Movie Quotes Bank


MovieQuotes runs by contribution by its talented members. We would like to thank all members for submitting quotes to make this site possible. We are growing by leaps and bounds with many new movie quotes listed daily.

2015 will be another great year with some blockbuster movies, so come back often and enjoy your favorite movie line and quotes all in one easy place. Don't forget to bookmark our site and your favorite quotes pages.

If you would like to additional quotes, please visit the Submit Quote page. Find your favorite here.





Jerk, The - 1979 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
DirtySteve THE NEW phone BOOK'S HERE, THE NEW phone BOOK'S HERE. (full quote)
DirtySteve The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp (full quote)
4531 I was born a poor black boy.... (full quote)
5075 1)St. Louis? 2)No, Navin Johnson (full quote)
5075 I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. (full quote)
5075 Oh I' picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos, you can buy. With vynal and stripes and a cup built right in! (full quote)
5075 I've got one! I've got a special purpose! Its great, it's fantastic...I was scared to tell you about it...Your Mom's gonna love me! (full quote)
5533 one.......two......three,four,five! (full quote)
6012 He Hates these cans!!!! Stay away from the cans!!!! (full quote)
6051 I was born a poor black child. (full quote)
6034 >Damn these glasses! >>Yes sir! I damn thee! (full quote)
4108 Honey, guess what - I wrote a song for you this morning. (singing) I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos that you can buy, With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in! I'm picking out a thermos for you, And maybe a barometer too, And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely, A rear end thermometer too. (full quote)
4108 1.) You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these vales, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss. 2.) Why didn't you? 1.) I didn't want to get spit on me. (full quote)
4108 He doesn't realise he's dealing with sophisticated people here. Marie, now just stay calm. Stay calm. Don't look down, don't look down! Look up! Just keep your eyes up and keep them that way, o.k.! Waiter there are snails on her plate. Now get them out of here before she sees them! Look away, just look away, keep your eyes that way! You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! There are so many snails there you can't even see the food! Now take those away and bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of! (full quote)
4108 Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I'm glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy. (full quote)
4108 I was raised a white child in a poor black family. (full quote)
4108 Uh, anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers. (full quote)
4108 Gosh! You have my last name tattooed right there under the j's! First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass! You know, I bet more people see that than the phone book. (full quote)
4108 Mama always knew how to treat me right. For my 18th birthday, she prepared my favorite meal... tuna fish on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab, and a couple of Twinkies. (full quote)
4108 You mean I'm going to stay this color?!? (full quote)
4108 Don't trust whitey. The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey. (full quote)
4108 Ah yes, but no more 1966. Lets splurge! Bring us some fresh wine! The freshest you've got - this year! No more of this old stuff. (full quote)
4108 Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, (he pushes all of the letters off the desk), and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this (he picks up the ashtray) and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair. (full quote)
  You would think that in a fancy restaurant at these prices you could keep the snails off the food! (full quote)
  He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business. (full quote)
  He ran the old Cup 'o Pizza guy out of business. (full quote)
7268 Lord loves a workin' man, don't trust Whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it. Right. (full quote)
  One, two, three.....four five six (full quote)
9090 Things were never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. (full quote)
jevans68 He hates these cans! (full quote)
jevans68 I'm picking out a Thermos, for you. (full quote)
  I want you to have my zippo. (full quote)
9572 (1)You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?!?!?! (2)Naven, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass. (full quote)
9572 (1)Hey mister, don't call that dog lifesaver.(2) No?? 1()Call him SHITHEAD. (full quote)
9572 JOHNSON, Navin R. Sounds like a typical bastard. (full quote)
9572 Oh my god, I'm endangering your life. COVER ME. .... You're covered. (full quote)
9572 what?!?! That guy jipped me. He put daisy stems on my roses. (full quote)
3605 The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes me somebody! Things are going to start happening now. (full quote)
deadpoetjs what's happening to my special purpose?! (full quote)
deadpoetjs OH, IT'S A profit DEAL!! (full quote)
  Johnson, Navin R., sounds like a typical bastard! (full quote)
  1. Damn these glasses! 2. Yes sir. I damn those glasses. (full quote)
  If this woman doesn't get her buns out of here, I'm going to drive this bike up her BUTT!!! (full quote)
  I am not a bum (full quote)
  Next time you make love to your boyfriend, could you think of me? (full quote)
  average run of the mill bastard (full quote)
  The new phonebook's here! The new phonebook's here! (full quote)
  I've got it! Mrs. Nuesbaum's credit card, I got the guys who stole it. (full quote)
  PS. Is Grandma still farting? (full quote)
  1)St. Louis? 2) No, Navan Johnson. 1) I mean, are you going to St. Louis? (full quote)
  Pay to the order of__________One dollar and 17 cents (full quote)
  yeah, i'm back...oh yeah, they'll be here for a while..(smiling) (full quote)
  It's HIM!!! what is him doing here?!?! (full quote)
  Oh boy! what a life saver. That's gonna be YOUR name! Ol' lifesaver! C'mon everybody, fir fire there's a fire!!! (moments later) Chinese guy) Hey kid. Don't call that dog lifesaver. Call him shithead! (full quote)
  thats shit this is shinola (full quote)
  ow dont blame yourself how was you supposed to know thats iron balls mcginty (full quote)
  what in the wild wild world of sports is going on here !!! (full quote)
  What is you a moron, why don't I take this phonebook and shove it down your throat, you Opti-Grab Lover !!! two hundred and fifty big ones, two hundred and fifty dollarinies..... (full quote)
