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Saving Silverman - 2000 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
agwendolyn 1) what else don't I know?!? 2) I have three balls. (full quote)
2049 #1-I Love you, Judith #2-Judith!? (full quote)
  I'd rather go out in a hail of bullets than go back to the big house! (full quote)
4747 COMIN A YEA HAH! (full quote)
5379 Alright! Neil Diamond's on board! (full quote)
7528 hey remember me in chemistry i as the one lighting farts on fire and singed all the pubes off me nut sack...i still cant grow pubes on my left nut (full quote)
  He he i wonder what a mime would be like if it was having sex.. Oh, ohh i'm a mime! (full quote)
1822 Bong for the lady? (full quote)
FletchFFletch Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges! (full quote)
  I don't want to see you or your fake butt ever again. (full quote)
9244 STEELER OF MY FRIEND (full quote)
  Judith escaped. der!!!! (full quote)
  Guy:Im Gay. Guy2:No your not. Guy: Do you wanna be gay with me? Guy2: No (full quote)
  Remember in science class when i was lighting farts with the bunson burner and i singed my ballsack #2-doesn't ring a bell #1-man, i still cant grow hair on my left nut. it sucks. (full quote)
  1- remember in science class when i was lighting farts with the bunson burner and i sinched my ballsack 2- doesnt ring a bell 1- man, i still cant get hair to grow on my left nut... it sucks. (full quote)
10234 Remember in science class when i was lighting farts with the bunson burner and i singed my ballsack #2-doesn't ring a bell #1-man, i still cant grow hair on my left nut. it sucks. (full quote)
  Stealer! friend! (full quote)
  Oh yeah, well one time I was driving, and this squirrel ran out into the street and I hit him. And he didn't die right then, but he was limping and stuff, I'm pretty sure he died right after. (full quote)
10630 DIE REPLACEMENT FRIEND! (full quote)
10821 1: This isn't over yet 2: We're not giving up on Daren 1: Yeahhahhh 2: Comminayahaaaaaa!!! 1: She thinks this game is over, It's not over! 2: NOOOOOOOOAHHHH! 1: We're taking this into overtime! 2: Comminayahaaaaaa!!! (full quote)
10821 1: Hey Porky, this is my boyfriend Daren, so beat it... 2: Well, it was nice meeting you Daren... Satan (full quote)
  Hey Remember me JD McNougan...I was the guy who who went to the prom with a tuxedo paitned on my naked body then accidentally slipped a glass of something on myself and every1 could see my DONG (full quote)
  1) She is like darth vader! 2) Yeah, but with better tits. (full quote)
  Hey boys watch for the corn hole!!!! (full quote)
  Hey boys watch for the corn hole!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Hey boys watch for the cornhole!!! (full quote)
  wayne: dude, mimes dont talk... jd: they do...when theyre off duty (full quote)
11321 JD - O ya & the fact that i like sucking dick (full quote)
11321 JD - Then Look us both in the eyes at that same time & tell us (full quote)
11336 1. YeaSure but he is America's Greatest Songwriter and he's our Hero. 2. And He's playing the forum in two weeks. (full quote)
11336 1.Yeah we Snuffed that broad good. 2. Oh yeah how'd you do it? 1. Uh We..... 3. Ate Her. 1. ALIVE. 2. I got to hand it to you Boys that's the perfect crime. (full quote)
11336 1. Hi I'm Wayne 2. NO 1. just...wo my friend Darren over there really want to meet you. 2. I said no (full quote)
11493 1.let me guess, that guy tried to get in your pants using a lame pick up line, i'm not like that. i use magic...CHA! (full quote)
11493 JD-i'm hungry can we go eat? wayne- yes, after the kindnapping. JD- can we go to happy burger? wayne- yes, after the kidnapping. JD- i'm gonna get a chubby checker wi.. wayne-shhh!! JD..with cheese. (full quote)
11493 wayne- yeeeeaauuh JD- comona yeeeeeaah haaaa!! wayne- she thinks this is over...its not over!! JD- nnnooooooohaaaaaa!!!! (full quote)
11493 JD-helloooo llladies. (full quote)
