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Planes, Trains & Automobiles - 1987 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
3820 Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? (full quote)
DirtySteve Six bucks and my right nut say we're not landing in Chicago. (full quote)
DirtySteve Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago. (full quote)
agwendolyn You know... you know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener! (full quote)
agwendolyn 1) *starts washing face* 2) *from other room* You might want to take my underwear out of the sink, i had to wash it last night! (full quote)
agwendolyn 1) Do you have 42 dollars and a good watch? 2) No, but I have 2 dollars... and a casio! (full quote)
4909 Go to Jamacia mon, get some rum! (full quote)
4927 A) what do you think the temperature is? B) About...one. (full quote)
4927 A) what do you think the temperature is? B) About...one. (full quote)
  Those aren't pillows! (full quote)
  Now's as probably as good a time as any, but I need to tell you our tickets are only good through St. Louis. (full quote)
6283 You're no saint, you get a free cab you get a free room, and someone who'll listen to you're boring stories. Didnt you get on plane, when you started talking, eventually i started reading the vomit bag. Didnt that give you some sort of clue, like this guys not enjoying it.You say things which are funny or mildly amousing or interesting, you're a miricle. Your stories have none of that, there not even amousing accidentally. Hey honey i like you to meet Dale Griffith shower curtain ring guy hes got got some amousing anicdotes for you, oh here is a gun so you'll blow you're brains out you thank me for it. its like going on a date with a chaddy cathhy doll, i'd expect youd have a string so ill pull out and snap back except i would'nt pull it out and snap it back you would,BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.You know next time you tell one of you're stories, here's a good idea have a point it makes it so much more interesting for the listener. (full quote)
7937 Del: You play with your balls alot. Neal: Oh really? Del: Yeah, you do more ballhandling in one minute than Larry Bird does in an hour. Neal: You know what I'd really like? Del: A couple of more hands and an extra set of balls? (full quote)
8509 1: what do you think the temperature is? 2: one. (full quote)
8509 6 bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in chicago (full quote)
  -Welcome to Marathon, may I help you? -Yes. -Well, How may I help you? -You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. And you can give a fucking automobile. A fucking Buick, a fucking Datson, a fucking Toyota . . four fucking wheels and a seat! -I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me. -And I don't really care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really don't care to walk across a fucking highway and across a fucking runway just to get back here and have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car, right, fucking, now. -May I see your rental agreement? -I threw it away. -Oh boy. -OH BOY WHAT... -YOU'RE FUCKED! (full quote)
8916 1)Del, why did you just kiss my ear? 2)Why are you holding my hand? 1)where's your other hand? 2)Between two pillows. 1)THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS! (full quote)
14477 Well I really don't appriciate the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere, with fucking keys to a fucking car that's not even fucking there. I want a fucking car, right fucking now. (full quote)
14534 1. Want a beer? 2. It's nine o'clock in the morning. 3....(confused look).....Scotch? (full quote)
14534 1. Want a beer? 2. It's nine o'clock in the morning. 1.....(confused look).....Scotch? (full quote)
Happy Bob You want to hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better, I'm an easy target. You're right, I talk to much but I listen to much. I could be a cold hearted cynic like you but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Oh you say what you want about me but I not changing. I like me, my wife likes me, my customers like me because I'm the real thing, what you see is what you get. (full quote)
15363 Uh....these aren't credit cards. (full quote)
15362 1. Can I help you? 2. You can start by wiping that smile off your fucking rosey cheeks! (full quote)
15362 Her last kid, came out sideways. She didn't scream or nothing. (full quote)
  (in the shower)Oh, COME OOONNNN!!!!!!! (full quote)
  Let me make it up to you somehow, eh? How 'bout a nice hot dog and a beer? (full quote)
  You'd have better luck playing pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks than getting out of this airport brfore daybreak! (full quote)
  what're you doing? I almost crushed your head like a melon! (full quote)
  Neal: Three coins in a fountain, each one seeking happiness....no....thrown by three hopeful lovers....nobody know that one?? Del: Flintstones! We're the Flintstones..... (full quote)
  Man: Anyone who'd pay 50 would certainly pay 75. Neal: Not Necessarily....alright...your a thief! Man: Close...i'm an attorney! (full quote)
  Neal: If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak!! (full quote)
