“They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.”

Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“- Barney: I don't get it. I marry Annabelle and I spend my honeymoon with you.
- Sunshine: Well, I can cook.”
Frank McHugh - Barney
William Demarest - Sunshine

“- Danny: I'm hungry. Can you make me some macaroni-and-cheese?
- Walter: Don't know how.
- Danny: What do you know how to make?
- Walter: Water.”
Jonah Bobo - Danny
Josh Hutcherson - Walter

“Keep cooking like that and I won't even be able to move, let alone do science.”

Larry Blamire - Dr. Paul Armstrong

“- Charlotte: That was the worst lunch.
- Bob Harris: So bad. What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?”
Scarlett Johansson - Charlotte
Bill Murray - Bob Harris