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So I Married an Axe Murderer - 1993 Movie Quotes


Posted ByQuote
3820 I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. (full quote)
3505 Harriet, SWEET Harriet... (full quote)
DirtySteve Ohho, yes, yeah I'm insensitive, I'm a very insensitive man, stop your job, look at the insensitive man that's what they're paying you for! (full quote)
DirtySteve You know Scottland has it's own martial arts, it's called FUK-Q (full quote)
DirtySteve Excuse me miss, there seems to be a mistake I believe I ordered the large cappuccino...HELLLOO (full quote)
4320 My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki. (full quote)
3225 Beautiful, bemus-ed, bellacose butcher! (full quote)
3225 Heed, paper, NOW! (full quote)
3225 If it's not Scottish, it's crap! (full quote)
evilroy #1 'Colonel Sanders'! OOH how I hate that bastard, with his wee, beady eyes, 'Oh you're gonna eat my chicken' #2 Dad, How can you hate the Colonel. #1 Because he puts a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes yoou crave it fortnightly, smartass! (full quote)
4957 I was naked just then... very nude. (full quote)
5045 look at the size of that boy's head. i'm not kiddin' it's a virtual planetoid. it's got it's own weather system. (full quote)
5045 charlie, you've got a pickle up ya ass again. (full quote)
5045 the piper is down, i repeat, we have a piper down. (full quote)
5295 HEAD! PANTS! NOW! (full quote)
5814 Harriet, sweet harriet, hard hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bermused, bellacose butcher. (full quote)
5884 Come, Let us dance like children of the night. (full quote)
5884 Woman, Woe Man (full quote)
  Hey jane! get me off this crazy thing, call love. (full quote)
  Hey jane! get me off this crazy thing, called love. (full quote)
  Hey jane! get me off this crazy thing, called love. (full quote)
5978 I'm naked aren't I? (full quote)
5978 You know what this place needs...? A really oversized poster of Atlantic City.... Oh you got one! (full quote)
5983 1) what do I do? 2) Don't worry, when the time comes, you'll know. (full quote)
5983 Pregnant man gives birth. That's a fact. (full quote)
5983 You turned into a right sexy wee bastard, d'you know that? (full quote)
5983 1) I'm afraid you're going to ki...leave me. 2) You're afraid I'm going to cleave you? (full quote)
6034 Jesus! Look at the size of that boy's melon! I'm surprised he can hold up a head of that gargantuan size! He looks like an orange on a tooth pick! (full quote)
6355 We have a piper down I repeat a piper is dowwwn (full quote)
6261 a) Dad, how can you hate, The Coronel? b) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass! (full quote)
  Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, SMARTARSE!! (full quote)
  1.) Well, you know Harriet (2.) Well, actually, I don't. (1.) But you did have sex with her-(1.) HEL-LO! (full quote)
  Allright, away and go with your mother, why don'tcha? And while you're at it, why don't you try one of her bras on, you wee girl? FLOAT AWAY. ya fairy! (full quote)
  1.)what...this bothers you? (2.) No, It's one of my FAVORITE things (full quote)
4066 1. You know that woman that confessed to the murder? 2. what about her? 1. It just so happens that she confessed to some other murders. 2. I thought she would. 1. She confessed to the murders of Abraham Lincoln, Julius Caesar, and Warren G. Harding. She's a nutcase! (full quote)
  Look at the size of that head! It's like Sputnik! (full quote)
6948 Come! Let us dance like children of the night! (full quote)
7529 Dad: HEAD PAPER NOW!! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if ya can. Hualin that gargantuan cranium about. Look at the size of that head it's like an orange on a toothpick. I'm not kiddin that boy's head's like Sputnik. Spherical but quite pointy at parts. That was enough said isn't it. He'll be cryin himself asleep tonight on his huge pillow. (full quote)
5631 I enjoy fruit loops a great deal. (full quote)
  dad: Well It's a well known fact sonny jim that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, called the pentaverate, that control everything, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually in a secret colorado mansion known as the meadows. Jim: So who's in this pentaverate? dad: the queen, the vatican, the yettis, the lockchilds, and colonel sanders before he went tits up. oh how I hate the colonel, with his wee beady eyes and the smug look on his face... Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken, OH! Mike: dad, how can you hate, the Colonel? dad: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it nightly, SMARTARSE! (full quote)
