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Office Space - 1999 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  You don't have to have money to do nothing. Hell look at my cousin he's broke and don't do shit. (full quote)
4079 Why should I change my name? He's the one who sucks. (full quote)
1839 PC Load Letter? what the fuck does that mean? (full quote)
1839 Why does it say there is a paper jam, when there is no paper jam?!?! (full quote)
1839 Hey Peter man turn on channel 9, it's the breast exam! (full quote)
1839 Yes, I am also not a pussy (full quote)
1839 1)Hey Lawerence, what would you do with a millions dollars? 2)I'll tell you what I'd man...two chicks at the same time. 2 That's what you'd do with a millions dollars, two chicks at the same time? 1)Damn right always wanted to do that and with a million dollars, I think I could hook that up cause chicks dig guys with money. 2)Well not all chicks. 1)Well the kind that would double up on guy like me would. (full quote)
  naga nagahe nagahe well na gonna work here any more (full quote)
  (1) at your job, when you really don't feel like startin the week, does anyone ever say sounds like a case of the mondays? (2) Naw man, shit, naw i believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin somethin like that. (full quote)
  (1) You know Michael, there really is nothing wrong with your name. (2) Yeah, there WAS nothing wrong with it until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass-clown started makin music and winnin grammys! (full quote)
  I told those fudgepackers that I liked Michael Bolton (full quote)
kazlam Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (full quote)
4265 Hello Peter. what's happening. (full quote)
4265 Um ya. I'm gonna ask you to go ahead and come in on Saturday. (full quote)
4265 Hey Peter. what's happening. I'm gonna hve to ask you to go ahead and... (full quote)
4283 its a jump to conclusions mat. (full quote)
agwendolyn Someone took my swingline stapler. (full quote)
agwendolyn See, there was a glitch in payroll. He was supposed to be fired years ago, but for some reason he kept getting a paycheck. (full quote)
agwendolyn We've fixed the glitch in payroll. Milton won't be getting his paycheck anymore, so we figure it'll just work itself out naturally. (full quote)
4328 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her! (full quote)
4328 I'M GONNA FUCK YOU SENSELESS BITCH! (full quote)
4354 no-talent ass clown (full quote)
4354 Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays! (full quote)
4430 i believe you have my stapler (full quote)
4430 i believe you have my stapler (full quote)
  If she's lucky she'll be seeing my O face....you know...Ohh...ohh...ohh... (full quote)
4441 Everyday is worse than the day before...so...everytime you see me, THAT'S the worst day of my life.... (full quote)
4531 its my flare...We're required to wear 11 pieces of flare. (full quote)
4531 1)I thought you said you wanted to express yourself? 2)I do wanna express myself and i don't need 37 peices of flare to do it! There(Middle finger)Hows that! This is me expressing myself! (full quote)
4531 1: Hi, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions. (full quote)
4531 1: It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. (full quote)
4476 1) I dont think I am going to go any more. 2)Are you going to quit? 1)No, i'm just going to stop going. (full quote)
4847 african squrriels green genitals (full quote)
  she gets around...like a record (full quote)
5015 Cock gobblers (full quote)
  if you like her so much, why don't you just ask her out? (full quote)
  i'm a people person, damnit! (full quote)
  Lawrence: Fuckin-A man Peter: Yeah Lawrence, Fucking-A (full quote)
  Corporate acounts payable, Nina Speaking....just a moment (full quote)
  mmmmm yeeeeaaah (full quote)
  Mother Shitter, Son of an Ass!!! (full quote)
  Mother Shitter, Son of an Ass!!! (full quote)
  So in these congical visits...you get to have sex with women? (Peter-- Yep, that's right.) Okay, I'll do it. (full quote)
  Hello my name is Steve...I come from a rough area...I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off and trying to stay clean...That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions (full quote)
  Lumberg fucked her!!! Lumberg fucked her!!! (full quote)
  1. in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 2. yes 1. I'll do it (full quote)
  We noticed you've been missing a lot of work lately. Well, I wouldn't say I was exactly missing it. (full quote)
  Lumberg fucked her! (full quote)
  your name is Michael Bolton! (full quote)
  This is a fuck! (full quote)
  1)Peter why don't you tell us a little about your day. Yeah just run us through the average work day for you 2) Well generally I come in at least tweenty minutes late, I sneak in through the backdoor so Lumberg won't see me, then for the next hour i just kinda space out. 1) Space out? 2) Yeah i just kinda stare at my desk, but it looks like i'm working... I'd say in a given week i do about 15 minutes of actualy work. (full quote)
  Samir Naga...Naga, well Naga work here anymore anyway. (full quote)
  Thomas Laskowski?? He-he's useless!! (full quote)
