“- Ned Gold: Are you now or have you ever been a Norse God, Vampire, or Time Traveling Cyborg?
- Mike O' Donnell: I have know you since what, first grade? I think that maybe I would have told you!
- Ned Gold: Vampire wouldn't tell, Cyborg wouldn't know.”
Thomas Lennon - Ned Gold
Zac Efron - Mike O'Donnell

“- Rachel Jansen: Why Dracula?
- Peter Bretter: Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved. And every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feeling I am familiar with.”

Mila Kunis - Rachel Jansen
Jason Segel - Peter Bretter

“Vampires aren't real.”
William Ragsdale - Charley Brewster

“You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.”

Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“Nosferatu. Vampire! First I will save your soul, then I will destroy you. I will show you your room.”
Lincoln Maazel - Cuda