard ! YOU have bad breath caused by gingivitis . YOU couldn't get a Porn star off ! Your hair-piece looks like something that got killed while crossing the high-way! I don't know whether to comb it , or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime ! Loser ! Wimp ! Degenerate ! Sssllluutttt !!!! (full quote)
5352 what's wrong with me ?!?!?!? : I'm getting what I deserve . I'm reaping what I sow !!! (full quote)
1980 1. BASEBAL STUFF!!!!!!!! 2. Baseball stuff!! (full quote)
5352 ( on the phone ) Mom !!....I wasn't really on vacation ......Because I didn't want to talk to you !.... Because you insist on talking to me about dad's bowel movements , size , colour and frequency ! I'll call you later (full quote)
5669 Ding, Ding, Ding, what do we have for her Johnny?! (full quote)
5669 Ding, Ding, Ding, what do we have for her Johnny?! (full quote)
  Wow.. that was a nice image *click click*.. deleted (full quote)
  How do you sleep at night (full quote)
5352 1) No we are not ready to begin Because My client had not arrived . ( SHe arives ) HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAY !!!! (full quote)
5352 1)You bought your kids to your divorce trial ? 2) Sympathy . 1) Well it's working : I fell sorry for them already . (full quote)
5352 1) How you doing ? 2) I've slipped into the 7th circle of HELL thank you . (full quote)
5352 I'm glad my gift could bring those two closer together . My plan to phase my self out is almost complete . (full quote)
5352 1) You Honour , I object ! 2) ANd why is that ? 1) Becuase it's devestating to my case . 2) Overuled 1) Good-call. (full quote)
5967 I'm kickin' my ass! (full quote)
  1)Your honor, I demand a re-trial. 2) But you won. 1)Oh come on, your honor it was a technicality. He's a good father! And children aren't leverage! 2)If you don't stop this right now I will hold you in contempt! 1) I hold myself in contempt! Why should you be any different?? (full quote)
5352 1) your honour : He's Hackling the witness ! 2) It's his witness (full quote)
5817 1) Would you like to cut the cake...Dad? 2) I'd love to...except my arm has really been bothering me lately...(begins to imitate The Claw) (full quote)
  good thing i was wearing neutral gang colors. i might have to pull out my nine and bust a cap! got my mind on my money and my money on my mind! (full quote)
  1) Boss? boss, it's skull. he knocked down another ATM, this time at knifepoint. he needs your legal advice. 2) STOP BREAKIN THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!!!!! (full quote)
  1:what are you doing? 2: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind? (full quote)
  FLETCHER:When your Mommy was pregnant with you,she gained a good 40 pounds.There was nothing she wouldn't eat and Daddy was scared,but whe she asked me,'How do I look?',I'd say,'Honey,you look great!You're beautiful!You're glowing!'.If I had told Mommy she looked like a cow,that would have hurt her feelings. (full quote)
  1) Do you know why I pulled you over ? 2) Depends on how long you were following me 1) Let's just take it from the top 2) Ok here goes : I sped. I followed too closely . I almost hit a chevvy .I ran a stop sign. I sped some more. I failed to yeild at a cross walk . I changed lanes at the intercection . I changed lanes while runnng a red light and speeding ! 1) ..is that all ? 2) No...I have unpaid parking tickets (full quote)
  HOLY HELL (full quote)
  HOLY HELLthat was below the belt, try to keep the gloves up (full quote)
  Do you have a good cause or not? NOT? (full quote)
  Its the claw. your afraid of the claw. The claw's comin atcha. (full quote)
  Tell her i broke my leg and had to be shot....Miranda...hi didn't see you there (full quote)
  #1 My teacher says true beauty is on the inside #2 Thats just something ugly people say (full quote)
  where would Tina Turner be if she rolled over and said: Hit me again Ike! And put some stank on it! (full quote)
  WHY DO PEOPLE FIND IT NESSISARY TO POST quotes THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN POSTED ? (full quote)
  You see that? He struck a child (full quote)
  You found the claws only weekness...SUB zero TEMPERTUREZ *neeee..thmpph* (full quote)
  Miranda: Fletcher has just been telling me how much he thinks of you...well why don't you tell Mr. Allen? Well what do ya think of him? Fletcher: He's a badantic bontificated pertentious bastard...a berlidged old fart to worthless steaming pile of cow dung....figuratively speaking... (full quote)
