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Clerks II - 2006 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  Becks: Have you restocked all the napkin holders yet? Randall: That's an Elias job. Becks: That comparison of pink and brown eyes, just made it a Randall job. (full quote)
  Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it's forgiveable to go ass to mouth. (full quote)
  Shut the fuck up GoBot! (full quote)
  Elias: The Transformers are like a gift from God Randall! Randall: No sir they are not a gift from God, they are a curse sent by the desolate one. The first of the fallen, the ruiner of virgins, the MASTER of abortions...let me help you outta your chair grandmaaaa!!! (full quote)
  Pillowpants is her pussy troll. Duh. (full quote)
  Even the fuckin' trees walked in those movies. (full quote)
  Hey faggot, they're not gay they're hobbits. (full quote)
  The best part about this job is all the barely legal pussy that walks in here and they all look up to me cause I've got a driver's lisence. It's awesome! (full quote)
  Oh no they were more than meets the eye! (full quote)
  Jay: Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car, we were cruisin down the boardwalk, fuckin' Middletown cop pulls us over on suspicion of mischief. Stoner #2: What the fuck is that? Jay: We were drivin' around with a deployed airbag. (full quote)
  Should read your bible sirs. (full quote)
  Some pickle fucker gave us free eats! (full quote)
  *EAT PUSSY spraypainted on building* Jay: Oh we totally do. (full quote)
  You know how every girl's parents puts a pussy troll in them when the girls are young to keep them from having premarital sex? Well Myra's is named Pillowpants, and Myra says if I put my thing in her, Pillowpants will bite it off. So I gotta wait until Pillowpants is peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex. --And Myra told you this?-- Girlfriends and boyfriends talk to each other about sex stuff Randall, you'd know that if you ever had a girlfriend. (full quote)
  *Quick Stop is toast* Randall: Terrorists? ... I left the coffee pot on again didn't I? Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home? (full quote)
  Emma: You're a little hard. Dante: Cause you're a little close to me. (full quote)
  Innerspecies erotica fucko! (full quote)
  Hey, morons, there's only one return and it's not of the king, it's of the Jedi! (full quote)
  What can I get for ya, ya little porch monkey? It's cool I'm takin' it back. (full quote)
  Hey 12 step! Jay!!! (full quote)
  It's not like he's Anne Frank or something. You know the chick who was all bwaahaa, until the miracle worker showed up and knocked some sense into her. (full quote)
  The guy is in a wheelchair! --Yeah, that's why I called him crippy boy. Haaave a good one. (full quote)
  Emma are you like this because you have an abnormally large clit? (full quote)
  Emma are you like this because you have an abnormally large clit? (full quote)
  I'm fuckin' bored man! Boredom is the first step on the road to relapse. (full quote)
  Elias: Hey Randall, one ring to rule them all! Randall: And you wonder why no chick will let you stick your cock in her. Elias: I never wondered that. (full quote)
  Randall: Yeah, because you've accepted the fact a long time ago that you'll never get a chick. Elias: I could get a chick if I wanted. Randall: You couldn't get a chick ya mook, you're too weird and sad. (full quote)
  Elias: I throw chicks off left and right. Randall: your chicks are your left and right. (full quote)
  This from the guy who just played tonsil hockey with his mother. (full quote)
  I thought you weren't allowed to watch T.V. in your house because you're all christian and shit. (full quote)
  Come down to Florida with me and I'll fuck your brains out and my daddy will give you a job and blah blah.... (full quote)
  Dante: I love you Becky. Becky: I'm pregnant Dante. (full quote)
  what's sexier than an elf princess' sword? (full quote)
  I made fun of Lord of the Rings so hard I made some supergeek puke all over the counter, where do we keep the mop and bucket so I can have Elias clean it up? (full quote)
  Aww hims so cute, hims thinkin' again huh? (full quote)
  I love my parents, I love my car, I love you! But romantic love? Hearts and flowers. There's only one person out there for me..ugh..chances are there is always a better match for you out there than the person you end up marrying. (full quote)
  I gotta lock up Kinky Kelly for tonight, before Dante goes off to Florida, gets married, and does all that other shit that keeps you from ever seeing a fucked up donkey show in your life. (full quote)
  Randall: You love Mr. Dante don't ya? Elias: In a non-gay way. (full quote)
  You never go ass to mouth! (full quote)
  Dante: You wouldn't want to be with a girl with an oversized clit? Randall: No, cause the next stop is a guy with an undersized dick. (full quote)
  Maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, because he loves Manekin Skywalker so much... Danger, danger my shitty acting is ruining saga. (full quote)
  Just one of Kinky Kelly suckin' off Optimus Prime. (full quote)
  Did Randall just call Mr. Dante a nigger? (full quote)
  But before he was the Mad Duckets guy, he was just Pickle Fucker. (full quote)
  He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all kinds of weird shit about him. (full quote)
  We have cleaning supplies? (full quote)
