Ben Stiller quotes
“- Slide: A robbery can change very quickly. You have to be ready to adapt to the situation at any moment. Anything can happen. I was on a job a few days ago and my homie got shot in the face!
- Josh Kovacs: If you get shot in the face, it's over.
- Slide: If you get shot in your head, it's over. If you get shot in your face, the bullet will go...” (continue)(continue reading)
- Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career".
- Matilda Jeffries: Do what for a career?
- Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good... (continue)(continue reading)
“- Rozalin Focker: See that's Greg getting circumcised.
- Bernie Focker: We had the ceremony at my parents' house. There was a cold snap and the heat conked out. Tell it.
- Rozalin Focker: The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greggie's tiny little turtle from it's shell.
- Greg Focker: You know what? Let's...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.”
“- Jamie: I really loved your film. That scene with the dogs around the garbage. How did you stage that?
- Josh: I said 'Hey, shoot those dogs'.”
“- Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: What's that?
- Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
- Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?... I...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Lawrence Isabella: I've heard a lot about you.
- Joey Rosselini: Yeah? Good things, I hope.”
“- Valentina: Please accept my apologies.
- Derek Zoolander: None taken.”
“- Valentina: Be careful, he’ll try to get inside your head.
- Derek Zoolander: Don’t worry, it’s closed for business.”
- Gloria: Is this place great or what?
- Alex: I'd go with "or what".
“I can't work here. I've been trying. It's impossible. I've written three pages in the last six weeks. Three pages! The book is due on Wednesday. If we don't hand in the book I don't know what we're gonna do. We can't pay for anything.”
“I'm going to retire, withdraw from public life, and become a hermit crab.”
“- Greg Focker: They don't call me Barry Poppins for nothing.
- Jack Byrnes: Why would someone call you Barry Poppins?
- Greg Focker: They wouldn't.”
“- Peter La Fleur: White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
- White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought that I was once.”
“- Mr. Furious: Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
- The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
- The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
- The Bowler: As have I.”
“- Leslie Breitbart: How's my daughter?
- Josh: How's she seem to you?
- Leslie Breitbart: Seems well.
- Josh: So why are you asking me?”
“You know, by the time we get back to New York, it'll be the middle of winter. So I was thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few sidestops along the way.”
“For the first time in my life I've stopped thinking of myself as a child imitating an adult.”
“- Derek Jr.: You're the most narcissistic person I've ever met.
- Derek Zoolander: But that's not how I see myself.”
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: There's a reason pandas don't mate in captivity.
- Anna Riley: What does that mean?
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: It means these mothers keep making these dates for me that I can't refuse. They're very intimidating, they're like the Kosher Nostra. They're little women but very determined.