  SAY HI TO LUMBURG FOR ME (full quote)
  Well that may be....but at least I didnt sleep with Lumbergh (full quote)
  Bob: So what would ya say, ya do here?? Tom: I already told you, I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to, I have people skills, I am good at dealing with people, can't you understand that, WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!! (full quote)
  i got my pistol point cocked, ready to lay shots non-stop until i see your monkey-ass drop, and let your homies know who done it, cuz when it comes to this gansta shit you motherfuckers know who run it, we're down for our own shit and when you motherfuckers put us to the test you betta realize sumthin, nigga, you're fucking with the very best, i've got this killa up inside of me, i can't talk to my mother so i talk to my diary (full quote)
  1-Why don't you just go by Mike? 2-Why should I change, he's the one who sucks. (full quote)
  You see there's this mat, with different conclusions written on it, that you could jump to. (full quote)
  It's a mat, with conclusions, that you can....jump to. (full quote)
  Umm excuse me, I ordered a Mia Tie and you gave me a Pina Colada, and I asked for no salt, NOOO salt on the Margarita, but there was salt, big grains of salt. I am going to write the board of tourists and have this place condemned. (full quote)
  ...PC Load Letter...what the Fuck is a PC Load Letter!?!?! (full quote)
  Sup G?! (full quote)
  1)It's a mat with different conclusions that you can jump to... 2)that is the worst idea i have ever heard (full quote)
  um ya it's not a half day or anything we started at the regular time (full quote)
  the nazis had pieces of flair they made the jews wear (full quote)
  Scuse me... scuse me... well ok but that's the last straw (full quote)
  Peter Gibbons: He's going to ask me to work on Sunday and I'm going to do it, because I'm a pussy, which is why I work at Initech in the first place. (full quote)
  Bob Slydell: I'd like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him. (full quote)
  Bob Slydell: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch. Bill Lumbergh: Great. Dom Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go? Bob Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally. Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end. (full quote)
  Bob Slydell: No! No, of course not! We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week. (full quote)
  I was tod that i could listen to the radio at a reasonable level from nine to eleven (full quote)
1990 Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam. I swear to God one of these days I just kick this piece of shit out the window! (full quote)
1990 #1 Peter, your in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing? #2 Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be. (full quote)
1990 He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow, and he's going to throw a big party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. I'm thinking I'm going to take that new chick from logistics. If things go well, I might be showing her my Oh face. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know what I'm talking about. Oh! Yeah! See you guys later. (full quote)
1990 Did you get that memo? Ah..yeah, it's just we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out. That would be great. (full quote)
1990 #1 But they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much. And I kept my staples for the Swingline stapler. #2 Ok Melvin. #1 No, it's not ok because if they make me...if they take my stapler...I'll have to set the building on fire. (full quote)
3186 Its not that Im lazy. I just dont care. Its a problem of motivation. (full quote)
4671 Yes, I too am not a pussy. (full quote)
5539 I'm thinkin' about takin'that new chick from logistics...things go well i might be showin' her my O face, oh,oh,oh, you know what i'm talkin' about.....oh.. (full quote)
5631 #1:If you had a million dollars, what would you do? #2:Two chicks at once. (full quote)
5983 This is not plan, this is...suck! (full quote)
6034 Michael Bolton is a no talent ass clown. (full quote)
Risika Yeeaah.. That would be greeeaat (full quote)
6352 If Sandra can listen to her headphones while she's filing, then I can listen to the radio when I'm collating. (full quote)
6457 Why can't anyone pronounce my name? It's Nyinanajar. Ny-een-ah-na-jar. (full quote)
6457 1: C'mon Samir. This is America, they're not gonna cut your hands off here. At worst we'll be sent to some minimum security resort prison. 2: With conjugal visits. 1:With conjugal visits! 3: I don't know... in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 1: Yup. 3:... Okay, I'm in! (full quote)
clarkins 1. It appears you've been missing work a lot lately. 2. Well Bob, I wouldn't say I've been missing it. (full quote)
7045 In these congical visits you are aloud to have sex with women?.......Then I'll do it! (full quote)
7316 Excuse me, Senor...I asked for a Mai Tai and they brought me a Pina Colada...and I asked for no salt, NO SALT for the margarita, but there was salt on it...I can take my travler's checks to a competing resort...I can put strickanine in the guacomole and have this place condemned (full quote)
