“Billy Madison” quotes

Movie Billy Madison
Title Billy Madison
Year 1995
Director Tamra Davis
Genre Comedy
Plot – Billy, the heir to the fortune of the Madison Hotel, only thinks of women and alcohol. Since the day he left school, he has lived his life as one long party: drinking daiquiri every night, lazing about by the pool, lots of jokes and beautiful girls. But when his father, Brian Madison, informs him that he wants to hand his 500 companies over to the devious vice president Eric Gordon, Billy decides to take the biggest gamble of his life. He is to graduate in 24 weeks achieving outstanding results while daddy’s checkbook stops from being the inexhaustible source of his constant follies. Will the good will of Billy erase his past in the eyes of his father and save, together with his reputation, the family fortune and the love for his teacher Veronica?
All actors – Adam Sandler, Darren McGavin, Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Bradley Whitford, Josh Mostel, Norm MacDonald, Mark Beltzman, Larry Hankin, Theresa Merritt, Dina Platias, Hrant Alianak, Vincent Marino
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  • “Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

    Josh Mostel - Principal Max Anderson
  • “It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around here. I gotta send him back to the South Pole.”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • “- Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again.
    - Barbara: Don't put it out with your boots, Ted.
    - Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Don't tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one's outta control.”

    Jack Mather - Ted 'Old Man' Clemens
    [Tag:fire, shit]
  • “I bet that snack pack is pretty good huh?
    [the little kidsmiles and nods]
    Wanna trade me the rest of it for this banana?
    [the little kidsmiles and shakes his head]
    You know how badly I could beat you, right?
    [the kid keeps smiling and nods]”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:food, threat]
  • “- Billy Madison: [shouting] Where's my snack pack?
    - Juanita: You got a banana, you don't need no snack pack.”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    Theresa Merritt - Juanita
    [Tag:food, fruits]
  • “- Brian Madison: Billy, could you step in here a moment? I have big news.
    - Billy Madison: Eric is pregnant?”

    Darren McGavin - Brian Madison
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:news, pregnancy]
  • “- Veronica Vaughn: So what's it like, being back in school?
    - Billy Madison: I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”

    Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Veronica Vaughn
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:school, stupidity]
  • - Veronica Vaughn: We're going to start today by reading together a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".
    [the class laughs]
    - Veronica Vaughn: Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.
    - Billy Madison: Sixty nine!

    Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Veronica Vaughn
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • “[catches the ball one-handed]
    Now you're all in big, big trouble.”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • “- Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
    - Billy Madison: No, you don't.
    - Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. Wooo-eee!
    - Billy Madison: No, they didn't.”

    Chris Farley - Bus Driver
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • - Carl Alphonse: Billy is not an idiot.
    - Eric Gordon: I'm not saying he's an idiot. I just think he might not be mature enough to run a "Fortune Five Hundred" company.

    Larry Hankin - Carl Alphonse
    Bradley Whitford - Eric Gordon
  • “You know some people have no will power, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.”
    Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Veronica Vaughn
    [Tag:ambition, will]
  • The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called "The Puppy Who Lost His Way". The world was changing, and the puppy was getting... bigger.

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:answers, dogs, history]
  • “- Billy Madison: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
    - Frank: October?
    - Billy Madison: It's Nudie Magazine Day!!”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    Norm MacDonald - Frank
  • “- Frank: Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
    - Billy Madison: Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
    - Frank: '74.
    - Billy Madison: Meg Ryan.”

    Norm MacDonald - Frank
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:actors, past, sex]
  • “That little boy's gotta think 'you got a pet. You got a responsibility'. If your dog gets lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog.”
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • “- Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.
    - Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
    - Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.
    - Billy Madison: You know something? You suck!”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
  • “- Billy Madison: Well, I made the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.
    - Miss Lippy: Well, I think it's an excellent blue duck. Congratulations Billy, you just passed the first grade.”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    Dina Platias - Miss Lippy
    [Tag:colors, school]
  • “When I graduated first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”
    Norm MacDonald - Frank
    [Tag:father, job, school]
  • - Lunch Lady: Have some more "Sloppy Joes". I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
    - Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us.

    Joyce Gordon - Lunch Lady
    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    [Tag:fear, food]
  • “Hey, kids, it's me. I bet you thought that I was dead. But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head. Ha ha ha.”
    Shane Farberman - Clown
    [Tag:death, head, wound]
  • “- Billy Madison: I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
    - Juanita: If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
    - Billy Madison: Oh my God. I'll go to school.”

    Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
    Theresa Merritt - Juanita
    [Tag:lies, school]