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40 Year Old Virgin, The - 2005 Movie Quotes

Posted ByQuote
  I hope you have a big trunk, because I'm putting my bike in it (full quote)
  should i ask her out? nah man you wait for that seed to turn into a plant and then you fuck that plant (full quote)
  (Looking at her thong) There's something wrong with her underpants.... (full quote)
  You know what's a fun game? taking 3 motrin P.M's and trying to jerk off before you fall asleep. It's great because you always win. (full quote)
  you guys are so far up your asses (full quote)
  Is that an Aza poster? How hard did the guys at the frame store laugh when you broungt this in? (full quote)
  you know how i know you're gay? (full quote)
  Know how I know you're gay? Because you don't have sex with women! (full quote)
  Know how I know you're gay? Because you like Coldplay. (full quote)
  that fucker came out of no where (full quote)
  Oh she was a Ho..For Sho (full quote)
  I respect women. I respect them so much that i just stay clear away from them. (full quote)
  Get out of the fucking road virgin!! (full quote)
  gyuity (full quote)
  Do you like to do it yourself? (full quote)
  You know how i know you're gay? Because you two are holding eachother every so gently. (full quote)
  Go Fuck a goat (full quote)
  AAAHHHH...Kelly Clarkson (full quote)
  You wanna know how i know your gay, you have a bumper sticker of a rainbow on your car that says i love it when balls are in my face, that is how i know you are gay (full quote)
  hu (full quote)
  b (full quote)
  I'm a virgin. I always have been. (full quote)
  1) Do you have protection? 2)No I don't like guns (full quote)
  smoke my pole (full quote)
  I'm gonna go hunt for some hoes (full quote)
  what do i do if she says no? if she says no you punch her in the fuckin head! (full quote)
  Oh, You are a virgin? I just thought you were going to kill us (full quote)
  How old are you? 25? Im 40. God you need to get up on that. (full quote)
  I really don't feel like becoming a lamp shade in some creepy apartment (full quote)
  no andy i dont want your giant box of porn. dude not cool (full quote)
  I may be a virgin but I could fuck you up! . . . yeah (full quote)
  I'm hungry...Let's get some fuckin FRENCH TOAST! (full quote)
  You need to put your ho on a leash! (full quote)
  -Is it true if you dont use it, you loose it. Is that a serious question?. -NOO no no (full quote)
  You know how I know your gay? You said you aren't sleeping with women anymore! (full quote)
  I dated this girl for a while... she was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to... get down with... sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day... she was like, Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!... And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, Oh, you're nailing me! cool! (full quote)
  me so horny .. me love you long time!! (full quote)
  Dan rhymes with man and all men are jerkoffs... so go jerkoff! (full quote)
  Dude... I've jacked it twice since I've been here (full quote)
  1)you know how i know you're gay? 2) how? because you're gay and you know who other gay people are? (full quote)
  1)you know how i know you're gay? 2) how? because you're gay and you know who other gay people are? (full quote)
  That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. There's a code written in his DNA that says: tackle the gazelle. And beleive it or not in every man there's a code that says: tackle drunk bitches. (full quote)
  David: For the first time, I woke up and came to work and I feel confident to say to you: that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, then I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain. Paula: What do you suggest we play David? David: I don't care anything, I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast, I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for 8 hours than listen to Michael McDonald, nothing against him but if I hear Yah Mo Be There one more time, I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. (full quote)
  You look like a man-o-lantern. (full quote)
  Do you see a fucking turban?! (full quote)
  You know when you grab a woman's breast.... and you feel it..... and it feels like a bag of sand (full quote)
