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Bridget Jones' Diary - 2001 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  oh buga buga (full quote)
8487 Hello, Brigdet Jones, wanted sex goddess....Mum! (full quote)
10679 (1)Wait a minute...nice men don't kiss like that. (2)Oh yes, they fucking do. (full quote)
eviltwin 1. what do you think about the El Nino Phenomenon? 2. It's a blip. Latin music is on its way out (full quote)
10905 where the fuck is the fucking tuna? (full quote)
3605 This calls for some really tiny knickers! (full quote)
3605 If working here means I am within 10 yards of you, I would rather wipe Saddam Hussein's arse! (full quote)
3605 Mother, I do not need a blind date. Not with a verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother. (full quote)
3605 1) Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries. 2) That is one of the reasons that I'm so happy to be living in Britain today. (full quote)
3605 I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan. (full quote)
3605 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper. (full quote)
  But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. (full quote)
  I like you just the way you are (full quote)
3225 It is my pleasure to introduce Mr....um...um...*thinking to herself Tits pervert. Tits pervert* Mr...umm...*tits pervert*...Mr. Fitzherbert (full quote)
3225 Is skirt off sick? (full quote)
3605 There's something I have to say. You once said that you liked me just as I was...and I just wanted to say that...well...likewise, you know? You wear stupid things your Mum buys, you think in every situation, and I think you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But you're a nice man and I like you...and, if you wanted to drop by soon, it would be nice. More than nice. (full quote)
  these are absolutley enormous panties (full quote)
11689 Bridget *****, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs..... Mum. (full quote)
12089 I'll bet you did you dirty bitch! (full quote)
12089 Come the fuck on Bridget! (full quote)
12089 He's just a big knob head with no knob. (full quote)
12153 (1) OK, tell me about the girls teaching you how to French kiss. (2) It wasn't French kissing. (1) I don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones. (full quote)
2655 1)Are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 2)Not 1)No fucking room anyway. (full quote)
9193 This is Bridget Jones, searching for tuna (full quote)
9193 Am destined to die alone. and be found three weeks later half eaten by alsations. (full quote)
  You're such a lovely normal color... (full quote)
619 She smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dresses like her mother! (full quote)
  FIGHT!!!...no, a REAL FIGHT!!! (full quote)
11870 I thought you said she was thin. (full quote)
5352 The only thing worse than Smug Married Couples...LOTS of Smug Marrieed Couples (full quote)
5352 1) So why do you want to work in Television? 2)I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 1)Fair enough , start on monday we'll see how we go (full quote)
5352 1)Mark ? you remember Bridget ? She used to run around you lawn with no clothes on ? 2)..Not as such , no (full quote)
5352 Great..I was wearing..a carpet (full quote)
13570 Tell them they can stick...there fucking leavus...up... their fucking arse's! (full quote)
13901 1. Nice boys don't kiss like that 2. O yes they fucking do (full quote)
14736 1)So do you have any kids of your own? 2)Oh god no! (full quote)
12095 It is my pleasure to introduce Mr...(thinking to herself: Tits pervert. Tits pervert) Mr...(tits pervert)...Mr. Fitzherbert... because that's his name (full quote)
12095 hello..... hello..... 'OY'. I'm going to have to shout because the microphone's not working (full quote)
12095 It is my pleasure to introduce Mr.....erm (thinking to herself Tits pervert, Tits pervert) Mr.... (tits pervert)...Mr. Fitzherbert ..... because that's his name (full quote)
  I've had quite enough of this emotional fuckwittage, thank you. (full quote)
  I Like you just as you are! (full quote)
  BUGGAR OFF! (full quote)
  skirt off sick? (full quote)
  wanker..... (full quote)
  A gripping life you do lead (full quote)
  P.S. Like your tits in that top. (full quote)
  Well thank-you Daniel, that is very good to know, but if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly i'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse. (full quote)
  NASTY BASTARD!!! (full quote)
  Fuuuuuuuuuuuck (full quote)
  Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? I mean, you seem to go out of your way to try to make me feel like a complete idiot everytime I see you - and you really needn't bother....I already feel like an idiot most of the time, anyway - with or without a fireman's pole (full quote)
  where the fuck is the fucking tuna? (full quote)
  Shut up. I am very busy and important (full quote)