  1-Oh my God. 2-what? 1-This dead chick is really stacked (full quote)
  judith-hey where's your bird suit? JD-i dont neeed it cause we're, we;re Wayne-Because we're gonna kill u (full quote)
  1-Im not really comfortable with these things on my nipples 2-well we could put them on your balls 1-nipples are fine nipples work (full quote)
11336 Wayne:How much? lady 1:$50 for you and $250 for your friend. JD & Wayne: Alright! (full quote)
  JD: Dude what does a mime look like when its having sex anyway? Its probably like Oh Oh I'm a mime, I'm a mime. Wayne: Dude, mimes dont talk. JD: They do...when theyre off duty. (full quote)
  Have you ever had a girlfriend? have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man? what man? any man you mean like a tall man? sure. b/c i dont like tall people they bother me. a short man then. how short? some people can be too short, then it gets weird, like midgets. have you ever thought about having sex with ANY man?! does that include celebrities? (full quote)
  Stealer...of my freind!!! (full quote)
  ...oh my god, look at that juicy suculant peach. JD (full quote)
  she torched neil... that bitch (full quote)
  JD: Duude, if you get the nachos stuck together, that's one nacho. (full quote)
  JD: Neil! I wanna party with you! I wanna party with you!!!! (full quote)
  I wana Party With You! (full quote)
  1. I cant just go down there, she'll be able to identify me. 2. That's why your going to wear this.(holds up chicken suit) 1. Then what am i going to wear to work? 2. your work clothes! 1. But tomorrow's casual Friday! (full quote)
  Let's just say I'm a friend of the boys and I'm here to kill ya! (full quote)
  Wayne: Sorry the salsa bath..., JD: and the beer shower. (full quote)
  She knows who we are?? Dude, there was nothing I could do about it! She used her super intalect on me man, she's like Hannibal Lecter! (full quote)
  Man 1:Where do u all take a dump Man 2:We dont use the bathroom. We're trying to save up on our water bill Man 1:Then where do u all go? Man 2:the front lawn Man 1:Great Idea! Man 3:Dude you've been pitchin loads on our front lawn? I play crouquet out there! (full quote)
  we're gonna kidnap judith and set darren up with sandy! huhyeahhhhhhhhHA- ......................what? (full quote)
  1) Why didn't you answer the door? 2) I'm eating. 1)So what? 2) I don't answer the door when i'm eating. 1) I didn't know that. 2) You didn't know a lot of things. You didn't know I was gay! 1) Anything else you want to tell me? 2) I've got three balls! 1) Shut up! (full quote)
  1) what did you do with that bitch who was gonna marry Silverman? 2) We- 3) Ate Her. 1) You ate er'?! 2) We ate her. 3) ALIVE! (full quote)
  Is it dead? No, but she is in one deep coon coma. (full quote)
  admit it...i'm the strong-willed assertive man that you need and you're the hardcore bitch i've always dreamed of...choke.. (full quote)
  Die replacement friends! (full quote)
  OK where to-where to?? Go left....I'm goin right!! (full quote)
  OK where to-where to?....go left!....I'm goin right!!! (full quote)
  COMEH DE YEAAA HAH (full quote)
  1.Do you want to be gay with me? 2. No! (full quote)
  Yea well...the convent has a great gym (full quote)
  (1) Did you hear she torched his Neil Diamond albums last night, (2)She torched're right she is a monster (both start playing guitar in spanish outfits) (full quote)
  I believe i happy endings, and if Neil Diamond has something to do with it, this love storys is gonna have one. (full quote)
  1: Look into my eyes and tell me you want to marry Judith. 2: I want to marry Judith. 3: Look into both our eyes at the same time and say that. (full quote)
  Judith: Face it. your buddy smokes pole and so do you. (full quote)
  Excuse me sir this table is reserved. Look i come here all the time and i spend alot of money in this place soooo why dont you just leave me the hell alone (full quote)
  you've been pitchin loaves on the lawn man?! i play krokaye out there! (full quote)
