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Caddyshack - 1980 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
evilroy I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you, but you were born to rub me first. (full quote)
1990 Well don't just stand there...get some glue! (full quote)
1990 Spaulding! Get your foot off the boat! (full quote)
1990 The man's a menace! (full quote)
1990 They're like the Viet Cong...Varmint Cong. (full quote)
  Whoa, this is the ugliest hat I've ever seen! Do you get a free bowl of soup with that hat? Oh, it looks good on you though. Whew! (full quote)
1990 You look like you came out of a scotch ad. (full quote)
1990 W-e-l-l!...we're waiting! (full quote)
4679 Cinderella Story here at Augusta (full quote)
4679 He said on my death bed I would achieve total conciousness, so I've got that going for me, which nice. (full quote)
  DANNY DO YOU DO DRUGS? YES. good. (full quote)
  Don't sell your self short judge. You're a tremendous slouch. (full quote)
  So I jumped port in hong kong and made my way over to tibet. I got a job loopin' over in the himalayas, you know a pro jock. So i get a job loopin' for none other than the dhali llama himself, the bald head, the flowing robes...striking! So we get up on the first tee and he whacks off about a 10,000 foot crevice down into this glacier, a bit hitter the llama....Long. So he turns to me and says oonga-lagoonga..oonga-googa-lagrunga. So we finish 18 and he starts to walk off...you know tries to stiff me and say hey Dhali!! hey Llama!! How about somethin' for the effort you know? ....a little moola and says Oh there will be no money but on your deathbed you will receive total consciousness....so I got dat goin for me....which is nice! (full quote)
1990 Look at that one. The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it. (full quote)
1990 #1 Hey Saboo, you know how to make a Bullshot? #2 You know how to make a shoe smell! #1 Very funny, your all right. Here, why don't you get yourself a real haircut. (full quote)
1990 This your grandson huh? Oh, wonderful boy. Nice boy. Yeah, this is a good boy. I'll tell ya, now I know why tigers eat their young! (full quote)
1990 Oh, is this your wife. Oh, a lovely lady. Hey baby, your all right. You must of been something before electricity, huh? (full quote)
1990 The graveyard is two blocks to the left. (full quote)
1990 Great big gobs of greasy grimey gopher guts. (full quote)
1990 You know, they say for Italians this is skilled labor. You know that. (full quote)
  So what? So, let's dance. (full quote)
evilroy #1 You're crazy. #2 That's what they said about Son of Sam. (full quote)
  colored boy....while I'll fix you.(porterhouse) (full quote)
  buddies for life. (full quote)
  (DVD-deleted scene) I read somewhere once, I believe it was Shakespeare. He said some are born into greatness, whereas others have it thrust upon them; and then others, others are just great, thats all. (full quote)
5713 License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. (full quote)
5172 (1)I want you to kill every gopher on the course. (2)Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key. (1)Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents! (2)We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason. (full quote)
5172 Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man free to kill gophers at will. (full quote)
5172 Danny Noonan: I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life. Ty Webb: what's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards. Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there. Ty Webb: I'm not sure where they are. (full quote)
5172 Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid! (full quote)
5172 TY: I like you, Betty. DANNY: That's Danny, sir. TY: Danny. (full quote)
5847 Judge: How do you measure yourself with other golfers? Ty: Height (full quote)
4066 Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents! (full quote)
5916 1. You do drugs Danny. 2. Everyday sir. 1. SO what seems to be the problem. (full quote)
6040 Hey Wang what's with the pictures? It's only a parking lot! (full quote)
  You know Danny, I've sent quite a few boys your age to the gas chamber, I didn't want to do it, I felt I owed it to them. (full quote)
6033 This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it. You tell the chef this is low grade Dog Food. (full quote)
6036 His name was Mitch Cumstein. (full quote)
5916 So I've got that going for me, which is nice. (full quote)
5916 Now I know why Tigers eat there young....... (full quote)
  I smell varmit pun-tang, the only thing better than varmit pun-tang is dead varmit pun-tang. (full quote)
  If I'd known i was going to play like this, I would have stayed home and played with Myself! (full quote)
  I think it's time for the ol' billy Baroo. This is a BIG one billy...Eighty..Thousand..Dollars...billy..billy..billy (full quote)
  Yo Wang, its a parking lot, what's with the pictures? (full quote)