7484 PETER: what would you do if you had a million dollars? (full quote)
7484 PETER: what would you do if you had a million dollars? LAWRENCE: I'll tell you what I'd do man. Two chicks at the same time, man. (full quote)
7484 BOB: Are you any relation to the pop singer? MICHAEL: No, it's just a coincidence. BOB: To be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I am a Michael Bolton fan. For my money it doesn't get any better than when he sings When a Man Loves A Woman. (full quote)
7484 MICHAEL: Yeah, atleast your name isn't Michael Bolton. SAMIR: You know there's nothing wrong with that name. MICHAEL: There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12-years-old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and starting winning Grammies. SAMIR: Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael. MICHEAL: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. (full quote)
7635 the nazis had flare. they made the jews wear it. (full quote)
8124 Yeah...I'm gonna hafta go ahead and sorta...disagree with you there. He's been sorta flakey lately, and he's had some trouble with his TPS reports. (full quote)
8471 Mother shitter son of an ass (full quote)
8645 You see, the trick is to kick someone's ass the first day or become somebody's bitch... (full quote)
8681 Peter- has anyone ever told you, 'it looks like someone's got a case of the mondays'? Lawrence- no. . .shit no man. i believe you get your ass kicked for saying something like that (full quote)
8808 I can't believe I told those fudgepackers I like Michael Bolton's Music! (full quote)
8825 yeeaahhhh hi its bill lumburgh again jut wanted to make sure you did know that we started at the usual time this morning, its not a half day or anything like tat (full quote)
9011 You know, I never really liked paying bills.. I don't think I'm going to do that, either! (full quote)
9210 You know the Nazi's had pieces of flare that they made the Jews wear! (full quote)
9657 I have to admit, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. (full quote)
9692 Have you seen my stapler? (full quote)
9791 I don't like to talk about my flare (full quote)
9822 #1 So Milton will be laid off .. #2 .. Just a second there, professor .. we, ahh, we fixed the glitch. (full quote)
10641 You know the Nazi's had piece's of flare that they made the Jews wear. (full quote)
10641 Sounds like somebodys got a case of the Mondays. (full quote)
10998 what would you do if you were a millionaire? I tell you what I'd do......two chicks at once! (full quote)
11465 For my money's worth I don't think it gets much better then when he sings When a Man loves a women. (full quote)
11472 Hey, I can knock these walls down. (full quote)
11551 Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumberg can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. (full quote)
Northboarder MOTHER...SHITTIN'... SON OF A-- ASS! OOH! I JUST........ (full quote)
Northboarder we need to talk about T.P.S. REport (full quote)
Northboarder 1) What if we're still doing this when we're 50? 2) It would be nice to have that kind of job security. (full quote)
Northboarder PC Loadletter, what the fuck does that mean? (full quote)
11654 1: it doesn't matter, i don't like my job, and i dont think i'm gonna go any more. 2: so won't you get fired? 1: i dunno, but i really dont' like it, so i'm not gonna go any more. 2: so you're gonna quit? 1: no, i'm just gonna stop going. (full quote)
11654 i usually come in about 15 minutes late, i use the side door that way lumberg can't see me, then i just kinda space out for about an hour. 2: what? space out? 1: yeah, i just stare at my desk, but it looks like i'm working. i do that for about another good hour after lunch too. i'ld say in a full week, i only do about 15 minutes of real, actual work. (full quote)
11654 1: peter i'm not going to do anything illegal. 2: zamir this is america, it isn't Ryiat, they're not gonna saw your hands off. (full quote)
  about that ya ummm if you could just move your desk down to storage room B, ya umm tha'd be great, thanks......and while your down there could ya take care of the roach problem by the end of the day tha'd be great, thanks (full quote)
  1. I really think this hypnotism thing could work. It helped Anne lose all that weight. 2. Anne is anorexic! 3. I know, he's really good. (full quote)
  Gimme anything to drink and a glazed donut. (full quote)
  what's up G? (full quote)
  I gotta wake my ass up at 6 am everyday of this week...yeah, im doing the dry wall up there at the new McDonalds (full quote)
  Joanna: Ugh, I didn't think this was a good idea, what if you get caught? Peter: Yeah, well I didn't think it was a good idea to sleep with Lumbergh. Joanna: Hey... oh right, Lumbergh. Peter: AAAHHH!!! Oh my god, Lumbergh. Joanna: Hey Peter what's wrong, that was like 2 years ago, I mean did you know him? Peter: Yeah I know him, I know him, he's my boss, he's my annoying disgusting pig of a boss. Joanna: He isn't that disgusting. Peter: He represents all that is soulless and wrong, and you slept with him! Joanna: Hey that is none of your business, I didn't ask who you slept with, I don't care. Peter: Well I didn't think you'd sleep with guys like Lumbergh! Joanna: Hey, who the hell do you think you are? How dare you judge me. What you think you're some kind of angel or something? No you're just this penny-stealing wanna-be criminal man. Peter: Well that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh. Joanna: I'm getting out of here! Call me when you when you grow up, oh wait that's never gonna happen, so just don't call me, okay? Peter: Say hello to Lumbergh for me! (full quote)
