Tim Allen quotes
“Men look at women the way men look at cars... Everyone looks at Ferraris. Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons...”
“- Scott Calvin: Why not? What if don't buy any of this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?
- Bernard: Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You don't wanna be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas, now would you......” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Doug Madsen: You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
- Charley: Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training they just told us to play Doom!”
“- Detective Nunzio: Look, I know you're Scott Calvin. You know you're Scott Calvin. So let's make this simple: I say, name, you say, Scott Calvin. Name?
- Scott Calvin: Kriss Kringle.
- Detective Nunzio: Name?
- Scott Calvin: Sinterklaas.
- Detective Nunzio: Name!
- Scott Calvin: Père Noël. Babbo Natale. Pelz-Nickel... Topo Gigio!
- Detective...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Santa: I think the milk's a little sour.
- Little Girl: It's soy milk.
- Santa: Huh?
- Little Girl: You said you were lactose intolerant.
- Santa: I did say that, didn't I? Thank you for remembering.”
“Listen to your inner voice.”
“In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.”
“You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.”
“When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.”
“- Santa Claus: Hey Cupid, why don't you shoot me with one of your darts and then I'll fall in love?
- Cupid: First of all they're arrows. Second of all, no can do. Because they have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would've shot myself in the butt, met a nice girl, left business years ago.”
“- Carol: Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.
- Scott Calvin: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.”
“If something should happen to me, put on my suit; the reindeer will know what to do.”
“- Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
- Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.”
“- Dr. Kozak: Animals don't care they don't even understand what is going on.
- Dave Douglas: Don't tell me they don't understand. Animals understand. I know different.”
“- Scott Calvin: Hey, Charlie, you know how to call 911?
- Charlie: Sure, 9-1-1.”
“- Scott Calvin: Great! I'm starving.
- Susan: I'll have a salad and iced tea, and dressing on the side.
- Mr. Whittle: Ah, pasta and tomatoes, uh, and very light on the oil. Can you do that?
- Scott Calvin: And I'll have a caesar. No dressing. And one of those homemade cookies, the warm chocolate chip. No nuts. And a little slice of cheesecake....” (continue)(continue reading)