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M*A*S*H - 1970 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
1815 Oh my God! They've shot him! (full quote)
4619 1)How could a deviant like him ever reach a rank of such responsibility?2)He was drafted. (full quote)
5221 This isn't a hospital! It's an insane asylum! (full quote)
5172 (1) Where were you when you were drafted? I was just curious. (2) Back home. I told you before. (1) No, I mean, what were you doing? Were you like a resident, or on staff someplace? (2) Umm. (1) Where? (2) Hospital. (1) Which hospital? (2) Back home. (1) Is there some reason I shouldn't know which hospital? (3) I don't know, I will ask. Is there some reason my friend should not know the name of the hospital? There doesn't appear to be any reason. (full quote)
5172 How many times do you get to go to Japan with your golf clubs? (full quote)
5172 (1) I'll bet she's not a real blond. (2) How dare you say that about an officer of the United states Army, sir. (full quote)
5172 Alright, bub. your fu**ing head is comin' right off. (full quote)
5172 Fair is fair. If I nail Hotlips, and punch Hawkeye, can I go home? (full quote)
5172 (1) I wonder how a degenerated person like that could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army medical Corps? (2) He was drafted. (full quote)
5172 No, no, no! No food, no food. Bring me sex, I want sex, bring me some sex! No, no, no! That one. Being me that one, over there. That one, the sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes! Take her clothes off, take her clothes off, and bring her to me! (full quote)
5172 No, no, no! No food, no food. Bring me sex, I want sex, bring me some sex! No, no, no! That one. Being me that one, over there. That one, the sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes! Take her clothes off, take her clothes off, and bring her to me! (full quote)
5172 Goddamn Army. Goddamn Army Jeep! (full quote)
5172 (1) Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses for God sakes. (2) Watch out for you goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac, I don't think Hotlips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye. (full quote)
4108 1.) Henry, I have some reports here from your Major O'Houlihan that I frankly find hard to believe. 2.) Well, don't believe them then, General. Good-bye. (full quote)
4619 Sixty nine is divine! 69 is divine! (full quote)
  Frank, were you on this religious kick back home or did you crack up over here? (full quote)
2489 This isn't a hospital, it's an insane asylum! And, it's your fault! (full quote)
  Look, Mother. I want to go to work in one hour. We're the pros from Dover and we figure to crack that kid's chest and get out to the golf course before it's dark. (full quote)
13700 Frank Burns is a menace! Everytime a patient croaks on him he says it's God's will or somebody else's fault. (full quote)
14733 Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. a kid will eat ivy too woulnt you? (full quote)
13351 1) My God, they've shot him! 2)Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop, it's the end of the quarter. (full quote)
19987 Hello! I am a pro from Dover and this is my special caddy. (full quote)
1ajas We do have to make certain concessions to the war...we're three miles from the front line. (full quote)
1ajas We do have to make certain concessions to the war...we're three miles from the front line. (full quote)
10929 I'm Dr. Jekyll actually, and this is my friend, Mr. Hyde. (full quote)
10929 I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf. (full quote)
10929 --Did Hawkeye steal that jeep? --No sir. That's the one he came in. (full quote)
10929 Find me a gas-passer and tell them to pre-medicate this patient. Then have them get us some pictures, the ones we saw must be 48 hours old by now. (full quote)
10929 Ever since the dark days before Pearl Harbor, I have been proud to wear this uniform. (full quote)
10929 --Don't you use olives? --Olives? where the hell do you think you are, man? (full quote)
  I'd like to see that thing angry (full quote)
1ajas ...and it gets longer all the time. Now I've got your souls to pray for too. (full quote)
Killer Moth Oh My God, they've shot him Hot-Lips, you incredible Nincompoop, it's the end of the quarter (full quote)
jenzahara No, no, no! No food, no food. Bring me sex, I want sex, bring me some sex! No, no, no! That one. Being me that one, over there. That one, the sultry bitch with the fire in her eyes! Take her clothes off, take her clothes off, and bring her to me! (full quote)
  Suicide is painless. (full quote)
  I want at least one nurse who knows how to work in close without getting her tits in my way. (full quote)
10929 Suicide Is Painless. (full quote)
34986 My lips are hot! (full quote)
  1) It's alright fella's. I know you've been talking about me, but I came to tell you that I plan to commit suicide. I'm kind of new at this so i was looking for any suggestions. 2) Black capsule. 1) Black capsule...do you think it will work? 2) It worked for Hitler it'll work for you. (full quote)
  I'm the same way about pennsylvania 6500. (full quote)
  major League (full quote)
  hells bells Radar, this is a hospital (full quote)
  No, I'm all man. I even fought in World War II. Of course, I was wearing woman's undergarments under my uniform (full quote)
  me and you must never part monkey (full quote)
10929 Goddamn army. (full quote)
10929 --Doctor, this man is a prisoner of war. --So are you, nurse. You just don't know it. (full quote)
33944 I'm a fairy.... I'm a victim of latent homosexuality (full quote)
33944 (opening song) Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be the pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see... that suicide is painless It brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please. I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate without that ever-present hate but now I know that it's too late, and... The game of life is hard to play I'm gonna lose it anyway The losing card I'll someday lay so this is all I have to say. The only way to win is cheat And lay it down before I'm beat and to another give my seat for that's the only painless feat. The sword of time will pierce our skins It doesn't hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but... A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key is it to be or not to be and I replied 'oh why ask me?' 'Cause suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please. ...and you can do the same thing if you please. (full quote)
33944 1/_Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pro's from Dover and we figure to crack this kid's chest and get out to the golf course before it gets dark. So you go find the gas-passer and you have him pre-medicate this patient. Then bring me the latest pictures on him. The ones we saw must be 48 hours old by now. Then call the kitchen and have them rustle us up some lunch....Ham and eggs will be all right... Steak would be even better. And then give me at least ONE nurse who knows how to work in close without getting her TITS in my way! 2/_Really!!! 3/_ How would you like your steak? (full quote)
33944 Why can't we have the dog in here? Last time we had the dog in here I won $30 (full quote)
33944 Painless is a dentist and dentists shouldn't breed (full quote)
33944 let's give him a sexy scar, huh? (full quote)
33944 1/_Oh, I have another idea, I think we should have some [football]*plays* ... I really think we should have some organised *plays* 2/_If you don't mind sir, I took the liberty of writing up about 7 or 8 plays, I think this is about all this bunch can handle 1/_ [reading] Oh yesssss, very goood, very goooood... ahh, what are these little arrows? (full quote)
33944 [at a football game]____1/_Look!!! We got a red flag!! A red flag!!!! 2/_Hotlips!! That's a penalty, you blithering idiot! (full quote)
36054 Kiss my hot lips! (full quote)
36996 Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war.... (full quote)
42007 Col.Blake) Did Hawkeye stealthat jeep? Radar) No sir that is the one he came in. Col.Blake) Ok (full quote)
42119 Hey Frank, were you on a religious kick back home or did you crack up over here? (full quote)
ladyt957 What we have here is a failure to communicate. (full quote)