  Oh, I hated the colonel with his *wee BEADY* eyes...and that smug look on his face! Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken, oooohhhhohhhh! 1) William! Move your head!.......Look at the size of that boy's head! 2) Shhhhh! 1) I'm not kidding, that's like an orange and a toothpick! 2) Shhh! You're gonna give the kid a complex! 1) Well that's a huge noggin! That's a virtual planetoid! Has it's own weather system! Heed! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if ya can, haulin that gargantuan cranium about! I'm not kidding, that boy's head's like Sputnik! Spherical, but quick pointy in parts. Well that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be cryin' himself to sleep on his huge pilla! (full quote)
  Evvvil, like fru its of the deeevvvil, evvvil! (full quote)
  1.) Well it's a well know fact, sonny Jim, that there's a group of the five wealthiest people in the world known as the pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers. And meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as, the Meadows. 2.) So who's in this pentaverate? 1.) The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face, Oh your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh. 3.) Dad, how can you hate, the Col.? 1.) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass! 3.) Cookoo! (full quote)
  IF you want my body, AND u think i'm sexy, all you have to do is call...If u think im sexy, and u want my body, come on baby let me know (full quote)
  Woman. Wo-man. Woooman. She was a thief, You gotta belief, She stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those HOT Pussycats, They make me horny, Saturday morni', Girls of cartoons won't leave me in ruins. I want to be Betty's Barney. Hey, Jane. Get me off this crazy thing ... called love (full quote)
  Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screamed into the night air like a firefighter going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It's really hard. This poem... sucks. (full quote)
  Lets get pissed! (full quote)
  CHARLIE: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes? TONY: Whaddaya mean? CHARLIE: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch. TONY: what are you talking about? I look hip! CHARLIE: No no no no no. You look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip. TONY: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip. CHARLIE: OK. Well, when you come over to my parents' tomorrow night do me a favor. Try not to dress like a circa 1970's pimp. My parents are kind of eccentric. (full quote)
  Let's get pissed! (full quote)
  I care for Apple Jacks a great deal. Got 'em. Gooood. (full quote)
  Charlie:Will you marry me. Harriet:No! Charlie:Please. (full quote)
  Woman.. Wo-man. wo-o-o-o-man. She was a theif, you've got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Jane, jenny, jodie and those hot pussy cats. They make me horny, saturday morny, girls off cartoons, will leave me in ruins, I want to be Betty's Barny. Hey Jane, get me off this crazy thing.. called Love (full quote)
  Turn up the Bay city Rollers! (full quote)
  the queen, the vatican, and the kernal before he went tits up!With his wee beady eyes, 'ohh you wanna buy my chicken, ohhh' ...Dad, how can you hate 'the kernal'...because he puts an addictive chemical in your chicken that makes crave your fork nightly, SMART ASS!!! (full quote)
  Harriet, Harriet, wake up, you were screaming the name Ralph in your sleep...Oh, I was? Mmm, she's my friend. ...She's your friend? Ralph.She's... your frined...Ralph...She. Ralph...She. (full quote)
  It's a juuuice tiger, I got it for my new diet. It's called the 'Garth Brooks Juuice Diet' (full quote)
  1)Ah Mom, please don't show her my baby pictures...2) May, show the one of charlie when shit his pants at Niagra Falls! (full quote)
  And Charlie! Light a match! (full quote)
  One night in a fit of jealous rage, Kelley took a homemade knife, or shiv, and cut out the bitch's eyes. As if this weren't enough retribution for Kelley, he and his friends then took turns pissing into the bitch's occular cavities.... This way to the cafeteria. (full quote)
  I care for Apple Jacks a great deal...Got'em....good... (full quote)
