“- Bob Wiley: What are we doing?
- Dr. Leo Marvin: Death therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.”

Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Dr. Leo Marvin
Bill Murray - Bob Wiley

“- Archibald Cunningham: If I had to slaughter an ox, your grace, a Claymore would be my first choice.
- Will Guthrie: You'd best use a musket. Save the beast a slow dying.
- Archibald Cunningham: I would not need a musket for you, Guthrie.”
Tim Roth - Cunningham
Gilbert Martin - Guthrie

“Turtle. He was my best buddy. Then his rifle backfired and blew his face off. We all learned a valuable lesson about weapon maintenance that day.”

Kieran Culkin - Igby

“Now sometime before morning, I'm going to let off both barrels of this shotgun right at you. I don't know just what time it'll happen... whenever my finger gets to itching too much.”

Jean Arthur - Phoebe Titus

“You're gonna have a double hole blown clear through you. Maybe ten minutes, maybe two hours. All you have to do is sit comfortable until I think it's the right time.”

Jean Arthur - Phoebe Titus