  Fletcher: YOU SCRATCHED MY CAR!! Repairman: Where? Fletcher: RIGHT THERE!!! You know what I'm gonna do about this? Repairman: what? Fletcher: NOTHING! Cause if I take it to small claims court it'll just drain eight hours under my life and you probably won't show up, then I finally got the judgment you just stiff me anyway...so what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impound jerk, and then bend over and TAKE IT UP THE TAIL PIPE!! (full quote)
  I'm such a shit! (full quote)
  GRETTA:Last year my friend had a burglar, A BURGLAR, on her roof - he fell through the kitchen skylight landing on a butcher's knife cutting his leg. He sued my friend and because of guys like you he won. My friend had to pay him $6000 - Now tell me is that justice? FLETCHER: No.... I Woulda Got Him 10 GRETTA: Goodbye mr reed (full quote)
  Max: My teacher says real beauty comes from the inside! Fletcher: Thats just something ugly people say (full quote)
5352 1) Four years ago a friend of mine had a burgler on her roof . A burgler. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a chopping board , cutting his leg . The burgler sued my friend . HE SUED my friend .And because of guys like you :He won. My friend had to pay the burgler $6,000 . Is that justice Mr Reed ? 2) NO!...I'd have got him 10 ($) (full quote)
5352 1) what is it ? 2)It's a...suprise . Alright it's a pony . Just open it! (full quote)
5352 1) And where were you last night ? 2) Having sex 1) Well I hope it was someone really special 2) No , see that's the thing I don't even like her . It's just that she's partner and I thought I could help my career by making her squeal (full quote)
5352 The colour of the pen ! That I hold in my hand is Rr.rr.ROYAL BLUE ! (full quote)
5352 1) Do you know why I pulled you over ? 2) Depends on how long you were following me 1) Let's just take it from the top 2) Ok here goes : I sped. I followed too closely . I almost hit a chevvy .I ran a stop sign. I sped some more. I failed to yeild at a cross walk . I changed lanes at the intercection . I changed lanes while runnng a red light and speeding ! 1) ..is that all ? 2) No...I have unpaid parking tickets (full quote)
5352 1) what's your problem , Shmuck ?!?!? 2) I'm an inconsiderate prick !!!! (full quote)
5352 You are the bigest brown-nose I've ever seen !!! You've got your head so far up Mr Allen's ass , I can't tell where you end he begins !!!!!! (full quote)
6653 1)My teacher says real beauty's on the inside. 2)That's just something ugly people say. (full quote)
6708 1)My client lied about her age, which makes this contract void. The fact that she's been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrlevant. No futher questions, Your Honor. (full quote)
6890 don't do this to me, i have to go play with my son, i'm jose canseco, i'm jose canseco! (full quote)
7140 you stuffed her like a thanksgiving turkey!!!! (full quote)
Shadrach I can't lie! (full quote)
8487 1) what the hell are you doing? 2) I'm kicking my ass! (full quote)
8487 i will lovingly wrap your knick-knacks in bubble paper. (full quote)
8487 1) what were you doing last night? 2) I was having sex!! (full quote)
8772 weight 105, Yeah, in your bra! (full quote)
8992 Well it matters to Max. Everything you do matters to Max, and everything you don't do. (full quote)
10471 1)Yo Fletcher! How's it hanging? 2)Short, shriveled and always to the left. (full quote)
10594 1#what the hell are you doing! 2#I'm kicking my ass do you mind! (full quote)
10735 There is nooooo such thiiiing as a weaker sex! (full quote)
10735 There is nooooo such thiiiing as a weaker sex! (full quote)
10735 If I were a boxer I would bounce thoughs things like Sugar Ray Lennard! (full quote)
10735 I'm kicken' my ass, do ya mind! (full quote)
10735 You did it didn't you; you stuffed her like a thanks giving turkey! (full quote)
11098 Girl: This is my first day and everybody's been SO nice to me! Guy: Well, that's because you go big jugs! **SLAP** (full quote)
11460 It was meeee! (full quote)
11460 I got you a gift, but last night, I accidently swollowed it (full quote)
11460 1)He needs your legal advice. 2)STOP BREEAKING THE LAAW AAASSSHOLE! (full quote)
11460 and the reff takes a point away. (full quote)
11460 1)Ugh Fletcher! 2)Ugh, Audrey...1)well, why do you have to take him to see that kind of stuff? 2)B/C the boy must grow to be a warrrior! (full quote)
