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Wedding Crashers - 2005 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
45210 Do you ever think that what we're doing is...I don't wanna say sleezy, cause that's not the right word. (full quote)
  Meatloaf...Mom...FUCK! (full quote)
  You shut your mouth when you're talking to me! (full quote)
  I'm a little to traumatized to eat a scone. (full quote)
  The painting was a gift Todd, I'm taking it with me. (full quote)
  Jeremy: I had a long night. John: soft mattress? Jeremy: Yeah, could be that. Or the midnight rape or the nude gay art show that took place in my room..... (full quote)
  Jeremy: We gotta go. I got a stage five clinger. I'm gonna go start the car.....I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation, stage five VIRGIN clinger. (full quote)
  Jeremy: Hahahaha... It feels so good when he jokes. (full quote)
  Jeremy: Getintheclosetgetintheclosetgetinthecloset (full quote)
  Jeremy: No, we did not have a moment. (full quote)
  You know I do not look good. (full quote)
  Let's go shoot some birds. I'm psyched. (full quote)
  Jeremy: I'm gonna make you a bike. I don't want to make you a bike. (full quote)
  Little Ms. Proper just eye f***ed the s*** out of me (full quote)
  I just almost nunchucked you. You don't even REALIZE. (full quote)
  Yeah, I just got her yesterday. Yesterday? Yeah, I rode my bike down to the cemetery. The cemetery? Yeah, her boyfriend just died in a hang gliding accident. What a loser! Ahhh, I'm hang gliding, ahh, honey take a picture, ahhh I'M DEAD.! (full quote)
  We lost a lot of good men out there. (full quote)
  Im not Perfect... But hey who we kidding neither are you. (full quote)
  We both know I'm a phenomonal dancer. (full quote)
  She was my first asian! (full quote)
  I had my sock duck taped to mouth. thats right shoved into my mouth and duck taped. The same sock I ran around in all day, played football in, sweated in (full quote)
  Like white on rice (full quote)
  bite your tongue boy (full quote)
  Let's play a little game called 'just the tip.' Just to see if it feels good. (full quote)
  Just two kids that like to fuck trying to make it honest. (full quote)
  I was about to Numb-Chuck you ass! (full quote)
  It was a gift, and I'm taking it with me. (full quote)
  I almost just nunchucked you, you don't even realize! (full quote)
  Rule number five, your an idiot! (full quote)
  Rule #76: No excuses! play like a champion! (full quote)
  I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid. His name was Shiloh. We used to play chess and he would always let me win. (full quote)
  Rule #115, Never abandon a fellow crasher in a funny suit (full quote)
  Chaz come pick up your FUCKIN SKATEBOARD (full quote)
  Did you motorboat em?...You did didn't you?...You motorboating son-of-a-bitch, you!! (full quote)
  Todd: JEREMY TRIED TO SEDUCE ME!!...I want my painting back!! Jeremy: The painting was a gift, Todd. Im taking it with me. (full quote)
  Dad: You know...Shes not just another notch...in the old belt. Jeremy: ...I don't even wear a belt. beltless...heh.. (full quote)
  (Jeremy in Bed) what the FUCKS going on here.. (full quote)
  Todd: What IS our Situation, DAD??!! Grandma: ...your...a homo. (full quote)
  Dad: C'mon, Todd...Come play some competitive sports... Todd: OH WOULD THAT MAKE YOU LOVE ME?!?! (full quote)
  Gloria: Never leave me Jeremy: Never Gloria: Cause ill Find you!!!! (full quote)
  just eye fucked me (full quote)
  Jeremy: Lock it up John: You lock it up Jeremy: No you lock it up, lock it up now. John: no you lock it up (full quote)
  hk (full quote)
  I'm sorry that i'm not sorry. I'm a cocksman. (full quote)
  Look at her she's like a fucking kid at Toys R Us (full quote)
  Yeah i got a problem, i got a problem with your outfit and your general attitude towards everybody.. but lets go shoot some birds, i am pschyed! (full quote)
  im not asking you to marry me, im just asking you... not to marry him! (full quote)
  I made you a painting. I call it Celebration. It is both sexual.....and VIOLENT (full quote)
  your sisters boyfriend just got done dry humping my ass up and down the field all afternoon. (full quote)
  Death!! you are my bitch lover!! (full quote)
  Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward, intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering, do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interseted but should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested but do I wanna be interested but now she's not interested so now all of sudden I'm starting to get interested? Or am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door? Kiss her off and say, Well goodnight? Do you do like the ass out hug where like you hug each other like this and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering, are we going to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called just the tip. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. Or ouch ouch, you're on my hair. Okay, thank you, Janice... great talk. (full quote)
  ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh (full quote)
  where they built for comfort of for speed? You give her the motorboat? You did didn't you, you gave her the motorboat, you motorboating son-of-a-bitch. You old sailer you! (full quote)
  True love is the souls recognition of it's counterpoint in another. (full quote)
  your a Homo! - Grandma (full quote)
  DEATH YOU ARE MY BITCH LOVER!!! you tell that mean ocean toddy! (full quote)
  But the wife, elenor.. Big Dyke.. A real rug muncher... She looked like a big, lesbian mule.. (full quote)
  snap out of it (full quote)
  Do you do the ass out hug? (full quote)
  ...Harry Potter, if he existed... (full quote)
  The great philosopher once said that we're all connected...me, you, my Uncle Harry, the fat kid from what's happening, Harry Potter if he exists, my cheek is your cheek, and my lips (are my lips)... (full quote)
  The great philosopher Shoppenhower once said that we're all connected...me, you, my Uncle Harry, the fat kid from what's happening, Harry Potter if he exists, my cheek is your cheek, and my lips (are my lips)... (full quote)
  why dont you just feed me to the lions step on my head when im drowning (full quote)
  hes threatened by the way i dance why did i have to go and show off like that (full quote)
  I don't even know what the fuck a quail is! (full quote)
  John: We lost a lot of good men out there Women: Playing for the Yankees? John:...Well.. yeah throgh trades, free agency, and unruly fans (full quote)
  It's two-hand touch how come everytime i turn around your on your ass (full quote)
  (Jeremy) I hope you crash your bike and break your two front teeth, while you leave me here in the trenches takin' grenades you selfish son-of-a-bitch!! (full quote)
  did you do the motorboat??? bbbrrrbbbbbrrrrrrrrr (full quote)
  I apologize to you if I don't seem eager to jump into a forced, akward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, wondering Do I have food on my face? Am I eating, am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested. But I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? Now she's not interested. So all of the sudden I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her. Do I have to wait for the door cuz' then it's akward. It's like Well, goodnight. Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you hug each other and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you just go right in and kiss em' on the lips? Or you don't kiss em' at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering , Are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? And perhaps play a little game called, Just the tip in. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. Or Ouch, ouch. You're on my hair. ... Great talk. (full quote)
  And then I realized, they thought I was God...and you know what? I thought I was God too. (full quote)
  Crabcakes and football! That is what Marlyand does! (full quote)
  Thats what we call a sacked lunch! Mmmnnmmnnmmnmnmn (full quote)
  Jeremy: let's ne two brothers from Vermont immerging Maple Syrup conglomerate John: Thats stupid we don't know anything about maple syrup Jeremy: I happen to know everything there is to know about Maple syrup. I love maple syrup i put it on panccakes, i put it on pizza, i i even sprinkle some in my hair... what do ya think keeps it up slick? (full quote)
  call me Cat. Kitty Cat. (full quote)
  whats up toast? (full quote)
  Jeremy Grey: Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That's an interesting combination. Sack Lodge: I hunt quail, Jeremy. They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grubworm population. You got a fucking problem with that? Jeremy Grey: Not as much as I do with your attire, or just your general point of view toward everybody here. But hey, lets go kill some birds. I'm psyched. (full quote)
  Jeremy Grey: Have you ever shot one of these things before? John Beckwith: The whole 17 years we've known each other I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the fuck a quail is! Jeremy Grey: I look totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me? John Beckwith: I know. Why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk or an eagle, something with some talons? Jeremy Grey: That'd be awesome. We could get something like big game. Even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros or a fucking human being! That'll get you jacked up. John Beckwith: That's a little heavy. Jeremy Grey: I mean like, hunt a human being right now, most dangerous game. Like a worthy adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever, a clever, human being who knows the jungle. Or the woods. (full quote)
  Jeremy Klein: Oh, yeah, an older women made you feel her cans? Try getting jacked off at the dinner table in front of the whole family. (full quote)
