Steve Martin quotes
“- Sara McDowel: Why didn't you tell me you had just broke up with someone?
- Harris K. Telemacher: How do you know I just broke up with someone?
- Sara McDowel: Because when men just break up with someone, they always run around with someone much too young for them.
- Harris K. Telemacher: She's not so young. She'll be 27 in four years.”
“- Trudi: Isn't that girl Sara awful? I mean, what's with that accent?
- Harris K. Telemacher: She has an accent because she's English.
- Trudi: Or maybe she's just trying to impress everybody.
- Harris K. Telemacher: Oh, like that big phony, Winston Churchill.”
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: What are they saying?
- Dr. Conrad: They are just saying "murmur, murmur, murmur".
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You mean it's just sort of a general murmur?
- Dr. Conrad: Yeah. Murmur.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh.
“You see, I am and I will always be the one who loved you without limits.”
“I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream, and I hope you don't find this too crazy, is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, ...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.”
“- Jane: You really don't care about anybody or anything except yourself, do you?
- Jonas: Oh, Jane... I never pretended I did.”
“It's not tipping I believe in. It's overtipping.”
“I promise you. We will be a happier, stronger family.”
- Karen: Do you really have to go?
- Gil: My whole life is "have to".
“Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue.”
“- Harris K. Telemacher: SanDeE*, your... your breasts feel weird.
- SanDeE*: Oh, that's 'cause they're real.”
“- Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
- Clouseau: Yes, I do.
- Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
- Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet.”
“Politics. Where greed wears the mask of morality.”
“- Larry: You know, the guys who always keep their hair are the guys who have no use for it at all, they're not trying to impress anybody.
- Warren: Who's that?
- Larry: Like bums. You ever seen a bald bum? They always have a beautiful head of hair.”
“- Rigby Reardon: If you want me to investigate your father's death, I get ten dollars a day, plus expenses.
- Juliet Forrest: Will two hundred dollars be enough in advance, Mr Reardon?
- Rigby Reardon: Two hundred, I'd shoot my grandmother.
- Juliet Forrest: That won't be neccessary.
- Rigby Reardon: Never can tell. In my last case, I had to...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Larry: Iris, how old are you?
- Iris: Thirty.
- Larry: And you've had six husbands?
- Iris: That's a lot, isn't it?
- Larry: No, no, not really. When you think about it, it's just one every five years.”
“- Clouseau: Tell me about her.
- Ponton: I consider her the most beautiful woman in the world. What about yourself?
- Clouseau: No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman.”