  mmmm. turkey curry. my favorite. (full quote)
  You wear those horrible sweaters your mother buys you... tonight's another classic... (full quote)
  Alcohol units... oh, thousands. (full quote)
  1) (name) didn't get the message either. 2) what? 1) Oh, I was just telling Bridget that you didn't get the message that the priests and prostitues thing was off. 2) I did. 1) Oh. Lovely shirt. (full quote)
  If you are intent on making me feel like an idoit all of the time, you really needn't bother, I already do. (full quote)
  Ding Dong! Maybe this time mum had got it right! (full quote)
  I decided to take control of my life and start a diary, to tell the truth about Bridget Jones, the whole truth. Resolution Number 1: Obviously will lose twenty pounds, Number 2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, Find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with, and not continue to form romantic attatchments to any of the following: Alcoholics, workoholics, committment phobics, peeping toms, meglomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. And especially, will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things. (full quote)
  Very bad start to the year: have been seduced by informality of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundral- will perservire with resolution to find a nice, sensible man. Will put a stop to flirting FIRST thing tommorrow. good PLAN! (full quote)
  You've got a boyfriend? A real one?? (full quote)
  You've got a boyfriend? A real one?? (full quote)
  Nice guys don't kiss like that.? Yes they fucking do. (full quote)
9193 This is Bridget Jones's from Sit Up Brittin searching for tuna. (full quote)
CarmiCrowe I will persevere, will put a stop to all flirting, first thing tomorrow! (full quote)
CarmiCrowe I will persevere, will put a stop to all flirting, first thing tomorrow. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, your little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret The gravy's going to need sieving. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret (Jude):Just as you are? He didn't say thinner with a slightly smaller nose and bigger breasts? (Bridget): No Tom: And you hate this guy, right? (Bridget): Yes (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret Natasha, this is Bridget. Bridget works in a publishing house and she used to play around naked in my paddling pool. (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences.... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.' (full quote)
MaggieForMargaret Well done Bridge, 4 hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup, omelette and marmalade. (full quote)
11680 Is skirt off sick? (full quote)
13809 I like you, just as you are. (full quote)
13809 #1: (Reciting) Season of mist and mellow fruitlessness. #2: Fuck me, I love Keats! (full quote)
13809 Oh, bugger, bugger! (full quote)
13809 Oh, shit! Double shit! (full quote)
14310 I thought you said she was thin. (full quote)
14310 I'll go home and de-bunny. (full quote)
14800 It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life starts looking up, another part falls to pieces. (full quote)
15264 1. Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that. 2. Oh, yes they fucking do. (full quote)
18205 Christ.... is that blue soup? (full quote)
19755 Fuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!! (full quote)
19862 (1)'Here's to Bridget, Just the way she is' (Everyone else)'To Bridget, Just the way she is' (full quote)
23438 Bridget: My Mum. A strange creature from a time when a gherkin was still the height of sophistication. (full quote)
23438 His wife was Japanese, very cruel race. (full quote)
23438 Bridget: Great. I was wearing a Carpet. (full quote)
23438 Bridget: Actually, not my Uncle. Someone who insists I call him uncle, while he gropes my arse, and asks me the question dreaded by all singletons. Geoffrey: So, How's your love life? (full quote)
23438 You remember Bridget. She used to run around on your lawn with no clothes on, remember? (full quote)
23438 Bridget: I sudennly realised that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine. I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later, half eaten by alsations. Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close, in 'Fatal Attraction'. (full quote)
23438 Bridget: And so I made a major decision. I had to make sure that next year, I wouldn't end up shit-faced, and listening to SAD-FM easy listening for the over thirties. (full quote)
23438 Bridget: Mr. Fitzherbert, Titspervert more like. Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts, with no idea who I am or what I do. (full quote)
23438 He's just a big knob-head with no knob. (full quote)
23438 Shazza, Journalist. Like's to say 'Fuck' ..alot. (full quote)
23438 Bridget: Tom. eighties pop icon who only wrote one hit record. Then retired, because he found that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the nineties. Total Poof, of course. (full quote)