  How about a Fresca (full quote)
  Danny are you my friend?....Danny (full quote)
  I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite some time now. (full quote)
  Be the ball Danny, make it happen! (full quote)
  ahoy paloy, where did you come from a scotch ad?? (full quote)
  That's a peach Hon. Oh dolly, I'm hot today. (full quote)
  is this your place? ya, what do you think? It's really awful! Well, I gotta lot of stuff on order. (full quote)
  He was caught night putting. You know putting at night, with the 15 year old daughter of the dean. (full quote)
  I enjoy: skinny skiing...going to bullfights on acid.... (full quote)
  DOODY!!! (full quote)
  Here at the golf course the cowd is on there feet for the last whole of the championship. The first shot he's about 480yds. away he's gonna pull out about a 2 iron. O fokes wat a shot he really got all of that one folks and the crowd is going wild. the second shot on this par 5 is about 320 yds away he's gonna use about a 5 iron. OOOOO folks he really clubed that one its a beautiful shot. The third shot he's gonna take out about an 8iron. He smacked it waut...... wait....... IT'S IN THE WHOLE OH YES IT'S IN THE WHOLE (full quote)
  Fore... Hey, I should of yelled two (full quote)
  Do you smoke? (full quote)
  Hey! That kangaroo stole my ball!! (full quote)
  Cinderella story here...former greenskeeper, about to win the masters...OH! He got all of that one, he has to be happy with that! (full quote)
  1) I wanna hamburger...no a cheeseburger...i want a hot dog, an milk shake, some potatoe chips. 2) You'll get nothing and like it!! (full quote)
272 (1) so how was it? (2) how was what? (1) so obviously it wasn't that good. (full quote)
1990 #1 Spaulding, get dressed your playing golf today. #2 No I'm not grandpa, I'm playing tennis. #1 Your playing golf and your going to like it! #2 What about my asthma? #1 I'll give you asthma! (full quote)
1990 Here you are kid. Park my car, get my bags, and ... put on some weight will you. (full quote)
1990 Hey whitey! where's your hat?! (full quote)
1990 Let's go! While we're young! (full quote)
1990 Music is a viloation of our personal privacy. He's breaking the law! (full quote)
1990 Your a funny kid, you know. Yeah, what time are you do back in Boy's Town?! (full quote)
1990 #1 My uncle says you've got a screw loose. #2 Your uncle molests Collies. (full quote)
1990 You Never ask a Navy man if he'll have another drink, because it's nobodys god damn business how many drinks he's had already, right! (full quote)
1990 I think this place is resricted, Wang. So don't tell them your Jewish. Ok, fine. (full quote)
1990 This is my guest, Mr. Wang. No offense. (full quote)
1990 Hey, orange balls! I'll have a box of those, gimmie a box of those naked lady tees, gimmie 2 of those, gimmie 6 of those. Oh, this is the worst looking hat I ever saw. Well you buy a hat like this I'll bet you get a free bowl of soup. Huh? Oh, well it looks good on you though. (full quote)
1990 How 'bout a nice cool drink, varmints. Scum. Slime. Menace to the golfing industry. Your a disgrace to the varmints. Your one of the lowest members of the food chain, and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. (full quote)
1990 You know I've often thought of becoming a golf club. (full quote)
1990 Hey doll, Can you scare up another round for our table over here, and tell the cook this is low grade dog food. (full quote)
2489 Pool or a pond. Pond would be good for you (full quote)
2489 Tears in his eyes I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 left. And it looks like he's got... about an 8 iron. The crowd has gone dead silent, Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greens keeper now about to become Master's Champion. It looks like a marac.. It's in the hole! It's in the hole! (full quote)
2489 1)I want you to kill every gopher on the course. 2) Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key. 1) Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents! 2) We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason. (full quote)
2489 1) We have to win this hole. 2) I kinda thought winning wasn't important. 1) Me winning isn't, you do. 2) Great grammer. 1) Danny, see your future, be your future. May, make, make it, make it. make your future Danny. I'm, I'm a veg', Danny. (full quote)
2489 Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man free to kill gophers at will. (full quote)
2489 I was born to love you, I was born to lick your face, I was born to rub you, But you were born to rub me first. (full quote)
2489 1) I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life. 2) what's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards. 1) I notice you don't spend too much time there. 2) I'm not sure where they are. (full quote)
2489 1)I gotta go to college. I gotta! 2) Ahh, Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? (full quote)
2489 1) You take drugs, Danny? 2) Every day. 1) Good. what's the problem? 2) I don't know. (full quote)
