“- Junior: Orphan Tulip?
- Tulip: Tulip is just fine, Orphan hurts my heart!”
Andy Samberg - Junior
Katie Crown - Tulip

“- Moonie Pottie: I can't go.
- Cecil Sweeney: Why not?
- Moonie Pottie: It's breaking their hearts.
- Cecil Sweeney: That's normal.
- Moonie Pottie: Not for me, it isn't.”

Liane Balaban - Moonie Pottie
Andrew McCarthy - Cecil Sweeney

“The trouble with kids is they always figure they're smarter than their parents.”
William Demarest - Constable Edmund Kockenlocker

“- Michael Cromwell: You sound like an idiot.
- Richard Kempster: I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot! I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids. About their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth.”

Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell
Martin Hayter Short - Richard Kempster

“We don't just mediate between warring partners. We also check up the child itself psychologically. How does the child deal with the conflicts? Our advice is always binding. Don't take this the wrong way, but you left them. They didn't leave you. You left for another woman. For now, we see no reason to give you custody.”

Nelly Frijda - Dr. Ellis K.P.R.