23817 (Bridget) Wish me luck! (Man on street) good luck, crazy girl!!! (full quote)
24366 1. Why are there so MANY unmarried women these days? 2. It could be because beneath our clothes, our bodies are completely covered with scales?!? (full quote)
24366 1. Why do you want to work in children's television? 2. Because I feel that children are the future. 1. Do you have any children of your own? 2. Oh God no....yecch!! (full quote)
24366 Hey Bridge.....how's your love life? (full quote)
24366 Never dip your nib in the company ink! (full quote)
24366 I very much enjoyed your Lewisham firehouse report, by the way. (full quote)
24366 I very much enjoyed your Lewisham firehouse report, by the way. (full quote)
24366 To Bridget, who cannot cook but whom we love, just the way she is! (full quote)
25630 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet, I was unforgivably rude, and wearing a reindeer jumper. (full quote)
25630 These are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And these are... fuck me! Absolutely enormous panties! (full quote)
1ajas Wait a minute - nice boys don't kiss like that. Oh yes they fucking do. (full quote)
27812 You have no messages. (full quote)
peacock2 1) What are you doing here? 2) I left and realized I forgot to do something. 1) What? 2) Kiss you goodbye. 1) So you are not going to America? 2) Seems not. (full quote)
peacock2 1) Wait a minute. Nice guys don't kiss like that. 2) Oh yes they fucking do. (full quote)
32757 Bridget: So, how do you feel about this whole situation in Chechnya? Nightmare, huh? Daniel: I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. (full quote)
32757 These are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And these are... fuck me! Absolutely enormous panties! (full quote)
32925 woman: wait a minute. nice boys don't kiss like that. man: oh yes, they fucking do. (full quote)
Arsey Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a premature middle-aged prick with a cruel race ex-wife. Perpetua's a fat-ass old hag who spends her time bossing me around. (full quote)
Arsey There she is. Myyyy liiiiittleee Bridguuuurt! Whahp Whahp! (full quote)
Arsey 1. There are elements of absurdity in you. your mother's pretty interesting. You let whatever is in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. What I am trying to say very inarticulatly is that I like you.....2. Except for the smoking, the drinking, the vulgar mother, the verbal diarrhoea.....1. No, I like you. Just as you are. (full quote)
Arsey 1. I'm thinking mini-skirt, firemen's helmet, I'm thinking pointing a hose, sliding down a pole and then doing the interview. 2. Right. I'll do that, Richard. (full quote)
Arsey 1. Go. Gogo go, GO! 2. Go? 1. Oh no, we're gonna fly back to Newcastle first. Stop! Climb back up, climb back up! 3. Neville, what the fuck is she doing? She's supposed the slide down te pole, not climbing up it! 1. Go! (full quote)
Arsey And now......back to the studioooooooohhh!! (full quote)
Arsey 1. What is your problem? 2. My problem? 1. Yes. you pretend to be all moral and noble and normal, while in fact your just as bad as the rest of 'm. 2. Well I can see I've been labouring under a misapprehension. Very, very foolish mistake, forgive me. (full quote)
  Hi Uncle Geoffery. Not really my Uncle but he insists on me calling him that while he grabs my arse and asks the question dreaded by all singletons. (2) How's your love life? (3) Great Uncle G. (full quote)
  maybe I could take your skirt out to lunch Jones, and fatten it up a bit (full quote)
  No, I like you very much...just as you are. (full quote)
  Where the fuck is the fucking tuna?? This is Bridget Jones searching for tuna! (full quote)
  No I like you.. Just as you are (full quote)
  Ladies and gentleman, ladies and gentleman, OIII, OIII the mics not working. Than you all for coming here to the launch of Kafkas motorbike the greatest Book of our time, except for your books Mr Rushti which are very good, and... Lord Archer (pause) yours aren't bad either.. Anyway what i mean is now to introduce probably the top 30 book of our time...haha properly is the man we all call, Mr...Mr... (titspervert) Fitzherbert becuase thats is his name....Mr FItzherbert....Thank you (full quote)
  Bridgette Jones wanting sex goddess with a very bad man between her thighs....Mum! Hi! (full quote)
  Old man - Excuse me? But... Tom - Yes, yes it was me, no further plans to make a record. Old man - I'm sorry but your chair..is on my wife's coat. Tom - Oh I'm so sorry! (full quote)
  This is Bridget Jones, for Sit Up Britain, searching for tuna. (full quote)
  BJ: Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? DC: I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. (full quote)
  P.S. Like your tits in that top (full quote)
