“Dad, you used to fly 747s, and now you deliver toilet paper.”
Vincent Kartheiser - Sean Barnes

“- Gordy: My mom says the guy who's taking us has hiked all over the world.
- Barnhill: I'm sure he won't be half as good as the guy me and my dad had on our trip to the Serengeti.
- Ralph: Barnhill, if you're dad is so friggin' cool, then why isn't he our scout leader?
- Barnhill: Oh yeah. Spies have a lot of time for the scouts.”
Blake Bashoff - Gordy
Max Goldblatt - Barnhill
Corey Carrier - Ralph

“Think about your father. He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up. That's a genius at work! Because he doesn't want to do it! And he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him from doing it!”
Bill Cosby - Bill Cosby

“I pulled double-down at the hanger and I come home and I see that none of you has even picked up even a finger to help me out here but that's okay, I'm used to that. But unless your school takes monopoly money, you're working for me this summer, boy.”

Nicholas Campbell - Kyle's Dad

“I'm in love with a girl, and I'm going to help hang her father.”

Joel McCrea - John Jones