  Peter! Whaaat's Happening? I'm going to ask you to go ahead and come in on Saturday. Thanks Peter! (full quote)
  Hey Peter...what's happening? Yeah umm..I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tommorow around mmmmm9..yeah ok then that'd be great (full quote)
  Hey Peter!! Check out channel 9!! (full quote)
  i hate my job (full quote)
  Yeah, I'm just not going to go. I don't like work and I'm just not going to go anymore. (full quote)
  Yeah, Hi, this is Bill Lumberg calling... (full quote)
  Samir Nogga--... Nogga--... Nogonna work here anyways! (full quote)
  its not that i'm lazy, it's just that i don't care. (full quote)
  You don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke; don't do shit. (full quote)
  Is that Smykowski? whats he doing? Probably working on another heart attack. (full quote)
  You know, the nazi's have peices of flare they made the jews wear... (full quote)
  I don't think I'd like another job. (full quote)
  We're going to have to move you down to storage B... um yea... while you're down there can you work on the cockroach problem? (full quote)
  I swear to god one of these days I just kick this piece of shit out the window! (full quote)
  Peter-It is like taking a penny from the jar...Joanna-From the Crippled kids? (full quote)
  No way, Why should I change he's the one that sucks. (full quote)
  Damn it feels good to be a gangsta (full quote)
  Samir....Naga....Naga....Naga...Not gonna work here anymore! (full quote)
  Mother Shitter....Son of a....Ass (full quote)
  These women came, and they took my stapler, and I liked my stapler. It was a Swingline too (full quote)
  I am a guy and i want your penis (full quote)
  hey peter whaaaaaaatttttttssssssss happening (full quote)
  I'm thinkin i might take that new chick from logistics, things go well i might be showin her my O face, OH, OH, OH, you know what i'm talkin about, OH (full quote)
  I'm thinkin i might take that new chick from logistics, things go well i might be showin her my O face, OH, OH, OH, you know what i'm talkin about, OH (full quote)
  Bryan:AHHH GAGAGAGAGA...Can I start you guys off with something to nibble on..some pizza shooters shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas? Peter:Naw just coffee Bryan:Sounds like the case of the mondays! (full quote)
  Ummmmm yeeeeaaaaahhh, I'm gonna have to disagree with you on that one. (full quote)
  1.) Hello Peter...what's happening? Uhhh....we have sort of a problem here. Yea...you apparently didnt put one of the new cover sheets on your TPS Reports. 2.) Oh, yea, I'm sorry about that I...I forgot. 1.) Mmmmm...yea, you see we're putting the cover sheets on ALL TPS reports now before they go out--did you see the memo about this? 2.) Yeah, yea, yea- I have the memo right here, I just uhh...forgot, but uh, it's not shipping out til tomorrow so there's no problem. 1.) Yea..if you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great... And uhh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. Mmmmkay? Bye bye Peter. (full quote)
  they're not going to cut your hand off, this isn't riyadh. (full quote)
  Do we know any coc dealers? My cousins a coc head!! (full quote)
  I dont undestand why people don't undestand. It's Na Heen Nin a Jar...Nahininajar....it's not that hard (full quote)
  Might take the new chick from logistics, things go well i might be showin her my O face, OH OH OH, you know what i'm talkin about, OH (full quote)
  The ratio of people to cake is too big. (full quote)
  1) hey did u hear what happened to smikowski 2)No what? 1)lucky bastard...someone fill in the rest!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Michael Bolton was a fine name until that no talent ass clown started winning Grammys (full quote)
  Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment. (full quote)
  It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing... (full quote)
  I told Bill that if they moved my desk one more time that I'll be quitting. And I told Dom too because they've moved my desk 4 times already this year and I used to be by the window and I could see the squirrels, and then they switched. (full quote)
  I'm gonna show her my O face...O, O, O. (full quote)
  Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mooooondays (full quote)
  You are a very bad man. I sentence you to 5 years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiary. (full quote)
  Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. (full quote)
  Bob: Looks like you've been missing alot of work lately. Peter: I wouldn't say that I've been missing it. (full quote)