  You became persona non nookie to me the minute my best friend started dittlin' your pooter. (full quote)
  Avert your eyes ya perv! (full quote)
  Something a little less demonic please! (full quote)
  Did your mom slip ya the tounge? (full quote)
  Sweetheart I don't think of you in terms of being a girl, I don't think of you in any.....*emma flashes him* Oh that was just wrong. (full quote)
  She'll be in here in 20 seconds you fuckin' asskiss, what's that all about? (full quote)
  Don't look at his wee wee. (full quote)
  If you don't get the fuck out of here so I can spend some quality time with my man, next I'm gonna show you my pooter. (full quote)
  Downtime is important. If I had to deal with all the fuckin' mouth breathers, I'd probly stick my head in the deep fryer....balls too. (full quote)
  There's all kinds of weird shit in there, like for instance...did you know Jesus was a Jew? (full quote)
  May your first child be a masculine child! (full quote)
  You swung at me! ---Ya ducked?!?--- Because you swung at me! (full quote)
  You're not even supposed to be here today. (full quote)
  I'm disgusted, and repulsed, and yet I can't look away. (full quote)
  Ooh cake! (full quote)
  You can't save it because you're not black! (full quote)
  She never called any jews sheeny, she just said sheeny curse a lot, it was cute. (full quote)
  Take care clerks. (full quote)
  Guess you just gotta make their decisions for 'em sometimes. (full quote)
  I could probly sue this whole place for sexual harrasment right now. You're just making me restock the napkin holders because of my firm beliefs on the subject of ass to mouth. (full quote)
  Got a small smoke machine for ambiance. (full quote)
  what if a customer walks in and my jerkin' off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong? Next thing I know he's trying to shove my dick in his mouth. (full quote)
  How the fuck did you father a child with a chick that's not your fiance?! Holy shit! She got pregnant off the toilet seat you jerked off on I knew it! (full quote)
  *to Silent Bob* Be really fuckin' quiet. (full quote)
  Did he just say cockstain? what the fuck is cockstain? (full quote)
  Need some Mexican's up in here. Get stuff done fast, Mexican make me loose my job, put a roof up in 30 seconds..shiit. (full quote)
  Ease up Pillowpants the guy's not into your GoBot, D&D bullshit. (full quote)
  Welcome to Mooby's may I take your order? (full quote)
  This tastes like piss and flies don't it? (full quote)
  Hey! (full quote)
  Hey boys! You can't be imprisoned for watching an innerspecies sex act. You'll walk, the most I'll get is a fine for animal abuse and a lot of disgusted looks from a bunch of asswipe conservatives that can't appreciate sexual exploration. Hey! (full quote)
  Check it out, our first customers since our triumphant return, act cool. (full quote)
  Aww, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand, na nan nagagagnaa (full quote)
  Advocating ass to mouth. (full quote)
  Stoner #1: Is that a fuckin' bible? Jay: Hey hey the Holy fuckin' Bible son! (full quote)
  Come on man you know I only surf Transformers sites when there's girls around so they can see how cool I am. (full quote)
  That's beastiality Randall! (full quote)
  At least you spelled cock right this time. (full quote)
  Sometimes I wish I had done more with my life than hanging out in front of places sellin' weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor, I like seals and shit. (full quote)
  Oh! Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard. (full quote)
  Hey. Are you looking for a good Transformer's site? Because at Carstobots.com you can get an avatar that's your picture morphed to look like a robot. (full quote)
  Randall: I know you're a huge fuckin' nerd of Potsie-like proportions, and no chicks dig nerds, especially nerds who are into Lord of the Rings. Elias: Chicks dig Lord of the Rings Randall. Randall: Yeah the kind of girls who are into swords and elves and shit, and I wouldn't fuck them with the Torch of Gondor. (full quote)
  You're my best friend, don't leave me man. (full quote)
  I'm sorry Jesus. (full quote)
  I wanna be the first motherfucker to find a new lifeform....and fuck it. (full quote)
  Next I'm gonna show you my pooter. (full quote)
  Say what you will about Jesus but leave the Rings out of this! (full quote)
  I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole. (full quote)
  There he goes. homeboy fucked a martian once. (full quote)
  Everything but coke, heroin, and your cock. (full quote)
  You're the ugliest fuckin' chud I know! (full quote)
  Hit that two timin' fuck with this! (full quote)
richard14_14 #1)one ring to rule them all!!!! #2)one ring to bind them! and in darkness bring them together! #1)dude how many times?#2) 5 for fellowship, 4 for two towers and 3 for return... #1) 4 for return.... #3) theres only one return and thats not of the king.... its of the jedi.... #1 and 2) star wars geek.... #3) im a geek??? look at you two wiping out you little preciouses.... all the people did was fucking walk in that movie.... even the fucking trees walked in the movie!!!!! #4) fucking a..... (full quote)
giggity Randal: I told you I'm not jerking off at work to center myself Dante: I only did it that one time, and it wasn't to center me Randal: Yeah it was to cum. I don't know about you but cumming centers me (full quote)