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Last Boy Scout, The - 1991 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
  Head or Gut? (full quote)
4476 best arm in the national league, remember that you fat son of a bitch. (full quote)
4476 Waters wet, the skys blue, wemen have secrets. (full quote)
  On your finger scale, how good was my wife? (full quote)
7268 MAN #1: Hey, I fucked your wife.MAN #2: How'd you know it was my wife?MAN #2: She said she was married to a big pimp-looking motherfucker in a hat. (full quote)
  Touch me again, I'll kill ya (full quote)
7706 BAD GUY: You think you're so fucking cool, don't you! You think your so fucking cool. But just once...I would like to hear you scream...in pain! GOOD GUY: Play some rap music. (full quote)
272 you just knocked over my warm cup of piss (full quote)
8692 Stick your head in that speaker over there and you'll be screaming pplay that funky music WHITE BOY (full quote)
8043 I figure you gotta be the dumbest guy in the world, Joe. You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife. (full quote)
8043 Right now, I'm trying to figure out which one of you looks like my dick (full quote)
8556 (1)Alright, you want it in the chest, or the head? (2)Yeah, that's what your wife said. (1)Hey man, stop with the wife shit! (2)Ask me how fat she is. Ask me. (1)How fat is she? (2)She's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck her you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in! She's so fat, her high school picture was an aerial shot! (full quote)
8556 This is the nineties. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first. (full quote)
8556 I figure you gotta be the dumbest guy in the world, Joe. You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife. (full quote)
8556 (1)Leather pants. (2)Yeah. (1)what's something like that run? (2)Six-fifty. (1)Six hundred and fifty dollars? (2)Yeah. (1)They're pants. (2)Yeah. (1)You wear them? (2)YES. (1)They don't, like, have a TV in them or something? (2)Nope. (1)I am very old. (full quote)
9633 1. Hey man you ever play sports? you got a good build 2. what are ya a fag? 1. nah man, just trying to break the ice 2. I like ice, leave it the fuck alone 2. oh your real fun to be with 2. fuck you (full quote)
9633 I wish water wasn't wet, I wish the sky wasn't blue, and I wish I didn't still love my wife. (full quote)
  Shit, we're being beat up by the inventor of Scrabble. (full quote)
  oh so you knpw who i am? James Alexander Dix, Quarterback for the L.A. Stallions, 89-90, banned from the league on gambling charges, allegations of drug abuse, another tragic tale of wasted youth. Now you're starting to piss me off. 'Bout Fuckn time, Joe Holenbeck. Look like a fuckn low life to me. At least i didn't piss away all my talent on coke. (full quote)
  I wish water wasn't wet. I wish the sky wasn't blue..and I wish I still didn't love my wife. (full quote)
  Now I am not saying she's fat but her high school picture was an aerial photograph.... (full quote)
  Hail to the King baby.... (full quote)
10710 Why did Mr. Milo cross the road?....becasue his dick was stuck in a chicken! (full quote)
10710 Joe...if we go any faster we'll go back in time. (full quote)
10710 You the bad guy?....I am the bad guy........and I am supposed to be trembling or something like that....something like that...well.I'll start trembling in a minute..... (full quote)
  Mike:She's hot Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means that I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her. Joe:make her one on your nose scale, improve your looks. (full quote)
circelli17 I swear to christ kid if I survive this case I'm gonna dance a jig. (full quote)
11384 She's like 13 and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna stick an umbrella up your ass and open it (full quote)
11689 If you were driving any faster we would be going back in time!! (full quote)
16093 Okay, what would Joe do at a time like this? He'd kill everybody and smoke some cigarettes (full quote)