  PC Load Letter?? what the FUCK does that mean? (full quote)
  PC load letter? what the fuck does that mean? (full quote)
  whats up G (full quote)
  I did nothing, absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it would be. (full quote)
  ya see we are putting these new cover sheets on our tps reports (full quote)
  I wouldn't say that I have been missing work Bob (full quote)
  All up in your ass like a resurrection (full quote)
  Not now Lumberg, I'm kinda busy... (full quote)
  Not now Lumberg, I'm kinda busy... (full quote)
  We're not going to your white collar federal prison, we're going to you average pound me in the ass prison (full quote)
  damn it feels good to be a ganster (full quote)
  I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months (full quote)
  I did absolutley nothing, and it was everything I hoped it could possible be. (full quote)
  Well, I'm not a penny stealing thief. At least I didn't sleep with LUMBERG!! (full quote)
449 sounds like somebody's got the case of the modays (full quote)
449 Sounds like sombody's got a case of the Monday's (full quote)
449 Michael Bolton? Is that your real name? (full quote)
449 what is it exactly that you do here?....Why couldn't the customers take it to the engineers?.... (full quote)
449 ummmm yeaaa ...Peter...whaaaats hapening...I'm going to need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow (full quote)
2227 Corporate accounts payable Nina speaking, just a moment! (full quote)
QuickStopRST I could put strychnine in the guacamole. (full quote)
QuickStopRST Mother...shitter, Son of an... ass. (full quote)
9070 1) why didn't you go to work today? 2) I just didn't feel like it, i don't think I will feel like it tomorrow either 1) so you are just not going to go? what are you going to find another job? 2) no i don't like working all that much i don't think i will miss it (full quote)
9307 You know the Nazis had pieces of flare they use to make the jews wear. (full quote)
11971 There it is (full quote)
11971 Let me ask you something, when you go to work on Monday, and you're not feeling so good, does anyone ever say 'sounds like a case of the Mondays? -No. No man. Shit, no man, I believe you'd get your ass kicked for saying something like that (full quote)
12257 Milton, whats happening ummmm i'm gonna go ahead and move you down to storage room B. Yeah we need to make room for some boxes. (full quote)
12353 I did nothing, absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it would be. (full quote)
12521 1.I admit that I don't like Chachkis, but I 'm not about to go in there and steal money from the cash register. 2. Yeah, well, maybe you should. (full quote)
12682 I too, am not a pussy. (full quote)
12682 ...we aren't going to a white collar resort prison, no, we are going to a federal pound me in the ass prison!! (full quote)
12717 I gotta get out of here, I think I'm going to lose it. (full quote)
12717 Every single day that you see me, that is the worst day of my life. (full quote)
12979 1) (knocks on wall) Hey Lawrence, do you wanna come over? 2) No thanks man. I don't want you f---in' up my life too. (full quote)
13270 Ya know the nazis had pieces of flare. they made the jews where them (full quote)
13284 I-I've been told I could listen to the radio at a reasonable time from 9 to 11 so I don't see why I have to turn down the radio. (full quote)
13716 if they take my stapler i'll burn down the building (full quote)
13781 ..and then they switched from swingline to Boston staplers...but I kept my swingline because it didn't jam as much....i kept my staples too. And then they moved me from the window.....I could see the squirrells.....they were married> (full quote)
13896 Did ya get that memo? (full quote)
14174 Milton: ...and I could see the squirrels and they were merry... (full quote)
14174 Nina: Just pass. (full quote)
14174 I have 8 bosses Bob. Pardon me? 8 Bosses. Eight? Eight Bob! That means that when I screw something up, I have to hear 8 different people tell me about it. (full quote)
14174 Peter's Dream: Hell, Lumbergh fucked her! Lumbergh fucked her! Lumberrrgh fucccccked herrr.... Ohhhh that is grrrreat...that means she was seeing the oh face for sure... ohh ohhh ohhhhh... oooooh! If you could just go ahead and move a little bit to the left... that's it.. grrrreeaat.. Peter- whats happening...um-- could you get me those TPS reports, ASAP? Mmmmkay? (full quote)
14174 Milton: Excuse me, Senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a Mai Tai, and they brought me a Pina Colada... and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita but it had salt on it-- big grains of salt and if it happens again, I won't be leaving a tip...cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down...Sir?... I could take my traveler's checks to a competing resort!...I'll just write a letter-- to the board of tourism and I could have this place condemned...I could put, I could put strichnine in the guacamole...there was salt on the glass-- big grains of salt! (full quote)
