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National Lampoon's Vacation - 1983 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
9732 Rusty: Dad, you must've jumped this thing 50 yards! Clark: That's nothing to be proud of, Russ. (With a prideful smerk. Under his breath) Fifty yards. (full quote)
9732 Clark: So, this is the ol' homestead. Eddie: Yeah, but I don't know for how long? Bank's been on me like flies on a rib roast. Clark: I know the feeling. Eddie: Enough 'bout my problems. Hell, looks like you could use a cold one. Clark: Now, you're talking Eddie! (Eddie takes a swig of an open can and passes it to Clark. Then opens the last on the ring and begins to chug. Clark is disgusted.) (full quote)
9732 Clark: THIS IS CRAZY! THIS IS CRAZY! THIS IS CRAZY! (full quote)
10284 This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest, a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and your gonna have fun. We're gonna have so much fucking fun they're gonna need plastic surgeons to remove the smiles from our fucking faces. We'll be whistling zippity-doo-dah out of our ass holes (full quote)
10369 Well, are you gonna go for it? (full quote)
619 Sorry, folks. Park's closed. The moose out front shoulda told ya. (full quote)
  1) Real tomato ketchup, Ed? 2) Nothing but the best! (full quote)
  Audrey: I don't want to stay in the car anymore. I wanna go home. I don't want to go to Walley World. Rusty: Yeah! It's been a real drag, dad! Maybe we should try some other time. Ellen: What do you think? Clark: I THINK YOU'RE ALL F**KED IN THE HEAD! WE'RE THREE HOURS FROM THE F**CKIN' FUN PARK AND YOU WANT TO BAIL OUT! WELL I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING! THIS IS NO LONGER A VACATION! IT'S A QUEST. IT'S A QUEST FOR FUN! I'M GONNA HAVE FUN AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE FUN! WE'RE ALL GONNA HAVE SO MUCH F**KIN' FUN WE'RE GONNA NEED PLASTIC SURGERY TO REMOVE OUR GO***MN SMILES! WE'LL ALL BE WHISTLIN' ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH OUT OF YOUR A**HOLES! I GOTTA BE CRAZY! I'M ON A PRAISE TO SEE A MOOSE! PRAISE MARTY MOOSE! Rusty: Dad, you want an asprin of something? Clark: HOODS UP! (full quote)
  You ever bop your baloney? (full quote)
  The moose says you're closed, I say you're open. (full quote)
11538 (Clark)Hey, underpants! (full quote)
11538 (Ellen)Oh my God! The dog peed on the sandwiches! (full quote)
  Vicky: i go steady and i french kiss Audrey:so everyone does that Vicky: yeah but daddy says im the best at it (full quote)
17471 Rusty: i think i stabbed my brain (full quote)
17129 DOG KILLER!!! (full quote)
  Clark (receiving new shoes): Oh Eddie, you shouldn't have, you really shouldn't have. Rusty: Wow Dad those are great! Clark: Quiet down Russ... Aunt Edna: I TOLD YOU HE WOULDN'T LIKE THEM EDDIE!! (full quote)
17856 Sorry folks park's closed today (full quote)
18441 All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards! (full quote)
18441 1- Oh her? She was a swimming waitress. Yeah, I was ordering in some fish for you,or mother and ahh... 2-Audrey? 1-Yeah Audrey...you believe me don't ya Russ? 2-Oh yeah Dad. You think mom will buy it? (full quote)
18904 You know what I think?! I think you're all fucked in the head! (full quote)
18904 I french kiss. So? Everyone does that. Yeah, but my teacher says I'm the best. (full quote)
18904 Rusty? Can I call you Rusty? Yeah. I had a bad experience on this ride once. what happened? I threw up. (full quote)
18904 (knocks on door) He's knows we're coming and he's not here? Well Normies always been a little flighty. What a worm! (sets dead woman down) We can't just leave her here! It's raining all over her! Well what do you want me to do? Drop her through the mail-deposit box at the funeral home? (full quote)
18904 Children, after this is all over your father might be going away for a little while. (full quote)
18904 Has your father ever killed anyone? Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna. Hey, you can't prove that. (full quote)
18904 What are you trying to pull, Clark? What? That's a BB-gun. Are you kidding? This is a Magnum-PI. That's an old wives tale Clark. It couldn't even break the skin. Yeah it could, yeah it could. it could break the skin and start a very ugly infection. (full quote)
  Vickie: I'm going steady...and I french kiss! Audrey: So, everyone does that! Vickie: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it! (full quote)
  Ellen: Stay in the car, it's hot and dangerous out here! Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should have never have taken this trip with you! I should have taken an airplane....and he...(pointing to Clark) he shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! HE SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS!! Ellen: Sit down and SHUT UP!! (slams door) Move out of that seat and I'll split your lip! (full quote)
20321 Ellen says to Aunt Edna: Sit down and...SHUT UP! (Edna sits down. Ellen slams the car door.) Move out of that seat, and I'll SPLIT your lip! (full quote)