  1: Welcome to the launch of Kafka's Motorbike, the greatest book of our time. Except yours, Mr. Rushdie...yours are very good. *small applause* And...Lord Archer! yours aren't bad either. Anyway, um, welcome to the launch of one of the top thirty books of our time--at least! And here to introduce it is the man we all call...Titspervert. Titspervert....Fitzherbert, because that...is his name. (full quote)
  I will not be beaten by a bad man and an American Stick insect. Instead, i choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan. (full quote)
  Pam: Mark? You remember Bridget don't you? She used to run around your backyard naked. (full quote)
  Mark: Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, swims like a fish and dresses like her mother. Bridget: Mmm...yum yum. Turkey curry, my favourite. (full quote)
  Bridget: Will put a stop to flirting first thing tomorrow morning. good PLAN! (full quote)
  Bridget: I am the intellectual equal of everyone in this room. I'll ignore Daniel and be fabulous with everyone else... (full quote)
  Salman Rushdie: What your opinion? Bridget: Do you know...where the toilets are? Hmm? (full quote)
  Bridget: Ladies and gentlemen...Ladies and gentlemen...Ladies and...OI! OI! Can you all turn around please? The mics not working...Ladies and gentlemen, weclome to the launch of Kafka's Motorbike, the greatest book of our time...except for yours Salman Rusdie which are also very good. And yours Lord Archer...yours...aren't bad. Anyway, welcome to the launch of Kafka's Motorbike, one of the...top thirty books of our time and here to introduce it...properly... is a man we all call Mr...er...(titspervert)...Mr...(Titspervert)...Mr...(TITSPERVERT)...Fitzherbert because that...is his name. Mr Fitzherbert? Mr Fitzherbert: Thank you Brenda. I'll just turn the mircrophone ON. (full quote)
  Bridget: Hello Mr Fitzherbert. Mr Fitzherbert: Hello Brenda. Bridget: Mr Fitzherbert, titspervert more like, stares freely at my breasts having now idea who I cam or what I do. (full quote)
  Bridget: Perpetua. Slightly senior and therefore thinks she can boss me around. Most of the time I just want to staple things to her head. (full quote)
  Bridget: Thank-you for calling Professor Leavis. Daniel: Was that F.R.Leavis? Bridget: Mmm-hmm. Daniel: The F.R.Leavis? Bridget: Mm-hmm. Daniel: The F.R.Leavis who wrote Mass and Minority Culture? Bridget: *Nods* Daniel: The F.R.Leavis who died in 1978? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! (full quote)
  Bridget: It's not you, it's Vile Richard. Ugh, he's just a big knob head with no knob. (full quote)
  Bridget: Shazza. Journalist. Likes to say fuck. A LOT. (full quote)
  Tom: Who are we going for? Jude and Shazza: Mark, of course! Shazza: He didn't dump Bridget for some naked American. Jude: And he said he likes her just the way she is. Bridget: But he did sleep with Daniel's fiance and left him broken hearted. Tom: It's a very tough one to call. (full quote)
  Bridget: Have you seen my dad? Pam: Yes, he's behaving very oddly. I think he actually tried to flirt with _________. She was very frightened, you know, she only just had her ovaries done. (full quote)
  Pam: The truth is, close up he was almost purple. You were always such a lovely normal colour. (full quote)
  Bridget: Did I really use to run around your lawn naked. Mark: Yes, you were four and I was eight. Bridget: That's a pretty big age difference. Quite pervy really. Mark: Yes, I like to think so. (full quote)
  Richard: Why do you want to work in television? Bridget: I have to leave my current job because I shagged my boss. Richard: Fine, you start Monday. And by the way, nobody in Sit-Up Britain gets fired for shagging the boss...that's a matter of principle. (full quote)
  Bridget: Isn't it tragic about Chechnya? Chech-NYA? (full quote)
  Everyone: To Mark and his Natasha! Bridget: No! NO! It's just that...it's such a terrible pity. For Britain. To lose such top people...top person, really. (full quote)
  Perpetua: Anybody going to introduce me? *Ah...introduce people with thoughtful detail...* Bridget: Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a premature middle-age prick with a cruel race ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-ass old bag who enjoys bossing me around. *...maybe not.* Bridget: Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top lawyer, he works for foreign affairs. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues. Mark: Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is my partner and is a top family law barrister. Bridget works in publishing and used to run around my backyard naked. Natasha: How odd. (full quote)
  Bridget: Great... am national laughing stock. Have bum the size of Brazil, am daughter of a broken home, and rubbish at everything and...oh, God. Dinner at Magda and Jeremy's. The only thing worse than smug married couples...LOTS of smug married couples. (full quote)
