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Bruce Almighty - 2003 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  Behind every good man, is a woman rolling her eyes. (full quote)
  Bruce: LOVE ME! LOVE ME! Grace: I did. (full quote)
  back to you FUCKERS! (full quote)
29029 It's a good thing I'm wearing this, so no hair gets in the boogers. (full quote)
29029 We've got a Walt Disney. He's frozen solid. (full quote)
29029 1. Is this heaven? 2. It's Mount Everest. You need to flip on the Discovery Channel more often. (full quote)
  You can't just kneel down in a highway and expect to live (full quote)
  Do you like jazz?!?!?! Because I can play that note all day Evan. (full quote)
  Its good. Its good. Its GOOOOOD. (full quote)
  Smite me, Almighty Smiter! (full quote)
  HI HO Silver (full quote)
  I just heard about evans new position,good luck to you evan backstaber, bastard, i mean baxter. (full quote)
  B-E-A-utiful!!!! (full quote)
  Everything happens for a reason. (full quote)
  You can't kneel down in the middle of the highway and live to tell about it (full quote)
  A teenager turning down drugs for an education...now that's a miracle (full quote)
  You anal dwelling ass monkey (full quote)
  no thats ok, ill just take the elevator. Its broken. oh, well the stairs were my second choice anyways! (full quote)
  You know, I woke up this morning and I sweapr my boobs were bigger! (full quote)
  Bruce: How do you make someone love you without messing with free will? God: Welcome to my world. (full quote)
  yeah we're doing it DOGGY STYLE! (full quote)
  God, why do you hate me? (full quote)
  God's just a mean kid sittin on an ant hill... (full quote)
  I like-a da cha cha cha. (full quote)
  i got the power (full quote)
22841 back to you, f--kers! (full quote)
  Bruce: Ok fine, i admit, I'm an ass. Kid: HE said ASS Bruce: Yes, but its ok when i'm referring to a donkey. Now if i said Ass ho- Grace: [widens her eyes] Lets go back in [grabs the kid] (full quote)
  the day a monkey comes out my butt then u get ur sorry!!! (full quote)
31544 Please God, I still love him, help me let him go, please, help me let him go. (full quote)
30846 Pleasurable, pleasurable.... (full quote)
21100 And that's the way the cookie crumbles. (full quote)
  and that's the way the cookie crumbles.. (full quote)
Bubbles You've got prayers. (full quote)
  God:Finding yourself isn't a miracle A single mom who is working two jobs and still finds time to take her kids to soccer practice. That's a miracle! A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education. That's a miracle! People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is, they have the power. You want to see a miracle son? Be the miracle! Bruce: Wait, are you leaving? God: Yeah, I can see that you can handle things now. Bruce: What if I need you? What if i have questions? God: That's your problem Bruce, that's everyones problem! You keep looking up! (full quote)
  Gooooooooooood (full quote)
  Bingo, Yatzee, is that your final answer, our survey says: GOD. thanks for the grand canyon, and good luck with the apocilips. o and by the way, YOU SUCK! (full quote)
  Well I guess that's how life is, isn't it? Some people are drenched and freezing to death on a stupid boat with a stupid hat while others are in a comfy new studio, sucking up all the glory. Oh well no big deal! (full quote)
30083 You may find the anticipation to be quite...pleasurable!! (full quote)
30083 B-E-A-Utiful! (full quote)
30083 Yes, behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. (full quote)
30083 SMITE ME OH MIGHTY SMITER!! (full quote)
30083 It's good? 'Sgood. 'SGOOOD! (full quote)
  annnd THAT'S how the cookie crumbles (full quote)
  Triumph is born out of struggle. Faith is the alchemist. You can't paint a beautiful picture without using some dark colors. (full quote)
32934 And thats the way the cookie crumbles. And thats the way uh huh uh huh i like it! (full quote)
  Grace: I happen to have a very rare bloodtype, I'm AB positive. Bruce: Well I'm IB positive. I B positive they ain't touchin me with no needle! (full quote)
  HI HO SILVER! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Bruce:Its a good thing Im wearing this....*stretches his hairnet*....I wouldn't want to get a grey hair in the booger. (full quote)
  Bruce:Wow...so you're the janitor AND the electrician?? It must be a killer Christmas party! (full quote)
  Bruce:Hey, you little anal dwelling butt monkey. (full quote)
  Bruce:Wow...so you're the janitor AND the electrician?? It must be a killer Christmas party! now dont get frunk now cause one of you might need a ride home (full quote)
  IIIIIIIII WANT A BIG ASS WITH BIG TITTS (full quote)
  i have no bird!i have no bush!God has taken my bird and my bush. (full quote)
  Anyway I`m here with Catherine Hepburn`s mom. Tell me, why did you throw the blue heart of the ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo Dicaprio drown while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns? Or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?! -Catie N. (full quote)
  Let's go back inside and have a shit! (full quote)
  Evan is an ass-hole. (Bruce)I can be an ass-hole. No Bruce you can't. (bruce) flip...... Are u ganna pick that up?!?! Ya... Im soooo sorry!. (full quote)
  He saw, and it was good!!!!!!! (full quote)
  smite me o mighty smiter (full quote)
  And that's the way the cookie crumbles (full quote)
35892 When you leave this building you will be endowed with all my powers. (full quote)
