- Kirk Lazarus: It's simple as pie man: you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's the end of the story". What's her name?
- Alpa Chino - Hot LZ: ... Lance.
- Kirk Lazarus: You say 'Listen here, Lance'... Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.”
Georgia Groome - Georgia Nicolson

“- Edward D. Wood, Jr.: I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
- Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
- Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.”
Johnny Depp - Ed Wood
Lisa Marie - Vampira

“You're sitting there, you're wondering, 'do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested?' I'm not really... and when am i supposed to kiss her?”

Vince Vaughn - Jeremy Grey

“- Ste Pearce: Do you think I'm queer?
- Jamie Gangel: It don't matter what I think.”
Scott Neal - Ste Pearce
Glen Berry - Jamie Gangel