  YOu guys don't know the movie!!!!!! Many errors. In the one about the vehicle that was not present= you missed Mustang. In the one about the playing with the balls you missed the : I do not... play with my balls. Candy: Larry Byrd doesn't do as much ball handling in a night as you do in an hour. Martin: You know what would make me happy? Candy: A couple more balls and an extra set of fingers? HAHA Martin: Funny that's real funny... no what I'd like is for you to give your mouth a rest. THERE IT IS HOMOS. YOU GUYS WANNA QUOTE A MOVIE? QUOTE ONE YOU KNOW!!!! WE KNOW THIS MOVIE BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU JACKASSES. EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT more: manlyman34@hotmail.com (full quote)
  I could take any insurance seminar, for days i could sit there with a big smile on my face and listen to them go on and on,and they'd say how can you stand it, and id say cos i've been wih del griffith i can take anything, and do you know what they'd say, the shower curtain ring guy, wow! (full quote)
  I could take any insurance seminar, for days i could sit there with a big smile on my face and listen to them go on and on,and they'd say how can you stand it, and id say cos i've been wih del griffith i can take anything, and do you know what they'd say, the shower curtain ring guy, wow! (full quote)
  My dogs are really barking today. (full quote)
1ajas You know... you know when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener! (full quote)
Walacama Neil:I have a Niemun Marcus card, in case you want to get a nice gift for someone, how about you? Del:Chalmer's Big and Tall, it's a 7 outlet chain in the pacific north west. Great stuff, unfortunately it does us no good here. (full quote)
  We'd have better luck playing Pick-up Sticks with our butt cheeks. (full quote)
1ajas When you're telling a story, here's an idea - have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener. (full quote)
  I know you don't I ? I'm normally very good with names, but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours (full quote)
  Tied up tighter than tom thumbs ass (full quote)
  You are going the wrong way!!! How does that drunk know where we are going?? (full quote)
  Why don`t you take a picture it lasts longer (full quote)
  I hope you wake up so stiff you can't even move! (full quote)
  Attendant: Why don't you take the airline? It's faster and you get a free meal. Neal: If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. (full quote)
  Del Griffith:I've never seen anybody been picked up by their testicles before. (full quote)
  St.Loius yes. (full quote)
  You're Going the Wrong Way, How do they know where we're going. Signals a Bottle of booze...... I use that one all the time (full quote)
  (Del) I gotta slight problem, I don't quite have the $42.50. (Motel assistant) Do you have 17 dollars and a good watch? (Del) ...no I don't, I have 4 dollars...and...and a casio. (full quote)
  (NIEL) Please I'm begging you, have mercy, I've been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday. (DEL) I can vouch for that. (full quote)
  can't remember exactly but if you can please modify - i came here to look for it del griffith, DON'T Remember this part, Shower Curtain Ring Sales Division .... help me! (full quote)
  odds are we'll be having our turkey roll right here (full quote)
  You can start by wiping that fucking dumb ass smile off of you're rosey fucking cheeks. Then you can give me a fucking automobile, a fucking donza, a fucking toyota a fuck buick, four fucking wheels and a seat. I really don't care for the way you're fucking company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really don't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway, and across a fucking runway. To get back here and have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car, right fucking now. (full quote)
  1. Cab. 2. Okay. Where are ya goin? 1. Chicago. 2. Chicago? You know you're in St. Louis? 1. Yes, I do. 2. Why don't you take a plane? It's a lot faster. 1. If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now, are you going to help me oor are you going to stand there like a slab of meat with mittens? (full quote)
  1. Cab. 2. Okay. Where are ya goin? 1. Chicago. 2. Chicago? You know you're in St. Louis? 1. Yes, I do. 2. Why don't you take a plane? It's a lot faster. 1. If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now, are you going to help me or are you going to stand there like a slab of meat with mittens? (full quote)
  Train don't run through Wichita unless you're a pig or cattle. People train runs through Stubbville. (full quote)
  Cop to Neil and Dell: what the hell are you driving here? (full quote)
  Dell: We were robbed! Neil: No! (full quote)
  Neil to bus passengers: Three coins in a fountain, each one seeking happiness... (full quote)
  Train don't run out of Witchita. Lessen' you're a cattle or a hog. (full quote)
  You're like a chatty Cathy doll. You probably have a little string on your chest that I have to pull and snap back. Only I won't pull it, YOU will! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! (full quote)
  1: Count it! There's 263 dollars in there. If there's a dollar more, THEN you can call me a thief! 2: Empty. 1: What?!? We've been robbed!! 2: Do ya think so?!? (full quote)