20321 Clark: (Singing) Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home, hey...what's that smell? (Looks at his seat and sees Rusty's feet) Russ, Russ, your feet. (full quote)
20321 Clark: PRAISE Marty Moose! Holy shit! (Rusty puts his hand on Clark's shoulder) Rusty: Dad, do you need an aspirin? Clark: Don't TOUCH! (full quote)
20538 I know what must've happened... It didn't come in! (full quote)
20538 You think you hate it now, wait'll you drive it! (full quote)
14345 1)Rusty, may I call you Rusty? Has your dad ever killed anyone? 2)Just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna. 3)Hey, Rusty, you can't prove that! (full quote)
14345 1)Lord, we love this woman very much-- 2)Don't overdo it, Mom! 1)Shut up! (full quote)
14345 1)Well, kids, I hope you learned a lesson from this. 2)Yeah, don't die unless somebody's home! (full quote)
  Clark: what is this? A dog? Dale: His name's Dinkums...he watches Family Feud. Eddie: Yeah, you folks didn't get to meet Dinkums last night. He had the shits so he slept in the barn. (full quote)
  clark: can i do your back honey? ellen: i already did my back clark: well than can i do your front? ellen: go do your own front (full quote)
4927 Honey, I'm not an ordained minister - I'm doing the best I can. (full quote)
  Marty Moose: Sorry folks, we're closed for 2 weeks to clean and repair America's favorite family fun park! Sorry! A-huh a-huh a-huh Clark: (kicks sign) Ellen: Clark, what are you doing? Clark: We watch his program, we buy his toys, we go to his movies. He owes us! Doesn't he owe us? Huh? He owes the Griswolds right? Fuckin A right he owes us! Ellen: Clark, you're scaring me Clark: Don't be scared! I just think somebody owes us an explanation that's all! (full quote)
  who's the moosey moose we know? marty moose, who's the star of our favorite show? marty moose! m-a-r-t-yyyyy, m-o-o-s-eeeee....marty moose marty moose, YUP thats me! (full quote)
  Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswold, that if you are thinking of taking the tribe cross country, this is your automobile. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it. (full quote)
  personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie (full quote)
  I never heard of anyone as shit-all stupid as you driving your car off that cliff. You musta got manure for your brains (full quote)
  You didn't order the Metallic pea? (full quote)
  AUNT EDNA: You were the one's who sent me the fruit cake for Christmas. It made me so sick. ELLEN: Oh, I'm sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruit cake. AUNT EDNA: You enjoy throwing up every five minutes, Claud? (full quote)
  Rusty: Dad this is not the car you ordered. Clark: Take it easy Rusty....Ed this is not the car I ordered. (full quote)
  Ed, I'm not your ordinary everday fool. Ok Now I'd like my anarctic blue super sportswagon right now and if you get it for me I'm going to take my business elsewhere. (full quote)
  I'm going steady, and I french kiss...Daddy says I'm the best at it. (full quote)
  (Family riding through ghetto in St. Louis.) Ellen: Clark, this is dangerous. Clark: Come 'on, Honey. We can't close our eyes to the plight of the city. Kids, you noticing all this plight? (Gunshot, followed by screams.) Roll 'em up. (All family members roll windows up.) (full quote)
  (Eddie to Clarke) she's a beaut! Like them green walls... Clarke:Yeah, we had a little trouble in St. Louis.... (full quote)
  Clarke to Ellen: This reminds me of the time we drove up the coast in my Austin Healy. Ellen: I haven't thought about that for a long time. Clarke: Wanna relive old times? (Sly smile from Ellen) Wanna put your head in my lap? Not what I was thinking, (knowing grin). (Ellen adjusts herself and gets her head caught in the adjustable steering column as kids in backseat look on). Ellen to Clarke, angrily: I know what you're trying to do, and I think it's sick! Clarke: It's not my fault, honey. The damn wheel's all screwed up! (full quote)
  Love for sale! Appetizing, yummy love for sale! (full quote)
  Is that your Aunt Edna? (full quote)
  Catherine, did you tell Clarke and Ellen the good news? (Catherine, scooping potato salad with a weary grin) Ah, no. I was just about to.. (before she gets the chance Aunt Edna blurts out): You're driving me to Phoenix! SPLAT! (Clarke's hamburger helper burger sloshes out of his mouth as his jaw drops) (full quote)
  Officer to Clarke after stopping him for the dragging leash: Do you know what the fine is in this state for cruelty to animals? Clarke, humbly: No, sir, I don't. Officer, matter-of-factly: You can bet it's pretty stiff. (full quote)
  your going 80 miles an hr! slow down! why were making good time. (full quote)
  You may think you hate it now, but wait 'till you drive it. (full quote)
  Oh Lord, ease our suffering in this our time of great despair. Admit this good and decent woman into thine heavenly area up there. The flock. And Mohab laid down by the band of the Kingonights and although the Hindues speak of carma, I implore you, give, give her a break...Barookatah, Hallalooyah. (full quote)
  Vicky, can I help you with the koolade? ...Please. (full quote)