  Dude shes Vader. No!! she is the emporer. Yeah! but with really great tits. (full quote)
  NEIL, COME back, I WANNA PARTY WITH YOU (full quote)
  Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together...thats one nacho. (full quote)
  Oh yeah, one time when I was drivin'. This squirrel ran out in the street and I ran over him, and he didn't die right then but he was limpin' and stuff. I'm pretty sure he died right after that. (full quote)
  #1)wheres the bathroom? #2) we don't use the bathroom we use the lawn! #3) U've been pinchin loafs on the lawn i play croket out there! (full quote)
  Love on the rocks, ain't no big surprise (full quote)
  c'mon ya fuckin' peice of shit! , Yea well one time i was driving and a squerril ran out in front of me and i ran it over but it didn't die right there it was limpin andstuff im pretty sure it died right after that.... (full quote)
  what about my fascination for bette midler, my preference for track lighting, and, oh yea, the fact that i like sucking dick. (full quote)
  JD: Man that is romantic...oh my God look at the juicy, suculant peach.... (full quote)
  wow you've got quiet a grip you must be a heavy say 3 times a day. you also must be a pre-mature ejaculator you start off with a big band and then...YOU'RE LIMP!i win now get out (full quote)
  If u get the nachos stuch together....Thats one nacho! (full quote)
kazlam 1) Judith escaped! 2) Der! (full quote)
7016 If you weren't a girl, I'd beat you up. (full quote)
8563 Two things you got to remember, boys: 1. Stay away from women. All they want from you is your man juice. Now, if you get any urges that you can't suppress with hard liquor, use this. Oh, 2. Sportsmanship, sportsmanship, sportsmanship. (full quote)
8563 Let me guess. That jerk tried to get in your pants with some tacky pick-up line. I'm not like that. I use magic. (full quote)
8563 You fairy wimp fruit bag! You suck! (full quote)
8563 I don't believe in premarital sex. I'd rather not cheapen what we have. (full quote)
8837 I never want to see you or your fake butt again. (full quote)
trip Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret A beer bong for milady. (full quote)
11336 ...and ever since then i have been afraid of toliets... what else can i tell you about the second grade. (full quote)
11336 Hi Officers, you're safe, I'm Cowboy Wayne just bagged me one of those.. killer goats that escaped from the zoo / good Job/ Alright then (full quote)
11336 Dude / Dude / Why didn't you answer the door? / I'm eaten / so / I don't answer the door when I'm eaten / since when / Since always / I never new that / Well you didn't know a lot of things , you didn't know i was gay / Is there anything else you want to tell me? / I got three balls / Shut Up (full quote)
11336 You wanna be gay, FINE, but from now on I'll take care of judith, myself / Hey, you wanna be gay with me? / NO (full quote)
11336 Love on the rocks aint no big suprise / But you got to help us get them back together / I don't know / Come on Neil turn on your heart light / ....Hold On / oh and did I mention i was gay. (full quote)
11336 JD: Yeah you know what....yep. its the lugnut.. fixed it. Please sit down. Judith: I'll Stand! (full quote)
11336 Wayne: you gave her your word. Darren: i never even talked to her. Wayne: well i gave her your word, now lets go. come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah alright come on! (full quote)
11904 JD:Maybe she's a herm. Darren:A herm? JD:You know, a lil dick a lil pus (full quote)
12153 Wayne :So Darren tells me you're a psychologist. Judith: That's right. Wayne: I'm in a related field. Judith: Really? What is it? Wayne: Pest and rodent removal. Judith: How is that related? Wayne: We both help people. (full quote)
12423 Carpe Poon! (full quote)
13225 Now go home and snuff that bitch!! (full quote)
13307 Isn't one and only like one..............and only? (full quote)
13896 Dude, your pinching loaves on the lawn? I play croquet on the lawn... (full quote)