18733 1)Water's wet, sky's blue and ol' satan claus, jimmy, he's out there and he's just getting stronger. 2)Oh yea so what do we do about that? 1)Be prepared son. Thats my motto. Be prepared. (full quote)
19412 1) Free agents ruined the god damn game! 2) We might run into some more of your fans. Wanna borrow my sunglasses? (full quote)
woody We're being beaten-up by the inventer of scrabble. (full quote)
woody 1) what are you doing today? 2) I was thinking of smoking aome cigerettes. 1) Can you postpone? (full quote)
  joe - rescue attempt flash? jimmy - blow me milo - you must be james jimmy - james? joe - does that with everybody. calls me joseph (full quote)
  You know, the kind that shreds (full quote)
  Alright what would Joe do? Shoot some guys and smoke some cigarettes (full quote)
  what's that number in the back of your head? Is it a license plate in case someone tries to steal it? (full quote)
25284 1. what did you do last night? 2. I think I fucked a squirrel to death. (full quote)
25284 Ain't life a Bitch (full quote)
  yeh you slipped and accidently stick your dick in my wife, sorry mrs h it just aint my week (full quote)
  yeh you slipped, tripped and accidently stick your dick in my wife, sorry mrs h it just aint my week (full quote)
  Oh you forgot I was a dective....... Ill tell ya what. I'm gonna count to 3 then im gonna put a bullet through that closet. (full quote)
  Oh sure it was an accident, it coulda happened to anyway. You tripped and fell and accidently stuck your dick in my wife. Oops sorry Mrs. H guess it just isn't my day! (full quote)
  - Oh?!... you dont believe in love?! - Sure I believe in love.... I believe in cancer.... - Man I wanna meet the bitch that fucked you up (full quote)
  - I seemed to have dropped my cigarette.... may I have another?....... - - yeah sure pal.... - I'm gunna need a light.... you touch me again & I'll kill ya (full quote)
  She rates a 3 on my finger scale..... that means that I gladly cut off 3 of my fingers if God would let me fuck her (full quote)
  water is wet (full quote)
  I'd shave but i'm afriad I would start thinking of you and slit my wrists. (full quote)
  Fast-Forward eats the tape. (full quote)
10929 play some rap music. (full quote)
26681 1) Danger's my middle name. 2) Mine's Cornelius, you tell anyone I'll kill ya. (full quote)
26681 1) Was that c-4? 2) Either that or a hell of a factory recall. 1) Dead guys don't make bad jokes do they? Shit we're still alive. (full quote)
Marvin Acme #1- I would like to hear you scream, in pain. #2- Play some rap music. (full quote)
HUNG THICKLY Danger's my middle name.- Mine's Cornelius, tell anybody and I'll kill you. (full quote)
Sporkling You made me spill my piss (full quote)
33501 You better hurry up that's one of those new plastic keys the kind that shred. (full quote)
33501 I feel like I've been rolled hard and put away wet. (full quote)
33944 Joe, if we go any faster we're gunna go backwards in time!!! (full quote)
33944 1/ You're nobody 2/ Shhh.... don't let it get around (full quote)
33944 She easily ranks a *2* on my finger scale.... that means I would gladly cut off 2 of my fingers if God would let me fuck her (full quote)
33944 I think I just fucked a squirrel to death.... (full quote)
33944 [looking at himself in the mirror] Nobody likes you... everybody hates you... you're gunna lose.... smile, you fuck! (full quote)
33944 Nowadays all I do is lose friends, drink and nail anything with a heartbeat (full quote)
33944 I spilled my warm cup of piss (full quote)
33944 1/_You bastard!! 2/_...and then some! (full quote)
33944 1/_Where ya goin' 2/_To the bathroom, you wanna come?. The doc says I shouldn't lift anything heavy (full quote)
33944 1/_God, you're such a fuck-up! 2/_Darian, you are my daughter and you are in my house and you will respect me, you got that?? You don't call me a fuck-up!! 1/_Why shouldn't I? Mom calls you that all the time! 2/_Your mother called me a fuck-up? When? 1/_On the phone with uncle Jay 2/_Uncle Jay? Christ *I'm a fuck-up* but uncle Jay??... now there's a real stand up guy, the guy cheats on his taxes all the time, why don't you go ask your mother why *Mr Wonderful* isn't in jail for tax fraud 1/_Because he doesn't fuck up (full quote)
