Walter Matthau movie quotes

“When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.”
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“- Miles Kendig: I'm going to tell the truth.
- Isobel von Schmidt: Oh, it's a work of fiction! Ah!”

Walter Matthau - Miles Kendig
Glenda May Jackson - Isobel von Schmidt

“We've always had bad chemistry, Felix. We mix like oil and frozen yogurt.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Marvin Michaels: I've missed you. Let's go to the living room. God, I've missed you! Let's make love in the living room.
- Millie Michaels: You've missed me? You've only been away one night?
- Marvin Michaels: I know; but, there's a three hour time difference.”
Walter Matthau - Marvin Michaels
Elaine May - Millie Michaels

“The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.”
Walter Matthau

“Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality.”
Walter Matthau

“I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.”
Walter Matthau

“- Felix Ungar: How long was I asleep?
- Oscar Madison: I don't know. I didn't know you wanted me to time it.”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“There are many fish In the sea but you’re the only one I'd want to stuff and mount over my fireplace.”
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“Mmmm… lesbians,yummy!”
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“- Felix Ungar: Oscar, of all the fights that we've ever had, of all the arguments that we've ever had...
- Oscar Madison: We can continue talking because he's going to be on this for a half-hour.”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.”
Gary Lee Cavagnaro - Engelberg
Walter Matthau - Coach Morris Buttermaker

“- Albert Einstein: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
- Ed Walters: Well what would be the odds of that happening?”
Walter Matthau - Albert Einstein
Tim Robbins - Ed Walters

“- Charlie Gordon: Liz... from the first moment I saw you on that ship... it was my intention to lie to you, I swear.
- Liz LaBreche: Well, that's sweet.
- Charlie Gordon: What I didn't intend, was falling in love with you.”
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon
Dyan Cannon - Liz LaBreche

“Zat gravity, it's a killer.”
Walter Matthau - Albert Einstein

“- Clooney: Have you ever been married, Mr. Trabucco?
- Trabucco: Once but I got rid of her. Now I just lease.”
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney
Walter Matthau - Trabucco

“Why don't you do the world a favor and take your lower lip and pull it over your head and swallow?”
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“- Charlie Gordon: Why are you sterilizing your trousers?
- Herb Sullivan: I'm steaming them.
- Charlie Gordon: Oh, then what are you gonna' do, eat 'em with garlic butter?
- Herb Sullivan: It takes the wrinkles out, you imbecile!
- Charlie Gordon: Huh! When a man is steaming his pants at midnight, it generally means there's a broad.”
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon
Jack Lemmon - Herb Sullivan

“This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start.”
Walter Matthau - Coach Morris Buttermaker

“- Oscar Madison: If you didn't have the brains to pee back at the airport, how could you possibly read that sign?
- Felix Ungar: Reading and peeing are two different things!
- Oscar Madison: At your age you're lucky you can do either one.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“Money is too expensive to be earned that way, Yaskov.”

Walter Matthau - Miles Kendig

“- Oscar Madison: Hello there. What do you want?
- Little Boy: Five dollars.
- Oscar Madison: Why should I give you five dollars?
- Little Boy: Your friend said you would for telling you that he's locked in the bathroom.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Myles Jeffrey - Little Boy

“- Sonny Paluso: You think Wes is God, don't you?
- Donald: No, not God, just an ordinary man. Maybe a little ahead of his time, but just an ordinary man.
- Sonny Paluso: Wes is an asshole.
- Donald: Blasphemy! Oh, you'll smoke a turd in hell for that!”
Walter Matthau - Sonny Paluso
Robin Williams - Donald Quinelle

“- Oscar Madison: I think I figured out where we are.
- Felix Ungar: Where?
- Oscar Madison: In a Clint Eastwood movie.”

Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Come on, fellas. Rome wasn't built in a day.
- Ogilvie: Yeah, it took several hundred years.”
Walter Matthau - Coach Morris Buttermaker
Alfred Lutter III - Ogilvie