  Wow, isn't that something, your a real trooper. (full quote)
  ***White Lincoln Town Car C-5*** (bus driver says in heavy southern accent) ----when dropping off Steve Martin in the Marathon rental car parking lot. Hilarious!!! (full quote)
  And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car Right Fucking Now! (full quote)
  Why Do'nt you try the airlines ? ,alot faster and you get a free meal. If I were in the mood for a joke,I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak,now are you going to help me or stand there like a slab of meat with mittens. (full quote)
  give him the god damn gloves!!! (full quote)
  Gobble Gobble (full quote)
  Lovely Lovely (full quote)
  (Couple making out on the bus while Neil stares) {1} Why dont you take a picture? It lasts longer. Dell- HAHAAAH OoOO That was a good one. (full quote)
  trains dont run out of whichita. trains run out of stubbville (full quote)
  Dell:We have a better chance of playing pick up sticks with our bum cheeks than landing in chicogo (full quote)
  Umm....Would you like a room? (full quote)
  Neal-You stole it! Del-I thought you put it there! Neal- Why would i put it there? Del-Kindness.... (full quote)
  Trooper: Sir, Do you believe this vehicle is safe for highway travel? Del: Yes, I do. Yes, I really do. I believe that. I know its not pretty to look at, but it'll get you where you want to go... (full quote)
  I could take any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there listening to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. And they'd say, How can ya stand it? Cuz I've been with Del Griffith! i can take ANYTHING. ANd a aknow what they'd say, i know what ya mean, the shower curtian ring guy, woah! (full quote)
  Neal -- I got a VISA and a gas card. Oh, and I've got a Neiman Marcus card in case we want to buy a gift. What do you have? Dell -- Chalmers Big and Tall Shop. It's a 7 store chain in the Pacific northwest. Great stuff. Unfortunately it does us no good HERE. (full quote)
  Simple. There's no way on earth we're gonna get outta here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pick-up-sticks with our butt cheeks than we will getiin' a flight outta here before daybreak. (full quote)
  I do'nt wish to breathe your foot odor!!!!! Oh,it's so perfect to be odor free,there are some things about you that bother me. (full quote)
  If I wanted a joke I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak ... Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens? (full quote)
  Del: I'm sorry. I had no idea those beer cans were gonna blow up like that. Neil: You left them on a vibrating bed. what did you think would happen? (full quote)
  had this friend once she was a cook on the plane and she was cutting carrots one night and she sliced the tup of her finger right off she looked in the pot looked in the pot and never could find it they are not sure but they think that it might have been servred on a singapore run (full quote)
  You the Shower Curtain Fellow YES do you need me to take you to wichita yes that would be great but train don't go out of wichita unless your a hog or a cattle nose sounds- You have to go to studvillve if you people (full quote)
  We're going the wrong way? How does he know where were going? (full quote)
  Awww, My dogs are barkin' (full quote)
  hey brad powell go fuck yourself..... that quotes from mr. mom you dumb shit.... SUCK MY COCK (full quote)
  Del: Top of the morning officer, Is there something I can help you with? Officer: What the hell are you driving here? Del: We had a small fire last night...hee...heee. but we caught it in the nick of time. Officer: You have any idea how fast you were going? Del: Fondly enough I was just talking to my friend about that....our speedometer is melted....and as a result it's very hard to say with any degree of accuracy how fast we were going. Officer: 78 miles per hour. Del: Whew....78 huh? Well...yeah....I could buy that...sure I guess...you know...uhhh...you'd know better than us uuhhh....especially since we've got a melted speedometer. Officer: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel? Del: Yes I do....Yes I really do...I believe that....I know it's not pretty to look at....but It'll get you where you want to go. Officer: Now you have no outside mirror. Del: No we lost that. Officer: You have no functioning gauges. Del: No...not a one. However the radio still works...funny as that may seem...with all this mess the radio is the only thing really working good. Clear as a bell, don't ask me how. Officer: Can't let you go ahead in this vehicle. Del: Can't what? Officer: No...It's not fit for the road. The vehicle will be impounded until such time as it can be made worthy for state highway travel. Del: Okay officer...I admit it...I broke the law....and for that I'm really sorry....I am it'll never happen again. You got me there and I won't argue with you one ioda. I swear, however, if you impound our car I'll be unable to get our friend here home for Thankgiving dinner. (full quote)
4927 She's short and skinny, but she's strong. Her first baby come out sideways - she didn't scream or nuttin. (full quote)
10929 --You're a thief! --Close, I'm a lawyer. (full quote)
10929 You're a real trooper. (full quote)