11824 (Man)- New in the building? (Woman)- Yeah, I just moved in on Tuesday. (Man)- Like it so far? (Woman)- Yeah, everyone's been real nice. (Man)- Well that's because you got big jugs. I mean your boobs are huge! I mean I wanna squeeze 'em!..........MAMA! (full quote)
11824 I'm kickin' my ass! Do ya mind?! (full quote)
12249 You've found the claw's only weakness!!! Sub-zero temperature!! (full quote)
12674 1.) what's up Fletcher? 2.) You're cholesterol, fatty! Dead fatty walkin'! (full quote)
12674 1.) Hey Fletcher. 2.) Hey! You're not important enough to remember! (full quote)
12674 1.) what's it gonna be Mr. Reed? 2.) A pop mark eventually! (full quote)
12674 1.) If I keep making this face, will it get stuck that way? 2.) Uh-uh, in fact some people make a good living that way. (full quote)
12674 Hit me again Ike! And put some stank on it! (full quote)
12756 1: 1..2..3..4..5 and one for good luck! 2: he struck the child.. ya see that? (full quote)
12756 1: 1..2..3..4..5 and one for good luck! 2: he struck the child.. ya see that? (full quote)
12756 I've had better?! (full quote)
12862 I'm getting what I deserve, I'm reaping what I sow, I-...AHHHHHH!... (full quote)
12862 HERE'S your RAISE!... (full quote)
12862 I'm getting what I deserve, I'm reaping what I sow, I--...AHHHHHHH!... (full quote)
12862 HERE SHE COMES TO WRECK THE DAY!!!!!!.... EECH... (full quote)
12862 I CUT OFF THE JUDGE!!!!I...CUT.. OFF...THE...JUDGE!!!!! (full quote)
12862 Have you been molested yet? or should I circle the block again?? (full quote)
13682 Hey Gipper! (full quote)
13682 How do you sleep at night!!?? I'm taking this!! (full quote)
14017 Well, why don't you tell that to the kids when they're adopted BY THE MANSON FAMILY????!!! (full quote)
14017 1. Thank you! I can't tell you how much this means to me. 2. I can, 1354 dollars and 11 cents. 3. How do you sleep at night?! (looks around and grabs an air freshener off the wall) I'm taking this! (sniffs it while walking away, trying to make the man envious) (full quote)
14017 1. You scratched my car! 2. Where? 1. Right there! 2. Oh, that. That was already there. 1. You....you LIAR! You know what I'm gonna do about this? 2. what? 1. Nothing! Because if I take you to small claims court it'll just drain 8 hours outta my life, and you probably won't show up, and if you do, you'll just stiff me anyway. So what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tail pipe! 2. You been here before, haven't you? (full quote)
14455 the goddamn pen is blue! (full quote)
14959 I'm Jose Conseco...I'M JOSE CONSECO!!! (full quote)
14959 (Singing) Here she comes to wreck the day! (full quote)
15031 I would, but I have this horrible pain in my arm (full quote)
15952 where would Tina Turner be if she would've rolled over and said, Hit me again Ike and put some stank on it. Rolling on the river. But she's beyond thunderdome because she decided to send a message. Wake up sisters there's nooooo such thing as a weaker sex. (full quote)
15952 1) Here goes. I sped, I followed to closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yied at the intersection, I changed lanes at the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding. 2) Is that all? 1) No, I have unpaid parking tickets. ah. Be gentle. (full quote)
15952 1) Here goes. I sped, I followed to closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yied at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding. 2) Is that all? 1) No, I have unpaid parking tickets. ah. Be gentle. (full quote)
16441 (teacher), what's your dad do?(kid) Um, he's a lier. (teacher) You mean a lawyer?(kid) um yeah. (full quote)
  (1)depends on how long you were following me(2) well lets take it from the top! (1) here goes: i sped i followed to closely, i ran a stop sign, i changed lanes without signaling, and i changed lanes while passing a red light at speding (2) is that all? (1) no i have unpaid parking tickets : be gentle (full quote)
  yeah! in your bra! (full quote)
  jorden plays back, swish, and THATS THE game (full quote)
  If you wanna play hardball, i'm game!! (full quote)
  the hook the hook is coming atch ya (full quote)
  1. Do you know why I pulled you over? 2. Depends on how long you were following me. 1. Lets just take it from the top. 2. Ok, heres goes...I sped, I followed too closely, I almost hit a chevy, I switched lanes without signaling, I switched lanes while running a red light and speeding! 1. Is that all? 2. No (motions to glove compartment) I have unpaid parking tickets. (opens compartment, tickets spew everywhere.) be gentle. (full quote)