  bought myself a Juice Tiger. I'm on the Garth Brooks Weekly World News juice diet. I juice everything now! (full quote)
  Woe Man, WOoooEE MAN, she was a theif you've gotta believe she stole my heart and my cat (full quote)
  Look at the size of that boy's head. I'm not kiddin' it's like an orange on a toothpick! (full quote)
  Charlie Mackenzie: Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they made me horny, on Saturday morning... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love. (full quote)
  Charlie Mackenzie: Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screamed into the night air like a firefighter going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It's really hard. This poem... sucks. (full quote)
  Charlie Mackenzie: Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life... (full quote)
1454 My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki. (full quote)
6027 My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki. (full quote)
8422 1.Stuart, bring in the paper. 2.Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News *the paper*. A paper contains facts. (full quote)
8772 30 years ago, May and I were married. Some ove' ye wer there, some ove' ye werne born, an some ove ye ur noo DEED! (full quote)
8992 1).It's late. 2).Not for me. 1).Who for then? 2).Who for then what? 1).Well you sighed and then you looked at your watch so I was just wondering who it was late for. 2). Not for me. Ilove the night life. I've got to boogie!! (full quote)
8992 SO KNOW-ING. SO TRUST-ING. SO LOV-ED? (full quote)
9509 Or being electricuted (full quote)
10929 I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch. (full quote)
11289 Betty...Judy... Josie and those HOT pussycats (full quote)
11289 WOMAN.... Wo- Man....Woooo oooo oooo ooo man. (full quote)
11442 I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit. (full quote)
11513 Ooh, I hated the Colonel! With his wee, beady eye, and his smug look! (full quote)
11513 1) How could anyone hate the Colonel? 2) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, Smartass! (full quote)
12341 The next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitches ocular cavities. (full quote)
12519 CHARLIE: (Drumming fingers on dashboard of car.) I'm sorry. Is that annoying you? driver: No. It's my favourite thing. (full quote)
12519 (Reciting own poetry with back-up from dodgy jazz band.) Woman, wo-man, woooooooo-man. She was a thief. You gotta belief. She stole my heart and my cat. (full quote)
12674 1.) William! Move your head! Look at the size of that boy's head. 2.) Shhh! 1.) I'm no kiddin', it's like an orange on a toothpick. 2.) You're gonna give the boy a complex. 1.) Well thats a huge noggin! That's a virtual planetoid! Has it's own weather system! Head! Move! (full quote)
12674 I was just naked just then. Very nude. (full quote)
13512 KEITH...PAPER...NOW!!!! (full quote)
13512 KEITH...PAPER...NOW!!!! (full quote)
14740 My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicki. (full quote)
SillySarah Look, I'm a human blanket! (full quote)
18605 Woman. Whoa, man. WHOOOOAAA, man! She was a thief. You better believe. She stole my heart and my cat. (full quote)
20017 One night in a fit of jealous rage, Machine Gun took a homemade knife, or shiv, and cut out the bitch's eyes. As if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelley, the next day he and four other inmates tooks turns pissing into the bitch's occular cavities... This way to the cafeteria. (full quote)
20182 (singing) Rose, jailbird... (full quote)
mylk Betty...Judy... Josie and those HOT pussycats They make me horny on Saturday morny Girls of cartoon Lead me to ruin (full quote)
mylk Kiss your mother, or I'll tear your lungs out! (full quote)
mylk Stuart: Well it's a well know fact, sonny, that there's a group of the five wealthiest people in the world known as the pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers. And meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as, the Meadows. Charlie: So who's in this pentaverate? Stuart: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face, Oh your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh. Charlie: Dad, how can you hate, the Col.? Stuart: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass! Charlie: koo koo (full quote)
mylk Charlie: Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to The Weekly World News as 'the paper.' The paper contains facts. May: Well this paper contains facts. Look, 'Pregnant Man Gives Birth.' That's a fact. (full quote)
