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Withnail and I - 1987 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
4851 Don't threaten ME with a dead fish! (full quote)
4851 Jesus, you're covered in shit! (full quote)
4851 1: what happened to your cigar commercial? 2: That's what I want to know, what happened to my cigar commercial? what happened to my AGENT? Bastard must have died... (full quote)
4851 1: Look at him! Look at Jeff Woad. His head must weight twenty pounds on its own! Imagine the size of his balls... Imagine getting into a fight with him! 2: Please, I don't feel good. 1: That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Jeff. No, he'd like a bit of pleading, add spice to it. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do to you before he did it: 'I'm gonna pull your head off - no! please don't pull my head off! - I'm gonna pull your head off, cos I don't like your head!' (full quote)
5091 Why haven't I got any soup? (full quote)
5449 The fucker will rue the day!! (full quote)
5449 There must and shall be aspirin. If I do not have aspirin, I shall die. (full quote)
5449 1-what's that? 2-(Holding twig)The fuel and wood situation. (full quote)
5449 Never attempt anything without the glove! (full quote)
  I fuck arses. (full quote)
7564 Here hair, here. (full quote)
7979 i demand to have some booze (full quote)
7979 even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day (full quote)
  We've gone on holiday by mistake (full quote)
  Withnail:Are you the farmer? Marwood:Shut up. I'll deal with this. Withnail:We've gone on holiday by mistake. We're in this cottage here.....Are you the farmer? Marwood:Stop saying that Withnail.Of course he's the fucking farmer (full quote)
  Two quid?! You must be mad! (Marwood: That's sense Withnail) You can shove it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it! (full quote)
  I can't help being upset. I used to cry in butcher shops as a youth. (full quote)
10110 (Toasts) To a delightful weekend in the country! (full quote)
10110 I DEMAND more BOOZE!! (full quote)
10110 We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them here, and we want them now. (full quote)
10110 There is a certain je ne sais quois about a firm, young carrot. (full quote)
  Here hare here (full quote)
10706 I called him a Ponce, and now I'm calling you one. Ponce! (full quote)
10706 Look! My thumbs have gone weird. I'm in the middle of a fucking overdose. My heart's beating like a fucked clock. I feel dreadful. (full quote)
10706 If I medicined you you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. (full quote)
10706 I know where you are. You're at Crow Crag. I've been watching you. Especially you, prancing like a tit. You want working on boy. (full quote)
10706 Monty, you terrible cunt! (full quote)
  what fucker said that? (full quote)
11412 I want the finest wines known to humanity and I want them here and I want them now (full quote)
10741 W: How dare you call me inhumane! I: I didn't call you inhumane, you imagined it. (full quote)
10741 W: You want me to call whats-his-name? I: Yeah. W: Ok what's his number. I: I don't know, I've never met him. W: Well neither have I. Who the fuck are you talking about? (full quote)
10741 You've been trudging about in this ghastly mud and omska. (full quote)
  Yes, don't attempt anything without the gloves! (full quote)
12308 Here's to a lovely weekend in the country! (full quote)
12308 This doll has voodoo qualities... (full quote)
12519 (Yelling out of the car window at some schoolgirls.) Scrubbers! Scrubbers! (Talking to the driver.) Little tarts, they love it! (full quote)
12519 I feel like a pig shat in my head. (full quote)
12519 (Looking hungrily at a live chicken.) We must kill it quickly before it tries to make friends with us. How do we make it die? (full quote)
12754 what fucker said that? (full quote)
10706 Ay, seen the fat man. London type. Queer sort. Think his name's French or something. (full quote)
  I'm making time. (full quote)
  Matter? (full quote)
  accident black spot! They're throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness! [to a pedestrian] Throw yourself in the road darling, you haven't got a chance! (full quote)
  I will have you even if it is burglary! (full quote)
  she got a doll on christmas what pisses itself .. 'orrible really, but they like that, the little girls (full quote)
  I've just narrowly avoided having a buggering. I've come in here with the express intention of wishing one on you. (full quote)
  I've come on holiday by mistake (full quote)
  My thumbs have gone weird! (full quote)
  I can assure you officer ive only had a few ales! (full quote)
  how do we make it die? (full quote)
  Danny:p trade, phenyl di-hydrochloride benzorex. Street, the embalmer (full quote)
