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As Good As It Gets - 1997 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  You make me want to be a better man. (full quote)
2946 Sell Crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here (full quote)
3555 I might be the only person on the face of this earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, Spence, and in every single thought that you have and how you say what you mean and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good about me. (full quote)
3181 Carol the waitress, meet Simon the fag. (full quote)
3181 don't worry, you'll be back on your knees in no time. (full quote)
  i didnt know you got along so well with dogs yes i do. im very very good with dogs. and it helps to have a porkchop in your pocket (full quote)
284 It's tulip season today. (full quote)
284 Think white and get serious. (full quote)
3505 1- How do you know women so well? 2- I think of a man, and I take away reason, and accountability (full quote)
4184 hand me a mirror (full quote)
  I'm drowning here and you're just describing the water. (full quote)
4184 cant i have a normal boyfriend (full quote)
4184 come on sweetheart, you can go for a ride (full quote)
4184 oh your talking about your dog, i thought you were talking about the colored man. (full quote)
4184 assult and battery and your black. (full quote)
4184 appatites arent as big as your noses. (full quote)
4184 hope you find him love that dog (full quote)
4184 in the basement garbage bin eatting diaper shit (full quote)
4184 son of a bitch, pansey ass stole pusher (full quote)
4184 ifs it is election nightand your excited and you want to celebrate because some fudge packer has been elected first queer president and going to have you down to camp david.-- (full quote)
4184 as long as you keep your work zipped up around me i dont give a rats crap what or where you shove your show. (full quote)
4184 dont bark at me i didnt name you (full quote)
4184 sell crazy somewere else were all stocked up here (full quote)
4184 elephant girl go get carol (full quote)
4184 happy to see me you little piss ant (full quote)
4184 im not a prick you are (full quote)
4184 i think of a man and i take away reason and accountability (full quote)
4334 As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, i don't give a rat crap when or where you shove you show. Are we done, being neighbors? (full quote)
  That's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories. That take place at lakes, with boats, and friends, and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But alot of people thats their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good. (full quote)
4270 Pay me a compliment, Melvin. (full quote)
Stitch Melvin: I think people who speak in metaphors oughtta shampoo my crotch (full quote)
Stitch Woman: Its tulip day today, and I'm Oh so happy. (seeing Melvin) Son of a bitch! (full quote)
Stitch Melvin: So never, never again interrupt me. Okay? I mean, never. Not 30 years from now...not if there's fire. Not even if you hear a thud from inside my home and a week later there's a smell from inside that can only come be a decaying body and you have to hold a hanky against your face because the stench is so thick you think you're gonna faint even then don't come knocking or, if it's election night and you're excited and want to celebrate because some fudge-packer you dated has been elected the first queer President of the United States...and he's going to put you up in Camp David and you just want to share the moment with someone...don't knock...not on this door. Do ya get me Sweetheart? (full quote)
Stitch Vincent: Brad Pitt (da na na) is the shit! (full quote)
  im afraid he might try to pull the old stiff one eye on me (full quote)
4717 what if this is as good as it gets? (full quote)
disue5 You make me wanna be a better man...well maybe I overshot a little, 'cause I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out. (full quote)
disue5 How do I write women? I think of a man, I take away reason, and accountability. (full quote)
5046 So then, the next thing I know, she's sitting right next to me, and then, well, it's not right to go into the details, but I screwed up. I got nervous. I said the wrong thing and if I hadn't, I could be in bed now with a woman who, if you could make her smile, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you, no offense, a moron pushing the last legal drug. (full quote)
5046 Explain to me how you can diagnose someone as 'obsessive compulsive disorder'and then act like I have any choice in barging in. (full quote)
