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American Beauty - 1999 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  You little slut! You LOOOOOOVE him! You wanna have like, tenthousand oof his babies! (full quote)
2946 You don't get to tell me what to do ever again. (full quote)
2946 1#Uh, who's car is that out front?2#Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule! (full quote)
2946 Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's. (full quote)
3225 1) your father lost his job this morning 2) I didn't lose my job...It's not like, oops where did my job go...I quit! (full quote)
4049 No its great, I mean, if a guy wants to fuck me just by looking at me, it means that I have a real shot at being a model (full quote)
4049 : Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This is the high point of my day. It's all downhill from here. (full quote)
4049 Yeah! I was shelling the peanut, choking the bishop (full quote)
4049 I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time.... (full quote)
4049 Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. (full quote)
4232 Remember those old signs that said Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of your Life? Well, that's true except for one day: The day you die! (full quote)
agwendolyn Oh, really? Do you need a ride? I can give you a ride, I've got a car. (full quote)
agwendolyn 1) Ask your father how his day was. 2) How was your day Dad? 3) I blackmailed my company for almost sixty-thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus. (full quote)
agwendolyn Will someone just pass me the fucking asparagus?!? (full quote)
agwendolyn And another thing: from now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music because, frankly - and I don't think I'm alone here on this one - I'm sick and tired of this Lawrence Welk shit. (full quote)
  i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once and it's too much may heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst and then i remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then if flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure but don't worry you will someday (full quote)
469 It's okay. I wouldn't remember me either. (full quote)
  well actually Janine is senior drive through manager, so technically you are on her turf (full quote)
  i guess i needed the royal treatment, so to speak (full quote)
  if he worked out a little, id totally fuck him. (full quote)
4571 My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room to jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell. (full quote)
2455 Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's. (full quote)
3590 Don't give up on me dad. (full quote)
4822 No I’m glad now because uhh,… because you are old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life. You cannot count on anyone except yourself. ..sniff…deep breath….You cannot count on anyone except yourself. …You know its sad but true, and the sooner you learn it the better. (full quote)
619 I RULE!! (full quote)
  you total slut, you got a crush on him, you were defending him you're in love him you wanna have like 10,000 of his babies (full quote)
uglystars 1. Are you trying to look unattractive? 2. Yes. 1. Well, congratulations. You've succeded admirably. (full quote)
uglystars I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious. (full quote)
uglystars 1. This is a four thousand dollar sofa upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch. 2. IT'S JUST A COUCH! (full quote)
uglystars 1. what do you want? 2. Are you kidding? I want you. (full quote)
uglystars Welcome to America's weirdest home videos. (full quote)
uglystars You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday. (full quote)
uglystars I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up. (full quote)
uglystars You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we... lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house! (full quote)
uglystars 1. At least I'm not ugly! 2. Yes you are. And you're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Man, you are one twisted fuck. 2. Nope, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out. 2. Well, me too son. Me too. (full quote)
uglystars It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. video's a poor excuse. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Do you just want to lose weight, or are you looking to increase strength and flexibility as well? 2. I want to look good naked! (full quote)
uglystars 1. I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing. 2. So don't pay me. 1. Excuse me? 2. I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone. 3. I think you just became my personal hero. (full quote)