14150 Dude, Judith escaped... Der!!! (full quote)
14191 Judith: you must be very well educated; I.V. League? J.D: more or less Judith: oh? which one? J.D: S.U. Judith: Stanford university? J.D: (full quote)
14375 I always knew I was different, and now I know why...........I'm gggggggaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
14412 We're going to kidnap Judith and set Darren up with Sandy!!! (full quote)
17011 she torched neil.....that bitch (full quote)
17075 1) Maybe she was kidnappened? 2) Really you think? 1) No! Why would that ever a world? (full quote)
17498 Dude you've been pitchin' loaves on the lawn....I play croquet out there! (full quote)
Snoangel28 Don't make me take away your masterbation privileges! (full quote)
20766 admit it...i'm the strong-willed assertive man that you need and you're the hardcore bithch i've always dreamed of...choke (full quote)
22736 Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a guy? JD: What kind of guy? Judith:Any kind of guy JD:like a tall guy? Judith: sure JD: I dont like tall guys! they scare me Judith: ok a short guy! Judith: How short? they can be too short ya a midget! Judith: Have u fantisized about having sex with ANY kind of guy? JD: does that include celebrities? (full quote)
24339 Wayne, I found out I’m gay”….”Wayne: No your not, your just unsuccessful with women (full quote)
26366 oh ya, and the fact that i like suckin dick (full quote)
ladyrocket19 For Pete's sake, she's gettin' away; go chop her head off or something! (full quote)
28721 This one time, I was driving, and this squirell ran our in front of me. He didn't die right then, but he was limping and stuff. I'm pretty sure he died right after that. (full quote)
colbeer 1) Go left 2) I'm goin right (full quote)
30544 Beer bong for the lady (full quote)
30916 1-You want somethin to drink 2-Yea i'll have a scotch on the rocks 1-cool do you want ice with that? (full quote)
  Is Darren here? I think he left his vespa helmet. (full quote)
  1)what's this? 2) It's our engagement party 1)Oh, then I guess our invitations must have been...lost in the mail. 3)No, I think it's possible she didn't even send us invitations. (full quote)
  Dude, you don't have to make the ckt sound. It already does that. (full quote)
  J.D. McNugent, over and out. Chkt. That was the last one. Chkt. (full quote)
  1)Use the navy seals signals. 2)I only know the air force signals. (full quote)
  I'm hit. I need backup. (full quote)
  Darren I'm leaving you. We're finished. Don't call, write, e-mail or fax again. I never want to see you or your fake butt again. Judith (full quote)
  1)But after we let Judith go, the cops will be looking for a guy in a bird suit. 2) So? 1)So what am I going to wear to work? 2) your work clothes! 1) But it's casual friday!! (full quote)
  1)She didn't even take her clothes. 2)Maybe she went somewhere that she didn't need clothes like a nudist colony or maybe she got kidnapped. 1) You think? 2)No, no. Definitely not. It's like why would that the world? (full quote)
  1) what is it? 2) This dead chick is stacked. (full quote)
  And in a totally unrelated accident, a grave was dug up. Three cuban nationals were arrested. (full quote)
  1) She knows who we are? 2)Dude, there was nothing I could do. She used her superior intellect on me. She's like Hannibal Lector. (full quote)
  1)Oh no problem coach, we were happy to act as witnesses on your behalf. 2) Yeah, that ref blew. (full quote)
  The victim's whiney family is protesting. (full quote)
  1)Is that it? Is that everything? 2) Yes. 1) Kill her (full quote)
  1)When are you going to give up on this idea that I'll go out with Sandy? 2)When you go out with Sandy. (full quote)
  I think Wayne was trying to set us up on a date. (full quote)
  1)So how our your parents? 2)Great. They're making a fortune on the internet. They set up this website called (full quote)