  1.all rise for the honorable judge stevens.2. Honorable, pfhhhh. (full quote)
  1: do you know why i pulled you over? 2: depends on how long you were following me, eh. 1: lets just take it from the top. 2: here it goes i sped i followed to closly i ran a stop sign i almost hit a cheavy i spend some more i failty yeild at a crosswalk i changed lanes at the intersection i changed lanes with out signaling while running a red light and speeding!! 1: is that all? 2: no. i have un paid parking tickets, ekk! be gentle (full quote)
  1hes a pedantic pontification pedentrous bastard, a pethedic old fart a worthless steaming pile of cow dung figurativly speaking... 2hah thats the funniest damn thing ive ever heard! ur a real card reed! i love a good roast! do simmons! 1simmons is old! he should of been out of the game years ago but he cant stay home because he hates his wife! youve seen her at the christmas parties! shes the one who always gets plastered and calls him a retard! (full quote)
  You slammed her, you dunked her donuts, you gave her dog a snausage, you stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey. RRaaarrrRRaaarrrRRaaarrr (full quote)
  1)Do you know why I pulled you over? 2)Depends on how long you were following me. 1)Why don't we just take it from the top. 2)Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING! 1)Is that all? 2)NO!! I have unpaid parking tickets. (full quote)
  The pen is reeeeeee. Hohoho! REEEEEEE! REEEEE! OH... the color of the pen that I hold in my hand is REEEEEEEEEEEEE! alright blue! (full quote)
  I would like to know why people post quotes that arent really quote. About half of these half been destroyed. If you're going to take the time to post a quote shouldnt it be exact? I mean someone actually posted... ...dead fatty walking... Have you ever even seen the movie? If you cant remeber the quote exactly dont bother. (full quote)
  POLICE OFFICER: Do you know why I pulled you over? FLETCHER: Depends how long you were following me. POLICE OFFICER: Let's just take it from the top. FLETCHER: Here it goes: I sped, I followed to closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Cheyvy, I sped some more, I fail to yield at a cross walk, I changed lanes at an intersection, I changed lanes with out signaling, while running a red light and speeding. POLICE OFFICER:Is that all? FLETCHER: NO. I have upaid parking tickets...be gentle. (full quote)
  1)How much do u weigh? 2)125 3)Yeah in your bra (full quote)
  weight...105...yeEeEeAaAa...IN YOUR BRA! (full quote)
  I'm so glad my gift could bring those two together. My plan to phase myself out is almost complete. (full quote)
  104...yeah, in your bra! (full quote)
  1) you guys havent.....you know....UGHH UGHH!!!..... 2)we've been dating for 8 months what do you think? 1)EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Fletcher- Now, how old are you? Son- I'm five, Dad Fletcher- Five...okay...cancel the dancing girls...take back the beer keg... (full quote)
  Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left. Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were. (full quote)
  Miranda:Hey. Flecther:GOD HEAVEN!!!(Faint in to the floor) Miranda:It,s so nice to see you, are hurry? Flecther:Extremely--- Miranda: Good!Can you following me,please? (Flecther follow her) Miranda:I just talk about you with Mr.Allen,butt he didnt know much about you. Flecther:Ahaa... Miranda:So,tell me...what you about him? Flecther:He,s are pedantic,pretenious,pacthetic,irritating bastard,HE,S ARE A THE WORTHLESS STEAMING PILE OF COW DONG...Figurality speaking... Miranda:Really? I like that.This way! (full quote)
  1. Do you know why i pulled you over? 2. it depends on how long you were following me! eeek 1. Lets take it from the top. 2. here goes, i sped, i followed to closely, i ran a stop sign, i almost hit a chevy, i sped some more, i failed to yeild at a crosswalk, i changed lanes in the intersection, i changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeeding. 1. Is that all? 2. nooooo. I have unpaid parking tickets. (full quote)
  oouuwwee.....oouuwwee (full quote)
  Ok here it goes ; i sped, followed to closely, almost hit a chevey, sped some more, failed to yeild at a crosswalk, changed lanes without signaling, changed lanes in an intersection, while running a red light and speeding!!!! Is that all? nooooooo I have unpaid parking tickets.....be gentle.... (full quote)