  1)You are a total prostitute! 2)Hey! That's the way things really are! You just don't know because you're this pampered little *suburban* chick. 1) So are you! You've only been in Seventeen once, and you looked fat, so stop acting like you're goddamn Christy Turlington! 2)Cunt! God! I am SO sick of people taking their insecurities out on ME! (full quote)
  Everything that's meant to happen does...eventually... (full quote)
  Don't interrupt me ... honey! (full quote)
  Never underestimate the power of denial. (full quote)
  Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's! (full quote)
  one of my clients works for a pediatrician, i cut her a deal, she keeps me in clean piss. (full quote)
  1)...Well, how about I throw in a sexual harrasment charge to boot. 2)Against who? 1)Against you! Can you prove that you didnt try to save my job if I let you blow me? 2)......Man......you are one twisted fuck 1)Nope, I'm just an ordinary guy with nothin to lose (full quote)
  You love him...You want to have, like...ten thousand of his babies (full quote)
  Never Underestimate the Power of Denial (full quote)
  Lose it, I didn't loose it. It's not like, whoops! where'd my job go? I QUIT! (full quote)
uglystars Honey, I watched you the whole time, and you didn't screw up once! (full quote)
uglystars There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Got a minute? 2. For you, Brad, I've got five! (full quote)
uglystars My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial. (full quote)
uglystars This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts. (full quote)
uglystars I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts every time I bring a girlfriend home from school. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Are you scared? 2. I don't get scared. 1. My parents will try to find me. 2. Mine won't. (full quote)
uglystars It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? what if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff? (full quote)
uglystars 1. I was filming this dead bird. 2. Why? 1. Because it's beautiful. (full quote)
uglystars 1. How's Jane? 2. What do you mean? 1. I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it. 2. She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love. 1. good for her. 2. How are you? 1. God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that. ...I'm great. 2. I've gotta go to the bathroom. 1. I'm great. (full quote)
uglystars 1. I don't think you'd fit in here. 2. I have fast food expierience. 1. Yeah, like twenty years ago! 2. Well, I'm sure there have been marvelous advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It's unfair you presume I won't be able to learn. (full quote)
uglystars 1. I see you're smoking pot now. I suppose you think smoking illegal psychotropic substances is a good example to set for our sixteen year-old daughter?! 2. You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak. (full quote)
uglystars 1. what the hell do you think you're doing? 2. I'm going to whale on my pecs and then do my back. (full quote)
uglystars I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Don't you feel naked? 2. I am naked. (full quote)
uglystars That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident. (full quote)
uglystars My company sells an image. It's part of my job to live that image. (full quote)
uglystars It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. (full quote)
uglystars 1. When I was your age, I flipped burgers just to be able to buy an eight-track. 2. That sucks. 1. No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me. (full quote)
uglystars I refuse to be a victim! (full quote)
uglystars 1. Somebody should just put him out of his misery. 2. Do you want me to kill him? 1. Yeah, would you? (full quote)
uglystars 1. Where's your wife? 2. Uh, I dunno. Probably out fucking that dorky, prince-of-real-estate guy. 1. your wife is with another man and you don't care? 2. Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but. (full quote)
uglystars 1. So Janie, how was school? 2. It was okay. 1. Just okay? 2. No dad, it was spectacular. (full quote)
uglystars 1. what a freak! And why does he dress like a bible salesman? 2. He's just so confident, it can't be real. 1. I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once! (full quote)
uglystars I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary. (full quote)
uglystars 1. So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick? 2. It's not like that. 1. what, hasn't he got one? 2. I'm not going to talk about his dick with you, OK? (full quote)
uglystars 1. Yes, I suck dick for money. You should see me fuck, I'm the best piece of ass in three states. 2. Get out. I don't ever want to see you again. 1. What a sad little man you are. (full quote)