14174 Peter: I uh, I don't like my job-- and uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. Joanna: ...You're just not gonna go? Peter: Yeah. Joanna: Won't you get fired? Peter: I don't know. But I really don't like it, and uh- I'm not gonna go. Joanna: (laughs) So you're gonna quit? Peter: Nah-uh... not really. Uh- I'm just gonna stop going. (full quote)
14282 I gotta wake my ass up at 6AM everyday this week. drive down to Vascaledas. Yeah I'm doing the drywall up there at the new McDonalds. (full quote)
14310 Corporate accounts-payable Nina speaking... just a moment. Corporate accounts-payable Nina speaking... just a moment. (full quote)
14345 Why is my name so hard to pronounce? Na-ee-na-na-jad! Naiinanajad! (full quote)
14345 1)Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time. (full quote)
14345 1)What would you do with a million dollars? 2)Besides two chicks at the same time? 1)Well, yeah. 2)Nothing. I would sit on my ass all day and I would do nothing. 1)You don't need a million dollars to do nothing. Just look at my cousin. He's broke, he don't do shit. (full quote)
14345 1)You better wear rubber, dude. 2)Why's that? 1)Because she gets around. 2)Really? 1)Oh, yeah. Like a record. (full quote)
14345 1)Now, Milton, don't be greedy. Why don't you just pass the cake around so everyone gets a piece. 2)Yes, but last year, I didn't recieve a piece and-- 1)Just pass. 2)I could set the building on fire. (full quote)
14345 1)Michael Bolton? 2)Yeah. 1)Are you related to that singer guy? 2)No, it's just a coincidence. (full quote)
14345 1)If you don't like being called Michael Bolton, why don't you just go by Mike? 2)Why should I change MY name? He's the one who sucks. (full quote)
14345 (on the answering machine) Listen, asshole, nobody hangs up on me! We're through! Oh, and by the way...I'VE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU!!! (full quote)
14345 1)Now, we have to swear to God, Allah, that we won't tell anybody about this. Not family members or girlfriends or anybody. (from the next room) 2)Don't worry, man! I won't tell anybody either! (full quote)
14599 boss: johanna...we need to talk. johanna: about my uh flare?? boss: hu..or your lack of flare. (full quote)
14599 why does it say paperjam when there is no paperjam??? I swear to god one day i just kick this piece of shit out the window! (full quote)
15125 Goodmorningaccountspayable,Ninaspeaking!...JUST A MOMENT!! (full quote)
15350 1)Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)You know what id do man? Two chicks at the same time. (full quote)
15350 1)Has anyone ever told you that you have a case of the mondays? 2) No man. Shit no man! Thats messed up, i reckon youd get your ass kicked for sayin somethin like that. (full quote)
15350 1)Has anyone ever told you that you have a case of the mondays? 2) No man. Shit no man! Thats messed up, i reckon youd get your ass kicked for sayin somethin like that. (full quote)
15490 cock goblers! (full quote)
15570 You know, the Nazis had 'pieces of flair' they made the Jews wear!! (full quote)
16184 She just looks like the kind of girl that would cheat on a man. (full quote)
16671 1) It's a 'Jump to Conclusions Mat'! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO! 2) That is the worst idea I've ever heard! 3) Yes, this is horrible, this idea! (full quote)
17707 i used to be by the window where i could see the squirrels and they were merry (full quote)
17864 Uh oh, sounds like someone's got a case of the 'Mondays'! (full quote)
17864 Dude... an occupational hypnotherapist?!? (full quote)
17864 Lawrence, can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall? (full quote)
17864 Okay... but I could burn down this bulding... (full quote)
17864 Thumbs up their asses... thumbs up their asses! (full quote)
17864 It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing; it's about all of us... together! (full quote)
17864 what am I going to do with forty subscriptions to 'Vibe'? (full quote)
17864 Peter, most people don't like their jobs, but you go out there and you find something that makes you happy. (full quote)
17864 Hey, Peter.... watch out for your cornhole, bud. (full quote)
17870 PC loadletter?? Who the fuck is that?!? (full quote)
18441 Not now Lumbergh, i'm kinda busy. I'm gonna have to ask you to go ahead and come back at another time. I gotta meeting with the Bob's in a couple of minutes... (full quote)
18441 Ohhh. so how is that not stealing? (full quote)
18815 One time when I had a window, there were trees and there were squirrels and they were in love. (full quote)
19571 she gets around, like a record! ooO ooO (full quote)
20463 1)what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)I'd do 2 chicks (full quote)
20542 I'm just talking about fractions of a penny, but we do it from a much bigger tray, and we do it a couple million times (full quote)
22328 Hey Peter man, put it on channel 9, the breast exam is on again... (full quote)
22773 Rob Newhouse: Conjugal visits...not that I know of. Now minimum security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is...Kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch, then everything will be alright. (full quote)
22773 This is a fuck....I I shit! (full quote)
22773 You know what I can't figure out. How is that all these stupid, Neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it? (full quote)