2489 Ratfarts! (full quote)
2489 Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. (full quote)
2489 This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it. (full quote)
4927 Wanna tie me up with some of your ties, Tie? (full quote)
5916 Hey you want to earn $14 dollars the hard way.... Whoa I bet you where something before electricity.... (full quote)
5916 1. Yo Wang this is a private club, so don't tell them that you're Jewish. (full quote)
5916 I will take a box of those naked lady tees, and this hat, boy that is the worst looking hat I have ever seen, do you get a free bowl of soup when you buy this hat. OHHH, but it looks good on you!!! (full quote)
5916 Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice..... DAMN!!!!! (full quote)
7066 1: oh, i don't keep score. 2: well how do you measure yourself against other golfers? 1: height. (full quote)
7066 1: and, you know, i'm no slouch myself! 2: aw, don't sell yourself short, judge. you're a tremendous slouch. (full quote)
7066 1: i thought you'd be the man to beat this year. 2: well, i guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself. (full quote)
7686 A flute with no holes is not a flute. And, a doughnut with no hole is a Danish. (full quote)
7836 mmmmmmmiss it. mmmmmmmiss it Noonan! (full quote)
7937 Well? We're waiting! (full quote)
jevans68 And you, pick up that blood! (full quote)
jevans68 You're a good egg, Noonan. (full quote)
jevans68 Hey! You scratched my anchor! (full quote)
jevans68 Was that your ball I heard ramblin' through here? (full quote)
9090 A flute with no holes is not a flute. And a donut with no hole is a Danish. (full quote)
9119 1)How about a little something for the you know, effort. He turned around and said, 2)there will be no money exchange. But on your deathbed, you will receive complete conciousness. So I got that going for me. Which is nice. (full quote)
9316 ODD!!! (full quote)
9403 #1Odd!!! #2 Odd it is. your Honor, your Honor. (full quote)
9565 Hello Mr. Gopher. Yeah it's me, just a squirrel. Just a squirrel, not a plastic explosive, nothing to be worried about. (full quote)
9565 The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s the Cinderella boy, tears in his eyes I guess as he lines up this last shot. He’s got about 195 yard left and it looks like he’s got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story, out of nowhere, the former greens keeper now about to become the master’s champion. It looks like a mira.. IT’S IN THE HOLE. IT’S IN THE HOLE. (full quote)
9954 Thank you very little (full quote)
10617 Mommy, Danny saw me nakkkiddd...!!! (full quote)
10617 Mommy, Danny saw me nakkkiddd! (full quote)
circelli17 You know I invented my own grass too and the amazing stuff about this is you can play 36 holes on it, then you can take some home and get stoned out of the bejesus with it. (full quote)
11076 So, I've got that going for me, Which is nice (full quote)
11157 You want to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty? (full quote)
11707 so how was it? How was what? It must not have been that good then! (full quote)
11868 Bishop: ...are you Catholic? Danny: Yes sir. Bishop: I'm sorry, then you cant come. (full quote)
11868 Judge: Hey there Frank, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic and the Colored boy who went to heaven? Bishop Frank: Yeah Judge, thats a doozy (laughs) (full quote)
12257 See your future danny. May,may,may, make it.make you future danny i'm a i'm a veage. (full quote)
12257 1.Be the ball danny. Your not being the ball danny. 2.Well its kinda hard with you talking like that. 1.OK i'm not talking, i'm not talking. be the ball. (full quote)
12590 Al Czervik: Hey honey, how would you like to make fourteen bucks ... the HARD way? (full quote)
  ...oh and tell the cook this is low-grade dog food, i've had better food at the ball game! (full quote)
  what's that candy wrapper doing there? Well don't you see it? Well PICK IT UP!! (full quote)
  ...friends for life, I think. (full quote)
  It's the best man.. I got it from a negro. You're probably so high already you don't even know it. (full quote)
  A wise man once said--A flute with no holes is not a flute, A donut with no holes is a danish. (full quote)
  He tried To choke me! You saw it! Al: Yeah, right he called me a baboon and thinks i'm his wife! (full quote)
  Hey Wang (full quote)
  So I jump ship in Hong Kong, and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over there in the Himalayas. (a looper?) A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper,..a jock. So I tell 'em I'm a pro jock and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself. The Twelfth son of the Lama; the flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So i'm on the first tee with him, I give him the driver; he hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long...into a ten thousand foot crevasse right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says: (pause) 'Gunga Galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.' So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey. How about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money. But when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So i've got THAT going for me. Which is nice. (full quote)