uglystars 1. Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin! 2. On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't fuck other women, I've never hit you, I don't mistreat you... I don't even try to touch you because you've made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you before you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn off the light when you come to bed! (full quote)
4904 why does it he dress like a bible salesman? (full quote)
4904 well then i'm a freak too! (full quote)
4904 i wouldn't remember me either. (full quote)
5171 It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. (full quote)
5553 But don't worry... You will someday. (full quote)
5568 1.) Well atleast I'm not ugly! 2.) Yes you are. And you're boring, and totally ordinary, and you know it. (full quote)
5568 1.) I'm glad you saw that! 2.) Why, so I could see what freaks you and dad are? (full quote)
5570 No I dont have to listen to you ever again (full quote)
5570 Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world...I feel like I cant take it...and my heart is going to cave in (full quote)
5994 My job mainly consists of masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, while at least once a day retireing to the mens room to 'jerk off' while fantasising about a life which dosent so closely resemble hell. (full quote)
5994 (1)man, you are one twisted fuck. (2)nope. Im just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose. (full quote)
6008 *CUNT* (full quote)
6199 1) Ah, who's car is that out front? 2) It's mine. !970 Pontiac Firebird, the car I've always wanted and now I have it. I RULE! (full quote)
6610 This will be the highlight of my day. (full quote)
6610 I wanna look good naked. (full quote)
6809 Actually this is her business. She is the drive through manager. You can never tell me what to do ever again. (full quote)
7040 1.what? 2. Ahhh whose car is that outfront? 1.Mine, 1970 Pontiac Firebird, The car I always wanted, Now I have it. I rule! (full quote)
7205 This shit it top of the line. It's called G-13. It's genetically engineered by the U.S. Government. It's extremely potent, but a completely mellow high. No paranoia (full quote)
7726 Joyless? I am not joyless. There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know Mr smarty Man. (full quote)
7937 There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life. (full quote)
8487 1) Mom, I'm not in the mood for a Kodak moment right now. (2 slaps 1) 2) listen to me, you ungrateful little brat! (full quote)
9244 its a 1970 firebird the car i have always and now i have it......i rule (full quote)
9264 I suck dick for money! (full quote)
10152 1) You total slut, you've got a crush on him! 2) what?! Plea- 1) You were defending him, you love him, you wanna have like 10'000 of his babies. 2) Shut up! (full quote)
10379 You've just become my idol (full quote)
10741 You're one to talk you bloodless, money-grubbing freak. (full quote)
11032 A: Would you like some Smiley sauce with that? B: Lester, Stop! A: No, you wont tell me what to do, EVER again. (full quote)
12153 (1)you are one twisted fuck. (2)no, i'm just a regular guy with nothing to loose. (full quote)
12153 i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a baloon that's about to burst... and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...i know, you have no idea what i'm talking about. but don't worry, you will. (full quote)
12153 it was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? and this bag was like, dancing with me. like a little kid begging me to play with it. for fifteen minutes. and that's the day i knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. video's a poor excuse. but it helps me remember... and i need to remember... sometimes there's so much beauty in the world i feel like i can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. (full quote)
12395 don't give up on me dad (full quote)
13054 I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me...but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...You will someday. (full quote)
13054 ...my job consists of basically maksing my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell. (full quote)
13122 carolyn: lester could you make me a little later, please, because i'm not quite late enough (full quote)
13122 both, my wife and my daughter think that i'm this gigantic loser and they're right. i have lost something. i'm not exactly sure what it is. (full quote)
13122 my name is lester burnham. this is my neighborhood, this is my street, this is my life. i'm 42 years old. in less than a year i will be dead. of course i don't know that yet and in a way, i'm dead already. look at me, jerking off in the shower. this will be the highlight of my day, it's all down hill from he´re. (full quote)
13392 My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This... is my life. I'm forty-two years old. In less than a year, I'll be dead. (full quote)