  How dare you call me inhumane, right you fucker i'm going to do the washing up! (full quote)
  1:I'm going to rip you're head off (talking to himself) 1:no please dont rip my head off 1:i'm going to rip you're head off because i dont like you're head (full quote)
  I have some very distressing news...... We've run out of wine (full quote)
  Never mix your drinks (full quote)
  How dare you tell him I was a toilet trader! (full quote)
  whta piece of work is a man (full quote)
  what a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, how like an angel in aprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust. Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither. (full quote)
  Bastards! I'll show the lot of you. I'm gonna be a starrrrrrr. (full quote)
  Why've you drugged their onions? (full quote)
  Honestly officer I'm fine, I've only had a few ales! (full quote)
  You have done something to your brain. You have made it high. (full quote)
  SCRUBBERS!!!! (full quote)
  never attempt anything without the gloves (full quote)
  There must, and shall be aspirin. If I don't hsve aspirin, I shall die on this fucking mountinside (full quote)
  For 2 quid, you can stuff it up your arse and fuck off while your doing it! (full quote)
  MONTY YOU TERRIBLE CUNT!!! what THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, PROWLING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT?????!!!!! (full quote)
  Who's the spade in the bath? (full quote)
  1:I think they maybe something livin in there.Something alive! 2:what do you mean .A rat? 1:its possible Its possible! 2:Then the FUCKER will rue the day! (full quote)
  If I spike you, you will know you have been spoken to (full quote)
  W.Bastards, just one suck of that miserable cheap cigar and the bastards won't see me. M. Why are we having lunch in here? W. It's dinner and Danny's here. M. Danny?? How'd he get in here? W. I let him in this morning. He lost one of his clogs, he came in because of this perpetual cold. How i hope tobacco sales plummet. M. I've got your saveloy, here i don't want it. W. Then stick it in the soaptray and save it for later. M. Don't vent spleen on me i'm in the same boat. W. STop saying that! You're no in the same boat. The only thing your in that i've been in is this fucking bath! (full quote)
  Look at him! Look at Jeff Wode, his head must weigh fifty pounds on its own. Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do, before he did it. I'm going to pull your head off. No don't pull my head off! I'm gonna pull your head off because i don't like your head! (full quote)
  FORK IT!!!!!!!!! (full quote)
  i have of late but wherefore i know not, lost all my mirth (full quote)
  Fork it! (full quote)
  I shall probably be swept away by some vulgar little tumour (full quote)
  BASTARDS..you'll all suffer...i'll show the lot of you....i'm gonna be a star!!! (full quote)
  We are multi-millionnaires (full quote)
  I mean to have you, even if it must meen burglary! (full quote)
  The joint I'm about to roll can utilize up to twelve skins. (full quote)
  GETINTHEbackOFTHEVAN !! (full quote)
  Chin Chin ! (full quote)
  I feel UNUSUAAL (full quote)
  you've got eels down your leg (full quote)
  Right,you fucker! I'M going to do the washing-up! (full quote)
  1:ARGH!!ARGH! 2:I told you, you've been bitten! 1:NO!BURNT!BURNT!THE FUCKING KETTLE'S ON FIRE!! (full quote)
  Look,we're bonafide...we're not from London (full quote)
  Withnail: (He spits and gazes at it.) Jesus, look at that. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last sixty hours. I must be ill. (full quote)
  Very,very foolish words, man! (full quote)
  'I´m a trained actor reduced to the states of a bum.' (full quote)
  Get in the back of the van (full quote)
  There followed another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman, who had a book of poetry stained with butterdrips from his crumpets. (full quote)
  I can never touch meat till its cooked, As a youth I used to weep in butcher's shops. (full quote)
  Black puddings are no good to us...I want something's flesh! (full quote)
  I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. (full quote)
  It is the most shattering experiences in a young man's life, when he wakes one morning and quite reasonably says to himself, I will never play the dane. (full quote)
  Withnail - At some time or another I wanna stop and get hold of a child. I - what d'you want a child for? Withnail - To tutor it in the ways of righteousness and to procure some uncontaminated urine. (full quote)
  there comes a time in an actor's life when he wakes up one morning and realises he shall never play The Dane (full quote)