  Where do they teach you to talk like that? In some panama city sailor wanna hump-hump bar? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here. (full quote)
  Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to become!? (pause) Yes I do, and to prove it I have not gotten personal and you have. (full quote)
  your freakin emails are a disgrace. no eyes should ever view them. get some taste. and shut-up bitch, go cook me a turkey pot pie (full quote)
  Melvin: If I was to go by your eyes I'd say you were fifty. Carol:And if I were to go by your eyes I would say you were kind...so much for going by eyes (full quote)
  You don't love anything Mr Udall (full quote)
  melvin singing always look on the bright side of life (full quote)
  Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wanta hump hump bar? Or is this getaway day and you're last shot on his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here. (full quote)
  what if this is as good as it gets. (full quote)
  You make me want to be a better man. (full quote)
  Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart? (full quote)
  what if this is as good as it gets? (full quote)
641 Don't touch! (full quote)
1023 Some people, that's their story. good times, noodle salad. (full quote)
3605 All right, what I do is...I watch people. Do you ever watch someone who doesn't know that your watchin' 'em? An old lady on a street corner, or some kids getting on a bus to school? Well, they stand there and you look, and all of a sudden this -- flash comes over them, and you know it has nothing to do with anything external, because that hasn't changed. They just suddenly become realer and more alive. If you look at someone long enough, you can discover their humanity. (full quote)
3605 Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart? (full quote)
3605 When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke. (full quote)
3605 1) Do you want to dance? 2) I've been thinking about that for a while. 1) Well? 2) No. (full quote)
3605 I'm drowning here, and you're just describing the water! (full quote)
agwendolyn Doctor, how can you diagnose someone with obsessive compulsive disorder and act like I had some choice about barging in here? (full quote)
4717 I'm drowning, and you're describing the water! (full quote)
5046 Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get? (full quote)
5267 I think people that talk in metaphores ought to shave my crotch. (full quote)
5267 Uh, Carol the waitress, Simon the fag. (full quote)
5983 1)Fucking H.M.O. bastard pieces of shit! 2)Carol! 1)Sorry. 3)It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name. (full quote)
6352 good times, noodle salad (full quote)
6411 carol the waitress, meet simon the fag (full quote)
6411 you make me want to be a better man. (full quote)
6814 You're not helping! Here I am drowning, and you're describing the water! (full quote)
7461 Where do they teach you to talk like that? In some Panama City sailor wanna hump-hump bar, or is this get-away day and a last shot at his whiskey? Sell Crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here!! (full quote)
8487 1) Ah well we're all gonna die soon, especially your son. 2) How do you know about my son? Promise me you'll never mention him again. Doyu promise? Promise me now, you crazy fuck! (full quote)
8487 When i first saw you, i thought you were handsome. Then of course you spoke. (full quote)
8774 Come on in and try not to ruin anything by being you. (full quote)
10404 This has been too much reality for a Friday night. (full quote)
11289 I love you, Melvin. I tell you, buddy, I'd be the luckiest man alive if that's what did it for me. (full quote)
11289 That's maybe the best compliment of my life. (full quote)
11289 To hell with sex! It was better than sex! We held each other! what I needed, he gave me great. (full quote)
11713 1: How old are you? 2: Oh, please... 1: If I hod to guess by your eyes. I'd say you were fifty. 2: And if I had to guess by your eyes. I'd say you were kind. So, so much for eyes. But as long as you bring up age... 1: Otherwise you're not ugly. 2: Okay, pal...I accept the compliment, but go easy-my knees start a-knockin' when you turn on the charm full blast. (full quote)
12153 not even if you hear a sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face, because the stench is so thick that you think that you're gonna faint. even then, don't come knocking. (full quote)