  1. I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself. 2. Your the gourmet around here Ed. (full quote)
  1. I thought you were going to say you worked for the CIA. 2. That old bit? No, I don't work for the CIA...I used to...I don't like to talk about it. (full quote)
  She has eleven cents dad. (full quote)
  1. You see kids, the pioneers didn't use bricks and mortar like we do today. They used mud. 2. They didn't use mud Dad. They used sod. 1. That's right Audrey... and when they ran out of sod, they used mud. (full quote)
  I WAS speeding. I was driving like a complete maniac. We can all be greatful to this man for stopping us. You see kids, a car is not... (full quote)
  Russ, do not eat the family truckster. (full quote)
  Thank you! ...good shot Audrey! (full quote)
  AUNT EDNA:Oh so yor the peiple who sent me fruit cake,It made me so sick ELLEN:We thought you liked fruit cake AUNT EDNA: You enjoy throwing up every 5 minutes Claud?? (full quote)
  Audrey:I don't wanna be in the car anymore! I wanna go home! I don't wanna go to Walley World(she starts to cry.) Russ: Yeah, it's been a real drag dad maybe we could try it some other time. Ellen: What do you think? Clark: I think you're all F***ed in the head. We're ten hours from the f***in' fun park and you wanna bain out! Well i'll tell ya somethin, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much f***in' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our g****mn smiles! You'll be whistlin' Zip-a-dee-do-dah outta your a****les (laughs)! I gotta be crazy i'm on a pigrimage to see a moose! PRAISE MARTY MOOSE! Holy s**t! Russ: Dad do you want an asprin or somthing? Clark: NO TOUCH! (full quote)
  Clark: In the car were only 4 hours away from the world's second largest ball of twine! (full quote)
  Roll 'em up! (full quote)
  1)Dad, you need an aspirin or something? 2)NO TOUCH!! (full quote)
  Is this your idea of a good restaurant......dog killer? (full quote)
  sorry folks, parks closed, moose out front should have told you (full quote)
  Clark: We can't miss the Grand Canyon, it's the biggest god damn hole in the world. Aunt Edna: CLARK, WHATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!! Clark: make that the second biggest. (full quote)
  1. I think you're all f*cked in the head. We're two days away from the f*cking fun park and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you what, this is no longer a vacation. It's a QUEST! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're gonna have so much f*cking fun, you'll be whistling 'Zippity-Do-Dah' outta your a$$holes! I can't believe it, I'm on a journey to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy sh*t! 2. Dad, you need some aspirin? 1. Don't touch! (full quote)
  1. I think you're all f*cked in the head. We're two days away from the f*cking fun park and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you what, this is no longer a vacation. It's a QUEST! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're gonna have so much f*cking fun, we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our g**damn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zippity-Do-Dah' outta your a$$holes! I can't believe it, I'm on a journey to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Holy sh*t! 2. Dad, you need some aspirin? 1. Don't touch! (full quote)
  I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station. (full quote)
  I think i just had my period. (full quote)
  1- what it is holmes? We ain't from around here. 2- No shit. (full quote)
  Oh God! Ease our suffering in this our moment of great despair. Yea! Admit this good and decent woman into the flock in thine Heavenly area up there. And Moab he laid'st down by the band of the kainganites. And Yea, though the Hindu's speak of Karma, I implore you...give her...give her a break. (full quote)
  Russ: Yeah dad I'm glad we didn't go to Hawaii. Clark: Aw I'll bet you are! (full quote)
  Ellen: Are you happy now Clark? She's deaf. Clark: Oh what's the difference it was fun anyway! (full quote)
  Uhhh, she was born without a tongue, Clark. But don't you worry about her, she whistles like a bird and eats like a horse. (full quote)
  Russ: That guy was crummy. He was wearing jogging shoes. Clark: Yeah well they used to Russ. (full quote)
  Sorry, folks, we're closed for two weeks to clean and repair America's Favorite Family Fun Park! Sorry! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! (full quote)
  Clark Griswold: Excuse me. Could you please tell me how to get back on the expressway? Pimp (in St. Louis): Man, fuck yo mama! Clark Griswold: Thank you very much. (full quote)
  Vicky can I help you with that kool-aid? Please... (full quote)
  Audrey Griswold: [Looking at Vicki's trophy for hog raising] Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool. Cousin Vicki: Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this? [Reaches under her bed and pulls out a shoebox full of marijuana] (full quote)
4927 Sit down and shut up! Get up and I'll split your lip! (full quote)
8685 Something smells in here-- Russ, your feet (full quote)
