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Bill Cosby: Himself - 1983 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
49004 Damn it will you get in here? But Dad, I'm Jesus Christ. (full quote)
49004 My father used to blame his farts on invisible animals. And my brother was dumb enough to look for them. (full quote)
15499 It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit. "Dammit, will you stop all that noise?" And, "Jesus Christ, sit down!" One day, I'm out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, "Dammit will you get back in here!" I said, "Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!" (full quote)
15499 Little Jeffrey. I remember his name, not because he said, "I'm four years old," but because Jeffrey's mother said his name all 2500 miles of the trip. (full quote)
15499 I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?" (full quote)
15499 I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are. (full quote)
15499 My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you." (full quote)
15499 I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know where I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job... and I don't want it. (full quote)
15499 Carole Burnett described what labor pains feel like. She said "Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head". (full quote)
15499 Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair... and the first thing they grab is an iron hook. (full quote)
15499 A person with one child does not have to deal with "Willyoustoptuchingme?" If you've got one child, and the child's doing that, you gotta take it away. (full quote)
15499 ... and I looked at it... and it wasn't getting any better. So I went over to my wife, and kissed her ever so gently on the lips, and I said "I love you, very very much dear. You just... had... a lizard." I mean, because the thing changed colors like, five times! And I said to the doctor, "Can you put this back? Cause it isn't finished cooking! It needs to cook two, three months!" But the hospital made us take it home. (full quote)
15499 The weirdest thing about drugs is that people on it start to laugh, and no one knows what their laughing at, they just go: Ahh... No, wait a minute... I went over to the... WHOOO!... Ahh... I went over to the Burger King... And so a guy took a piece of meat... and threw it on the grill... I said 'Oh, wow!'... Then he turned it over... It was all brown!... I said 'Far out!'... And then he put it in between two pieces of bread... I said 'Oh, no!'... and a guy ate it. (full quote)
15499 My wife grabs a yard stick... holds it like a samurai warrior... and announces that the beatings will now begin by saying "I HAVE HAD... ENOUGH... OF... THIS!". And these three brain-damaged people have the nerve to looked surprised! (full quote)