12153 or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you want to celebrate, because some fudgepacker you date was elected the first queer president of the united states, and he's going to have you down to camp david, and you want someone to share the moment with. even then, don't knock. not on this door. not for any reason. do you get me sweetheart? (full quote)
12391 i'm not a prick...you are? i'm not judging. (full quote)
12391 get up and get out, or there's gonna be trouble and man, i mean it! (full quote)
14345 I brought some music for the road. (plays YMCA then stops it) I'm just kidding. I just wanted to see your reaction. (full quote)
adararose people who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch. (full quote)
14800 I'm finally gonna ask: what's with the plastic picnicware? (full quote)
14800 Brian says no matter how ofter you come here, you ever act like this again, you're barred for life. I'm gonna miss the excitement, but I'll enjoy it! (full quote)
14800 Are we done being neighbours for now? (full quote)
14800 Some face they left hanging on you! (full quote)
15993 If I went by your eyes I'd say you were kind. (full quote)
15993 Why can't I have a NORMAL BOYFRIEND? (full quote)
15993 It was better than sex- we held each other! (full quote)
15993 Assault and battery! AND you're BLACK! (full quote)
15993 Con science? That can't be right! (full quote)
18520 (1) How do you write about women so well? (2) I think of a man. Then i take away reason and accountability. (full quote)
19150 When you first came into the diner, I thought you were handsome...then of course you spoke. (full quote)
19150 The most cracked sidewalk in New York, and look at where it is! (full quote)
hannahbelle I'm drownin' here, and you're describing the water! (full quote)
hannahbelle Don't worry, you'll be back on your knees in no time. (full quote)
GypsyChicka Don't you be like me! No, don't you be like me! (full quote)
22367 The life that I was trying for is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe. (full quote)
vanilla You make me want to be a better man. (full quote)
24366 Where do they teach you to say stuff like that, in some Manila *sailor wanna hump-hump bar*...peddle crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here. (full quote)
24366 You're the reason cavemen painted on walls. (full quote)
24366 Some of us have good stories, with picnics and boats and noodle salad. Just nobody in this car. (full quote)
24366 We're just two people who like warm rolls. (full quote)
24366 1. Come in and try to not ruin everything by being you. 2. Maybe we could live without the wisecracks! 1. Maybe we could. (full quote)
24366 1. It feels a little confined in here....let's take a walk. 2. See, it's four in the morning....a walk sounds a little screwy to me...if you don't mind. 1. Well, there's a bakery on the corner, it's bound to be open soon, then we're not screwy, we're just two people who like warm rolls. (full quote)
24366 1. Thank you, Melvin, you overwhelm me....I love you. 2. I tell ya buddy, I'd be the luckiest guy alive if that did it for me! (full quote)
24366 1. Stop it! WHY CAN'T I HAVE A NORMAL BOYFRIEND! A REGULAR BOYFRIEND WHO WON'T GO NUTS ON ME!?!? (full quote)
1ajas You absolute horror of a human being. (full quote)
1ajas People who talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch. (full quote)
1ajas Come on in and try not to ruin things just by being you. (full quote)
1ajas I'm drowning here and you're describing the water! (full quote)
1ajas You make me want to be a better man. (full quote)
1ajas what if this is as good as it gets? (full quote)
1ajas Pay me a compliment, Melvin. (full quote)
jpsartrean > Oh, I thought it was the name of that 'colored' man that I've been seeing in the halls. >> Which color was that? > Uhh... Like uhh... thick MO-lasses... with a broad nose, perfect for smelling trouble in prison food... (full quote)
KoolKatt 'I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!' (full quote)
KoolKatt Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.' (full quote)
29417 1: This is not a nude! 2: Just...kidding around. Heh...So much for love. (full quote)
32065 Carol: Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend?! Why!? Just a regular boyfriend! One who doesn't go nuts on me. Carol's Mom: Everyone wants that dear. It doesn't exist. (full quote)
  Simon: Rot in hell, Melvin. Melvin: Ooh, no need to stop being a lady. (full quote)
  clippity clop, clippity clop - IGNORES ME! (full quote)
  woman: how do you write woman so well??? melvin: i think of a man, and i take away reason and accountability. (full quote)
