“- Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio!
- Clark Griswold: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Earl Rose: I deal with widows everyday! The remains will stay here.
- Roy Kellerman: I don't think so. The remains... What did you call it, your body? The hell with you, and the hell with your law.”
Rory Cochrane - Earl Rose
Tom Welling - Roy Kellerman

“Now when you go in the grave, and you're just laying there in the casket - the last hurrah, the final goodbye - what are you gonna think about, Bill?”
Mark Borchardt - Filmmaker

“- Number One: Angelo, I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I'm giving up the Betsy.
- Angelo Perino: You're what?
- Number One: I've seen people broken before, and it's not gonna happen again. The next funeral I want to attend is my own.”
Laurence Olivier - Number One
Tommy Lee Jones - Angelo Perino

“Funerals, I've decided, are not for the dead. They are for the living.”
Shailene Woodley - Hazel