  What an incredible cinderella story, this unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack, at augusta, he's on his final hole, he's about 455 yards away he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, i think(whack) oh he got all a dat, the crowd is standing on its feet here at augusta, the normally reserved augusta crowd, going wild, for this young cinderella, who's come out of nowhere, he's got about, 350 yards left he's gonna hit about a 5 iron, i'd expect, dont ya think,he's got a beautiful backswing, (whack) dats, oh he got all a dat one!,he's gotta be pleased with that, the crowd is just on its feet here, he's a cinderella boy, uh, tears in his eyes, i guess, as he, as he lines up this last shot, he's got about 195 yards left and he's gonna, looks like he's got about a 8 iron, this crowd has gone deadly silent, cinderella story, out of nowhere, a former greenskeeper now about to become the masters champion, looks like a mirac, ITS IN DA HOLE! its in da hole..... (full quote)
  CANNONball it! (full quote)
  So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know. And he says, Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. (full quote)
  you don't have to go to college danny....this isn't russia, is this russia, this isn't russia (full quote)
  There's a force in the universe that makes things happen, and all you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking. Let things happen and be the ball. (full quote)
  Danny saw me naked! (full quote)
  Danny saw me naked! (full quote)
  Spalding, you'll have nothing and like it! (full quote)
  So it looks like we're playing for keeps now. (full quote)
  You know, I've often dreamt of becoming a golf club. (full quote)
  it looks like a meras...ITS IN THE HOLE!!! (full quote)
  heyyy, mr. golpher its me mr. squirrel iam just poppin in to see ya. (and blow you up)ohh the wires dont worry about those its docters orders................... (full quote)
  FOUR!!!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  hey fifty buck says the spaulding kid picks his nose. 2)ok ok i'll take that bet. 1) go for it kid do it do it!!......Yeah i won ok fellas pay up to the man. 2) hey another fifty says he eats it. 1) alright i'll take that bet, dont do it kid dont eat it.........naaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww man that kid will eat anything!! (full quote)
  It's a little harsh. (full quote)
  Hey nice hat, I bet if you buy this you get a free bowl of soup! it looks good on you though. (full quote)
  you will get nothing and like it! (full quote)
  Hey, I could get better food than this at the ballgame, you know? (full quote)
  Big hitter, The Lama. (full quote)
  He was gonna stiff me so I say hey Lama how about a little something you know for the effort and he goes there will be no money, but on your death bed you will receive total conscienceness. So I got that going for me, which is nice. (full quote)
  You'll get nothing and like it! (full quote)
  1:Hi what can i get you? 2:I'll have one hot dog, one milkshake... 3: You'll have nothing, and you'll like it. (full quote)
  1:what do you have rocks in this thing? 2:what are you kidding me? WHen i was your age, i had to carry 50 pounds of ice up 5 or 6 stories. 1:So? 2:So, let's dance! (full quote)
  ...your uncle molests collies. (full quote)
  Lou: The caddy scholarship is back up for grabs. as you may have already heard bo tag died of athema, he was a good kid and everyone liked him. #2 he was a brown nose lou u hated him. Lou:shut up. Well if u want to get information on it talk to judge smails (full quote)
  Hey, how 'bout a Fresca? (full quote)
  Lew raised the price of coke, he's been losin' at the track. Yeah, well I ain't payin' no 50 cents for no Coke! Ooohhhh, you don't getta no coke then (Noonan then drinks it himself) (full quote)
  Darling, hand me my loofa brush Noonan: hmmmff, cough, gravle (full quote)
  Hey, 10 bucks says the Smail kid picks his nose.... Double or nothin says he eats it (full quote)
  1) And this is your saliva line. 2)what does it tell? 1) How hot I can get you! (full quote)
  1)Here's an uncashed check for seventy thousand dollars 2) Keep it (full quote)
  You'll get nothing and like it! (full quote)
  Ellejugh, be a dear and come loofa my stretch marks (full quote)
  They're like the vietcong...varmintcong. So what you got to do...you got to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote. (full quote)
  I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think. (full quote)