  Hey boy, I am in love with 3 !!! what's a moron. NTNT give it me birdie birdie. (full quote)
  You sir are talking to a nigger!! (full quote)
  Okay, now hold a balloon in your mouth. Do you have a balloon? (He pauses). Ahh (checking his coat pockets), oh yeah, I got one right here! (full quote)
  Poor Hobart. His dear wife, Hester, took some money out of her savings account, and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal. [gunshot] kswiss916 (full quote)
  DAD---You see that? NAVIN-Yeah. DAD---That's shit. And this is Shinola. NAVIN-Shit... Shinola. DAD---Son, you're gonna be alright. KSWISS916 kswiss916 (full quote)
  dont call him lifesaver call him ....head (full quote)
  But, can you do this? (full quote)
4927 Ahhh, it's a profit DEAL. (full quote)
jevans68 He hates these cans! (full quote)
Gods_Hands He hates these cans! (full quote)
11076 Come Shithead, Come!! (full quote)
11076 Lord loves a working man, dont trust whitey,see a doctor and get rid of it. (full quote)
11383 For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex! (full quote)
11383 I was born a poor black child (full quote)
11383 [singing] I'm picking out a Thermos for you! Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in! (full quote)
11383 The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now. (full quote)
11513 I don't need you! I don't need anything! Except this ashtray. (full quote)
11513 He's shooting at the cans! He hates these cans! (full quote)
11513 The new phone books are in! The new phone books are in! (full quote)
11513 1)Damn these glasses! 2)I damn thee! (full quote)
11513 1)(crying)I was watching a movie that made me think about the way we were. 2)what was it, Honey? 2)'The Way We Were.' (full quote)
13264 typical run-of the mill bastard (full quote)
13264 congradulations, your our 9th customer of the day, you've won a free OVEN MITT! (full quote)
13264 this is perfect, I won't have to change a thing! (full quote)
13264 I've heard about this before...............CAT JUGGLING (full quote)
13264 HOW FAR ARE YOU GOING? ST.LOUIS. l'LL TAKE YOU TO THE END OF THIS FENCE. O.K, MY NAME IS NAVEN JOHNSON, whatS YOUR NAME? O.K HERE WE ARE. (full quote)
13896 Its a profit deal... (full quote)
13896 It's him...what is him doing here? (full quote)
13896 Ah yes, cat juggling...I've heard about this... (full quote)
14534 #1. Now listen here, boy. See that? That's shit. And this....this is Shinola. (full quote)
15125 1) We'll be in charge of keepin' out the niggers. 2) I, SIR, AM A NIGGER! (and he proceeds to kick their ASS!) (full quote)
17878 ...and that's all...is this chair...and this paddle ball game...and that's ALL I NEED! Except for this lamp. (full quote)
18304 somebody hates these cans!!!! (full quote)
25012 Pay to the order of Mrs. Wilbur Stark... one dollar and NINE CENTS! (full quote)
1ajas Die, Milkface! (full quote)
1ajas ...now I only have two things...my friends and...um...my thermos. (full quote)
1ajas THE NEW phone BOOK'S HERE, THE NEW phone BOOK'S HERE! (full quote)
1ajas I was born a poor black child. (full quote)
1ajas Tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab and a coupla twinkies. (full quote)
1ajas You mean I'm gonna stay this color? (full quote)
1ajas ...Lord loves a workin' man, don't trust whitey. (full quote)
1ajas 1)I'm hitchiking 2)How far you goin'? 1)Saint Louis, how far you goin'? 2)To the end of this fence. (full quote)
1ajas Wanna fillup, Mrs. Nusbaum? (full quote)
1ajas (looks at newspaper and gasps) Stolen! (full quote)
1ajas (singing) Oh, I'm picking out a thermos for you... (full quote)
1ajas I have to go now, as someone is staring at me through binoculars. (full quote)
1ajas Jeez, this shit really works! (full quote)
1ajas good Lord! I've heard about this... Cat juggling! (full quote)
Marvin Acme 'the Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey.' (full quote)
Marvin Acme Alright, as long as we have 'vouch-er'. (full quote)
Marvin Acme I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit and on the slitted sheet I sit. (full quote)
Marvin Acme The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! (full quote)
Marvin Acme These cans are defective, they’re springing leaks, come over and look at this. (full quote)
28056 Navin! Johnson! R.....I'm somebody!! (full quote)
29579 I was born a poor black child. (full quote)
31801 He ran the other Pizza-in-a-Cup guy outta business! (full quote)
bigbadbill She tattooed my name on her ass. Not just my name, a lot of names and funny sayings too! She's got one up here that says 'Slippery when wet.' (full quote)
bigbadbill Have you seen a five years old boy, blond hair and he's wearing a t-shirt that says 'Bullshit' on it? (full quote)
46800 --Give me a bite of that corn dog.
--what about germs?
--Put a rubber on it. (full quote)
46800 Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass. (full quote)
46800 1)I know this is our first date, but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend, you could think of me? 2)Well, I haven't made love to him yet. 1)That's too bad. Do you think its possible that someday you could make love with me and think of him? 2)Who knows. Maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me. 1)I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere. (full quote)
kuehler15 I grew up a poor black child. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1- You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these valves, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss. #2- Why didn't you? #1- I didn't want to get spit on me. (full quote)
Marvin Acme ...it's a blue Chevy two-door. And it'd be going south on Hurtado Street. No, I can't make out the license number, but... it'd be pulling a small church. So, any blue Chevy pulling a small church I figure that'd be the one, yeah. (full quote)
Marvin Acme Well, Mom, remember my dream of owning a big house on a hill... and how I used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico? And how I always wanted a large 24 seat dining table... in a dining room with original paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt? And remember how I always wanted a rotating bed... with pink chiffon and zebra stripes? And remember how I used to chitchat with dad about... always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam... and an office with orange and white stripes? Remember how much I wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel... and how I wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers... and a party room with fancy friends? And remember how much I wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues... S- shaped hedges, and three swimming pools? (full quote)