  I can see through your shirt....NIIIIIICE (full quote)
  You know how I know you're gay? Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts (full quote)
  You know how I know you're gay? I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once (full quote)
  We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman fuckin' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross (full quote)
  You should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called Liar Liar and the message was, Don't lie. And that was a smart movie. (full quote)
  Its like a code that is ingrained into every man's DNA that tell you when to tackle drunk bitches. (full quote)
  Cal:Hey Andy I'm sorry I wasn't nice to you for like the past 2 years. Andy:what do you mean you were nice to me Cal: No I wasn't I mean I kinda thought you were a serial killer... Andy: Hahahah Cal: No I'm serious (full quote)
  Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bike...bikes...bikecycle...bicycle (full quote)
  Let's get some fuckin freeench toooast (full quote)
  Andy: Do you like magic? little girl: yea. Andy: I thought you did, because I saw you walk in and there was something behind your ear... lemme grab it for you... *pop* BIG MONEY! (full quote)
  Andy: There's something wrong with her underpants... Cal: Yea, they're not in my fucking mouth (full quote)
  SHUT UP DAVE! (full quote)
  You know how I know you're gay? You wax your anus! You know how I know you're gay? You waxed my anus!! (full quote)
  Its going to kick asttttthhhhhh (full quote)
  And now I'm making your blue pants silver. (full quote)
  She had hands as big as Andre the Giant and she had an Adam’s apple as big as her balls (full quote)
  No, Im not gay, Im just celebate. (full quote)
  You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand. (full quote)
  You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal (full quote)
  Dude you just flick my nuts? No I just punched you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be.. (full quote)
  Friday, when I went home, I really wanted an egg salad sandwhich. And i was just obsessing about it. And i was like 'man I'm gonna make on of those.' So Saturday I went out and I got like a dozen eggs and I boiled them all. And i spent probably three three and half hours, makin' you know, the mayonaise and the onions and paprika and, you know, all the accoutrement. And then, by the time I was done I just really didn't feel like eating it....And I didnt have any bread. (full quote)
  (Kid)I'd tap that (Dad)Oh. you'd tap that you think your cool with your jew fro (full quote)
  (Kid)Do you have any extra large condoms? (Dad)Ohh,shut up Scottie you have a tiny penis. (full quote)
  That fucker came outta nowhere!! (full quote)
  She'd be like, let's screw...I'm so nasty. She was down with sex, all the time. (full quote)
A-Boynix me so horny, me so stupid! (full quote)
10929 He's performing a public colonoscopy. Isn't that sweet? (full quote)
10929 Smart Tech. (full quote)
22756 DAVID: You know, sometimes Amy and I would make love, and it was almost like we weren’t two people, but we were two….spirits or something, or our souls were connected in this way I can’t describe it. Time stood still, it was like we were sharing the same heart. JAY: Stop! Man, why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things?! Sharing the same heart, that’s like some….Britney Spears shit man! This is three grown ass men, don’t nobody wanna hear that shit! ANDY: Yeah man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. JAY: Thank you, Andy! Dude, you broke up 2 years ago, you like get over it at some point. ANDY: You need to get past that cuz no ass is worth thinkin that much about……I always say. (full quote)
22756 MOOJ: Andy, don’t let them bother you. It’s OK not to have sex. Not everybody is a pussy magnet. You uh, what are you, 25? ANDY: I’m 40. MOOJ:Holy shit man, you’ve got to get on that. Life isn’t about sex. Life is about children and passion. And spirit. ANDY: Yeah, life’s about passion. MOOJ: It’s not about fucking and balls and pussy. It’s about love. It’s about people. It’s about connection. ANDY: It’s all about connections. MOOJ: It’s not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. ANDY: It’s not about butthole pleasures at all. MOOJ: It’s not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. ANDY: Please stop. MOOJ: And Cincinnati bowtie. And your pussy juice cocktail and this, this shit-stained balls. (full quote)