  I work in back I see no smiles. (full quote)
  Well Ma, I admire you're candor...Let's try that again shall we? (full quote)
  CUE THE CHEESEY INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC!!!(Chariots of Fire plays) (full quote)
  th previus buffalo record was 9' 7'' baked by gladis pelsnik, if this cookie beats galdus' it will prove once and for all, that the Kowalski's...have much more free time... (full quote)
  I guess that's just the way life works, isn't it? Some people are stuck, drenched, freezing to death, on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat, while others are in a warm, comfy newsroom sucking up all the glory! (full quote)
  Wow, so you're the boss, janitor, and the electrician? It must be a killer christmas party. Now don't get drunk, one of ya might need a ride home. (full quote)
  BRUCE:(SARCASTIcallY)OH DARN ALL THIS HORSEPOWER AND NO ROOM TO GALLOP (MOVES HIS FINGERS) HI HO SILVER AWAY!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  So god is picking on you? (full quote)
  Bow Wow Wow...Yippee O Yippee A...we're doin it DOGGY STYLE!!! (full quote)
Cryslin B-E-A-utiful. Come on, let's go back inside and have a shit. (full quote)
Cryslin God: Grace. You want her back? Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through your eyes. God: Now THAT'S a prayer. (full quote)
Cryslin God: You don't kneel in the middle of a highway and live to tell about it. (full quote)
Cryslin Bruce: Nice to meet you, God. Nice job on the Grand Canyon and good luck with the apocalypse. (full quote)
Cryslin Grace: I've got a rare blood type. I'm AB positive. Bruce: I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't stickin' no needle in me. (full quote)
Cryslin Hood: You want me to apologize? Okay, man, the day a monkey flies out of my butt is the day I'll apologize. Bruce: Well, how ironic, cause that happens to be TODAY. (full quote)
Cryslin Bruce: Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy. (full quote)
Cryslin Bruce: where are you going? God: Vacation. Bruce: God doesn't go on vacation. Does he?... Do... ye? God: Ever hear of the dark ages? (full quote)
Cryslin God: No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up. Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want. God: Yeah. Since when does anyone have a clue as to what they want? (full quote)
  1. that was a good trick...but anyone with a brain knows that theres a crease somewhere back here or a hollow spot (knocks wood)2. where? 1. okay that was good (full quote)
  There once was a man with to sons, the youngest son took his inheritance and squandered it on a lifetime of obtrudy.......... I LOVE THAT GUY (full quote)
12674 Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but I say no, is big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down. So we clean up, make big cookie for to bring customers back. (full quote)
36487 Behind every great man...is a woman rolling her eyes (full quote)
36487 You don't kneel in the middle of the highway and live to tell about it. (full quote)
36487 Hey little anal dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home little buddy. (full quote)
  1.The day a monkey comes out my butt,then you'll get your sorry.2.Well what a coincidence. That day is today. (full quote)
  Grace: Oh, thank God you're okay! Bruce: (Sarcastically) Yes, let's thank God, shall we. For his graces are simply raining upon me. (Dramatically) WAIT THAT'S NOT RAIN! (full quote)
  Bruce: God is a kid on an anthill with a magnifying glass. He can come down and help me anytime he wants, but he would rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm! (full quote)
beekers Come take a closer walk with me. (full quote)
  God: People want me to do everything for them. what they don't realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle. (full quote)
  what is up my bretheren? (full quote)
  Grace: Oh my God! Bruce: You can call me Bruce (full quote)
  B-E-A-utiful. Come on, let's go back inside and have a shit. (full quote)
  and thats the way the cookie crumbles (full quote)
38893 and the buffalo sabres have won the stanley cup for the first time in history.... yeah right (full quote)
  And thats the way the cookie crumbles (full quote)
  mr.exclusive (full quote)
  i do the cha cha like a sisy little girl (full quote)
  looks like my co worker needs a glass of water (full quote)
  looks like my co worker needs a glass of water (full quote)
  I lika do da chacha (full quote)
  U know...i think there might be something to this cookie line all the greatest anchors have had they're signature signoff...like Wal-Ter Cron-kite. And that's the way it was and that's the way the cookie crumbles... and that's the way uh huh uh huh i like...uh huh uh huh (full quote)
  hi ho silver away (full quote)
  I lost 47 pounds on the Krispie Kreme Diet (full quote)
  Announcer: Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter, Fred Donahue sports, Dallas Coleman Weather. And now, Buffalo's Number One News Team. Susan Ortega: Good Evening and welcome to Eyewitness News at Six. I'm Susan Ortega. Evan Baxter: And I'm Evan Baxter and here's what's making news. A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor d-bow debit (choked off) (high pitched) D-bow d-bit d-bow (unintelligible chicken squawking) Bucka-bow, dee buck. Director: Someone get him some water please. Susan Ortega: Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water. Evan Baxter: (clears throat) Oh, there we go. Sorry about that. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France. Director: What'd he just say? Check the prompter. Technician: The prompter's fine. Director: Evan, READ THE COPY. Please. The copy's good. Just read it. Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and... I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do the cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news (breaks wind) Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla (rapid unitelligible gibberish) Blabity blab bulla blah (explosive gibberish) (continues for 35 seconds) (vaguely Chinese) Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE (nervous laugh) (full quote)