  Natasha: Odd what some men find attractive. (full quote)
  Geoffrey: There she is! My...little...Bridget! Bridget: Hi, Uncle G. *Actually not my uncle. Someone who makes me call him uncle while he gropes my ass and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons.* Geoffrey: So...how's your love life? Bridget: Super! Thanks Uncle G! (full quote)
  Tom: Three hours of careful cooking to produce a meal of eggs, marmalade and blue soup. I think this deserves a toast. To Bridget. Who can't cook but who we love. Just the way she is. (full quote)
  Jude: He said he likes you just the way you are? Not with slightly bigger breasts or a slightly smaller nose? Shazza: Well. Fuck me. Tom: And this is someone you hate, right? Bridget: Oh, yes... hate him. (full quote)
  Bridget's diary: He acts like he has a giant gherkin thrust up his backside... (full quote)
  Pam: What are you wearing? Bridget: This. Pam: Don't be ridiculous, you'll never get a boyfriend dressed like that. Go upstairs, I've laid out somethign lovely on your bed. *Great. I was wearing a curtain.* (full quote)
  i thought you said she was thin (full quote)
  Bridget Jones: Spinster and Lunatic (full quote)
  How the hell do you know Assy Darcy! (full quote)
  Tits pervert. (full quote)
Paul_Lvr_18 Resolution #1: uggg - will obviously loose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things. (full quote)
10929 Up, up and away. (full quote)
10929 Kiss that girl. (full quote)
10929 Me and Mrs. Jones. (full quote)
10929 Fly me to the moon. (full quote)
10929 Ain't no mountain high enough. (full quote)
10929 Can't take my eyes off you. (full quote)
10929 Respect. (full quote)
10929 Without you. (full quote)
DramaQueen where the fuck is the fucking tuna?! (full quote)
swcheppes 1)wait a minute nice boys don't kiss like that 2)oh yes they fucking do (full quote)
Arsey 1) For Christ sake. It's only a diary. Everyone knows diary's are full of crap, anyway. 2) I know that. I was just buying you a new one. Time to make a fresh start perhaps. (full quote)
Arsey I didn't mean it. Well,... I meant it, but I didnt mean what I meant. (full quote)
Arsey I didn't mean it. Well, ...I meant it, but I was being so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. (full quote)
Arsey If I would come in with my knickers on my head he wouldn't notice. (full quote)
Arsey 1.I feel like the grasshopper who sang all summer, like Germaine sodding Geer. 2. Greer 1. Anyway, I'm not having it. Julian thinks I have potential. (full quote)
Arsey 1.How does it look? 2.Uh, great. It's uhm blue. 1.Blue. 2.But blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food. (full quote)
Arsey 1.What are we going to do about this dinner then? 2.You have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have, uh, congealed green gunge. 1.That is caperberry gravy. 2.Right, caperberry gravy. Do you have eggs? (full quote)
Arsey 1.Did I really run around your lawn with no clothes on? 2.Yes. You were four and I was eight. 1.That's a pretty big age difference. A bit pervy, really. 2.Yes, I like to think so. (full quote)
Arsey 1.By the by, that man is gorgeous. 2.Mark? Yes. Give it time, just give it time. (full quote)
Arsey Oh, just sod off. (full quote)
The Raven My! What a gripping life you do lead! (full quote)
The Raven This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. (full quote)
The Raven Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney and dresses like her mother. (full quote)
The Raven I like a woman with an arse you can park a bike in and balance a pint of beer on. (full quote)
The Raven Neville, what the fuck is going on? She's supposed to be sliding down the fireman's pole, not climbing up it! (full quote)
36127 Man in restaurant: Erm, excuse me sir, if you don't mind... Tom: Yes. It was me. Twelve years ago. No plans to record anything else. Thank-you... Man: It's just that... your chair is on my wife's jacket. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Hello dad! They didn't tell you either! Dad: Well, I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Hello dad! They didn't tell you either! Dad: Well, I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: I will not be defeated by a bad man and his American stick insect. Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan. (full quote)
36127 Mark: Perhaps what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately is, that despite appearances, I like you. Bridget: Despite the smoking, and the drinking, and the vulgar mother -- ah, and the verbal diahorreah-- Mark: No, I like you, very much. Just as you are. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Are you and Nemo in this together? You seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot, and you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time. With or without a fireman's pole. (full quote)
