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Life of Brian - 1979 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
bigcat58 1) There's no pleasing some people. 2) That's just what Jesus said, sir. (full quote)
bigcat58 1) What's so special about the cheesemakers? 2) Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturer of dairy products. (full quote)
bigcat58 1) listen, if you wanted to join the P.F.J. you'd have to really hate the Romans. 2) I do. 1) Oh yeah? How much? 2) Alot. 1) Right, you're in. (full quote)
4191 2)It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them. 1) But you can't have babies. 2) Don't you oppress me. 1) I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (full quote)
4375 Welease Wodger! (full quote)
4375 Welease Wodger! (full quote)
4454 Romans...Right! Which one of you is Brian of Nazareth? One by One all the men on the crosses say: I'm Brian, No I'm Brian (full quote)
  1) We were led by a star. 2) Led by a bottle, you mean. (full quote)
  I'm not a Roman, Mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher Mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it. (full quote)
4538 Look, he's not giving you any money, so piss off! (full quote)
4538 Jehovah! Jehovah! (full quote)
  what's so special about the Greek? (full quote)
4191 I'm not a Roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it! (full quote)
4191 1)But you can't have babies. 2)Don't you oppress me! 1)I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (full quote)
  (Loads of men are being crucified.) *Always look on the bright side of life* (full quote)
7074 -We must all unite against the enemy! -The Judean People's Front? -No, the ROMANS! (full quote)
8016 (Jailer) Crucifixion? (Prisonner) Yes. (Jailer) Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next. Crucifixion?... (full quote)
8104 prisoner: Nice one centurian. like it like Centurian: SHUT UP Prisoner: right! (full quote)
8104 we are 3 wise men. well what are you doing walking around at 2 o'clock in the morning that doesn't sound very wise to me! (full quote)
1250 He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! (full quote)
1250 Does anyone else feel like having a little giggle when I mention my friend Bigus Dickus? (full quote)
1250 He has a wife, you know. Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks. (full quote)
10741 Ooo you lucky bastard. (full quote)
11027 Now look, no one is going to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, even, and I want to make this perfectly clear, EVEN if they say Jehovah. (full quote)
11027 Person 1: What's so great about cheesemakers? Person 2: Its not meant to be taken literally, hes referring to any manufacturer of dairy products (full quote)
11027 Person 1: Crucifixion? Person 2: Yes Person 1: Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each (full quote)
11059 Always look on the bright side of life *whistle* (full quote)
  dont finish bye sunrise i'll cut your balls off!!!! (full quote)
12380 Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin, Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow! (full quote)
12554 I'm not the messiah! I'm not the messiah! (full quote)
12554 Follow the gourd! (full quote)
12554 Your weird! Odd ball! (full quote)
  He is too the real messiah! And I should know... I've followed a few. (full quote)
7074 1. Why are you always on about women, Stan? 2. I want to be one. 1. what?! 2. I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta. (full quote)
7074 1. Why are you always on about women, Stan? 2. I want to be one. 1. what?! 2. I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta. (full quote)
7074 1. Are you the Judean People's Front? 2. F**k off!! 1. what?! 2. Judean People's Front...! We're the People's Front of Judea! (full quote)
7074 1. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the Judean People's Front. 2. And the Judean Popular People's Front! 3. And the People's Front of Judea! 1&2. What?! 3. The People's Front of Judea! Splitters... 1. WE'RE the People's Front of Judea! (full quote)
7074 From now on you shall be called Brian who is called Brian. (full quote)
7074 It is written in the book of Cyril... (full quote)
7074 Romanes eunt domus! (full quote)
  BRIAN: You're all individuals; CROWD: Yes we are all individuals; BRIAN: You're all different; CROWD: Yes we are all different MAN: I'm not! (full quote)
  Brian: So who are the popular front? Reg: He's over there. All: splitter! (full quote)
  1-what did 'e say? 2-he said blessed are the greek 1-the greek?whaddya wanna bless them for? 3-no, no, he said blessed are the meek! 1- oh, that's nice...they don't get much do they (full quote)
  Leave that welsh tart alone! (full quote)
  You are all individuals! 2.*Man Raises Hand* I'm Not. (full quote)
  Biggus Dickus? Its a joke name sir. A Joke Name? I've got a friend named Biggus Dickus! (full quote)
  BRIAN: Consider the lilies! ... WOMAN: Consider the lilies? BRIAN: Well, the birds, then. MAN: What birds? BRIAN: Any birds. MAN: What about them? BRIAN: Well, have they got jobs? MAN: Who? BRIAN: The birds. MAN: Have the birds got jobs?? MAN 2: What's the matter with 'im? MAN: He says the birds are scroungers! BRIAN: Look, the point is, the birds, they do all right, don't they? MAN 2: Yes, and good luck to 'em! MAN 3: Yes, they're very pretty! BRIAN: OK! And you're MUCH more important than they are, so what are you worrying about; there you are, see? MAN: I'm worried about what you've got against birds. BRIAN: I haven't got ANYTHING against the birds! Consider the lilies...! MAN: He's having a go at the flowers now! MAN 2: Oh, give the flowers a chance! (full quote)
