“- Hiccupping Nurse: Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
- Dr. Moe Howard: Yes, that's true.
- Hiccupping Nurse: Well, then, why don't the patients eat an apple a day and save hospital expenses?”
Jeanie Roberts - Hiccupping Nurse
Moe Howard - Dr. Moe Howard

“- George Banks: Swans?
- Annie Banks: Yes, Frank thought it'd be nice to have swans waddling around the tulip border.
- George Banks: We don't have a tulip border.
- Andrea - the Florist: [handing him a bill] You will.”
Steve Martin - George Banks
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks
Martha Gehman - Andrea - the Florist

“- Ford Fairlane: How much?
- Ticket Guy: 300.
- Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
- Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
- Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.”

Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane

“- Gen. Trau: Colonel Braddock, is it not true that during the war there was a price on your head of 5,000 American Dollars?
- Col. James Braddock: It was more like 20,000. Why don't you tell us why there was a price on my head?
- Gen. Trau: For your war crimes, of course.
- Col. James Braddock: For killing assholes like you!”
James Hong - Gen. Tran
Chuck Norris - Col. James Braddock

“- Clements: The people will accept the 12 cents now because we can blame it on the Arabs!
- Adam Steiffel: Ah, Arthur, you're missing the point: We are the Arabs.”

G.D. Spradlin - Clements
Marlon Brando - Adam Steiffel