  Dear God, I need you now more than ever. Please I still love him. But I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Please help me. Help me let him go. (full quote)
beekers 1)Could you give me a hand here? 2)Well, I've got some stuff to do...raincheck! 1)I'll hold you to it. 2)I'll see you on the seventh, at seven. 1)Seventh at seven it is. (full quote)
  That was the breast bea.....Br..Thank you. (full quote)
40504 and my tiny little nipples went to france (full quote)
  Bruce: Or like the great falls is the very bedrock of my life erroding beneath me.....ERRODING! (full quote)
  I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done! (full quote)
40654 Behind every man is a woman rolling her eyes. (full quote)
  No matter how dirty something gets, you can always clean it up.--God (full quote)
  Grace: ...but I'm so glad you're okay. Bruce: OKAY?! Newsflash! I'm not okay! I am not okay with a mediocre job! I am not okay with a mediocre apartment! I AM NOT OKAY WITH A MEDIOCRE life! (full quote)
  And my tiny little nipples went to France. (full quote)
  Bruce: Is it my hair bill?Are my teeth not white enough? or like the GREAT FALLS IS THE BEDROCK OF MY LIFE ERODING BENEATH ME?!??! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG (full quote)
  bingo, yahtzee, is that your final answer? our survey says...GOD....bing bing bing bing (full quote)
  Oh darn, all of this horsepower and no room to gallop! HI HO SILVER!! AWAY! (full quote)
  Do you like jazz, Evan? Let me play a song for you. I can hold that note all day long. (full quote)
  Bruce- How many fingers am I holding up? God- Five. Bruce AH HA! (pulls out his hand and it has seven fingers on it) (full quote)
  Bruce- play the cheesy inspirational music! (full quote)
  But was that enough for Hank? No, he then busted a local news team with 200 pounds of marijuana (full quote)
  If you want to see a miracle, be the miracle (full quote)
  Bruce- How many fingers am I holding up? God- seven. Bruce AH HA! (pulls out his hand and it has seven fingers on it) (full quote)
  My life is slowly eroding in front of me! Eroding! Eeeerrrrrrooooooooodddddiiiiinnnnggggg!!! (full quote)
  Do ya like jazz Evan? (plays invisible trumpet and emphasizes on his middle finger) (full quote)
  Zoe Baboooeyy! (full quote)
  Clap on! Clap off! Clap on, clap off, the clapper! (full quote)
  Excuse me waitress, can I have a ssppoooooooooo... It's ok! Found one! (full quote)
45511 I'll take the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt please! (full quote)
  and my tiny nipples went to france (full quote)
Logician4007 If that was God, I'm Clint Eastwood. (full quote)
  Grace: Oh my god Bruce: You can call me Bruce (full quote)
  B-e-a-utiful (full quote)
40905 God, why do you hate me? (full quote)
40905 1.Grace. You want her back? 2. No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through your eyes. 1.Now THAT'S a prayer. (full quote)
40905 Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, that's a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle. (full quote)
13284 (teens gawk at sports car)1. Wow, nice car! 2. Yeah, it gets me from A to B. (full quote)
13284 Tell me, why did you throw the 'Heart of the Ocean' over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad letting Leo drown while you floated on the big wood door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too scared to freeze your big fat ASS off? (full quote)
  m (full quote)
  I'm on this stupid boat, with this stupid hat! (hand gestures make this quote) (full quote)
  what a bunch of whiners! (full quote)
  I just lost 50 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet! (full quote)
  1: Are you saying that God is picking on you? 2: No, He's ignoring me completely! He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants! (full quote)
  That's the motivation I need, right there! Thank you, thank you, W..KBW. Wimpy, Kiddie, Baby, Whiners! That's what that stands for! I'll see you on channel 5, where they do the REAL news! (full quote)
  I'm free on the seventh at seven. (full quote)
  So you're the boss, the electrician, and the janitor? Must be a killer Christmas party. Don't get drunk now, one of you might need a ride home! (full quote)
  and that's the way the cookie crumbles (full quote)
marvin mcgoo Bruce so horny he love you long time (full quote)
Jedi13 back to you, fuckers! (full quote)
bball3baller1111 Bruce: Is it my hair Bill? Or like the great falls, is the bedrock of my life ERODING beneath me!!!!EEEEEEEEEROOODING!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOODDDINGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEERRROOOOODING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEERRODING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im Bruce Nolan, back to you fuckers. (full quote)
Calamity1511 Smite me, Oh mighty smiter!!! (full quote)