  Here it goes...I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yeild at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the interesection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEEDING...Is that all?...NOOOOO...I have unpaid parking tickets, be gentle. (full quote)
  (1) Hey great gift dad. (2) Thanks son. (full quote)
  (1) Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me? (2) No I divorced you because I was mad at you. (full quote)
  A goose! (full quote)
  21st floor mensware. (full quote)
  (1) I love you. (2) Thank you. (1) That's not exactly the reply I was looking for. (2) Thank you very much? (full quote)
  (1) So all we have to do is lie, that sounds simple enough. (2) DOESN'T IT!? (full quote)
  maxamillion! (full quote)
  1.Mr. Reed! (2)Mr Reed! Mr UGHHH! (full quote)
  jerk offf!!!! (full quote)
  (waves a paper)Mrs. Cole...(crumples it and throws it)A..GOOSE!! (full quote)
  Did you see that he struck the child (full quote)
  See ya later Max. Jerry, enjoy my wife. heh,ha,ha (full quote)
  The pen is blue the Goddamn pen is blue! (full quote)
  1)Here goes…I sped, I followed to closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in a intersection, I changed lanes without signaling, wile running a red light and speeding. 2)Is that all? 1)No…. I have unpaid parking tickets. 1)EEEEECHHHHHH. 1)Be gentle…. (full quote)
  1: Hey, Fletcher, what's up? 2: Your cholesterol, FATTY! (full quote)
  Fletcher: Here it goes I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yeild at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding! (full quote)
  Jane: Hi Mr. Reede! Like the new dress? Fletcher: whatever takes the focus off of your head! (full quote)
  Fletcher: So what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe! (full quote)
  Fletcher: Jordan fades back, swoosh, and that's the game! (full quote)
  1.So new in the building? 2. ya i just moved here. 1. like it so far 2. ya everyone's been real nice 1. Well that's because you have big jugs, i mean your boobs are huge, i mean i want to squeeze them, mama. (full quote)
  1)Then what were you doing last night? 2)Having SEX (full quote)
  where do you sleep at night? I'm taking this!! (full quote)
  woman:do you like my dress? Fletcher: whatever takes the focus off your head! (full quote)
  do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom! * oh no, you've found the claw's only weakness...sub zero temperatures..eeeooh pff (full quote)
  ohh! that was below the belt! try to keep the gloves up! (full quote)
  a (full quote)
  Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me. Cop:Let's start from the top. Fletcher: Here it goes. I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding! Cop: Is that all? Fletcher: No...I have unpaid parking tickets. (full quote)
  HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT??!! I'm takin' this.... (full quote)
  I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum. (full quote)
  1. Well...we have been together 7 months. 2. Really? EWW! (full quote)
  Jordan fades back, swoosh! And THATS THE GAAAAME (full quote)
  The pen is blue! The pen is blue! (full quote)
  what's happening to me? I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reeping what I sow! (slaps hands over mouth) (full quote)
  1) Hey Fletcher how's it hanging? 2) Short, shriveled, and always to the left. (full quote)
  The claw's coming at you. You're scared of the claw (full quote)
  1) Taking breakfast orders Mr. Reed, you want anything? 2) (staring at other guy's nose) No thanks. I had so much at home I'm about ready to pop. I mean I'm full. 1) Okay great. (full quote)
  He struck a child did you see that? (full quote)
  Jerry, enjoy my wife! (full quote)
  (singing) Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy. I'm so happy today. (full quote)
  21st floor. Men's ware (full quote)
  1) Hi Mr. Reed! 2) Woah! hey did you do something to your hair? 1) It's a bit extreme isn't it? 2) No. No I mean that's the thing nowadays right? 1) Well he said it would accent my facial features. 2) Well that's what it does. It completely accents your facial features! We're just gonna go down to my office now. (cough, cough) (full quote)
  Tell her i broke my leg and i had to be shot (full quote)
  1)Heeeeeyy mmman! 2)It's uh Randy 3)Yeah... I know... (full quote)