  1)So how are you? 2)good. Great, yeah. Well, my fiance died. (full quote)
  You got your choice: porno or monster trucks. Oh, and there's one that's both. (full quote)
  You're the only person who's ever truly understood me. IEIEIEIEIEEIEI!!!!! (full quote)
  I see her...I missed her. (full quote)
  Hold them goddam horses...Ohhh...Mr. Chung get lucky. (falls down stairs) Oh scrotum. (full quote)
  I, uh, just bagged me one of them..killer goats that uh escaped from the...zoo. OK then, see you later. (full quote)
  1)Judith got me intouch with the inner J.D. 2)How'd she do that? 1)She listened. Unlike some other people who've known me for years. (full quote)
  Now, let's go bust out some power squats. (full quote)
  1)There, that should keep you from ecscaping again... And this should keep you from biting. 2)How am a I going to eat. 1)I thought of that too. 2)what is that? 1)Breakfast. (full quote)
  1)I'm not eating that shit. I want a Big Montana. 2)No, I'm not going to get you one. (full quote)
  Well, there's the duck - that was always Judith's favorite. (full quote)
  1)I'm not sure I'm comfortable having these things on my nipples. 2)I could put them on your balls. 2)Nipples are good. (full quote)
  1)what happened? 2)I ran here. 1)From the nightclub? But that's 30 miles. (full quote)
  I just happened to be by Arby's and they were throwing out old food. (full quote)
  I will admit there's something sexy about a man taking charge. Like you kidnapping me. That took balls. Big balls. I gotta say it turned me on. (full quote)
  1)Goddamn these chains! Haa!!! Wait what am I doing? 2)Just give me one free hand and I promise it'll be worth it. (full quote)
  Are you crazy? Coach can't stay here we got a woman locked in the garage. (full quote)
  1)You boys got any TP? 2)No! 1)That's all right. I'll find something. (full quote)
  1)We'll tell him we got dates tonight. He can't be here cause we're getting LAID. 2)No he'll never believe that. 1)Oh yeah. Oh! We'll tell him we got ghosts. 3)So, boys, what's for supper? 2)Listen coach. 1)We got ghosts! (full quote)
  Go chop her head off or something. There's no fight left in you boys. You're nutless. (full quote)
  I'm not a tramp. Actually, until yesterday I was training to become a nun. (full quote)
  I'm gone for one week, and you're screwing a nun? (full quote)
  1)Wher're we going? 2)where? I don't know we got to find her, come on! Ok, where to? 1)Go left! 2)I'm going right. (full quote)
  1)They kept me in a dark closet for days. And they fed me, like, crushed potato chips under the doohohor. 2)Um, maybe I should go. 3)Oh, no Sandy. Don't leave. 2)Well but Judith's alive. (full quote)
  1)Coach, jail life is terrible. They're making us their girlfriends. 2)What? They're making you wear dresses in there? That's sick. 3)You're somebody's girlfriend? Who? I want to meet him. (full quote)
  1)Here, we got you some clothes. 2)Where did you get these? 1)J.D.'s sister. She's a stripper - and a hooker. (full quote)
  1)What the hell is going on? 2)Neil, let me explain. 1)Hey you're those guys who have been sending me all those letters and tapes. Naked pictures. 2)We never sent you any letters...3)Sorry. (full quote)
  Just because I lost Darren doesn't mean I'm crazy enough to hook up with you. (full quote)
  1)Why can't you just admit that when you kissed me, you liked it? 2)You're right. I have a weakness for incompetent morons. 1)Admit it! I'm the strong-willed, assertive man that you need...and you're the hard-core bitch that I've always dreamed of. CHHKKTT (Choking) (full quote)
  I now pronounce you man and wife. I now pronounce you man and wife...I now pronounce you man and man. You may kiss the man. (full quote)
  Isn't one and only (full quote)
  Oh yeah? One time I was drivin, and this squirrel ran out in the road and I rasn over it. It didn't die right then but it was limpin' and stuff. I'm pretty sure it died right after that. J.D. (full quote)
  yep, it was the lugnut.... fixed it (full quote)
