“- Balthazar: For Jesus, Gold.
- Melchior: Myrrh.
- Caspar: Do you like Frankincense? I never know what to get.”
Phil Morris - Balthazar
Fred Tatasciore - Melchior
Joel Osteen - Caspar

“- Carietta 'Carrie' White: Jesus will help me. He will help me if I really need him.
- Margaret White: Not if he doesn't love you anymore.
- Carietta 'Carrie' White: Jesus loves everybody Momma. Even me!”

Angela Bettis - Carietta 'Carrie' White
Patricia Clarkson - Margaret White

“I realized that Christmas is the time to be with the people you love.”
Bill Nighy - Billy Mack

Smell those Christmas trees. You can keep your "Chanel Number 5", just give me a whiff of the old lonesome pine. That symbol of brotherly love, that centerpiece that all mankind gathers around to share the cranberry sauce shaped like a can.
Jim Varney - Ernest P. Worrell

“Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.”
Meg Ryan - Kate McKay