  how do you sleep at night........I'm taking this. (sniffs real hard)Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (full quote)
  You will pay a terrible price (full quote)
  This pen is rrrrrrrreeeee..... ROYAL BLUE!!!!! (full quote)
  Why, don't you tell him? Well, what do you think of him? He's a pedantic pontificating pertencious bastard, a belligerant old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung. Figuratively speaking. [laughing] That's the funniest damn thing ive ever heard! your a real card Reede! i love a good roast! [laughing] Do simmons! Simmons is old! he should have been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home cuz he hates his wife! you've met her at the christmas parties, she's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard! And you Tom, your the biggest brownnose ive ever seen. You've got ur head so far up mr. allan's ass i can't tell where you end and he beings! You have bad breathe caused my gingivitis! You couldn't get a porn star off! Your hair piece looks like something that was killed crossing a highway i don't know whether to comb it or scrap off with a shovel and bury it in lime! LOSER! WIMP! IDIOT! DEGENERATE! SLUUUUUUUUT! [laughing] i like your style Reede! Just the stuffy this company needs! A little irreverance! Good! i'll see ya later dick-head! [laughs] Dick-head! Priceless (full quote)
  Jane: Hi Mr. Reed! Fletcher: (suprised) Whoa! Did you do something to your hair? Jane: It's a bit extreme, isn't it? Fletcher: No! That's the thing nowadays. Jane: Well he said it would accent my facial features... Fletcher: (cutting her off) Well that's what it does! It completely accents your facial features. We're just going to go to my office now (cough cough) (walks away laughing) (full quote)
  The color of the pen that I hold in my hand is rrrr..r.r.r. ROYAL BLUE! (full quote)
  1) Fletcher! 2) HOLY HELL! 1) You can run but you can't hide! (full quote)
  I will lovingly wrap your knick-knacks with bubble paper! (full quote)
  I'm having trouble controlling the volume of my voice (full quote)
  1: I just proposed a settlement to dick with them. 2: Dick with them, got it. (full quote)
  1: Dad? what's he doing? 2: He came to see us off. Wave. (full quote)
  1: what'll it be, Mr. Reed? 2: A POCK mark eventually! (full quote)
  1: And your mother called. 2: I'm on vacation. 1: It's your fifth week. 2: Snowed in, phones are down. 1: Break mother's heart, done! (full quote)
  The pen is blue,haha, the pen is blue, the god damn pen is blue! (full quote)
  IT WAS ME. FLETCHER ADMITS TO FARTING THE ELEVATOR AFTER EVERYbody ELSE WINCES. (full quote)
Paul_Lvr_18 Max: My teacher says that true beauty is on the inside. Fletcher: That's just something that ugly people say.. (full quote)
Paul_Lvr_18 Fletcher: You're not important enough to remember. (full quote)
10929 555-0187. (full quote)
10929 555-0198. (full quote)
10929 Would I lie to you? (full quote)
13226 1)Hey Fletcher, how's it hanging? 2)Short, shriveled, and always to the left. (full quote)
beekers weight: 115. Yeah, in your bra! (full quote)
15952 1) My teacher tells us that real beauty is on the inside. 2) That's just something ugly people say. (full quote)
15952 1) Your honor I object! 2) And why is that? 1)Because it's devastating to my case! 2) Overruled. 1) Good call! (full quote)
Ferrisb911 Here goes. I sped, I followed to closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped somemore, I failed to yeild at a cross walk, I changed lanes in the intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and speeding! ~Anything else? I have unpaid parking tickets. (full quote)
Ferrisb911 Did ya see that? He struck the child! (full quote)
Ferrisb911 1) Was it good for you? 2) I've had better! (full quote)
19715 you have your head so far up his butt i dont know where you stop and he begins!!!! (full quote)
20381 F.R. You brought your kids to your divorce? Mrs. C. Simpathy. F. R. Well it's working, I feel sorry for them already! (full quote)
20381 Oh dammit! I cut him off! I cut off the judge!!! ( Slams phone into his stomache) (full quote)
20947 Fletcher: Hi. New to the building? Woman: Yeah, just started Monday. F: How's it been? W: Great. Everyone's been real nice. F: Well, that's 'cause you got big jugs. I mean, your boobs are huge! I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em!! I mean... MAMA! (makeS THUMB-SUCKING SOUND) (full quote)