22756 ANDY: You know what, I don’t feel comfortable….hitting on drunk “bitches”. You know, I don’t think that’s right. JAY: Ok, hold up, hold up dawg. First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. I didn’t use bitches in a derogatory sense, you did. ANDY: It’s just, this doesn’t feel right! JAY: Of course it don’t feel right, what has felt right for you doesn’t work. You need to try some wrong, dawg. ANDY: Ok, how do I tell which ones are drunk? JAY: Now you talking. Now check this out, you see this redhead over here? ANDY: Where? JAY: With the big old titties. ANDY: You know, I’m not just going to stare at a woman. JAY: Dawg, I’m not telling you to stare at nobody! I’m telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. See? Look. See? I’m not lookin at you. No. I’m lookin at the- ANDY: You’re looking at her?.....What? What do you want me to do? JAY: I want you to use your peripherals. See, I’m not lookin at you. No, see I’m lookin at the readhead at 3 o’clock with the big titties. You see her, racked up, right there, see her? See her? ANDY: …Yeah, yes! JAY: You find one, with the peripherals, you find one. ANDY: Ok. See over by the post? It looks like a, it’s either a ficus, or it might be a rubber tree plant. (full quote)
22756 ANDY: Hi, how are you? ANDREA: I’m fine. ANDY: Are you fine? ANDREA: ….Yeah. ANDY: You’re fine then? ANDREA: Are you fucking retarded? what the hell’s the matter with you? ANDY: Do you want me to be fuckin retarded? (full quote)
22756 ANDY: And you are Gina? GINA: “Jyna”. Hey what’s up? ANDY: Nothing. GINA: Look, I’m gonna be real honest with you, um, it’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man. Spent a lot of time with the ladies. Looking to get back up on that pogo stick, you know what I’m sayin? ANDY: Excuse me? GINA: You’re a good-looking man. ANDY: Thank you. GINA: Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. You’re real feminine. You know, which is good for me, because that would be a simple sort of transition, you know what I’m sayin? Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. You game? ANDY: Noooo. (full quote)
22756 JILL: Are you Andy? ANDY: Uh, yeah… JILL: Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? JAY: My girlfriend Jill found your speed-dating card. ANDY: Oh…yeah…right. God… I’ve been looking for that speed-dating card, thank you so much for bringing it to me. JILL: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was “hurtin for a squirtin”? ANDY: Mmm-hmm. Yeah. “Hurtin for a squirtin” I wrote that. JILL: Oh so you wrote “Ho fo sho.” ANDY: Yeah I remember that girl…..she was a ho…For sho. (full quote)
22756 JILL: You are never gonna meet anybody with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. ANDY: Who the fuck are you to put me on trial, I’ve never even met you. So why don’t you back the shit off, alright, and stop with the inquisition. JILL:That’s how you talk? ANDY: You know what, I don’t have to answer to you, you ain’t my bitch. Know what I sayin? So, shit, man. Fuck it. JILL: You shouldn’t even be hanging out with this pervert. JAY: I don’t hang out with him, I work with him and that’s it. I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself, I don’t mess with him baby, that’s not me. ANDY: You should keep your ho on a leash. JAY: Oh, bro I can’t let you- ANDY: Hey hey hey! Hey… JAY: I can’t let you be talking to my woman like that dawg, you know what I’m saying? ANDY:Bitch is running wild, man. (full quote)
22756 CAL: So, you’re gay now? DAVID: No, I’m not gay, I’m just celibate. CAL: I think, I’m mean, that sounds gay - I just want you to know that this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like, there’s this, and then in a year it’s like, “Oh you know, I kind of wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys” and the there’s the big “Oh I’m a gay guy now.” (full quote)
22756 ANDY: You guys, she’s, uh, picking me up in an hour. DAVID: Oh, drag dude. CAL: Wait, wait, she’s picking you up from here? ANDY: Yeah. CAL: That’s fucked up man. ANDY: Why? CAL: Why? Seriously, look at this place. You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? What is- what is she going to think when she comes in here. Oh look, he’s got a billion toys. ANDY: So what? CAL: And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. (full quote)