  I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood now. (full quote)
  Zack: Claire, get your fucking ass up there now! John: I guess we know what marriage is going to be like with Ike Turner here. (full quote)
  Where's your Dalai Lama now, BITCH! (full quote)
  John: Wow, FDR that's prett impressive Grandma: Yeah, well that wife of his was a reaaaal DIKE. I mean a big lesbian. That's right, a big fat rug muncher... (full quote)
  Chaz: Just livin the dream (full quote)
  Whatd ya have to eat? Crabcakes. I love crabcakes! How can you not have a good time eatin crabcakes?! (full quote)
  True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpart. (full quote)
  I always knew my first time would be on a beach! Jeremy: first time? We're gonna be soo happy together! I love you! Jeremy: I'm sorry? (full quote)
  i think i had him (full quote)
  John:Thrown the ball to Claire, let her get the interception...you think you can do that? Jeremy:John, I was first team All-State I can put the ball wherever I want to...I can make it rain out here. (full quote)
  John:Im just coming to check in on the big guy and to tell you that we're going out on a bike ride to the beach. Jeremy: Oh real nice I hope you flip your bike and knock out your two front teeth you selfish son of a bitch! (full quote)
  John: Get Out! hillybilly! Jeremy:What? John:That's right...White Trash! Jermey: You better get your fucking ass to that wedding. (full quote)
  Jeremy: So were they made for speed or for comfort? (full quote)
  Assistant: Here's your Sleeping bag. Jeremy: Thanks. Assistant:What's it for? Jeremy: Every year I sleep over at John's house for his birthday. Assistant: Ohl, thats not creepy. Jeremy: Well I guess its a little creepy that his best friend make a vow to never let him spend his birthday alone after his parents tragically died one month before his birthday...then yes I guess it is creepy. Assistant:I'm so sorry your so kind...I have the perfect girl for you! (full quote)
  I bet that blonde was a shot of life. (full quote)
  football and crabcrakes, that's what Maryland does. (full quote)
  True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. (full quote)
10929 You shut your mouth when you're talkin' to me! (full quote)
10929 The wedding had to be fun! (full quote)
10929 Guys, the real enemy here is the instutution of marriage. It's not realistic. It's crazy! (full quote)
10929 Families coming together. That's a nice moment. (full quote)
10929 Ma, the meatloaf! (full quote)
10929 You met her at a funeral? (full quote)
10929 Hey, Lou Epstein, I want you to meet a real mensch, Chuck Schwartz. (full quote)
10929 Lost so many good men out there. (full quote)
10929 I think we only use ten percent of our hearts. (full quote)
10929 --Hell of a season, pal. --Hell of a season. (full quote)
10929 There is no room for error. (full quote)
10929 --Congradulations, Kathleen. --Thank you. (full quote)
10929 Mr. Secretary, they just grow up so damn fast. (full quote)
10929 She sends her best from the grave. (full quote)
10929 your argument for the inverse ratio of capitalization to debt was genius. (full quote)
10929 Venture capitalist. The backbone of the system. (full quote)
10929 Holy Shirts and Pants. (full quote)
10929 And then, of course, you can challege the Klingons for interstellar domination, right? (full quote)
21100 Tattoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bulls-eye. (full quote)
21100 Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly! (full quote)
21100 I love maple syrup! I love maple syrup on pancakes, I love it on pizza. I wanna take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick! (full quote)
45356 That's not how you fuckin' treat cake-you gotta treat cake like a lady!! (full quote)
45511 You shut your mouth when you're talking to me. (full quote)
45511 John: You met her at a funeral? Chaz: Yeah, these chicks are crazy horny. Its not even fair. Its like fishing with dynamite. (full quote)
  Did you do the motorboat? (full quote)
  Come on, Secretary?-I'm sorry Sack but I've got to support my daughter on this one.-Okay you don't know shit. (full quote)
  lock it up! YOU LOCK IT UP! (full quote)
  would you say your totally full of shit or just fifty percent? I hope just fifty percent, but who knows! (full quote)
  Im sorry Im not sorry! (full quote)
  slutsssss! (full quote)
  death you are my bitch lover!! (full quote)
  Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts. (full quote)
  Mom the meatloaf...FUCK!! (full quote)
  Na Girls with hats tend to be more proper.......Well, that proper girl in the hat just eye fucked the shit out of me. (full quote)
  Lock it up (full quote)
  Claire's mom just made me touch her hooters. Jeremy; How were they, are they real? Did you play the motor boat? John; what is the matter with you? Jeremy; Hey you weren't the one being played with in front of the whole family. (full quote)