  W: where's the whiskey? I: What for? W: I've got a bastard behind the eyes and I can't take aspirins without a drink. Where's the aspirins? I: Probably in the bathroom. W: You mean we've come all they way out here in the midle of fucking nowhere without any aspirins... (surprised this one has been quoted yet...) And When they reach Crow Crag: W: There must and shall be aspirins. If I don't have aspirins I shall die right here on the fucking mountainside! (full quote)
  Get in the back of the fucking van! (full quote)
  He's going to your room...It's you he wants....offer him yourself (full quote)
  Dont Drink that.Why Not?That's worse than meths,even the wankers on the site wouldnt drink that.Nonsense,this is a far superior drink to meths,the wankers dont drink it because they cant afford it! (full quote)
  Get in the back of the van (full quote)
  I'm not from London you know (full quote)
  I told you, you've been bitten (full quote)
  And so the old order changeth, making way for the new, and soon I suppose I will be swept away by some vulgar little tumor! (full quote)
  Those are the kind of windows faces look in at! (full quote)
  ... Fucker's alive!!! (full quote)
  Could we have two quadruple whiskeys and two pairs of pints please?! (full quote)
eviltwin Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain (full quote)
14866 I must have you! Even if it must be burglary! (full quote)
14866 I fuck arses? Who fucks arses? Oh god! Maybe HE fucks arses. Maybe he scrawled it on the wall in a moment of drunken sincerity. (full quote)
14866 That bloody silage heap! That BASTARD! I'll show you, I'll show you all! (full quote)
15062 rejuvinate? I'm in a park and I'm practically dead. what good's the countryside gonna do me? (full quote)
15062 jesus, look at that...apart from a raw potato thats the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours (full quote)
Penster We'll buy this place and install a fucking jukebox and liven all you stiffs up a bit! (full quote)
34198 GET IN THE back OF THE VAN!!!!!! (full quote)
35011 The Coward you are Withnail, an expert in Bulls you are not! (full quote)
37597 We've come on holiday by mistake! (full quote)
37597 here.. hare.. here.. Here, hare here! (full quote)
  It's a far superior drink to meths (full quote)
  We're not drunks, we're multi-milionares! (full quote)
  You're lying, you've got ANTIfreeZE! (full quote)
  We're not drunks, we're multi-millionares! (full quote)
  Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! (full quote)
  I: I'm not a homosexual. M: Of course you are! (full quote)
  I wouldn't drink that. (full quote)
  You mean we've come out here in the middle of fucking nowhere without aspirins? (full quote)
  It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when he awakes and quite reasonable says to himself: I will never play The Dane. (full quote)
  I know you're not asleep, boy, but HE is. (full quote)
  these are teh sort of windows faces look in at (full quote)
  I assure you officer, I have only had a few ales (full quote)
  Danny: Sit down man, find your neutral space. You have done something to your brain. You have made it high. If I lay 10 mills of diazipan on you, you will do something else to your brain, you will make it low. Why trust one drug rather than the other. That politics ain't it. (full quote)
  Come on lads. The sky is begining to bruise; night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. (full quote)
  Those are the sort of windows faces look in at! (full quote)
  We're not from London! (full quote)
  I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. (full quote)
  I find the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose (full quote)
  We will buy this this place. And we'll install a fucking jukebox. Liven you stiffs up a bit! (full quote)
  get in the back of the van! (full quote)
  Old suit? i'll have you know that this suit was cut by Hawkes of Saville Row! Just becuase the best stitching you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix! (full quote)
  1 The thermostats, what have you done to them? 2 i haven't touched them! 1 Then why has my head gone numb? (full quote)
  1 what else have you got? 2 I've got nothing! 1 Liar! what's in your toolbox? 2 nothing Withnail! 1 Liar, you've got antifreeze! 2 You know you shoul never mix your drinks! (full quote)
  I feel unusual (full quote)
  Indeed I remember my first agent, Raymond Duck, the most dreadful little israelite, four floors up of the charing cross road and never a job at the top of them (full quote)
  i shall never play the dane !! (full quote)
  A coward you are, Withnail. An expert on bulls, you are not! (full quote)
43153 Danny: ...if I spiked you, you'd know you'd been spoken to. (full quote)
43153 Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. (full quote)
43153 Marwood: Speed is like a dozen trans-atlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time Change. You lose, you gain. makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. (full quote)