“- Marie: Restaurants are to people in the 80's what theatres were to people in the 60's. I read that in a magazine.
- Jess: I wrote that.”
Carrie Fisher - Marie
Bruno Kirby - Jess

“- Pinocchio: I'm going to school.
- J. Worthington Foulfellow: School. Ah, yes. Then perhaps you haven't heard of the easy road to success. No? I'm speaking, my boy, of the theater!”
Dickie Jones - Pinocchio
Walter Catlett - J. Worthington Foulfellow

“This will be your home - where I can find you always! To me, you are a belonging. We will tour the world: Paris, London, Monte Carlo, Constantinopolee. We start tonight! You will make lots of money... for me! And when you are growing too old, you will make good firewood!”

Charles Judels - Stromboli

“Don't try to make me feel sorry. I have no heart for the theater. I am what I am. I must be what I must be.”

Lynn Bari - Michaela Villegas

“- Kermit: Ms. Bitterman, you can take the Muppet Theatre, but you'll never take the theatre in our hearts!
- Rachel Bitterman: That's good, because I don't want the theatre in your hearts; I want the theatre that exists in reality!”
Steve Whitmire - Kermit
Joan Cusack - Rachel Bitterman