“What do you tell a man with two black eyes? Nothing, he's already been told twice.”
Gregory Alan Williams - Darryl

“- Charlie: What color are my eyes?
- Dr. Kevin Fields: Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.”
Jennifer Lopez - Charlie
Michael Vartan - Dr. Kevin Fields

“- Rick Leland: You certainly are a girl of many colors. First, your legs get blue. Then, your face turns green. And, now, your red all over.
- Alberta Marlow: I never knew what suffering was until I came on this pleasure trip.”
Humphrey Bogart - Rick Leland
Mary Astor - Alberta Marlow

“- Zack: Were all pink on the inside...
- Vince: Like vaginas.”
Dane Cook - Zack
Dax Shepard - Vince

“Maybe we could paint the house with vanishing cream. Then it would be invisible.”
Steve Viksten - Oskar Kokoshka