22756 ANDY: Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. CAL: Ok, we just take everything that’s embarrassing, and we move it out of here so it doesn’t look like you live in Neverland Ranch. (full quote)
HeiressOfSlytherin 1. I'd like to introduce you to my friend. Shows him a vibrating shower head 2. your friend is so shiny. (full quote)
HeiressOfSlytherin Jay: Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. It's cool. I got friends who fuck guys. pauseIn jail. (full quote)
45511 She was a ho, fo sho... (full quote)
45511 Don't ever be named Dan. Dan ryhmes with man, and men jerk off. (full quote)
45511 It's been a while since I've been with a man. Spent a long time with the ladies. Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. (full quote)
45511 Get out of the road virgin. (full quote)
45511 You know I always thought that Matt Damon was a bit of a project fag light. But I think he rocks the shit in this one. (full quote)
45511 Because she had balls as big as her adam's apple. (full quote)
45511 No. You let that seed grow into a flower. Then you fuck the flower. (full quote)
45511 Girl: Can I help you? Guy: I don't know, can you? Girl: Are you looking for something? Guy: Is there something I should be looking for? Girl: We have plenty of books, it depends on what you like. Guy: What do you like? Girl: We have plenty of do-it-yourself. Guy: Do you like to do it yourself? Girl: (Laughs)Sometimes, if the mood strikes. Guy: How is the mood striking you now? (Laughs) Girl: What's your name? Guy: What is your name? Girl: Beth. Guy: Andy. Girl: Andy? Don't tell on me Andy. Guy: I won't Beth. Unless of course you want to be told on. (full quote)
texaco7 From now on, your dick is my dick. (full quote)
48592 MY UNCLE USED TO drive A HO RUNNER (full quote)
bigclaude Do you want me to be fucking retarded? (full quote)
bigclaude This is not a good look for me!!! You look like a man-o-latern. (full quote)
Jedi13 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? Why do you have that? (full quote)
chirsman33 Today's forecast...dark and cloudy with chance of driveby. (full quote)
replicant9 Cal: So what did you get up to? Andy: You know, I just kinda of hung out. I was... God Friday, when I went home...I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: "Man, I'm gonna make one of those." So Saturday, I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs...and I boiled them all and then I just...I spent, I don't know, probably three hours...(scratches head), three-and-a-half hours making you know, the mayonnaise, and the onions and paprika...and, you know, all the accoutrement. And then, by the time I was done...I just really didnt feel like eating it. Cal: I can imagine. Andy: And I didnt have any bread. So, you know, it was pretty good, it was a pretty good weekend. Cal: Sounds pretty awesome. Andy: Yeah, it was fine. (full quote)
ruby1987 Drunk Girl: "Let's get some fuckin' french toast!" (full quote)
ruby1987 "You look like a man-o-lantern." (full quote)
ruby1987 Drunk girl: "Dan rhymes with man and men jerk off." (full quote)
ruby1987 Andy: "It's not about butt hole pleasures at all." (full quote)
ruby1987 "houston, we have one." (full quote)
emleeover 1)You have really kind eyes, you know that? 2) Thanks. Umm... your hat has sequins. (full quote)
alib7923 Tell me something Montell, why weren't we invited to party. what are we, Al Qaeda? (full quote)
Lalexr "You wanna know where there's one?...I...I Captain Yellow Shirt!" (full quote)
Lalexr "She was a hoe...for sho" (full quote)
Lalexr "IIIIIIII need some poooooooooon" (full quote)
giants504 Me so horney, ME SO STUPID! (full quote)
dirty_pop_83 I'm not bitter, I almost lost a nipple (full quote)
benandtiff06 I hope you've got a big trunk cos I'm gonna put my bike in it. (full quote)
benandtiff06 I need some pooooooooooon! (full quote)
jmichel Me so horny! Me so stupid! (full quote)
Jade1234 You know how I know you're gay? Cause you like Coldplay. (full quote)
fguentertainment i know i am a virgin but i bet you i will fuck you up (full quote)
tvandaam13 Do me yo yo master! I want you to do me because you're the yo yo guy... (full quote)