  Take it, hyena. Don't say thank you. (full quote)
  Did you do the motorboat? You did you sick bastared. Are they built for speed or comfort, speed or comfort? (full quote)
  did you do the Motorboat? You Motorboatin son of a bitch you.. you old salor! (full quote)
  True love is the souls recognition of its counter-point in another (full quote)
  b (full quote)
  b (full quote)
  1)JEREMY TRIED TO SEDUCE ME!!! 2)You did? 1)I want my painting back! 3)The painting was a gift Todd, I'm taking it with me! (full quote)
  Mrs. Cleary just made me feel her hooters. (full quote)
  Really? how'd they feel.. did you do the motor boat..brrrrrrrrbbbrrrrr. You ol' sailor you... (full quote)
  Oh yeah, try getting jerked off under the table during family dinner... Jack Ass! (full quote)
  Todd, why don't you come over here and play a little football, it wouldn't hurt you to do a little physical activity... ... Oh really Dad, will that make you love me! (full quote)
  death (full quote)
  i guess you could say my career is living, and loving. and i do that to the utmost. some of you are just going to float along, ating spicy foods, humming black peoples music into your 30's...well into your 30's. languishing, this group of pds is going to do a lot of languishing. and youre going to take some heat for it. sadly, you will. europes a litle easier, they seem to understand a little better. so does south america. i went to argentina one time, and everyone just seemed to be sitting around, it was beautiful. but thats ok, you stay loose, you stay liquid. laugh a lot. but be ready. thats what dupree's doing with his lifes little pod. staying nimble. till i get the call from the mothership. my raison detat. then id fight. then you'll see dupreee coming in here throwing 7 different kinds of smoke. (full quote)
  her name is CHASTITY....SHE'S WHITETRASH! (full quote)
  Everytime you talk, I start from scratch. (full quote)
  Damn........Sluts! (full quote)
  You better shut your mouth when you’re talking to me! (full quote)
  Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly (full quote)
10929 I felt like Jodie Foster in 'The Accused' last night. (full quote)
10929 I'm an idea man. (full quote)
10929 We have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible. (full quote)
10929 Wow, we're getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna to be like with Ike Turner here. (full quote)
10929 Rule #1: Never leave a fellow crasher behind. (full quote)
10929 Rule #5: You're an idiot. (full quote)
10929 Rule #15: Give me an up-to-date family tree. (full quote)
10929 Rule #76: No excuses. play like a champion. (full quote)
10929 Rule #115: Never walk away from a fellow crasher wearing a funny jacket. (full quote)
13284 1. It wouldn't kill you to play some competitive sports once in a while. 2(bitterly) Would that make you love me? (full quote)
13284 I'll be up in my room...painting homo things. (full quote)
13284 That girl over there just eye-fucked the shit out of me. (full quote)
dilgerfan 1. Yeah, Dad, Dad always thought I would be a political liability in case he ever ran for President. 2. Now, now Todd. Truth be told, polling shows that most Americans would ultimately empathize with our situation. 1. What is our situation, Dad? 3. You are a homo. (full quote)
45511 The painting was a gift Todd. I'm taking it with me. (full quote)
45511 Let explain it like I'll-hold-your-hand-like-a-child, I'm not going. (full quote)
45511 There you go, ya hyena. Don't say thank you. (full quote)
45511 1) Why you got the weird look all over your face? 2) Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters. 2) Well snap out of it. (full quote)
billabong772 you shut your mouth when your talking to me! (full quote)
movieguy Why does Grandma have a gun? (full quote)
movieguy Let's not take a trip to negative town, now (full quote)
bigclaude Share that with the Dhali Lama you jackass!! (full quote)
ubpver We have no idea what the future holds, all we can do is make decisions with the information at hand. (full quote)
jrm261 What were they like anyway? They look pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What did you do with them? Motorboat? Did you play the motorboat? You motorboatin' son of a bitch, you old sailor you! Where is she? Is she still in the house? (full quote)
matthew not, not as much i do with the attire that you have on, or your general point of view towards everybody, but let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.. (full quote)
jchase35 You shut your mouth when you're talking to me! (full quote)
choogs8u Did you ever think that what we're doing is... I don't want to say sleezy 'cause that's not the right word... But a little irresponsible? (full quote)
choogs8u John: We lost a lot of good men out there. Girl: Playing for the Yankees? John: Yes. With trades and to other teams and... Sorry I just don't like to talk about it. (full quote)
lfroelich Love is the counterpart in someone else (full quote)