  so i jump ship in hong kong and i make my way over to tibet and i get on as a loope over there in a course in the himilayas ...... a looper?.,,,,,,,,,,,,,, a looper , a caddy ya kno a looper, jock so i tell em im a pro jock and who do u think they give me? the dalai llama himself the twelth son of the llamas the flowing robes the grace, bald striking. so im on the first tee with him and i give him the driver he hauls off and whacks one big hitter long into a ten thousand foot crevice right at the base of this glacier do you know wut the llama says?...........no.......................gunga alunga gunga alagunga... so we finish 18 and hes gonna stiff me and i say hey llama hey how bout a little somethin for ya know the effort ya know and he says well ohh there wont be any money but when you die on your deathbed you will recieve total conscienceness so i got that goin for me which is nice (full quote)
  danny- did you ever wonder what you wanted to be when you grow up.ty- no why.danny- i didnt think you'd understand.ty-do you do drugs danny.danny everyday.ty- good good. (full quote)
  Do you want your driver sir? No, he's not my type! (full quote)
  Lemme tell you a little story, I once knew a guy that could've been a great golfer, coulda gone pro, all he needed was a little time and some practice, decided to go to college instead, Went for 4 years, did pretty well. The end of his 4 years, it was his last semester, he was kicked out, you know what for? ...he was night putting, just ....putting ...at night .....with the 15 year old daughter of the dean. You know who that guy was Danny? No Take one good guess Bob Hope! ..hehehehhe....no....no that guy was Mitch Cumstein, my roomate...he's a good guy.... (full quote)
  oh did somebody step on a duck (full quote)
  licence to kill gopher by the government ofunited nations. man free to kill gophers at will. to kill u must must kno your enemy in this case my enemy is a varmit and a varmit will never quit ever. theyre like the veit con , varmit con. so what u gotta do u gotta fall backwith superior fire power and superior intellegance. and thats how she wrote. (full quote)
  come on barke like a dog for me bark like a dog (full quote)
  So I jumped ship in Hong Kong (full quote)
  hey want some fries with that shake? (full quote)
  A Flute with not holes in not a flute,but a donut with no holes is a danish. (full quote)
  I don't play golf for money, against people. What, are you religious or something? You might say that. (full quote)
  what does that sign say?....no bare feet......what's that sign say?.....no fighting (full quote)
  Y'know, Judge...my dad never liked you. (full quote)
  would you loofa my stretch marks? (full quote)
  (Ty)na na na na na na na na, fuhnuh nun na,buh buh buh buh buh buh, ta da da da da, na na na et op puh (full quote)
  hy (full quote)
  Mrs. Crane, I'm looking at you; you wore green so you can hide. I don't blame you, you're a tramp... Ooo ooo that was a good one, oh a good one. Mrs. Crane you little monkey woman Little monkey woman...you're lean, you're mean and you not too far between either...are ya... how would you like to wrap your spikes around my head... (full quote)
  You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body (full quote)
  He's not a member Grandma. He's a Caddy. (full quote)
  Oh yes, your the young man who wants to be in the senate. (full quote)
  Ty:In one physical model of the universe the shortest distance between two points is a stright line...in the opposite direction Danny. Danny:Amazing Ty:Thank you very little (full quote)
  Your Uncle molests collies. (full quote)
  I enjoy...skinny skiing, going to bullfights on acid... (full quote)
  1) I'm no slouch myself. 2) oh, don't sell yourself short, judge. you're a tremendous slouch. (full quote)
  1) How many cokes didya have? 2) I dunno, 4 or 5. 1) what are you a diabetic? (full quote)
  So we finish up the 18, and he's gonna stiff me. So i say 'hey, lama, how 'bout a little something, you know, for the effort, ya know.' And he says, 'oh there'll be no money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that going for me. which is nice. (full quote)
  God I admire you (full quote)
  It's easy to grin...when your ship comes in. And you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile, when his shorts aren't too tight in the seat...Ok Pooky..do the honors (full quote)
  j (full quote)
  Hey Moose, Rocko, help the Judge find his checkbook (full quote)
  Elehue......come loofa my stretch marks! (full quote)
  Spaulding: This is good sttuff man. I got it from a negro. You're probably so high already you don't even know it. (full quote)
  You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way? (full quote)
  five bucks he picks his nose ten bucks he eats it (full quote)
  How'd you like to earn 14 bucks the hard way?? (full quote)