  Wayne: We ate her Coach: You ate her? JD: ALIVE! (full quote)
  Judith: I'll have a scotch on the rocks. J.D.: You want that with ice? (full quote)
  JD: Dude, dosen't your one and only mean your one.........and only? (full quote)
  JD:Maybe she was kidnapped. Darren:you think so??? JD:, why would that a world? (full quote)
  I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife, You May Kiss The Bride! I Now Pronouce You Man And Wife, You May Kiss The Bride! I Know Pronounce You Man And Man, You May Kiss The Man! (full quote)
  (1) i dont think i feel comfortable with these things on my nipples (2) i could put them on your balls (1) nipples are good, nipples are fine. (full quote)
  But sandy...shes like an angel...a god!... NO, shes like mother theresa, yea only with way better tits (full quote)
  maybe shes a herm.. (full quote)
  i wanna party with you!!!! (full quote)
  ya ate her? thats the perfect crime. (full quote)
  Wayne: Hi, Officers. youre safe. I just begged me one of dem killer goats from the zoo. (full quote)
  1)I'm gay 2)No youre not your just unsuccessful with women.1)No im gay judith got me intouch with the inner jd2)o yea howd she do that?1)She listened..unlike other friends whove known me my whole life and have ignored all the tell tale signs.2)Like what?1)My obsession with Bette Midler, my preference for track lighting, oh yea and the fact that i like sucking..2)WHAT!! youve done that? 1)well no but remeber when i bought that book on yoga? (full quote)
  Ll they want from you is your man juice (full quote)
  JD Mcnugent signing off...Chhh (full quote)
  dude, when the nachos stick together it counts as one nacho (full quote)
  dude... if you got a bunch of nachos stuck together... thats one nacho (full quote)
  Dude, if you get 2 nachos stuck together, its like 1 nacho.. (full quote)
  Wayne:Dude, we miss you./JD: Yeah, we never see you anymore./Darren: Well, I've been kind of busy. Plus, with my relationship counseling sessions.../Wayne: You're in counseling?/Darren: Yeah, yeah. I go two hours, three times a week./Wayne: Oh yeah, who's your counselor?/Darren: Judith. (full quote)
  oh man get your ding dong out of my cornhole, its gross, there is poo poo everywhere (full quote)
  man you been pitchin loads in the front yard, i play crochet out there. (full quote)
  Dude if the nachos are stuck together its one nacho... (full quote)
  hey sandy remember me jd mcnugent? i was the guy who went to the senior prom with a tuxedo painted on my naked body. i spilled some juice and the paint ran and everyone could see my dong? oo doesnt ring a bell.. (full quote)
  Damn, that was my favorite jacket. (full quote)
  If all the nachos are stuck together... it counts as one nacho. (full quote)
  Doesn't one and only mean like one...and only? (full quote)
  helllllllllooooooooooooo ladiesssssssssssssssss (full quote)
  yeah we ate her...alive (full quote)
  yeah we ate her...alive (full quote)
  look at that suckulent beast (Butterfly by Crazy Town playing in the back round) (Judith's hair blowing)
(full quote)
8563 Stay back. I'm goin' in. (full quote)
10929 Evil woman. (full quote)
10929 Hello Hello. (full quote)
10929 I believe in happy endings. (full quote)
10929 Cherry, Cherry. (full quote)
32472 c'mon,c'mon,c'mon,c'mon C'MON!!!! okay okay (full quote)
32472 (doing hand signals) Comeon im using the Marine hand signals...i only know the navy seal signals! (full quote)
33585 1) Dude, mimes don't talk. 2) They do when they' duty. (full quote)
cagsy Anything else you want to tell me? Ya I have 3 balls. (full quote)
38324 He's my puppet and Im his puppet master (full quote)
44334 just remember, women are only after yer manjuice. if you ever have any urges you can supress with hard liquor, just use this (holds up hand) (full quote)
45511 Dude, you've been pinchin' loaves on the lawn. I play croquet out there. (full quote)
melkiper "It was the lugnut...fixed it" - Jables (full quote)