10929 I'm not your ordinary, everyday fool. (full quote)
10929 Getting there is half the fun. (full quote)
10929 Holiday Road. (full quote)
10929 I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. (full quote)
10929 Holiday Road. (full quote)
10929 I'm so excited. (full quote)
10929 -Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state? -No, sir. I don't. -Well, it's probably pretty stiff. (full quote)
10929 -Could I do your back, honey? -I've already done my back. -Could I do your front? -Go do your own front. (full quote)
10929 -We're from out of town. -No shit. (full quote)
10929 Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. (full quote)
10929 -How do you like yours, Clark? -Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside. -No, I mean your bun. (full quote)
10929 -Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? -Oh, nothing but the best. (full quote)
10929 -I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself. Don't you, Clark? -You're the gourmet around here, Eddie. (full quote)
10929 I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the Army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough. (full quote)
10929 Now, I owe it to myself to tell you, Mr. Griswald, that if you are thinking of taking the tribe cross-country, this is your automobile. The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it. (full quote)
10929 -Gee, Cath, look's like you really got your hands full. -Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs. (full quote)
10929 You were the ones who sent me that fruitcake for Christmas last year. It made me so sick! (full quote)
10929 I'm making out a check for $1000. All you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep. (full quote)
10929 Are we gonna eat or are we gonna starve to death? (full quote)
10929 We passed a Goddamn gas station every ten yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert! (full quote)
Waar Aunt: Clark, Dinky needs a walk. Clark: Rusty, take care of Dinkums. Rusty: Dad, he bites. Clark: Bite him back. (full quote)
jpsartrean In reference to the BB gun: > That couldn't even break the skin. >> Yes, it could. It could break the skin... It could break the skin and cause a serious infection. (full quote)
jpsartrean (Complaining to car dealer): I distinctly ordered the antartic blue super sportswagon with the CB and the optional Rally fun pack! (Dealer): You mean you didn't order the... uh... metallic pea? (full quote)
Marvin Acme Sorry folks, parks closed the moose out front should have told you. (full quote)
crowecat He owes us, right? Fuckin'-A right he owes us! (full quote)
crowecat We're not really violent people...this is our first gun. (full quote)
crowecat I had a bad experience on this ride once before. 2) what happened? 1) I threw up. (full quote)
crowecat That's not a real gun, is it, Clark? Clark: Yes it is, it's a Magnum, P.I.! (full quote)
crowecat Well, somebody better explain, or...there will be a lot of explaining to do. (full quote)
  [after driving off the road] Ellen Griswold: I think I broke my nose. Rusty Griswold: I stabbed my brain. Audrey Griswold: I just got my period. (full quote)
  I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fuckin' fun park and you wanna bail out, well let me tell you something, this is no longer a vacation! It's a quest! It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fuckin' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip a dee doo dah out of your assholes! I must be crazy, I'm in a pilgrimage to see a moose! PRAISE MARTY MOOSE! Holy Shit! Rusty: Dad, you want an aspirin or something? Clark: DON'T TOUCH! (full quote)
  aaaahhh a penny saved is a penny earned. (full quote)
  (arrives at wally World) Clark:Ahh, first ones here! and you know why? Cause we're the Griswalds!! (full quote)
  You'll be have so much fun you'll be singing Zippidie Do Da out of your assholes (full quote)
  Clark: Excuse me, I was wondering if you can tell me how to get back on the freeway. Pimp: Fuck yo' momma! (full quote)
4927 I'm not your ordinary everyday fool. (full quote)
4927 A) That couldn't even break the skin. B) Oh yes it could. It could get lodged under the skin and cause a very bad infection! (full quote)
4927 A) Honey, I'm not an ordained minister - I'm doing the best I can. B) Forget it, I'll do it myself! Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts! C) Mom, let's not go overboard. B) Shut up. (full quote)
4927 ...or maybe you don't want to see the world's biggest ball of twine, which is just 4 short hours away! (full quote)
10929 Properly packing a car is a science. (full quote)
10929 Excuse me, bros. We're from out of town. (full quote)
10929 This is not the car I ordered! I distinctly ordered the Antarctic blue super sports wagon, with the C.B., and the optional rally fun pack. (full quote)
slowjay whats the difference, as long as we get across the river. (full quote)
slowjay I wonder if these guys know the Commodores? (full quote)
robwhy2000 poor little guy. probably kept up with you for the first mile or two............tough little mutt. (full quote)