“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
W.C. Fields

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
Humphrey Bogart

“I drink therefore I am.”
W.C. Fields

“I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.”
Robert Charles Benchley

“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
Rodney Dangerfield