  so i jump ship in hong kong make my way to tibet and get a job on a course over there in the himilayins as a looper. you know a looper a jock a caddy. so i tell em' im a pro jock and guess who they give me the dali lama himself 12th son of the lama the flowing robe, the grace, striking. so we're on the first tee and i hang him the driver and he hauls off and wacks one - big hitter the lama- onto a 1000 foot cliff at the edge of this glacier, and he turns to me and you know what he says? gunga lagunga, gunga unga gunga lagunga. so we finish up 18... and he's gonna stiff me so i say to him hey... lama... hey how about something you know for the effort you know. and he says to me oh uhh there will be no money, but when you die, on your death bed you will recieve total conscienceness. so i got that going for me, which is nice. (full quote)
  Hey, here's a check for $70,000. Keep it. Here's a summons for court. It's yours. (full quote)
  DUTY!! (full quote)
  Doody!! (full quote)
  1.100 bucks says you slice it into the woods... 2.Gambling is a legal at bushwood and i NEVER slice Slice into the woods 1.You can Owe me 2.I OWE YOU NOTHING (full quote)
3185 1)Porterhouse! 2) Yes, Judge! 1) Look at the wax build-up on these shoes! I want that scraped off of there, and then I want them creamed, and then buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them NOW! CHOP CHOP! 2) Yessa, Judge! Right away! (full quote)
10929 -I tried to look you up but there wasn't a listing for Mr. Wonderful. -what spelling did you use? (full quote)
10929 -what are you, religious or something? -You might say that. (full quote)
10929 Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir. And I never slice. (full quote)
10929 -Let me just clean this up here...Getting ready for the season. -Duck? -No, dolphin. (full quote)
10929 Thank you very little. (full quote)
10929 Do you stand for goodness or badness? (full quote)
10929 Bark like a dog! (full quote)
10929 what brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape. How come you're here? (full quote)
10929 Don't you people have homes? (full quote)
10929 He called me a baboon. He thinks I'm his wife! (full quote)
10929 -Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course? -Aye, sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site. -Czervik, huh. Well, I'll slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin. (full quote)
10929 Don't you people have jobs? (full quote)
10929 -Who's your decorator? Bennihana? -No, I brought most of the stuff back with me from Vietnam. -You were in the war? -No...Homo! (full quote)
13552 Are you my pal, Danny? (full quote)
13975 I guess we're playin' for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over, huh? (full quote)
14423 It's easy to grin when your ship comes in, and you've got the stockmarket beat. But a man worthwhile is a man who can smile; when his pants are to tight in the seat. (full quote)
14423 Hey! You scratched my anchor!! (full quote)
14534 Hey Smails.....thousand dollars you miss that putt. (full quote)
14534 Double Turds!! (full quote)
14534 Be the ball....na,na,na,na,na........na,na,na,na,na (full quote)
15490 cannon ball.. CANNON ball!!! (full quote)
16156 Hey everybody! We're all gonna get laid! (full quote)
17813 Manganese...Most people don't even know what that is...Chinch Bug... (full quote)
18244 How about a Fresca? (full quote)
19484 Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. (full quote)
19484 You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body. (full quote)
21745 It's easy to grin, when your ship comes in, and you've got the stock market beat. But the man who's worth while, is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat. (full quote)
23479 I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little forigner. (full quote)
1ajas I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you, but you were born to rub me first. (full quote)
1ajas Hey, everybody! We're all gonna get laid! (full quote)
1ajas Pick up that blood! (full quote)
1ajas Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. (full quote)
1ajas Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch. (full quote)
1ajas Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid! (full quote)
1ajas (1)I like you Betty. (2)It's Danny sir. (1)Danny. (full quote)
1ajas (1)Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course (2)Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key. (1)Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents! THE LITTLE BROWN, FURRY THINGS! (2)We can do that. We don't even need a reason (full quote)
1ajas Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. what, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though. (full quote)
1ajas Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way? (full quote)
1ajas He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think (full quote)
1ajas Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it. (full quote)
1ajas (singing) It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts aren't too tight in the seat. (full quote)
1ajas License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote. (full quote)
1ajas This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. (full quote)