33944 I wish the sky wasn't blue, I wish water wasn't wet and I wish I didn't love my wife (full quote)
33944 Don't try this at home folks, I'm a trained professional.... there's me and there's Super-Dave! (full quote)
33944 1/_Don't worry, Ill find your dad, ok? 2/_How? 1/_When in doubt, try the nearest bad guy (full quote)
33944 C'mon now think, think, think Jimmy, what would Joe do?? He'd shoot everbody and smoke some cigarettes (full quote)
33944 where did you get the suit, grandpa... *Gangsters-R-Us*??? (full quote)
33945 --- Oh?!... you dont believe in love?! --- Sure I believe in love.... I believe in cancer.... --- Man I wanna meet the bitch that fucked you up..... (full quote)
33945 ---I seemed to have dropped my cigarette... may i have another???--- yeah sure pal.... --- I'm gunna need a light..... if you touch me again I'll kill ya (full quote)
42909 Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You gonna loose. Smile, you fuck. (full quote)
42909 Who's the guy in the closet? (full quote)
Big-Sexy 1: Danger's my middle name. 2: Mine's Cornelius. You tell anybody, I'll kill you. (full quote)
Big-Sexy 1: What, you don't believe in love? 2: Yeah, I believe in love; I believe in cancer. (full quote)
Big-Sexy Police Lieutenant: I could nail you for obstruction. J: You couldn't nail a two dollar whore. (full quote)
Big-Sexy [1 & 2 are trying to warn bodyguards about a bomb in the briefcase that they are carrying.] 1: Now what are you doing? 2: I'm drawing them a picture. 1: What's that? 2: It's a bomb. 1: It doesn't look like a bomb, it looks like an apple with lines coming out of it. What are they gonna say, 'Don't open the briefcase, it's full of fresh fruit'? 2: Do you want to draw the damn thing? [2 shows 1 the drawling of a bomb with 'bom' written below] 2: Happy? 1: Are you kidding me? 2: [shows the drawing to the bodyguards] Always criticizing my shit. I can't do nothing right. 1: [the bodyguards shoot at them] Oh, shit! 1: I forgot to tell you. 'Bom' means 'fuck you' in Polish. 2: Hey, that's not funny man. I almost bought it there! 1: Tragic loss to the art world, let me tell ya. (full quote)
Big-Sexy [1 & 2 are trying to warn bodyguards about a bomb in the briefcase that they are carrying.] 1: Now what are you doing? 2: I'm drawing them a picture. 1: What's that? 2: It's a bomb. 1: It doesn't look like a bomb, it looks like an apple with lines coming out of it. What are they gonna say, 'Don't open the briefcase, it's full of fresh fruit'? 2: Do you want to draw the damn thing? [2 shows 1 the drawling of a bomb with 'bom' written below] 2: Happy? 1: Are you kidding me? 2: [shows the drawing to the bodyguards] Always criticizing my shit. I can't do nothing right. 1: [the bodyguards shoot at them] Oh, shit! 1: I forgot to tell you. 'Bom' means 'fuck you' in Polish. 2: Hey, that's not funny man. I almost bought it there! 1: Tragic loss to the art world, let me tell ya. (full quote)
Big-Sexy Wife: [justifying her infidelity] You were never around. You know what? Fuck you, Joe. I was lonely! Husband: Buy a dog. (full quote)
47896 So i'm a low life. (full quote)
47896 You don't think an old man like me could hurt you do you, Jimmy? (full quote)
marvin mcgoo It looks like an apple with lines coming out of it.They'll be thinking,don't open the briefcase its full of fresh fruit. (full quote)
slowjay You touch me again and i'll kill you. (full quote)
jaimesamurai Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal. Joe : That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife. Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife? Joe : She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat. Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for somebody who's about to take a bullet. Joe : After fucking your wife I'll take two. (full quote)
Mikeyes32 (1)You think your so fucking cool don't you? You think your so fucking cool. Well just once I would like to hear you scream... in pain. (2)Play some rap music. (full quote)
jazzsox79 Touch me again and I 'll kill ya! He killed him he put his nose through his fucking brain. I told him not to touch me. (full quote)