  What do you think this is, some panama city sailor wanna hump hump bar, or is this get away day and your last shot as his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here. (full quote)
  I'm drowning and your describing the water (full quote)
  you make me want to be a better man (full quote)
  Everything inside aches and you can barely find the will to complain. (full quote)
agwendolyn Can you leave now, you absolute horror of a human being? (full quote)
10929 YMCA. (full quote)
10929 Always Look On The Bright Side Of life. (full quote)
14800 (M): How old are you? If I went by your eyes, I'd say you were 50. (C): If I went by your eyes, I'd say you were kind. So, so much for eyes, but as long as you bring up age, how old are you? (M): Oh, no, no. (C): Well, you brought it up. (M): I mean, not...... I'm not saying that you're ugly. (C): Easy, easy, pal. I can take the compliment, but my knees start knocking when you turn on the charm full blast. (full quote)
14800 There's no way to pack for this trip! (full quote)
14800 Here's a little suitcase, shocked that it's being used. (full quote)
14800 (M) : Can I ask you a personal question? (S) : Sure. (M) : You ever get an erection over a woman? (S) : Melvin! (M) : I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...... (S) : You consider your life easy? (M) : All right. I give you that one. Nice packing. (full quote)
14800 (M) : You make me want to be a better man. (C) : That's maybe the best compliment of my life. (M) : Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out. (full quote)
14800 (C) : Are you okay? (S) : Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I gotta get some new thoughts. (C) : Why? What are you thinking about? (S) : How to die, mostly. (C) : Can you believe in our little mix that makes you the good roommate? (full quote)
jpsartrean Write me a note and ain't she sweet. I need a hand and where'd she go... (full quote)
Nemo sell crazy somewhere else we're all stocked up here (full quote)
32065 Carol: Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend?! Why!? Just a regular boyfriend! One who doesn't go nuts on me. Carol's Mom: Everyone wants that dear. It doesn't exist. (full quote)
Jay People who talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch. (full quote)
Jay Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice about barging in here right now? (full quote)
Crash Carol the waitress, meet Simon the fag. (full quote)
Crash Sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here. (full quote)
32757 Write a note, ain't she sweet? I need a hand, and where'd she go? (full quote)
32757 Simon: Rot in hell, Melvin Melvin: Ooh, no need to stop being a lady! (full quote)
32757 Carol: I will never sleep with you, not ever! Melvin: Well I'm sorry but we don't open for the No Sex odes until nine A.M. (full quote)
32757 Just what the world needs, another actress. (full quote)
32757 Dr. Martin Bettes: My wife is Melvin Udall's publisher. She said that I was to take excellent care of this little guy because you are urgently needed back at work. What kind of work do you do? Carol: I'm a waitress. (full quote)
32757 MELVIN: We're all gonna die soon. I will. You will. And it sure sounds like your son will. CAROL: If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand or leave now. Do you understand me.... you crazy fuck? Do you? (full quote)
32757 Melvin: I'm hungry, you've ruined my whole day. Carol: what, because I wasn't there to take crap from you and bring you eggs? (full quote)
32757 You miss the tough guy, huh? Well, HERE I AM! Happy to see me, you little piss-ant mop? How 'bout another ride down the chute? (full quote)
MovieMan31 I hope your appetites aren't as big as your noses (full quote)
MovieMan31 (1) How do you spell conscience? (2)c-o-n-s-c-i-e-n-c-e (1) this can't be right...con science? (full quote)
MovieMan31 there are JEWS at my table! (full quote)
MovieMan31 (1) Melvin wait! (2) -kids- Melvin wait! (3) shut up kids!! (full quote)
vllybllchc im not going to sleep with you..i will NEVER sleep with you (full quote)
vllybllchc Carol the waitress meet Simon the fag (full quote)
vllybllchc what if this is as good as it gets? (full quote)
vllybllchc 1) so you put them in separate cages right? 2)yes 1)put him with that one...not that one. builds his confidence (full quote)
aikidocool sell crazy somewere els were all full up here. (full quote)
hanlon08 I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me. (full quote)
hanlon08 If you stare at someone long enough, you discover their humanity. (full quote)
capeside you have no problem in humiliating yourself (full quote)