applechunks look at the size of that boys head.....Its like an orange on a toothpick. (full quote)
38418 You didn't fall in there did ya Charlie? (referring to the toilet) (full quote)
38418 It's a well known fact Sonny-Jim, that there is a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world....known as 'The Pentaverate' (full quote)
38418 In this cell block Machine-gun Kelly had what we refer to in the prison system as 'a Bitch'.... (full quote)
38418 She smelled like soup....she smelled exactly like beef vegetable soup (full quote)
38418 You're the best husband I ever had (full quote)
38418 He took a make-shift knife, or 'shive' and cut out the bitch's eyes....this way to the cafeteria (full quote)
38418 She stole my heart and my cat (full quote)
38418 Oooh, you've turned into a right sexy wee bastard, do you know that? (full quote)
38418 Tell them about the time Charlie shit his pants at Niagara falls (full quote)
38418 I was afraid you were going to C....leave me 2: You were afraid I was going to cleave you? 1: No, I was afraid you were going to leave me (full quote)
38418 Guy had a heart attack on a cable car 2: Guess he 'left his heart in San Francisco' (full quote)
38418 help me I've married a.....wonderful person, whom I love and adore (full quote)
38418 You were not supposed to be in the room when this note has been written and placed on the desk! (full quote)
38418 I'm not going to tell Harriet that anything happened 2: Nothing DID happen (full quote)
38418 what do you look for in a woman you date? 2: Well I know most people say 'sense of humor,'....but I'd really have to go with breast size. (full quote)
38418 Fine go, you've stayed your hour (full quote)
38418 Stay for a nightcap 2: No sir, I'm sure you two want to be alone...1:Stay for a nightcap! 2: Ahhhh! (full quote)
38418 Can you do me a favor? When you come over to my parents' house tonight could you NOT dress like a circa 1970s cop trying to look hip? My parents are a little eccentric. (full quote)
38573 This paper contains facts, this paper also has the eigth highest circulation in the world. (full quote)
42784 Come! Let us dance like children of the night! (full quote)
42784 1.) what do you look for in a woman? 2.) Some people say sense of humor, but I'm gonna have to go with breast size. (full quote)
43413 Let's get PISSED! (full quote)
43413 1) Hey, Pizan! you screw up one more time, and I'll kick your spaghetti bending but all the way back to Milan. 2) NOT NOW! 1) Was it too much with the ethnic slurs? 2) No it was fine, but it's not PIZAN, it's PIZON. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Woman, woe-man, whoa, man. She was a theif, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot pussy cats. They make me horny Saturday morning. Girls of cartoons won't leave me in ruins. I want to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane, get me off this crazy thing... called love. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Woman, woe-man, whoa man. We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life. Jane, get me off of this crazy thing... called love. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Harriet, Harr-i-et, Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful bemus-ed bellicose butcher. Un-trust-ing unknowing unloved. 'He wants you back,' he screamed into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It's really hard. This poem sucks. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Rose, jailbird, happy in her cage. No longer full of rage, she roosts. Harriet, sweet Harriet, you acted cuckoo 'cause you thought Ii would leave you. Harriet, sweet Harriet, so know-ing so trust-ing so lov-ed. Harriet, sweet Harriet. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Rose, jailbird, happy in her cage. No longer full of rage, she roosts. Harriet, sweet Harriet, you acted cuckoo 'cause you thought I would leave you. Harriet, sweet Harriet, so know-ing so trust-ing so lov-ed. Harriet, sweet Harriet. (full quote)
47678 Charlie:Rose, jailbird, happy in her cage. No longer full of rage, she roosts. Harriet, sweet Harriet, you acted cuckoo 'cause you thought I would leave you. Harriet, sweet Harriet, so know-ing so trust-ing so lov-ed. Harriet, sweet Harriet. (full quote)
jmichel Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in. (full quote)
jmichel 1.) Dad, how can you hate the Colonel? 2.) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass! (full quote)