“- Taylor: You climatizing, Harold?
- Harold: Good news or bad news when you bleed from your ears?
- Taylor: Good news.”
Michael Biehn - Taylor
Matt Craven - Harold

“- Brian Madison: Billy, could you step in here a moment? I have big news.
- Billy Madison: Eric is pregnant?”
Darren McGavin - Brian Madison
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison

“- Guy on the Street: Hey big guy, you hear the news, my son Billy got the lead in his school musical.
- Hank: Well I guess he likes the cock after all.”
Googy Gress - Guy on the Street
Jim Carrey - Hank

“- Economics Teacher: [takes attendance] Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
- Simone Adamley: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.”
Ben Stein - Economics Teacher
Kristy Swanson - Simone Adamley

“- TS Quint: Why do palm reading topless?
- Brodie: It makes the news easier to take. She could tell me I was going to die in ten minutes, just as long as she told me topless.”
Jeremy London - TS Quint
Jason Lee - Brodie