“Even when there are banalities, they're usually kind of benign banalities.”
Michael McKean

“Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and passion, and getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cellphone. These are cute too.”
Cameron Diaz - Maggie

“- Terry Collins: I noticed you got a gold watch.
- Joe Blake: It's an 18 karat gold watch.
- Terry Collins: I don't give a shit how many karats it is.
- Joe Blake: 36 grand. It's no big deal.
- Terry Collins: Did you ever think about asking someone for the time? It's a lot cheaper.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Terry Collins
Bruce Willis - Joe Blake

“- Gang Leader: Give me the purse, ciego!
- Nick Parker: Are you sure it goes with your dress?”

Paul James Vasquez - Gang Leader
Rutger Hauer - Nick Parker

“- Lem: A cork?
- Skiff: It's your best defense against the aliens' favorite form of research. The probe. You put it...
- Lem: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I get it.”
Justin Long - Lem
Seann William Scott - Skiff