14310 1)what are you doing? 2)Saying hi to my monster. (full quote)
14800 Their sycamore? How could you call it THEIR sycamore? Come on, a substantial portion of the root structure was on our property! (full quote)
14800 1) Oh, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan 'cause it's more convenient that way! 2) Could you be a little bit more dramatic please? (full quote)
14800 (1) You are one twisted fuck! (2) Nope! I'm just an ordinary guy, with nothing to lose. (full quote)
14800 Welcome to America's weirdest home videos! (full quote)
  THAT'S....what....YOU....THINK!! (full quote)
  IT'S OKAY.SEE I KNOW THAT IF THEY'RE JACKING OFF TO ME THEN I HAVE A REALLY good SHOT AT BEING A MODEL. (full quote)
  Dad: How was school? Daughter: ok. Dad: just ok? Daughter: No dad, it was spectacular. (full quote)
  Janie: I need a father who's a role model. Not some horny geek boy who's going to spray his shorts everytime I bring I girlfriend home from school. (full quote)
  Everything that was meant to happen does. Eventually. (full quote)
  And then one day.... he was just... GONE. (full quote)
  (1)You're one sick fuck. (2)Nope. I'm just a guy with nothing to lose. (full quote)
  I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once... and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday (full quote)
  Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus? (full quote)
  Oh yea. Well at least I'm not ugly. (full quote)
  would you like some smiley sauce? (full quote)
  I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose (full quote)
  I wanted to tell her it would get better, but I didn't want to lie to her. (full quote)
  Remember those posters that said, Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well, that's true of every day but one --- the day you die. (full quote)
  supervisor: You twisted fuck. Lester: No, I'm just a regular trying to get by. (full quote)
  janie: dont you feel naked? Ricky: i am naked. (full quote)
  Honey, this is Ricky Fitz *giggles* he just moved in nextdoor. Well, thanks, Ricky, for the, for the thing thing. (full quote)
  Honey, this is Ricky Fitz *giggles* he just moved in nextdoor. Well, thanks, Ricky, for the, for the thing. (full quote)
  1:Whose car is that in the driveway? 2:That's mine. A 1970 Pontiac Firebird. I've always wanted it and now I have it. I rule! (full quote)
  Don't you feel naked? I am naked. (full quote)
  Something tells me that your going to remeber me this time (full quote)
  That's $50,000 dollars, that's someone's salary. That's somone who is going to get fired, because Craig has to pay women to FUCK him! (full quote)
  Today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus. (full quote)
  your So Busted (full quote)
  Angela: That's how it really is you just don't know because your some pampered little suburban chick. Girl: So are you and you were only in 17 once and you looked fat so quit acting like your good damn Christy Turlington (full quote)
  This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts. (full quote)
  There's nothing worse in life than being ordinary. (full quote)
  I'm just a regular guy with nothing to lose. (full quote)
  You better watch yourself Janie or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother! (full quote)
7066 Oh, and another thing. From now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music. Because frankly, and I don't think I'm alone here, I'm really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit. (full quote)
Demar I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it is hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once, and it is too much and my heart fills up like a ballon that is about to burst. And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude, for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I am talking about I'm sure, but don't worry, you will someday. (full quote)
10929 I flipped burgers to be able to buy an eight-track. (full quote)
10929 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted, and now I have it. (full quote)
10929 555-0199 (full quote)
11007 you cant tell me what to do ever again (full quote)
11007 (1) i wish someone would just put him out of his misery (2) do u want me to kill him (1) yeah...would you? (full quote)
14310 1: Do you party? 2: what? 1: Do you get high? (full quote)
14345 WILL SOMEbody PASS THE FUCKING ASPARAGUS?!! (full quote)
Betsy I have always heard that your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches forever, like an ocean of time...for me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars...and yellow leaves, from the maple trees that lined my street..or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper...and the first time I saw my cousin Tony's new firebird. And Janie...and Janie. And...Carolyn. I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me...but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like the rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry...you will someday. (full quote)