36127 Daniel: So how do you know Mark Darcey anyway? Bridget: Apparantly I used to swim around his paddling pool naked. Daniel: I bet you did, you dirty bitch. Bridget: And what about you? Daniel: Same. (full quote)
36127 Perpetua: Anybody going to introduce me? Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcey. He's a premature middle-aged prick with a cruel race ex-wife. Pertetua's a fart-ass old bag who enjoys bossing me around. (full quote)
36127 Surely not, just stir it Una! (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? This is Bridget Jones from Sit-Up Britain, searching for tuna... (full quote)
36127 Mark: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear whatshisname... (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Tom. 80's pop icon, who only wrote one hit record, then stopped because he found that one record was enough to get him laid for the whole of the nineties. Complete poof of course. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Shut up please, I am very busy and important. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: Great. Am national laughing stock. Have bum the size of Brazil, and rubbish at everything and...Oh, God. Dinner at Magda and Jeremy's. The only thing worse than smug married couples... Out loud: LOTS of smug married couples. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: It's just a diary. Everyone knows that diaries are just full of crap. (full quote)
36127 Mum: Mark Darcey's going to be there. Still divorced. Bridget: And, still dearranged. (full quote)
36127 Mum: Mark Darcey's going to be there. Still divorced. Bridget: And, still dearranged. (full quote)
36127 Bridget: What is your problem? Mark: My problem? Bridget: You give the impression of being all moral, and noble...and normal...and helpful in the kitchen. But your just as bad as the rest of them. Mark: Right...I seem to be working under a misapprehension. Very foolish on my part. Forgive me. (full quote)
36127 Daniel: We belong together Jones. You, me... your little skirt. If I can't make it with you, than I can't make it with anyone. (full quote)
36127 Daniel: There was a young lady from Eiling, who had a peculiar feeling. She sat on her back, and opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling. (full quote)
36127 Daniel: Wanker... (full quote)
36199 You know you don't have to try to make me feel stupid. I pretty much feel like an idiot most of the time anyway. (full quote)
37956 I guess it doesn't help that underneath our clothes we are all covered in scales. (full quote)
38880 (1) Nice boys don't kiss like that. (2) Oh yes, they fucking do. (full quote)
39137 If it won't work with you, it won't work with anybody (full quote)
40905 1.Wait a minute. Nice boys don't kiss like that. 2.Oh, yes, they fuckin' do. (full quote)
42226 Bridget: My mother, a strange creature from when the gherkin was still the heigh of sophistication... (full quote)
42226 Geoffrey: How's my little Burridget? Bridget: Hello, Uncle Geoffrey. *Actually, not my uncle. Someone who makes me call him uncle while he gropes my ass and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons.* Geoffrey: So. How's your love life? Bridget: Super. Thanks Uncle G. (full quote)
42226 Pamela: We're going to see if Mark fancies a gherkin. Bridget: Ding dong! Maybe mum had got it right this time. *Looks at reindeer jumper.* Maybe not. (full quote)
42226 Bridget: So... Mark: So. Bridget: You staying with your parents for new years? Mark: Yes...and you? Bridget: Oh no, I've just come back from a party. Afrid I'm a bit hungover. New Year's resolution, stop drinking *looks at wine in hand and laughs.* And, stop smoking... *Both look at cigarette* ...and stop talking absolute nonsense to strangers. Mark: Yes...well, perhaps its time to eat. (full quote)
miannone Tom: Whose side are we on? Shazzer: Mark's, of course. He never dumped Bridget for some naked American. Bridget: But he did shag Daniel's fiancee and leave him broken hearted. Tom: You're right, it's a tough one to call. (full quote)
miannone Pam: I must say, the sex is still quite surprising. Do you know just the other day I was dozing off and I felt this huge - Bridget: Bye, Mum. [hangs up phone] (full quote)
miannone Mark: Natasha, this is Bridget Jones. Bridget works in a publishing house and she used to play around naked in my paddling pool. (full quote)
miannone Bridget: Perhaps this is the mysterious Mr. Right I've been waiting my whole life to meet. [sees Mark in a reindeer sweater] Bridget: Perhaps not. (full quote)
miannone Richard: Why do you want to work on television? Bridget: I have to leave my job because I shagged my boss. Richard: Fair enough, start on Monday. (full quote)
miannone Perpetua: Is anyone going to introduce me? Bridget: [imagining] Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-assed old bag who spends her time bossing me around. Bridget: [voice-over] Maybe not. (full quote)