“- Maxxx Orbison: They're the Assfuck Twins.
- Joe Young: Couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?
- Maxxx Orbison: No, you couldn't just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?”

Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Doug Butabi: Emilio Estevez.
- Steve Butabi: The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
- Doug Butabi: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.”
Chris Kattan - Doug Butabi
Will Ferrell - Steve Butabi

“- John: That's great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson.
- Samantha Jackson: Who is that?
- Ted: You ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.”

Mark Wahlberg - John Bennett
Amanda Seyfried - Samantha
Seth MacFarlane - Ted

“- Mrs. Finsecker: Barbra Streisand didn't change her name.
- Doris: I don't want to talk about it any more!
- Mrs. Finsecker: Well, I'll call you Doris, like I always have.
- Doris: Well, I won't answer!
- Mrs. Finsecker: It's a perfectly good name!
- Doris: Yeah, for a perfectly good person. A skinny, boring, nondescript, perfectly good person.”
Tresa Hughes - Mrs. Finsecker
Maureen Teefy - Doris

“Guess he won't need me anymore. What does an actor want with a conscience, anyway?”

Cliff Edwards - Jiminy Cricket