16270 You can talk, you bloodless, money grabbing freak. (full quote)
17361 1. I need that Super Smiley with cheese asap! 2. You need more than that my little hombre (full quote)
17856 Are you masturbating??? (full quote)
18032 Janey, thats like almost a mile! (full quote)
18417 I will sell this house today! (full quote)
18505 I've been a whore fot the advertising business for the past fourteen years. the only way I could save myself is if I started firebombing. (full quote)
20970 Mom: I'm sorry you had to see that awful scene tonight, Jane, but in a way, I'm kinda glad you did. Jane: Why?! So I can finally realize what freaks you and dad are??!! (full quote)
22155 You like...muscles? (full quote)
22722 Both my daughter and my wife think I'm a loser and I guess there right, I haev lost something (full quote)
22722 GROWING?! She hates me. She hates you too. (full quote)
22722 this country if going straight to hell. (full quote)
22722 You should see me f*** I give the best piece of a** in three states (full quote)
22722 If I had to go to NY tonight to live, would you come with me? (full quote)
22722 Angela: Jane, He's a FREAK! Jane: Well then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people. And you'll never be a freak coz you're too... perfect. Angela: Yeah well at least I'm not ugly. Janes boyf: Yes you are. And your boring and ordinary and you know it. (full quote)
goldengod Brad: Hey, Lester.....got a minute? Lester: For you Brad, I've got five. (full quote)
vanilla (Lester Burnham): I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once... and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday. (full quote)
24986 You are so busted! (full quote)
24986 That's our next-door neighbor, Jim...............and that's his lover, Jim. (full quote)
24986 Janie is a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her all that's going to pass.......... But I don't want to lie to her. (full quote)
24986 I've been writing for this magazine for fourteen years, Brad. You've been here how long, a month? (full quote)
24986 (JANE) Mom, do we always have to listen to this elevator music? (CAROLYN) No. No, we don't. As soon as you've prepared a nutritious yet flavorful meal that I'm about to eat, you can listen to whatever you like. (full quote)
24986 (1) So did you do it with him? (2) OF COURSE, I DID! He's a well known photagrapher. He shoots like, for Elle like, on a regular basis. It would've been stupid of me not to... 3) You're a total prostitute! 4) Hey...that's how things are. You just don't know because you're this pampered suburban chick 5) Well so are you! You were in 'Seventeen' once and you looked fat so stop acting like your goddamn Christy Turlington! (full quote)
24986 1) Could he be more...pathetic? 2) I think he's sweet. And...I think he and your mom have not had sex in a long time. (full quote)
24986 I will sell this house today (full quote)
24986 Lester: Well, I bet money she's going to resent it. And I'm missing the James bond marathon on TNT. (full quote)
24986 Well, you want to know how things went at my job today? They've hired this efficiency expert, this really friendly guy named Brad, how perfect is that? And he's basically there to make it seem like they're justified in firing somebody, because they couldn't just come right out and say that, could they? No, no, that would be too... honest. And so they've asked us-- --you couldn't possibly care any less, could you? (full quote)
24986 I mean, I think 'lagoon,' I think waterfall, I think tropical. This is a cement...hole. (full quote)
24986 I have some tiki torches in the garage (full quote)
24986 (COLONEL) Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you said you're partners. So what's your business? (JIM #1) Well, he's a tax attorney. (JIM #2) And he's an anesthesiologist. (full quote)
24986 Don't placate me like I'm your mother, boy. (full quote)
24986 All right, so shoot me. I was whacking off. That's right. I was choking the bishop. Shaving the carrot. Saying hi to my monster. (full quote)
24986 Can you prove you didn't offer to save my job if I'd let you blow me? (full quote)
24986 Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus. (full quote)
24986 (CAROLYN) We were just at a seminar. Buddy, this is my-- (LESTER) Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time. (full quote)
25488 I didnt lose it. It's not like, whoops, where'd my job go?? I QUIT!! (full quote)
25671 Never underestimate the power of denial. (full quote)
26016 he's like....so confident. he can't be real. (full quote)
26016 but jane he's a freak! -well then so am i! (full quote)
27914 I rule (full quote)
