Rodney Dangerfield quotes
“A girl phoned me the other day and said Come on over there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.”
“I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
“- Lucifer: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.
- Dan Marino: C'mon, man, I'm just asking, let me win one Superbowl.
- Lucifer: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.
- Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.
- Lucifer: Yeah, but Joe was...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I am here to spread Joy, tell me when you find her.”
“I hear in Canada you only have sex doggy style; that way you can both see the hockey game.”
“And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.”
“- Bartender: You ought to get out there and startdating again.
- Chester Lee: You go out there, what do you meet? You meetgirls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls.
- Bartender: Well, you know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea if you got the right bait.
- Chester Lee: Yeah. The trouble is, my hook ain't what it...” (continue)(continue reading)
“I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
“It's lonely at the top, when there's no one on the bottom.”
“I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.”
“My mother had morning sickness after I was born.”
“When I was born the doctor took one look at my face... turned me over and said. Look... twins!”
“And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!”
“- Saleslady: May I help you?
- Monty Capuletti: No, we're just browsing.
- Saleslady: How long do you intend to browse?
- Monty Capuletti: That lady over there, you didn't ask her how long she's going to browse.
- Saleslady: You don't look like browsers.
- Nicky Cerone: Yeah, what do browsers look like?
- Monty Capuletti: Yeah, maybe I'm half...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
- Al Czervik: What are you, religious or something?
- Ty Webb: You might say that.”