1ajas So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. (full quote)
1ajas Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my - (full quote)
1ajas I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first. (full quote)
1ajas I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. (full quote)
1ajas I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. (full quote)
1ajas You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body (full quote)
1ajas Ty, what did you shoot today? Ty Webb: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score. Judge Smails: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers? Ty Webb: By height. (full quote)
1ajas This your place, Carl? Yeah, whatta ya think? It's really... awful. Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble. (full quote)
1ajas This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion. (full quote)
1ajas Hey, did somebody step on a duck? (full quote)
1ajas (1)I demand satisfaction. (2)Yeah, well I'll tell you what's satisfying: CASH. I'll shoot you 18 holes for ten thousand bucks. (1)I could beat you with one good arm. (2)Well, how about teams, then. I'll take Ty here, and you can have Dr. Frankenputz. (3)I beg your pardon. (4)Judge, Al, I don't play golf...for money...against people (full quote)
1ajas Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks? (full quote)
1ajas You're not, you're not good, Al. You stink. (full quote)
1ajas Bless this ship, and all who sail on her. I christen thee 'The Flying WASP'. (full quote)
jpsartrean What an incredible story... This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack - at Augusta. He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away - he's going to hit about a 2-iron, I think. Oh, he got all of that - the crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd - going wild - for this young cinderella, who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left - he's going to hit about a 5-iron it looks like - don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... That's, oh, he got all of that one! He's got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He's the cinderella boy - tears in his eyes I guess as he lines up this last shot... He's got about 195 yards left and it looks as if he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent, cinderella story, out of nowhere, a former greenskeeper and now - about to become the Masters champion... It looks like a mirac - its in the hole!!! (full quote)
jpsartrean What an incredible story... This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack - at Augusta. He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away - he's going to hit about a 2-iron, I think. Oh, he got all of that - the crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd - going wild - for this young cinderella, who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left - he's going to hit about a 5-iron it looks like - don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... That's, oh, he got all of that one! He's got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He's the cinderella boy - tears in his eyes I guess as he lines up this last shot... He's got about 195 yards left and it looks as if he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent, cinderella story, out of nowhere, a former greenskeeper and now - about to become the Masters champion... It looks like a mirac - its in the hole!!! (full quote)
27312 Oh, man in the boat overboard. You beast, you savage. C'mon bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog, I will teach you the meaning of the word respect. (full quote)
Ant S. Move over Swanson! I'm driving! (full quote)
Marvin Acme So we finish the 18th and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. (full quote)
29134 You, pick up that blood! (full quote)
30427 I think this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish (full quote)
Crash A flute with no holes is not a flute, and a donut with no hole is a danish. (full quote)
flashgordon So I say, HEY Lama (full quote)
flashgordon play it up girls. I've got a salami to hide. (full quote)
flashgordon Some body has to teach them a lesson about morality, and what it's like to be a decent member of a society!.... OOh! That's it i guess were playing for keeps. (full quote)
33944 It's easy to grin, when your ship comes in And you got the stockmarket beat But a man who's worthwhile Is a man who can smile When his shorts are too tight in the seat (full quote)
33944 1/ What do you think, son? 2/ I'd play on..... I don't think the hard stuff's gunna come down for some time (full quote)
33944 (singing opening credits) I'm alright.... don't nobody worry 'bout me.... why you gotta gimme a fight?.... why don't you just let it be? (full quote)
33944 Ya fuzzy little foreigner!! (full quote)
38974 spalding get your foot off the boat! (full quote)
42720 >Really... Are you going to Harvard? >> No, St. Copias of northern... > Where!?? (full quote)
42720 Ahoy polloi! (full quote)
