Wife quotes

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
Lana Turner

“- Rose Morgan: Why don't you get the coffee?
- Hannah Morgan: I've buried a husband, I've raised two daughters. I've made my coffee.”
Barbra Streisand - Rose Morgan
Lauren Bacall - Hannah Morgan

“- Michael Green: I love her. And I tried everything, except really listening, really listening, and that's how I left her alone. I was so ashamed of that, and I couldn't even tell her. Maybe if I tell her she'd love me anyway.
- Alice Green: Or more. She would have loved you even more. I think you should tell all this stuff to your wife.”
Andy Garcia - Michael Green
Meg Ryan - Alice Green

“She was too beautiful for words, but non for arguments.”

John Barrymore

“I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.”
Tony Curtis

“I was in Paris once with my wife... boy am I glad she's dead.”
Sunshine Parker - Cowboy Guy

“- Homer Simpson: Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- Marge Simpson: Actually, it's aged me horribly.”
Dan Castellaneta - Homer Simpson
Julie Kavner - Marge Simpson

“My wife can see always how a part affects me personally because she has to live with it.”
Cillian Murphy

My wife hurts. I need to be able to say: "What's wrong, honey? Something I can do? And I love you. So fuck me.".
Andy Garcia - Michael Green

“To hardly know him is to know him well. And perhaps it offends my vanity to have anyone who is even remotely my wife re-marry so obviously beneath her.”

Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven

“Your wife's a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus? Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she? That's why the bitch's moustache is so motherfuckin' thick... 'cause you shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak. I know a motherfuckin' Bigfoot when I see one! Don't bring a Bigfoot into my home, Gus!”

Eddie Murphy - Eddie Murphy

“Oh, we were doomed from the start. I'm an Earth sign. She's a Water sign. Together, we made mud.”

Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“When a woman unloads a husband, or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens, death, desertion, divorce - the three D’s, when that happens, a woman blooms. She blossoms. Like flowers. Like fruit. She is ripe.”
Jack Nicholson - Daryl Van Horne

“To wives and sweethearts. May they never meet.”

Russell Crowe - Capt. Jack Aubrey

“- Don Diego Vega: He is a mute.
- Esteban: Bueno! Perhaps he can give lessons to my wife.”

George Hamilton - Don Diego Vega

“She's your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who'll do whatever his highness desires. She's your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-be.”

Paul Bates - Oha

“My husband is having an affair with your wife. I don't think we should talk about it... unless you're prepared to kill them.”

Isabella Rossellini - Madeleine Regency

“- Samuel: You like her?
- Col. John Henry Patterson: Very much.
- Samuel: I don't like any of mine.”

John Kani - Samuel
Val Kilmer - Col. John Henry Patterson

“Your wife has such a beautiful neck...”
Max Schreck - Graf Orlok

- Captain Borodin: I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle." And drive from state to state. Do they let you do that?
- Marko Ramius: I suppose.
- Captain Borodin: No papers?
- Marko Ramius: No papers,... (continue)(continue reading)
Sam Neill - Captain Borodin
Sir Sean Connery - Marko Ramius

“She's the girl you'd like to double-cross your wife with.”
Jean Negulesco On Marilyn Monroe

“- Delilah Fitzgerald: Would you like a free one?
- Bill Munny: I reckon not.
- Delilah Fitzgerald: I didn't mean with me. Alice and Silky would be glad to give you one.
- Bill Munny: I meant I didn't want a free one with Alice or Silky. Because of my wife back home. I reckon if I was to want a free one, it would be with you.”

Anna Levine - Delilah Fitzgerald
Clint Eastwood - Bill Munny

“As long as I got someone to clean my house and some action on a regular basis, I don’t need a wife.”
Angus T. Jones - Jake Harper

“I couldn't tell when my first wife was coming, but I can sure tell when a storm is coming.”
Garrett Morris - Earl

“Have you found a wife yet? Or are you planning on offending every young girl until there are none left?”
Luke Thompson - Benedict Bridgerton