- Joe Hallenbeck: What is that?
- Jimmy Dix: It's a bomb.
- Joe Hallenbeck: It doesn't look like a bomb, it looks like an apple with lines comin' out of it. They're gonna say "Don't open the briefcase, it's full of fresh fruit!".

Bruce Willis - Joe Hallenbeck
Damon Wayans - Jimmy Dix

“I hate grapes! I can't stand grapes! I loathe grapes! All kinds of grapes! I hate purple grapes! I hate green grapes! I hate grapes with seeds! I hate grapes without seeds! I hate them peeled and non-peeled! I hate grapes in bunches, one at a time, or in groups of twos and threes! I fucking hate grapes!”
Carmine Capobianco - Joe

“- Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
- Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
- Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.”
Chris Tucker - Smokey
Ice Cube - Craig Jones

“Miss? If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?”
Stephen Baldwin - Doyle Johnson

“- Billy Madison: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
- Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.”
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
Theresa Merritt - Juanita