43297 TANKS FOR NOTHING DANNY NOONAN!! TANKS FOR NOTHING! (full quote)
  How much for the little girls (full quote)
  oh thats all i need (full quote)
  Farts!!! Double Farts!!! (full quote)
  Hey Shmells, 100 bucks ya slice in the woods. Gambling's illegal at Bushwood sir and I never slice. DAMN!!! oK you can owe me. I owe you nothin! (full quote)
  I smell varmit poontang (full quote)
  I'd keep playing (full quote)
  so i got that going for me which is nice (full quote)
  putting denny putting at night (full quote)
  freeze gopher (full quote)
  I've sent people younger than you to the gas chamber...I felt I owed it to them. (full quote)
  Yeah, you're alright, wanna make fourteen dollars the hard way? (full quote)
  I almost got head from Amelia Earhart (full quote)
  Well the World needs ditch diggers too. (full quote)
  i ain't payin no 50 cents for no coke!!!!AHAHA then u ain't gettin no coke! (full quote)
  Hey Moose, Rocco, help the judge find his wallet (full quote)
  Alright, who shit in the pool? (full quote)
  a danish is donut without a hole (full quote)
  danish (full quote)
  I enjoy skinny skiing, going to bullfights on acid (full quote)
10929 The graveyard is two blocks to the left. (full quote)
10929 what are we running, a restaurant? (full quote)
10929 Well, put it in the college fund. (full quote)
10929 Czervik construction Company? (full quote)
10929 Well, we're waiting! (full quote)
10929 Nixon played golf. (full quote)
10929 Hey, Cary Grant, you want to get high? (full quote)
33944 1/_You've got to win this hole! 2/_I kinda thought winning wasn't important 1/_Me winning isn't.... You do. 2/_Great grammar.... get a grip, will ya Ty? (full quote)
40905 1.Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. what, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [looks at #2 who's wearing the same hat] 1.Oh, it looks good on you, though. (full quote)
45511 So I jump ship in Hong Kong, make my way over Tibet and get a job in the Hymmalians as a looper. - Looper? - Yeah, caddy, jock. So I tell them I'm a pro jock, and guess who they give me. The Dahli Llama himself. The 12th son of the Llama, graceful flowing robe, bald, stricking. SO we tee off and big hitter the Llama long. He hits it into this 20,000 foot abyss and the edge of this glacier. He turns to me and he says, 'Goonga galoongo, goonga galoongo.' So we finish 18 and he's about to stiff me. So I say, 'hey Llama, how about a little something for the effort you know.' He says, 'there will be no money, but when you die, on your death bed you will recieve total consciencousness.' So I got that going for me, which is nice. (full quote)
45511 1. You want your driver? 2. No, he's not my type. (full quote)
45511 Hey, you scratched my anchor. (full quote)
45511 They say that for Italian this is skilled labor, you know that. (full quote)
TyeDi #1: You take drugs, Danny? #2: Every day. #1: Good. what's the problem? #2: I don't know (full quote)
DoOrDoNot ...So were on the 18th hole and the Lama's gonna stiff me! So I say, hey Lama, how bout a little something, you know for the effort. He says, oh there won't be any money involved; but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total conscienceness. So I got that going for me, which is nice. (full quote)
46908 your over there on Briar Right? Yeah 12 Briar. You got a pool up there? uh..yeah..a pool and a pond.....the pond would be good for you. (full quote)
46908 If you ever, you know, wanna hang out.. Or just get weird with someone.... Buddies for life. (full quote)
Randall_Graves Female: My uncle says you have a screw loose; Male: Your uncle molests collies! (full quote)
cptdad Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. what, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? (full quote)
cptdad Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. (full quote)
cptdad It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat. / But the man worthwhile, / Is the man who can smile, / When his shorts are too tight in the seat. (full quote)
47757 DeNunzio: I aint paying no 50 Cents for no coke. Noonan: Well, then you no getta no coke! (full quote)
smitty You can have Doctor Frankenputz here and I'll take Ty. A lot you fucking know....Danunzio. (full quote)
Notalentassclown No one says that about you; as far as you know (full quote)
smsbaci Be the ball (full quote)
rhps2000 Tell the chef this is low grade dog food. (full quote)
shinaad What kind of shit is this? It's the best man, I got it from a negro. (full quote)
bengoalie Sandy: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key. Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents*. Carl : We can do that. We don't even need a reason. (full quote)
robwhy2000 well i heard he choked on his own vomit. (full quote)
Turkish 1. I want a hamburger, no a cheese burger, I want some french fries, a want a milk shake. 2. YOU"LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!!!! (full quote)
delinquent220 How bout a Fresca? (full quote)