Woody Allen movie quotes

“- Isaac: I think that, under my personal vibrations, I could put her life in some kind of good order.
- Yale: Yeah, that's what you said about Jill, and under your personal vibrations she went from bisexuality to homosexuality.
- Isaac: Yeah, but I gave her the old college try.”
Woody Allen - Isaac
Michael Murphy - Yale

“Why is life worth living? It's a very good question. There are certain things I guess that make it worthwhile. Like for me, I would say Groucho Marx, to name one thing and Wilie Mays and the 2nd movement of the Jupiter Symphony... and Louis Armstrong, recording of Potato Head Blues, Swedish movies, naturally... Sentimental Education by Flaubert,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Woody Allen - Isaac

“Never trust a woman who whistles for her own cab.”
Woody Allen - CW Briggs

“- Danny Rose: My rabbi, Rabbi Perlstein, used to say we're all guilty in the eyes of God.
- Tina Vitale: Do you believe in God?
- Danny Rose: No, no. But I'm guilty over it.”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose
Mia Farrow - Tina Vitale

“Whenever you're right, strive for originality.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“- Andrew: You just lust after her, that's all. You're not in love with her. You want to sleep with her.
- Maxwell: How could anyone just want to sleep with such a dream? Not that I don't. She's hot! She's very hot.
- Andrew: I know.
- Maxwell: You know, the ones that are incredible in bed are ones that are raised in a convent.”
Woody Allen - Andrew
Tony Roberts - Maxwell

“She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.”
Woody Allen - Isaac

“My life is passing before my eyes. The worst part about it is that I'm driving a used car.”
Woody Allen - Larry Lipton

“You chose psychoanalysis over real life? Are you learning disabled?”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“- Doris: You're a self-hating jew.
- Harry Block: Hey, I may hate myself but not 'cause I'm jewish.”
Caroline Aaron - Doris
Woody Allen - Harry Block

“I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.”
Woody Allen

“I am at two with nature.”
Woody Allen

“No, no, no. I don't travel by water, it's against my religion. I'm a land locked Hebrew!”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7''.”
Woody Allen

“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.”
Woody Allen

“Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.”
Woody Allen

“My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.”
Woody Allen

“What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system.”

Woody Allen - Z

“More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.”
Woody Allen

“- Andrew: You, I have to take to a hypnotist.
- Adrian: Why?
- Andrew: Why? So we can start making love again. Of course, you'd be in trance. But, that's okay!
- Adrian: That's a horrible thing to say.”
Woody Allen - Andrew
Mary Steenburgen - Adrian

“Eternity is really long, especially near the end.”
Woody Allen

“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly
developed moralbankruptcy.”
Woody Allen

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to
achieve immortality through not dying.”
Woody Allen

“I feel that life is divided up into the horrible and the
miserable.”
Woody Allen

“I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.”
Woody Allen