  I want to be called... Loretta. (full quote)
  Blessed are the cheesemakers (full quote)
  I'm Brian and so is my wife!! (full quote)
  You're making this up as you go along! (full quote)
  All I said was this Halibut is good enough for Jehovah !!! (full quote)
  1. Excuse me, are you the Judean People's Front? 2. F*ck off! Judean People's Front! We're the People's Front of Judea. Judean People's Front... splitters! (full quote)
  He wanks as high as any in Wome! (full quote)
  whatever happened to the popular front? he's over there SPLITTER! (full quote)
  human brain like an enormous fish (full quote)
  1:Crucifiction? 2:No 1:Excuse me? 2:They said I aven't done anyfing wrong and I could go free 1:Really? 2:Yep, I'm free 1:Oh, well go on then 2:No, Im just joshin' ya, Crucifiction 1:Ha Ha Had me goin' there for a minute eh? (full quote)
  Roman: Well a stab takes a second, but a crusifixion is a slow, horrible death. Old man:Well at least your out in the air. Roman: your weird. (full quote)
  I'm worrying about what you've got against birds. (full quote)
  Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say (full quote)
4877 Brian: what will they do to me? Be: Ohhh you'll probably get away with crucifixion. Brian: what!? Ben: Yeah, first offense. (full quote)
7074 My legs are grey, my ears are gnarled, my eyes are old and bent... (full quote)
7074 1. We found this spoon, sir. 2. Well done, sergeant. (full quote)
7074 I'm Brian and so's my wife! (full quote)
7074 1. And what have the Romans ever given us in return?! 2. The aquaduct? 1. what? 2. The aquaduct. 1. Oh yeah, yeah, they did give us that, that's true. 3. And sanitation. 4. Yes, the sanitation, remember what the city used to be like, Reg. 1. Yes OK, I'll grant you, the aquaduct and sanitation are two things the Romans HAVE done. 5. And the roads! 1. Well yes obviously the roads, I mean the roads go without saying, don't they! But apart from the sanitation, the aquaduct and the roads... 6. Irrigation! 7. Medicine! 8. Education! 1. Yeah, all right, fair enough. 9. And the wine... 10. Yes, that's something we'd really miss if the Romans left. 11. Public baths! 4. And it's safe to walk the streets at night now Reg. 10. Yes, they certainly know how to keep order. Only ones who could in a place like this! 1. All right. But APART from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?! 2. Brought peace! (full quote)
7074 1. And what have the Romans ever given us in return?! 2. The aquaduct? 1. what? 2. The aquaduct. 1. Oh yeah, yeah, they did give us that, that's true. 3. And sanitation. 4. Yes, the sanitation, remember what the city used to be like, Reg. 1. Yes OK, I'll grant you, the aquaduct and sanitation are two things the Romans HAVE done. 5. And the roads! 1. Well yes obviously the roads, I mean the roads go without saying, don't they! But apart from the sanitation, the aquaduct and the roads... 6. Irrigation! 7. Medicine! 8. Education! 1. Yeah, all right, fair enough. 9. And the wine... 10. Yes, that's something we'd really miss if the Romans left. 11. Public baths! 4. And it's safe to walk the streets at night now Reg. 10. Yes, they certainly know how to keep order. Only ones who could in a place like this! 1. All right. But APART from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?! 2. Brought peace! (full quote)
Emania I want to go to a stoning! (full quote)
16441 (old man)I haven't talked in years, and this man made me talk! (full quote)
19724 Oh, it's the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that's nice, isn't it? I'm glad they're getting something, 'cause they have a hell of a time. (full quote)
19724 I'm not a Roman, Mum, and I never will be! I'm a Kike! A Yid! A Hebe! A Hook-nose! I'm Kosher, Mum! I'm a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it! (full quote)
19724 (1)All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? (2)Brought peace. (1)Oh. Peace? Shut up! (full quote)
19987 Go on! Be crucified! See if I care! (full quote)
20934 You lucky, lucky bastard (full quote)
1ajas All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, rods, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? (full quote)
marty386 Where's the foetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (full quote)
44823 [last lines] Lead Singer Crucifee: [as end credits role and crucifees are singing 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life'] It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. Some of us have got to live as well, you know. Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. I said to him, 'Bernie', I said, 'They'll never make their money back.' (full quote)
46800 Ladies and gentlemen. The next contest is between... Big Goliath, The Macedonian baby-Crusher, and Boris Miser. (full quote)
46800 There shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friends hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O'clock. (full quote)
46800 1)Hoohoohoohoo. The little wascal has spiwit. 2)Has what, sir? 1)Spiwit. 2)Yes, he did, sir. 1)Nono, spiwit, uh. Bwavado, a touch of dewwing-do. 2)Oh, Ah... About eleven, sir. (full quote)
helz89 lif'e's a piece of shit when you look at it. life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true (full quote)