29939 (RICKY)How much do you want? (LESTER) I don't know, it's been a while. How much is an ounce? (RICKY) Well, this is totally decent, and it's three hundred. (LESTER) Wow. (RICKY) But this shit is top of the line. It's called G-13. Genetically engineered by the U.S. Government. Extremely potent. But a completely mellow high, no paranoia. (LESTER) Is that what we smoked last night? (RICKY) This is all I ever smoke. (LESTER) How much? (RICKY) Two grand. (LESTER) Jesus. Things have changed since 1973. (full quote)
29939 (LESTER) Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge to boot? (BRAD) Against who? (LESTER) Against you. Can you prove you didn't offer to save my job if I'd let you blow me? (BRAD) Man. You are one twisted fuck. (LESTER) Nope. I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose. (full quote)
29939 (CAROLYN) Yes! Oh, God! I love it! (BUDDY) You like getting nailed by the king? (CAROLYN) Oh yes! I love it! Fuck me, your majesty! (full quote)
29939 1) Would you like some Smiley Sauce? 2) No. No, actually... I'd like to fill out an application. 3) There's not jobs for manager, it's just for counter. 4) Good. I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility. (full quote)
29939 (CAROLYN) Ah, whose car is that out front? (LESTER) Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I always wanted and now I have it. I rule! (CAROLYN) Where's the Camry? (LESTER) I traded it in. (CAROLYN) Shouldn't you have consulted me first? (LESTER) Hmm, let me think... No. (full quote)
29939 (MANAGER) I don't think you'd fit in here. (LESTER) I have fast food experience. (MANAGER) Yeah, like twenty years ago. (LESTER) Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you have some sort of training process. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn. (full quote)
29939 (LESTER) So Janie, how was school? (JANE) It was okay. (LESTER) Just okay? (JANE) No, Dad. It was spec-tac-ular. (full quote)
29939 (LESTER) What makes you so sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come? (CAROLYN) Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. But she's been practicing her steps for weeks. (LESTER) Well, I bet money she's going to resent it. And I'm missing the James bond marathon on TNT. (CAROLYN) Lester, this is important. I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane. (LESTER) Growing? She hates me. (CAROLYN) She's just willful. (LESTER) She hates you too. (full quote)
29939 (CAROLYN) Yes! Oh, God! I love it! (BUDDY) You like getting nailed by the king? (CAROLYN) Oh yes! I love it! Fuck me, your majesty! (full quote)
29939 1) Could he be more pathetic? 2) I think he's sweet. And I think he and your mom haven't had sex in a long time. (full quote)
31028 I suppose I should be pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. (full quote)
The Raven If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model. (full quote)
cherjan This would be the highlight of my day. (full quote)
35834 Uh-oh, mom's mad..... (full quote)
36980 You don't get to tell me what to do ever again. (full quote)
38143 LESTER (V.O.) Lester:(V.O) Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser, and... they're right. (full quote)
38143 JANE: My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me. ANGELA: Gross. I hate it when my mom does that. JANE: They're such assholes. Why can't they just have their own lives? (full quote)
38143 ANGELA: CUNT!I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me. (full quote)
38143 Carolyn: Honey. Don't be weird. (full quote)
38143 Brad:(reads)...my job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell. (full quote)
38418 He just pulled down his pants and was like 'Say hello to mister happy!' (full quote)
38418 Mom's mad! (full quote)
38555 I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. (full quote)
40776 so much beauty (full quote)
43848 I didn't LOSE my job, it's not like 'oops, where'd my job go?', I QUIT! (full quote)
44453 Never under estimate the power of denial. (full quote)
45681 frankly (full quote)
JIMSOMNIAC We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time. (full quote)
ultrapablo yeah so i was whackin off, stroking the bishop, shavin the carrot, sayin "hi" to my monster! (full quote)
ultrapablo you like gettin nailed by the king? i love it! FUCK ME your MAJESTY!!! (full quote)
ultrapablo i would suck his big fat dick and then i'd fuck 'im til his eyes rolled out! (full quote)
ultrapablo ok honey. i wont be wierd. ill be whatever you want me to be. we have a very healthy relationship. (full quote)
ultrapablo It said the pool was lagoon like, theres NOTHING lagoon like about it. except maybe the bugs. there arent even any plants out here! (full quote)
tofuttiklein And I marvel at the fact that you could be so contemptuous of me on the same day that you LOOOSE your JOB! (full quote)