20947 STOP BREAKIN' THE LAW, ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOLE!!! (full quote)
20947 1: You said you bought me this ANTIQUE frame from Tiffany's. TIFFANY'S. 2: ... Garage sale, $6.50 marked down from $10. (full quote)
20947 Man: what the hell are you doing?? Fletcher: I'm kickin' my ass!! Do you mind?!?!?!?!? (full quote)
20947 Fletcher: what's wrong with me? I'm getting what I deserved, I'm reaping what I sew, I- (SLAPS HANDS OVER MOUTH) (full quote)
20947 Gretta: Boss? Fletcher: The pen is blue. The pen is blue! The GOD DAMNED pen is BLUE!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
20947 Gretta: It's him again. He knocked over another ATM, and he needs your legal advice. Fletcher (walks over, takes receiver and holds it at arms length.): STOP BREAKIN' THE LAW, ASSHOOOOOLE!!!!!!!! (full quote)
22966 How do you sleep at night? I'm takin this... (full quote)
sjg1983 He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a pathetic old fart and a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking. (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth wow that was a nice image (tick tick) deleted!! (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth It was a tough neighborhood good thing I was wearing my nuetral gang colors mighta had to pull out my nine and bust a cap!! (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth It's true I really wanna see Max today! How about that I do!! (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth How do you sleep at night!! I'm taking this!! (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth No I am not ready your honor my client is not here!! Here she comes to wreck the day!!! (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth 1)See I thought after being married to me you would be totally exhasuted. 2)Well you have to remember that when we were married I wasnt having sex half as often as your were. 2)Eww that was a little below the belt try to keep your gloves up. (full quote)
krickettbabselbereth 1)See everybody lies, mommy lies even the wonderful Jerry lies. 2)Yeah but you're the only one who makes me feel bad. (full quote)
KoolKatt 'New in the building?” “Yeah, I just moved in Monday.” “Oooh, you like it so far?” “Uh huh, everybody's been real nice.” “Well...that's because you have big jugs. I mean...your boobs are huge! I mean...I wanna squeeze 'em! HA! MAMA!' (full quote)
KoolKatt 'I CAN'T LIE!' (full quote)
KoolKatt 'what are you doing?' 'I'm kicking my ASS!' 'Yes, I can see that.' (full quote)
kitti FROM FUNNIES: 1)OVERACTOR! 2)Jezabellhaha.. both start laughing 1)they put me up to it 2)oh no there on to me. (full quote)
28503 THE PEN IS BLUE!!!!!! (full quote)
35462 Here goes...I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes in an intersection, I changed lanes without using my signal while running a red light and SPEEDING! (full quote)
37516 I'm kicking my ass! Do ya mind! (full quote)
38760 Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Flethcer: It depends on how long you've been following me!! Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top. Fletcher: Here it goes! I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sing, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more! I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at the intersection, I changed lanes without signalling while running a red light and spEEEEDING! (full quote)
39978 Fletcher(making something out of paper): A GOOSE! (full quote)
39978 Fletcher: Now unwish what you wished yesterday. (full quote)
40905 I just wanna be able to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of western society! (full quote)
40905 1.Your honor, I object! 2.Why? 1.Because it's devastating to my case! 2.Overruled. 1.Good call! (full quote)
41751 1) my teacher says that real beauty is on the inside. 2) that's just something that ugly people say. (full quote)
43786 1)Boss are you alright in there? 2)The pen.. The God d*mn pen is blue.. (full quote)
texaco7 I've had better! (full quote)
47873 That just something ugly people say. (full quote)
buzzoid here she comes to wreck the day (full quote)
glowincaterpillar The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue! (full quote)
glowincaterpillar It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue. (full quote)
star50 No one can stop the claw!!!! (full quote)
Evey54 you mean you made lalalalalala love? (full quote)