10929 I'll see you on the train. (full quote)
10929 --what do you think the temperature is? --One. (full quote)
10929 --Happy Holidays. --Same to you. (full quote)
10929 I like me, my wife likes me, my customers like me. (full quote)
10929 If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them? (full quote)
10929 --Gus, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Neal Page from Chicago. Neal, this is Gus Mooney. --Hi. --Glad to meet you, Nick. (full quote)
10929 I sell shower curtain rings. Best in the business. (full quote)
10929 --I'm to drive you to Wichita to catch a train? --Yeah, we'd appreciate it. --Train don't run out of Wichita...unlessin' you're a hog or a cattle...People train runs out of Stubbville. (full quote)
10929 --You the shower curtain ring fella? --Yes. --Catching a train to Wichita? --Yes. --Train don't run outta Wichita. Train run outta Stubbville. (full quote)
10929 --Del Griffith! How the hell are you? --Well, I'm still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire. (full quote)
beekers Three coins in a fountain...Flinstones meet the Flinstones... (full quote)
beekers She's strong. Baby came out sideways, she didn't scream or nothin'! (full quote)
beekers Whew! My dogs are barkin' tonight! (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1-I'm to drive you to Wichita to catch a train? #2-Yeah, we'd appreciate it. #1-Train don't run out of Wichita...unlessin' you're a hog or a cattle. People train runs out of Stubbville. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1-Del Griffith! How the hell are ya? #2-Well, I'm still a million bucks shy of bein' a millionaire. (full quote)
crowecat Love...is not a big enough word. It's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife. (full quote)
crowecat Why do I feel like I'm at summer camp? (full quote)
crowecat State Trooper: what the hell you driving here? (full quote)
crowecat I like me. My wife likes me. (full quote)
crowecat I haven't been home for years. (full quote)
29029 Potato chips...They're Everywhere!! (full quote)
29029 1. Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel? 2. Yes I do. Yes I do. (full quote)
29029 At the very least, the bare minimum, you have a woman you love to grow old with. (full quote)
29919 If I don't clear my sinuses, I'll snoar all night. (full quote)
31145 Del: You call the wife? Neal: No one was home... probably at my daughters thanksgiving pageant. Del: Oh no... you missed it? I'm sorry, those are the prescious moments too... they don't come back again. Neal: I've been spending too much time away from home. Del: I haven't been home in years Neal: what seriously? Del: No it's a figure of speech you know cuz I'm on the road so much (full quote)
The Raven We'd have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak. (full quote)
The Raven If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. (full quote)
The Raven Everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate between things that are funny, or slightly amusing. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that! They're not even amusing accidentally! (full quote)
kfanning you'll never make the 6 (full quote)
kfanning you're going the wrong way... you're going to kill somebody... thank you... thanks alot! (full quote)
10929 Have a point! (full quote)
Marvin Acme If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them? (full quote)
Marvin Acme You could've killed me, slugging me in the gut like that when I wasn't ready! That's how Houdini died, you know. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1- I had no idea that was your cab. Let me make it up to you somehow. How about a hot dog and a beer? #2- Uh, no, thanks. #1-Just a hot dog, then. #2- I'm picky about what I eat. #1- Some coffee. #2- No. #1- Milk? #2- No. #1- Soda? Some tea? Lifesavers? Slurpee? (full quote)
Marvin Acme Don't let me stop you. Last thing I want to be is an annoying blabbermouth .... Nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowder head who can't keep his trap shut ... If you catch me running off at the mouth, just give me a poke in the chops. (full quote)
Marvin Acme I never did introduce myself. Del Griffith. American Light and Fixture -- Director of sales, shower curtain ring division. I sell shower curtain rings. Best in the world. (full quote)
Marvin Acme You want to hurt me? Go ahead if it makes you feel better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like--I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1- Did you call the wife? #2- No one was home. Probably at my daughter's Thanksgiving pageant. #1- Ohh. You missed it. I'm sorry. Those...those are the precious moments, too. They don't come back again. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1- Trouble on the home front? #2- I really don't think that's any of your concern. #1- The finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home. I got a motto-- Like your work, love your wife. (full quote)
kfanning we can laugh about it now cuz we're OK (full quote)
kfanning is that your trunk? yeah, you should try lugging that thing around New York (full quote)
kfanning marketing huh? super .. super.. isn't that nice. (full quote)
elskwared Oh, dear... what? You're FUCKED!!! (full quote)