23479 It was fine until that no talent ass-clown started winning Grammys (full quote)
Waar Patient: Since I started working at Initech, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day you see me, that's the worst day of my life. Hypnotherapist: Whoa. That's messed up. (full quote)
24439 You know the nazis had flair that they made the jews wear. (full quote)
24439 PC Load Letter, what the fuck does that mean? (full quote)
25488 PC Load Letter? what the FUCK does that mean?!?!?!?! (full quote)
26533 1 Sometimes I get the feeling she's cheating on me. 2 I know what you mean. (full quote)
27394 I also am not a pussy. (full quote)
GenieChick I..I..I Believe you stole my stapler (full quote)
KoolKatt 'You need more pieces of flair.' (full quote)
KoolKatt 'You don't have to have money to do nothing. Hell, look at my cousin. He's broke and don't do shit.' (full quote)
KoolKatt 'Yeah, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.' 'You know there's nothing wrong with that name.' 'There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12-years-old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and starting winning Grammies.' 'Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?' 'No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!' (full quote)
KoolKatt 'It seems you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.' 'I wouldn’t say I’ve been ‘missing’ it, Bob.' (full quote)
27808 He's my boss! My unholy, disgusting pig of a boss! (full quote)
KindredNeonate I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary. (full quote)
KindredNeonate what am I gonna do what 40 subscriptions to 'Vibe'? (full quote)
Kpmgsn And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry.. (full quote)
30142 We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison! (full quote)
lifesaver63 if thing go well ..I'll be showing her my oh face.....your oh face?.... yeah my oh.ohoh.ahhhoh face (full quote)
31653 shit no man, i believe you get your ass kicked for saying something like that! (full quote)
32065 what would you say ya do here? (full quote)
32065 I have people skills! I'm good with people. Why can't you see that? (full quote)
32274 Hell. Lumburgh fucked her. (full quote)
Crash PC Load Letter? what the fuck does that mean? (full quote)
33896 I believe you have my stapler. (full quote)
34645 Well you guys can eat my ass (full quote)
  I've got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. (full quote)
  Samir Na..Naga...Not gonna work here anymore. (full quote)
  but.. but.. ma... ma... ma stapler! (full quote)
  1.) what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2.) I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time. (full quote)
  stupid, stupid, stupid (full quote)
  You know what I can't figure out? How is it that all these stupid neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it. (full quote)
  I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be. (full quote)
  It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. (full quote)
  Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'? No. No man. Shit no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that. (full quote)
  Aww sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays! (full quote)
  didn't you get that memo (full quote)
  damn it feels good to be a gangsta (full quote)
  Dont came back in a dress hahaha faggot (full quote)
  yea i maybe going to jail for a while (full quote)
  1Paper jam, why dose it say paper jam when there is no paper jam, i swear one of these days i just kick this pice of shit out the window. 2 you and me both man that things lucky im not armed (full quote)
  Amd I said, I don't care if they lay me off either because I told Bill if they move my desk one more time, then I'm quitting. (full quote)
  excuse me senor, i ordered a ,mai taiand you gave me a pina colada, and also no salt, NO SALT in the margarita (full quote)
  1)Well at least your names not Michael Bolton 2)Theres nothing wrong with that name 1) There was nothing wrong with it until i was about 12 years old and that no talent ass clown became famous and started winning grammies 2) Why don't you just...go by Mike? 1) No way, why should i change he's the one that sucks (full quote)
  Yeah, ya know, I do wanna express myself...and I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it! (claps hands and flips off her boss) There, how's that? This is me expressing myself! I hate this job. I hate this god damn job and I DON'T NEED IT!!! (full quote)
  Corporate accounts Payable, Anita speaking ... just a moment! (full quote)
  So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas? (full quote)
  Did you get the memo? (full quote)
  You know I dont really like paying bills so I'm just not gonna pay them anymore. (full quote)
  we need to talk about your flair or lack of. (full quote)
  Excuse me..excuse me senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a my thai & they brought me a pina colada...and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita but it had salt on it. Big grains of salt. If it happens again I won't be leaving a tip...cuz I could shut this whole resort down...Sir...I could take my travelers checks to a competing resort...I'll just write a letter to your Board of Tourism and I could have this place condemned...I could put strichnine in the guacamole...There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt... (full quote)
  what am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to __________ (full quote)
  motivation speech (full quote)
  got my pistol point cocked, ready to lay shots non-stop until i see your monkey-ass drop, and let your homies know who done it, cuz when it comes to this gansta shit you motherfuckers know who run it, we're standin up for our own shit and when you motherfuckers put us to the test you betta realize sumthin, nigga, you're fucking with the very best, i've got this killa up inside of me, i can't talk to my mother so i talk to my diary (full quote)
  i AM GOING (full quote)
  Well Peter, it looks like you've been missing alot of work lately....I wouldn't say I've been missing it BOB.... (full quote)
  Im gonna burn the building down.... (full quote)
  What's Washington like? Well its like Calcutta, surrounded by beggars. The only difference is the beggars in Washington wear 1500 dollar suits and they don't say please or thank you. (full quote)
  Yeeah, did you get that memo? (full quote)
  I don't really like talking about my flair. (full quote)
  hey peter man! yea! watch out for your cornhole bud! (full quote)
  I did nothing. I sat on my ass all day and did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be. (full quote)
  Well I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume... (full quote)
  what am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe? (full quote)
  uh (full quote)
  On any given day, I'd say I do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. (full quote)
  1) Well Peter it seems that you have been missing alot of work latley. 2) Well Bob, I would say I've been missing it. (full quote)
  1) Well Peter it seems that you have been missing alot of work latley. 2) Well Bob, I wouldn't say I've been missing it. (full quote)
  You know the Natzi's had pieces of flare they make the Jews wear. (full quote)
  Um Didn't You Get The Memo? (full quote)
  I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be (full quote)
  Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been missin' it, Bob! (full quote)
QuickStopRST 1) When you go in to work on a monday and you're kind of having a bad day, does anyone ever say to you, 'sounds like someone's having a case of the mondays?' 2)No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' somethin' like that, man. (full quote)
QuickStopRST There WAS nothing wrong with my name- until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys. (full quote)
QuickStopRST 1) ...so every day you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. 2) How 'bout today, is today the worst day of your life? 1) Yep. 2) Wow, that's messed up. (full quote)
QuickStopRST W-wait... you used to be addicted to crack? (full quote)
QuickStopRST 1) ...anyways, I think this guy could help me. I mean, he helped Anne lose weight. 2) Peter, she's anorexic. 1) Yeah, I know. The guy's really good. (full quote)
QuickStopRST I-I was told that-that i-if I was late one more time that I-I'd be summarily dismissed. (full quote)
10929 what's happening? (full quote)
10929 what's up, G? (full quote)
10929 Initech. (full quote)
33751 Yeah, I don't like my really like my job, and I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. (full quote)
35446 Now Milton don't be greedy (full quote)
35809 Why should I change? He's the one that sucks. (full quote)
35809 Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?? (full quote)
36054 yes, but its been three weeks and i still havent got my pay check... (full quote)
36054 i would say thru the week i do about 15 minutes of sold work. (full quote)
36054 Peter:I have a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. Lumberg: I didnt know about that. Peter: Yeah, well, they called me at home. (full quote)
44120 Things go right, I might be showing her my 'Oh face.' Oh. Oh. Oh. (full quote)
44120 SO CAN I GET YOU GENTLEMEN SOMETHING more TO DRINK? OR MAYBE SOMETHING TO NIBBLE ON? SOME PIZZA SHOOTERS, SHRIMP POPPERS, OR EXTREME FAJITAS. (full quote)
44120 TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I LOVE HIS MUSIC. I DO . I AM A MICHAEL BOLTON FAN. FOR MY money, I DON'T THINK IT GETS ANY BETTER THAN WHEN HE SINGS WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN (full quote)
44120 1)'We're not in Kansas anymore.' 2)Yeah. Really. (laughs) 1)It's on your - (points) 2)Oh! (full quote)
44334 P-what would you do if you had a million dollars? L-i'll tell ya what i'd do..two chicks at the same time, i figure if i was a millionaire, i could hook somethin like that up, cause chicks dig dudes with money. P-not all chicks. L-well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do. P-good point. (full quote)
44800 I love Kung Fu (full quote)
47896 (1) Lawrence do you wanna come over? (2) No thanks, man. Don't want you fucking up my life too. (full quote)
temple11 You see Bob, its not that im lazy its just that i don't care (full quote)